Can I get a little advice from my DU friends about a problem?

[BigBearJohn]

I have a very close friend who is unemployed now,
living off credit cards to get by.

Problem is, he is suffering from depression.
Add to that, he now talks about people everywhere
not liking him. Twenty years ago I knew a few
people who were extremely paranoid. I can see
where this is heading and the guy really needs
professional help.

Problem is, he has no money to speak of. I'm
on social security disability and don't have
much I can offer him.

Where does a person like this get help for his
problems? He thinks his problems are only
situational, but I have seen a steady decline
in his emotional stability. I hate to just
ignore it. It won't go away by itself.

Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance.

BBJ

[tomm2thumbs]

1. an idea

I don't know from whence you hail, but in Los Angeles, there is a GLBT support center that has counseling services, along with legal services, etc - and I don't mean to assume anything - just picking up from the 'over the rainbow' on your profile that it might be helpful to mention. The services are on a sliding scale based on what is available.

http://laglc.convio.net/site/PageServer?pagename=YH_Mental_Health_Counseling

If you are in a different area, there might be referrals from them if they have a master list for the US

(edited for more direct link)

[BigBearJohn]

7. I'm near Seattle. Thanks for the thoughtful suggestion.

[icymist]

14. If you're near Seattle try Seattle Counseling Services.

http://www.seattlecounseling.org/

They do a sliding scale for the GLBT community. Hope everything works out for you.

[BigBearJohn]

15. Thanks so much for the referral and help.

[Name removed]

2. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[shadowknows69]

3. Sorry to hear about your friend. Best I can offer is see what local public health will do

Or disability advocacy groups, although he may not feel disabled, but if depression is becoming an issue in finding new work he may find help there. Other than that the mental health section of your local hospital has to take emergency cases if he truly feels like harming himself. That said it may be nigh impossible to make him go that route. The best thing you can do is keep in contact and keep an eye on him. Don't let him continue to think "nobody likes him". His self esteem is in pieces right now. For what it's worth.
-S

[BigBearJohn]

5. Thank you. Good advice.

[vadawg]

4. people here will attack me for this, but if it gets really bad as a last resort call the popo

if he becomes a danger to himself or others get the police there as quickly as possible, better he get a stint in mental health or county lockup than he offs himself or someone else... good luck

[BigBearJohn]

6. He's not that bad yet, but I am seeing him start to panic.

[bluetrain]

8. Don't do that. That'll increase the paranoia and you'll be on the shit list.

We can't really help you without knowing what state you're in. Option widely vary state to state. In general, I'd suggest spending as much time with him as possible, get him exercising, make sure he's eating good food, get him involved in social activities. Isolation worsens paranoia. Social services available will depend on your location and his willingness to participate.

[BigBearJohn]

9. Well, you may have hit the nail on the head. We both live on an island.

I will have to come up with a solution to get him off this island.

[bluetrain]

10. Ah! Does he have friends and family in some place other than the island who can function

as a support system? And, if so, are they aware that he's not doing well right now?

[BigBearJohn]

13. No, And that's why I feel so responsible for him. He's been a loner all his life

and sees me as his one true friend.

[bluetrain]

17. OK, first of all, you might want to look into attending an Al-Anon meeting or

Co-Dependents Anonymous because, frankly, the very fact that you're in a position where you feel you're this guy's only lifeline indicates there's a serious problem. His life is in his hands, not yours. It's great that you're being a good friend to him, but if he doesn't want help there's nothing anyone, even his best friend, can do about it and you need to accept that and no feel responsible for him. It's his life. I understand he is not well right now. But unless and until he chooses to make a choice to get better, there really is nothing you can do. From what you're saying about him, I would suggest some sort of support group you could start out going to together, if that exists where you are. I get that he feels very alone and he may need you or someone to hold his hand for a while until he believes he wants to get better. In the meantime, you need to also be taking care of yourself. You're a good friend. But don't allow yourself to become an enabler.

[BigBearJohn]

32. So, true. However, it's difficult to be objective when emotions are involved.

[vadawg]

11. yeah like you have just told him that if hes a danger to himself or others that its ok

ive yet to meet any psychiatrist or psychologist who would not secure someone who is a danger.... who cares if your on the shitlist if the guy gets to the killing himself or you stage,

[bluetrain]

19. OP has said nothing about the guy threatening to kill himself or anyone else. You're creating

a fictional situation which has nothing to do with this thread. As you do on every thread. You're a blight.

[shadowknows69]

20. He's clearly concerned about it and rightly should be.

Loss of self esteem, feeling useful, feeling independent are some of the biggest triggers of sucicidal depression. I speak from very personal experience here. Having two friends who didn't survive it and myself that barely does.

[vadawg]

22. thanks and i have experience of it from dealing with EDP professionally

and not just on the internet......

[bluetrain]

25. Yeah, you're the only one...right....

[shadowknows69]

26. Fine, and I admit it's a bad place to get such advice.

But you must concede that we should be aware of warning signs with our friends who may be in peril I hope? You have no idea how close these two are, neither do I, but the guilt of not acting and a tragedy happening is worse than any friendship backlash that might occur.

[bluetrain]

30. Of course one should take action if there are warning signs that the person is edging toward

violent urges of any kind. OP hasn't expressed that he's seen that in his friend. He expressed that he has been most disturbed by the friend's paranoia and worries that the friend may be suffering from delusional (though no indication of violent, suicidal or homicidal) thinking. I realize it is very difficult to separate your experience of mental health failure from someone else's and that the survivors a suicide leave behind are left with a very complicated grief to navigate, but you must realize that your experience is not all experiences and frankly be glad that this friend is expressing aberrant behavior which is not suicidal. There's hope.

[shadowknows69]

28. Just to be clear. I went back an re-read that subthread

And I was more replying to bluetrain apparently. Sorry about that.

[bluetrain]

24. I'm speaking from personal experience, too. And the friend has expressed no concern over

potentially aggressive acts.

[shadowknows69]

29. See reply 47 is was intended for you not Vadawg.

I had a friend we simply lost contact with, someone who never exhibited a bad mood day in the time I knew him. Gassed himself in a garage over a woman. Some times there aren't even ANY signs. It's irresponsible to ignore them when they're there.

[vadawg]

21. lol seems to me that i advised that if he became a danger to call

you resoponded to that by saying dont call because he will become paranoid, then i laughed at your amateur advice... seems that your the one that thinks your a fictional psychiatrist in the making...

[bluetrain]

27. No, you advised over-reacting to a non-existant situation which would have lead to an increase

in both paranoia and depression in the patient and much more aggressive urges. I sincerely hope you are not a working health professional in any place other than a hospice ward because your instincts leads to death.

[tomm2thumbs]

12. you make a good point - the police station - they know a lot of available services

I'd give their regular non-emergency line a call and see if an officer can assist you with local resources. They do know from being out there what is around.

[shadowknows69]

23. They will probably tell you to call your local hospital ER or call an ambulance for him

If it gets to that point you should probably meet the ambulance there. It may end up being just a "talk him down" thing. He may be fine and the EMTs will be able to make that determination with you and him. I think he'll respect you for doing it once any anger wears off. I personally refused a friend's help escaping a rehab situation once and he wasn't happy, but he respected I said no because he knows I cared enough not to help him fail.

[BigBearJohn]

16. Thanks everyone for your help. I'm going to bed now and sleep on it.

[noamnety]

18. Seaattle has 211 coverage

They'll be able to advise you about local services.

http://www.211.org/

It's like 911, but for this kind of problem - not the kind where someone just had a heart attack or is holding you at gun point or messed up your order at McDonalds.

[BigBearJohn]

33. Thanks, that really helps.

[muriel_volestrangler]

31. Note to members: please do not offer medical advice in this thread

The opening posts is asking about how someone can get proper medical advice, and that's fine; but that does not mean members can start offering their own medical advice (whether or not they are qualified to do so) in this thread. If you're wondering why a large sub-thread disappeared, that's the reason. DU rules specificly forbid medical advice.

[BigBearJohn]

34. Thanks to everybody for their thoughtful advice. It was very helpful.

[tomm2thumbs]

35. Continued good thoughts your way - you are a good friend.

that, in itself, gives them a huge leg up in this world!