Sex tape tips from Carrie Prejean, By Mark Morford

[madokie]

Sex tape tips from Carrie Prejean
Hi, I made a sex tape! Eight, actually! And you can too! Praise the lord!
By Mark Morford

No candles.

I know, right? "But Carrie," I hear you whine, "candles are so, like, totally awesome! How can I not use them in my not-at-all sexy Christian masturbation tape?" And I totally think so too!

But here's the thing. You want your scene to look good for your massively sexually frustrated boyfriend, right? Well, candles just get in the way of the action, and unless you're using an infrared camera, there's simply no way candles -- even, like, a million little votives from Wal-Mart that smell like vanilla pudding and hurt in a really yummy way when you drip them on your thigh and moan -- will illuminate the important stuff, like your sequined heels, a John Mayer poster, or the giant stuffed Pooh bear propping up the wine coolers on the bedside table. Sorry!

Also, candles are way dangerous! One involuntary leg spasm and suddenly the pillow lace is on fire, and the little cherub painting hanging over your Hello Kitty sheets is burning like Larry King's beady little eyes. Scary!

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2009/11/18/notes111809.DTL&nl=fix#ixzz0XDJwrpEc

[badgerpup]

1. Quick! Get that man an exorcist!

:wow:
And a shower with some heavy-duty antiseptic cleanser...

He's gonna need both after 'channeling' that particular mindset.
:hide::yoiks: