Sometimes you just have to face the fact some of your friends are assholes!

[Robyn66]

We have these friends we have had since college-so that is well over 20 years. They were in our wedding and are even god parents to one of our children. They have always been on the conservative side and I have enjoyed a spirited debate or two or one hundred over the years but recently I have come to the conclusion that it just isn't fun anymore.

They are getting more insane, their views are more extreme and more absolutely absurd. Its pointless to argue with them because everything is idealogical so there is nowhere to go!

They are anti gay marriage, because THEY just don't like the idea. Not because it hurts anyone and they are TOTALLY in favor of gay people having the SAME rights and privileges as married people but they just don't think its right to call it marriage. No reason with any intelligence behind it, they just don't like it. That one on its own is enough to make my head explode, but I was able at least to argue them into the point that ALL marriage should be civil unions because marriage is spiritual and people don't need the blessing of bigots to get married anyway. So take the word "marriage" away completely and call it what it really is. A legally binding contract! And they actually agreed because that would allow their church to refuse to "marry" gay people but they could feel good about themselves because no one was REALLY getting hurt! I figured that was as good as I was going to get on that one!

Oh how they lulled me in to a false sense of security!

Then they started on Health Care

Well we started with Death Panels and moved directly into giving free health care to illegal immigrants and "welfare queens" (a phrase that offends me on SO many levels) and then we go to "Well if that health care bill passes and you get cancer again you will be dead because it will be just like Canada where there is only one chemo machine.

You all know the arguments as well as I do, so I won't go into them but I started to try and then I just gave up. Because its just impossible. They read Sarah Palin, they think FOX is NEWS. They think the country is going to be destroyed because of the Democrats and President Obama. They are just insane. These are people who I have never really agreed with but we enjoyed being together for other reasons and got past the politics. Now its ALL they talk about. Like they want to get back at me for my feelings about Bush. WHICH by the way, I took great pains not to rub in their faces because they were my friends. I only said something when they were outrageous.

So I have come to the conclusion that these people are just assholes and I cant stand being around them. Maybe its just temporary. Maybe when things really start to turn around I will be able to stand it again because they will not be screeching so much about it. But I guess I have decided I have to come to terms with the fact that some people I have known for a LONG TIME really kind of suck!

[vadawg]

1. usually we are friends with our friends in spite of stuff they do and say

not because of it, ive got many close friends who believe totally different stuff from me, but they would have my back so they are still my friends...

[Robyn66]

4. Oh I know and you are right

If anything ever happened I would be right there for them, but right now even answering the phone makes me tired! Its just relentless with these people! Its not just different belief its having to defend what I believe almost every time we meet or chat. It has become exhausting!

[niyad]

2. some people really are just assholes, and don't need to be part of our lives--much

less stress and strain that way.

[panader0]

3. we'll need their names and addresses for the records please.

[Robyn66]

7. For the FEMA camps??

:crazy: :rofl:

[Quantess]

5. This country is just getting more and more divisive.

Yes, people grow apart, but the political polarization seems to be a sign of the times.

[elocs]

6. Well, I have many friends who do not believe as I do and they are not assholes.

I don't divide my world and my friends into those who agree with me and those who don't and judge them accordingly. My guess is that there are many people in this world who agree with me and ARE assholes. Some of them might even be here at DU.

[Robyn66]

9. I have a lot of friends that disagree with me too

and we debate issues and get pretty passionate about it. I don't know, I guess we just need a bit of a break because they just pounce whenever we come in the door. Its like they take out their frustration against all Democrats on us because we are there.

[elocs]

11. I have a friend that I love like a father and he loves me and he bleeds Republican.

I know there is not a thing he would not do for me or give me any help I needed. We get along by avoiding politics because we both know it is a place where we should not go. My life does not revolve around politics and I am not obsessed by it. I feel no need to convince all I know who do not believe as I do of the error of their ways. I am fortunate that those who disagree with me respect my beliefs and are not in my face about theirs.

[vadawg]

12. my best friend and me disagree on everything, from religion to race to sports

but apart from him killing my kids nothing would ever stop us from looking out for each other... friendships are strange that way...

[Robyn66]

13. I absolutely agree

I have also tried saying to them "I think we need to steer clear of this" or "we just need to agree to disagree" but then I get "that's what you Democrat's do when you don't have the answer" But at the same time if anything happened I could call and they would be there for us and I would be there for them. Its like family, they make you crazy but you love them. Maybe some time apart will calm things down.

[Zywiec]

16. +100

Some people have a very limited frame of reference.

[theoldman]

8. You have a choice.

Either you dump them or you learn to stand up to them. I have gone either way depending on the value of maintaining the friendship. If you know your facts you can put them in their place. This means that you will have to control your anger. I rarely had to stop associating with a person. My long term friends are still my friends.

[blues90]

10. Ah , friends

I have know one fellow since I was 12 and now I'm 61 . He has not changed one bit . We learned guitar together many many years ago and were in groups together, hung around all the time.

I have not seen him since 1976 since I moved from Chicago but we always spoke once a week over the phone all these years.

Trouble has always been his opinion it the only one that matters. He has told me thingss that boil my blod yet to keep the peace I bite my tongue until june on this year.

I had enough, he is the sort who will hang up if this get testy so I left him a voice mail and lite into him.

Three months later an envelope arrives in the mail with my high school grad phots and two photo's of a blues band we were in long ago and a note telling me I owed him an apology and he called me a bone head . This is the best he can do after all these decades call me a bonehead.

The entire envelope is filed somewhere in a corner and I never did answer.

Last time we spoke I was reding him a birthday card he sent in the 80's and since I suffer from anxiety attacks and he knows what they are because he used to deal with them . I had an attack while reading the damn crd for some reason and in doing so I tried to leap to another subject and said I wished I could move from here then he lit into me saying man you have been saying that for three years now and when on and on . When I said I'll never bring it up again since it bothered him so much suddenly as always he had to go and so he went.

I'm glad now , it is such a load off.

[glitch]

14. Sorry to say sometimes you have to let them go. Enabling doesn't work.

But it is still a loss, and I am sorry for yours. :hug:

[blues90]

20. Thanks , it is but I had to end it

He was married once and his wife had 6 abortions and he rhought nothing of it . he felt Mexicans should be shot and tied to a hood like a shot deer . It became just far too much to deal with someone so ignorant. I knew my saying anything other than to try to reason with him was never going to work.

[glitch]

22. Yikes, a friend like that would make me leave town and unlist my phone number!

I think a lot of people like that are operating on emotions, you truly cannot reason with them. But I think the fact that they live by their emotions (fear dominantly) makes them very vulnerable to manipulation by the right-wing.

It's a damn shame but without a professional de-programmer there really isn't a lot you can do, you have to move on for your own sanity. Just don't feel bad about it!

[FLyellowdog]

15. I had a close friend of over 40 years

say to me "and people of your ilk" and then I knew I really have anything in common with him. So sad too, 'cause we had been very close at one time. :cry:

[LibDemAlways]

17. The next time they start in on giving health care to

"illegal immigrants" remind them that germs don't care about a person's immigration status, and that denying care to anyone with an infectious disease puts everyone at risk. Or perhaps they'd just like to take their chances..

There's nothing you can do ultimately that will change their misguided opinions. If they think FOX is news, they're already too far gone.

I'd just avoid them. Life is too short to put up with the mindless rants of willfully ignorant people.

[timeforpeace]

18. And vice versa.

[donco6]

19. What's a "chemo machine"?

I've had chemo, but there was no machine. This sounds like a Glenn Beckism.

[Robyn66]

23. LOL! There are a lot of those in their vocabulary!

Because Beck only says what others are "afraid to" doncha know! :banghead:

[Historic NY]

21. Me too, I'm slowly cutting them out like a cancer. I stopped bothering or talking with them,..

I find its not worth the energy or the effort.

[raccoon]

24. Sometimes friends just grow apart over time. You had lots in common at one time,

then later on in life, you don't. Or you outgrow them, or vice versa.

[BoneDaddy]

25. Let it go

it simply is not worth the frustration or the headaches. I have friends who sound alot like yours and we have a great time as long as we don't touch hotbutton subjects.

I am done with the fighting. I have watched my father and mother in law die from cancer as well as a good friend and I have reached the conclusion that life is too damn short to spend it hammering one another over things you will never agree on.

Love, laugh and let go.