Mark Morford (sfgate.com): Sex tape tips from Carrie Prejean

[ashling]

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/11/18/notes111809.DTL

Hi, I made a sex tape! Eight, actually! And you can too! Praise the lord!

By Mark Morford, SF Gate Columnist



***

People always ask me, Carrie, when you make a sex tape, does it help to actually be a Christian? I mean, like, not a very good one, more like a pseudo-moralistic, fundamentalist homophobe ex-beauty queen with as many brain cells as you have limbs? Someone who wouldn't understand true Christianity if Jesus himself came down and tickled your feet and called you Lilith?

***

But to answer the other question: heck yes, it helps! I find that mock Christianity only cranks up the irony factor, the sexy hypocrisy of what you're doing -- and massive moralistic hypocrisy is a total turn on! Just ask all those Catholic priests! And Republican senators! And televangelists! And gay televangelists who have sex with Republican senator priests!

Here's a very simple formula I learned back when I was knee-high to a tequila shooter: The more you profess your hollow, virginal Christian righteousness, the greater the melodrama and drooling media attention when your lame, cheeseball sex tape -- or meth fetish, or gay lover -- comes to light, and the more money you get for your book deal and/or reality show. It's like magic, or something! OMG you guys, capitalism is so awesome! (Note: This formula is also super extra effective if you wear, like, a tiny gold cross necklace in your videos? And as you dry hump the arm of the Levitz sofa, the cross bounces up and down and it makes it seem like Jesus is alive in your heart? Even though he's totally not? It's totally kinky!)

***

I once heard that it's actually more than possible, it's absolutely the best and healthiest way to be, to be super dialed in to the divine, and also explore your sexuality as intensely as you like. In fact, lots of mystical texts and teachers say the experience of the rapture itself is nearly identical to orgasm, and that ecstasy, lust, love, desire and divine consciousness are all interlinked at a very profound level, even interchangeable, all spinning around the same sacred source in dazzling swirls of unutterable bliss and orgasmic joy penetrating every breath and bone and cell of your body. Wow! Rapture on, Jesus!