The Week In Review

[ThePantaloon.com]

World Shocked By French Navy's Refusal To Surrender



Somali pirates attempted to storm La Somme, an 18,000 ton French navy command ship, in the Indian Ocean. In the past, the French navy has quickly surrendered when being fired upon, even by lightly armed Somalis on small skiffs.

But this time the ship’s chef was about to serve dinner. “Maurice, our cook, had been slaving over the stove all day making his sea bass bouillabaisse,” First Mate Jean-Pierre explained. “He had the oil in a large pan with the onion, leek, chopped tomato and the garlic. He was stirring in a bit of fennel, thyme, bay leaf, and orange peel, it’s quite extraordinary, and then these pirate scum started shooting their Kalashnikovs, making a loud scene. Normally, we would have given them the ship, but we thought it was very rude to attack us at supper time.”

“Yes,” Maurice the cook confirmed, “my boys hadn’t even had a taste of the amuse bouche. And my chocolate lava cake was ruined by the whole affair. These pirates have no class.” A fuming President Sarkozy assured the international community that France would send a frigate straight away to the Indian Ocean to surrender to the next pirate ship that appears. “After all,” Sarkozy said, “we have a reputation to uphold.”


Blinko Becomes First (And Last) Clown Astronaut



Blinko became the first clown to make it as an astronaut. It took him thirty-seven tries to pass all of NASA’s tests, but he was launched up to International Space Station Mir this week. Unfortunately, when he arrived, he used a joybuzzer to shake hands with two Cosmonauts. The Russians quickly opened the airlock and jettisoned him to his death.

Benjamin Button Epidemic Strikes India



While the rest of the world deals with H1N1 outbreaks, Indian doctors are perplexed by an epidemic of Benjamin Button disease.