'I hope same-sex marriage changes marriage itself.'

[BurtWorm]

Says Melissa Harris-Lacewell at the Nation's blog, The Notion:


http://www.thenation.com/blogs/notion/486001/reflections_on_marriage

...

Typically advocates of marriage equality try to reassure the voting public the same-sex marriage will not change the institution itself. "Don't worry," we say, "allowing gay men and lesbians to marry will not threaten the established norms; it will simply assimilate new groups into old practices."

This is a pragmatic, political strategy, but I hope it is not true. I hope same-sex marriage changes marriage itself. I hope it changes marriage the way that no-fault divorce changed it. I hope it changes marriage the way that allowing women to own their own property and seek their own credit changed marriage. I hope it changes marriage the way laws against spousal abuse and child neglect changed marriage. I hope marriage equality results more equal marriages. I also hope it offers more opportunities for building meaningful adult lives outside of marriage.

I know from personal experience that a bad marriage is enough to rid you of the fear of death. But this experience allows me suspect that a good marriage must be among the most powerful, life-affirming, emotionally fulfilling experiences available to human beings. I support marriage equality not only because it is unfair, in a legal sense, to deny people the privileges of marriage based on their identity; but also because it also seems immoral to forbid some human beings from opting into this emotional experience.

We must do more than simply integrate new groups into an old system. Let's use this moment to re-imagine marriage and marriage-free options for building families, rearing children, crafting communities, and distributing public goods.





Melissa Harris-Lacewell, an associate professor of politics and African-American studies at Princeton University, is completing her latest book, Sister Citizen: A Text for Colored Girls Who've Considered Politics When Being Strong Isn't Enough.

[Zenlitened]

1. Wow. Very powerful. K&R. - n/t

[lunatica]

2. What I found out is that marriage is not for me

It was a soul killing trap for me twice which is all the chances I'm willing to give it. Some people are simply better off alone. I am because marriage has rules that most people simply don't question. Traditional marriage is a death trap to anyone who wants something they want to create the rules for. IT's amazing how little mutual respect I've seen in 'traditional marriages'.

But I really think there are marriages that are good for all the people involved, even the children and the community. So I'm just saying that it isn't for me.

[eridani]

3. You know, I don't agree with her. Stephanie Coontz makes a compelling case

--that heterosexuals have been changing marriage for a couple of hundred years, eventually making it into an institution that gay people now find useful also. The big shift was the turn to companionship and love as essential components along with raising kids. And with extended lifespans, it has become common for people well past reprductive age to marry for the companionship alone. And if its OK for straight people to marry with companionship the only justification, why should sexual orientation have anything to do with it anymore?

[1]

4. that's all touching and sweet and all... i've got a feeling marriage isn't going to change much...

do you really think y'all bring a whole new perspective to this?

really?

good for you.

but i doubt it.

it us what it is. and the same old human interactions come into play. good luck my peeps on this fantasy you embark on. make it better.

heh.