Are you meaner on DU? Does your DU persona match your personality in real life?

[Mrs. Overall]

With all the "mean DU" discussions, I realized that I am much more mean on DU than I am in my actual day to day world.

I have often been outraged by a post and I will tell the DUer to "fuck off" without much thought. Now, I would absolutely never say that to someone in person--in fact I'm very kind and sweet in person--but not on DU. Sometimes I wonder if DU gives me an arena to be more assertive--something I'm not always so good at in real life. And, I can say what I want but not be held necessarily accountable. Sometimes it brings out a nasty side of me. I just don't edit myself much here (in the way that I do when talking face to face)--so perhaps I'm more authentic on DU in terms of my initial, gut reactions to things. Psychologically, message boards are fascinating.

Do you think you come off on DU the way you do in real life?

Would people who know you be surprised by the tone of your posts if they read them here on DU?

[havocmom]

1. Many of us probably have to suffer fools in our 'real life' with more grace than we do here

Otherwise, I am about the same here and not here.

[Bonhomme Richard]

2. I'm not mean but I am as snarky as I am..........................

in real life.

[gkhouston]

3. I'm blonder on DU.

:7

[Thickasabrick]

41. LOL....my eyes are greener. nt

[alfredo]

4. Yeah, I'm a wise-ass in the real world too.

Naw, I'm pretty much the same person online as off.

[BoneDaddy]

5. I think in general people are meaner

in this venue. Being behind the computer makes people do things they would be less likely to say in person. It is often a coward's refuge.

[AlienGirl]

6. I am more direct and confident in text. I try not to be mean, but...

I entered the Internet in 1993, when it was still mostly unmoderated, and started out in the wilds of dial-up BBSs where flaming was a sport; then IRC where you could get flamed *and* hacked, and would get harrassed if you showed any weakness or revealed that you were female; then Usenet and a passel of other fairly Wild West-type places.

Because of that, if I'm not paying attention, I don't take flames or insults very seriously, and as a result can end up doing something like telling someone to fuck off or calling them an idiot when I wouldn't in real life.

I must add: How I describe myself on DU and elsewhere is actually how I am: I don't exaggerate or lie online.

Tucker

[azmouse]

7. I sometimes say dumb things here but I don't think I'm mean.

And I hope I don't come across as a mean person. I'm not that way at all.

MrsOverall, if you were a truly mean person I'd have you on ignore and obviously I don't.
My ignore list filled up over the years with the people who are always angry, always snarky and mean.
I have no place in my life for people like that.

[closeupready]

"No place in my life for people like that" - Amen.

Can't be bothered to be bothered with their garbage and personal issues.

[UpInArms]

44. I had a huge ignore list during the primaries - I deleted it and

I'm so sorry I did

:D

[AspenRose]

45. WORD

:thumbsup:

[ZombieHorde]

8. Telling people to "fuck off" is not being assertive. nt

[Mrs. Overall]

31. Actually I didn't mean that "fuck off" is the way I express assertiveness--

In talking about assertiveness (my post was relatively short so I didn't get into too many details), I was thinking of how much more I express my opinion/outrage in terms of the political realm here on DU. I will take someone on and argue about almost any political topic, but, I have right wing family members with whom I completely tone it down because they will figuratively banish me from their lives if I challenge them too much (and at this point, I want to stay in contact, but perhaps that will change in the future).

So, I guess the sense of assertiveness I feel on DU is being able to fully express my political opinions and my ideals, sometimes in an argumentative manner--something I don't always do in real life regarding the horrendous right wing views of certain family members.

[ZombieHorde]

35. OK, that makes more sense to me. Sorry about the confusion. nt

[Chemisse]

38. I feel that same way

I am more assertive here. In person, I am acutely aware of the impact of my words. I am careful not to hurt feelings and I am not usually rude to people.

Here I shock myself with my meanness sometimes. And yet I enjoy being liberated by anonymity so I can freely participate in discussions.

[Echo In Light]

9. General rule of thumb: the bigger the mouth online, the greater likelihood of cowardice in real life

That's fairly easy to identify; hateful cowards who wouldn't dare walk up to someone and say to them what they choose to say to others online for fear of having their clock punched bigtime.

[closeupready]

10. Someone on another board once gave me a superb piece of advice re: posting to IBB's

"Never post something on an IBB which you wouldn't feel comfortable seeing on the front page of the NY Times." I have generally always followed that advice. I do not deliberately lie about other people. I do not post facts without being prepared to post a reliable source, if prompted. When I relate an anecdote from personal experience, I blur the facts a bit to protect others from being identified.

If I am "mean" here, I don't do it without putting a lot of thought into it. That is, the person I am mean to has done something to warrant a smack down. For example, using a celebrity's appearance flaws to claim that these superficial flaws discredit everything they say (yes, this happened recently). Unbelievably amateurish and rude, so I let her rip.

I have most of my political discussions here, for specific reasons which I am not comfortable getting into. So it's difficult to say that, as I post here, so I am in real life (since I don't have many political discussions in real life).

I guess to some extent, yes, how I post here is how I am in real life.

(And as I think about it, even my use of ignore. For example, if someone gets on the subway and starts panhandling, I turn up the volume on my MP3 player and close my eyes, if necessary, unless it's visually obvious they need assistance. When I see heterosexuals smooching right out on the street, I cross the street and turn my head away.)

[xultar]

11. I'm the same.

[pipi_k]

12. I don't like confrontation and unpleasantness anywhere, so

I'm pretty much the same here as in RL, where the only times I ever say things like "Fuck off", "Fuck you", "Stick it in your ass", etc. are when I'm yelling at the TV.

I've never said those things to anyone here (or on any message board, actually) although I have thought them. I guess I'm just way too concerned with what others think of me, you know?

Although if someone wants to be a total fool, I can be pretty snarky. Or, I should say, uppity. Like schoolmarm talking to a bratty little kid who thinks he knows everything.

I do try to respect others in the same way I want to be respected, and when it looks like I haven't, it's mostly a misunderstanding and I'll try real hard to fix it.

In the end, I just try to be as respectful as I'd like others to be toward me. But sometimes the cranky old lady (Maxine) comes out and she doesn't like being messed with. ;)

[CoffeeCat]

13. I am more angry on DU...

I think most of my posts are about being angry about something--at least the posts that I start.

I use DU to vent anger and frustration about the state of politics today. Many in the
burbs seem completely oblivious. People just don't talk about politics a great deal. It's like
the subject is off limits. I find that odd, when our democracy is crumbling.

As a general rule, I try to be very respectful. I don't often "engage" online when someone tries to
fight with me, because I think it's a huge waste of time to have an internet fight with someone. It
seems really stupid.

However, when the occasional pro-pedophile freak comes along--I'm all over that. No apologies.

[Phoebe Loosinhouse]

14. If people had to post under their real names on the internet

they would be much more civil and more like they are in real life. And the discussions would be much more boring. Anonymity brings out passion that would be suppressed, humor that would be stifled, and a host of other emotions that most of us keep quite reined in. Anonymity brings out the freedom to express those qualities as well as some of the not nicer ones.


It's kind of like the "Oh, F!@# it" license that a lot of senior citizens issue themselves late in life. They just don't care anymore what someone else thinks and they want the experience of real freedom of expression. I think the intertubes are the way that the rest of us get to issue our own OFI licenses.

[gkhouston]

27. Yeah, not really.

In days of yore, in the years before and just after the Great Renaming, a lot of people did use their real names. Sometimes they even had sig lines including their position titles and contact info. Assholery existed then, too. Participants, on average, had more education and often better spelling, but not better manners. Boring it was not.

[Forkboy]

15. I'm actually nicer on DU.

Seriously.

[RaleighNCDUer]

16. I almost never tell anyone on DU to 'fuck off', but I have no qualms about

using the "F bomb" either here or in general conversation. Most times it's casual and heard in person is much less objectionable than it appears in type - "Don't be a fucking moron" looks much worse if you can't see the lack of anger or even amusement with which it is said.

OTOH, I don't tend to talk that way with total strangers, which bring into this the question - Is DU just a bunch of strangers, or is it a community of (mostly) shared interests and POV, thus loosening our inhibitions about interactions? After all, I might be going hammer and tongs after someone in one thread, but five minutes later be in complete agreement with that same person in a different thread - that is how people interact with friends, not strangers.


And the only person who might be surprised by the tone of my posts would be my mother - at 56, I'm still her apple-cheeked boy.

[SidneyCarton]

17. Yes, I'm meaner here.

Anonymity often breeds a sense of license in people, and I am no different. I've tried toning things down recently, though some recent posts in R/T would argue otherwise.

[madrchsod]

18. nope...i just can`t tolerate trolls....

[get the red out]

19. I used to be

But I took a temporary leave and came back acting more like myself, mainly by ignoring threads that will only make me really angry and not add one thing to my knowledge or serve help me think in a different way about anything.

[NoSheep]

20. I feel I am the same. Some things set me off and here I get a chance to respond to them.

I would do the exact same in any opportunity in "real life".

[JohnnyLib2]

21. I'm about the same. And considering a change

to full-blown sarcasm. No F-bombs, though, that seems like a cliche anymore.

[Fire1]

22. I'm not pretentious in any venue or milieu. What you see, is

what you get.

[sandnsea]

23. Can't keep my mouth shut in real life either

:shrug:

Exactly, precisely the same.

[TuxedoKat]

24. No and yes

I wouldn't say or write anything that I wouldn't say to a person's face, and I always try to be polite and
give people the benefit of the doubt. It takes someone being rude for no reason and not reasoning with me
(when I try to discern why they are rude or upset) to react in kind. Make's life easier that way, especially
on your blood pressure.

Only a handful of people have been rude to me here at DU, but I suspect most of them were trolls.

[blues90]

It is the internet . Unless anyone here is known like a radio show

host and has ratings to worry about and an image to project then I would imagine most posters on-line can say and act pretty much anyway they chose within the forums rules and guidelines. No one on the internet has to face the others in most cases unless they know them and live near then or work with them. I doubt many would act the way they do here in person or say they things they say.

Ever since the primaries began there was a shift. Before it was mostly people getting along fighting against the last admin.

Now there is a lot of that's for your concern or your concern is noted and quite a lot of slamming and bashing.

Typing is far from talking and seeing body language and hearing a voice or ducking flying saliva.

It;s not like going to a protest that's for certain.

[LeftHander]

25. afraid I am just as queer and bitchy in real life as here on DU....nt

[Blue_In_AK]

26. I think I'm pretty much the same on DU as elsewhere.

I'm not really given to telling people to fuck off or whatever, either in person or online. That's not to say that I don't think it.

[Iggo]

28. I'm the same guy in the real world and on the internet.

I cut people more slack here and in other internet forums. I'm also quicker to apologize or throw a mea culpa here than in real life.

So I guess I'm nicer here.

[Joe Fields]

29. the problem with conversing online is that a lot of what we say can so

easily be taken the wrong way, simply because we cannot see other peoples body language. Something that a person my say with a wink and a nod could come across as mean or snarky, when it may be meant in a playful manner. We read things into what other people type that may not be there. Often, attitudes are misjudged. That's when a breakdown in communication occurs.

Then again, some of us are just plain assholes. I can be an asshole at times, but ONLY when provoked.

[Spazito]

30. I am pretty sure I am the same in real life as I am on DU....

if anything, I am a bit nicer on DU than in real life depending on the issue, lol. On DU, I follow this rule (95% of the time anyway):

Don't take anything personally even if it's meant that way.

I do, however, 'snark' in both the real world and the virtual one, sometimes I just can't resist, lol.

[laststeamtrain]

32. I dislike dumb people all the time. Sometimes I say something about it. Sometimes I don't. n/t.

[hunter]

33. I'm meaner in real life...

Here on DU it's just words on the internet. Big deal.

I also tell people what I think in the "real" world.

There are certain people I'm utterly intolerant of -- racists, those who violate the civil rights of gay people, people who try to teach creationism in public schools, fascists...

If ignorant people are intimidated when I'm around because I'm "mean," so be it, that's a good thing.

When the proposition 8 campaign was going full monty force Morman/Fundie/Knights o' Columbus, I'd see people putting out "Yes on 8" signs and I'd stop and throw their signs into my truck right in front of their faces. There wasn't a single one willing to confront the mean crazy guy. I even snagged a full 4X8 plywood sign just as the two guys who'd planted it were getting back into their truck. I was going to give them their wood back, plywood and posts are not cheap you know, but they took off in a hurry before I even got close.

It was like a gift from God.

[elocs]

34. Wow! 2 threads in a row on the Latest Page that have "meaner" in the subject line.

I'd have to say that I'm the same in real life as I am at DU.

[JanMichael]

36. about the same on du, home and work. nt

[Raine]

37. I'm more out-going on DU

in real life I'm very shy and introverted.

[UpInArms]

39. I'm funnier on DU

edited 'cuz that was the wrong smilie

[Thickasabrick]

40. I am worse in real life.....I try to restrain myself somewhat online. nt

[SIMPLYB1980]

42. I think my DU persona is a mixture of things.

[Incitatus]

43. No, I'm meaner on Yahoo Answers.

[gleaner]

46. I don't think so ....

Us old Quakers try to be the same wherever we are. I think message boards and forums give us an anonimity that allows us to act out without fear of immediate consequenses or retaliation. People are more abstract and less immediate than if they were sitting across a table or knew who we were.

I don't think there is as much concern about what others on the board think of us as there would be if we were talking to them in person.

It is easy to be tempted to lash out at someone you have never seen and never will see, expecially when you are discussing hot button issues, which is why I try hard not to. I would rather they remembered what I said than how I said it. I post here to learn and hopefully to pass stuff that I have learned along to others in the process. If not, I still enjoy posting and reading however the other posters write.

[mitchum]

47. I am just as mean and just as nice as I am in real life

[myrna minx]

48. I think I'm more reserved on DU than IRL.

I've posted regrettable things that I've written in haste out of anger, but in most cases (I can't say all, because that's too declarative) I've apologized to the people who have gotten in the way of my knee jerking.

I very much enjoy face to face communication and witty banter, so my RL personality may not come forth due to my poor typing skills and my dyslexia. :shrug: I don't believe that I'm mean here and I know I'm not mean IRL, but I do have a dark sense of humor, so I know I may have offended folks and not even know it.

[xchrom]

49. i eat babies -- in front of their horrified mothers -- at olive garden --

in real life.

[Mind_your_head]

50. There are a LOT of people who post on DU who aren't democrats.

I believe that is where a lot of the posted "meanness" comes from. People who are given the "vocal/scribal (is that a word? lol)" "air" to post what they are thinking. Those people don't really believe/have traditional democratic values at their core....they are at the root of most of the meanness exhibited on this site, imo.

I think we democrats should welcome/listen to them, but not 'embrace' them...

I think democrats are more loving and logical than most others. Who can argue against loving and logical? What else is there that is 'good'?

My 2 cents.

[Sebastian Doyle]

59. Yesterday there was a thread where someone defended Prescott Bush's nazi collaboration

and Steve Forbes' "Flat Tax" in the same thread, also making comments about the Democrat party.

This blatant Freeper is still here. And somehow has been since 2003.

[HughMoran]

51. I'm just as opinionated in real life

...though I rarely get into confrontations with people - unlike here :)

[eridani]

52. The disconnect applies to all online communication

Obviously you can say something online that you would never say in person. Typically, netizens have discovered ways of compensating for that known fact.

[A-Schwarzenegger]

53. I prefer not to think

about my persona, my personality, or my posts.
It keeps me young, pretty, and in the moment.

[AsahinaKimi]

54. I have been disapointed by some peoples responses but..

I try never resort to name calling or getting pissed at my fellow DUers.. Because ya know, we are connected by Democratic roots. Rightwingers, Trolls, Fox News, Republicans.. is another story.

I hated it when Bush took both elections. I hated it when Right wingers spit in our collective faces and called us "losers" and to "get over it.." I was afraid they would steal another election...


But all that did was get the country up for Barrack Obama's election. I am so proud to be a DUer..and respect my fellow posters.. The real Haters are on Free Republic.com.

[jinto86]

55. Are college courses real life?

That was about the only other time I was this confrontational (especcially with my education professors... especcially when they thought I must have lived a blessed life because I was white) but not sure if that really counts?

[arthritisR_US]

56. I think I'm pretty much the same in both venues. n/t

[DainBramaged]

57. I'm meaner in real life, basically because I deal with ignorant Freepers

every day and I have NEVER hidden my PROGRESSIVE, LIBERATED, REGESTERED DEMOCRATIC Proclivities for one second and let them know what I think of their stupidity every chance I get.

Today, one of them (non-Union sales jerkoff) went off on how bad the public option would be during OUR break and how we are losing our freedoms. My response was 'you dumb stupid corncob, what freedoms have YOU fucking lost, and a public option means if you DON'T have health care, you can now GET health care instead of dying, and if you were out of fucking work would you want to die because you couldn't afford health care?


He stormed off. Fuck him and his stupidity. All of them.

[Mind_your_head]

58. Corncob?

"Not to insult corncobs", but....

:rofl:

I know it's kind of silly, but it made me laugh. Thanks! :-)

[Mabus]

60. I'm the same off-line as I am on-line

I've been connected online in one form or another since the late 80's/early 90's. And since most of my early communications were with friends, I never got in a habit of being anyone but myself. If there is anything different between me in real life and me online it is that I tend to get sillier online.

fwiw, I used to run a community forum and was amazed by people who, for lack of a better term, had developed an online character that was vastly different from who they were in real life.

[Luminous Animal]

61. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to discuss politics.

I've been a participant in many political organizations whose goal was to accomplish something and to stay on topic without invective. There are very few here that know how to engage in a mutual respectful conversation... to take an opportunity to expand ones knowledge... to do a bit of research before mouthing off.

[Blue-Jay]

62. I'm An Internet Tough Guy And Everything I Say Is Right. If You Disagree, I'll Laugh At You!

Edit For Extra Toughness.

[REP]

63. Much, much meaner in real life

Famously so.