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1. As my website is both extremely popular and extremely valuable, the charge is Four Million Nigerian Naira per website for me to evaluate your websites for possibly being linked to my extremely popular website.
2. If your websites meet my demanding and unattainable standards, the charge for half and 1 year's rental of a space for a web link will be Nineteen Million Nigerian Naira. The Four Million Nigerian Naira charge for evaluating your website is not refundable should your website not meet my standards. I evaluated over two hundred websites last year and none of them met my standards. Perhaps your site will be the one.
3. As my attorney, Perry Mason, has advised me that Pay Pal is a good way to get ripped off, I demand that the Nigerian Naira be brought to me by couriers. As my country's mail system is corrupt and unreliable, you must fly to the United States, and visit me at my home: 4700 Bureau Road South, Terre Haute, Indiana. I recommend you tape the money to your body so the corrupt security people at the airport cannot find it, and be sure you fly on a one-way ticket with no luggage. I will get you home when you get here, so do not worry. Due to many threats on my life because of my wealth and fame, I now have many bodyguards. You must report to one of them and ask to see me. To make sure no one finds out my residence, I go by an alias. When you report to the guard, please ask to see "Jeffrey Dahmer." I have ordered my guards to inform all visitors that I am dead, although I am not as you can see by me writing you. It is then you will use the secret pass phrase, which is "God Damn You Fucking Screw My Name Is Osama Bin Laden and I Must See Jeffrey Dahmer Right Fucking Now." They will immediately take you inside.
(It's not really funny until you google that address.)
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