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Edited on Sun Oct-11-09 05:03 PM by left of center
HOW TO BE A GOOD REPUBLICAN
1. You have to believe that the nation's current fiscal disaster is due to eight months of Obama and not eight years of Bush.
2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.
3. You have to be against all government programs, but expect your Social Security check on time.
4. You have to reject the notion of government-run healthcare of any kind, but expect folks to pry Medicare from your cold dead fingers.
5. You have to believe that AIDS victims deserve their disease, but smokers with lung cancer and overweight individuals with heart disease don't deserve theirs.
6. You have to believe that assault weapons and handguns are intended for purposes other than killing people.
7. You have to believe everything Rush Limbaugh says, or at least not openly disagree with him.
8. You have to believe the agricultural, restaurant, housing and hotel industries can survive without immigrant labor (or that your own household can, for that matter).
9. You have to believe God hates abortion and homosexuality, but loves the death penalty.
10. You have to believe that black people who do not succeed "just don't work hard enough," but that white people who don't succeed are discriminated against.
11. You have to believe that pollution is OK as long as it makes a profit.
12. You have to believe freedom of religion means freedom to impose your Christian views on everyone else.
13. You have to believe that philanderers, adulterers, and pedophiles make the best representatives of your party to pontificate on moral matters.
14. You have to believe cutting taxes, increasing spending, and borrowing the difference makes sounds fiscal policy.
15. You have to believe Iran (whose surging youth population actually admires us) is our enemy, but that Pakistan (base of the Taliban) and Saudi Arabia (home of most of the 9/11 terrorists) are our friends and allies.
16. You have to be against government interference in business, until your corporation is about to go broke and you beg for a government bailout.
17. You have to use the words Communist and Fascist interchangeably and believe President Obama is BOTH.
18. You have to be against health care reform because you imagine government rationing and death panels, but you ignore the very real rationing and denial of life saving medicine on the part of private health insurers.
19. You have to believe a poor, minority student with a disciplinary history and failing grades will be admitted into an elite private school with a $1,000 voucher.
20. You have to be willing to associate with every tinfoil hat-wearing, birther, pro-militia, racist nut job in the country just to reach a quorum at your own meetings.
21. You have to be more outraged by Bill Clinton staining Monica's dress than you are by George Bush staining this country's world reputation.
22. You have to be willing to realize that all those Constitutional rights that you blithely discarded during the last administration might well protect you when the current administration comes after you for your crimes.
23. You have to believe that Halliburton and its ilk perform a vital service to this country.
24. You have to believe that artificial limbs and massive lifetime healthcare for our deserving veterans is going to magically pay for itself.
25. You have to believe that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11, despite eight years of documentation to the contrary.
26. You have be angry about President Barack Obama increasing the national deficit by 3 trillion dollars to save the country from economic collapse, but could care less about the 3 trillion, 1.5 trillion, and 2 trillion dollar additions during the business-as-usual administrations of Presidents George W Bush, George H Bush, and Ronald Reagan.
27. You have to believe the mainstream media is really, really bias, but that Fox News is actually fair and balanced.
28. You have to believe Reverend Wright is some wild-eyed, religious fanatic for condemning America, but that Jerry Falwell’s, Pat Robertson’s, John Hagee’s condemnations over the years makes them men of God.
29. You have to believe we can balance the budget by cutting “waste”, but you don’t want any reductions in social security, medicare, and military, even though their current 2/3 to 3/4 share of the federal budget is growing.
30. You have to feel more comfortable with power being concentrated in large corporations than in a democratically elected government.
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