An Open Letter from Alan Grayson’s Mother

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Thu Oct-01-09 01:30 PM
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An Open Letter from Alan Grayson’s Mother

Edited on Thu Oct-01-09 01:37 PM by ThisThreadIsSatire

(SATIRE)

Dear Parents of Republicans,

As so many of you contacted me regarding Tuesday’s incident, I hope you don’t mind my responding to all of you at once. I understand that you are very upset – no parent wants to see their child sad or distraught, and I hope you will forgive me for not getting back to you until today. I didn’t want to respond without first giving my son Alan a chance to tell his side of the story, and as I’m sure you can understand, he has not only been very busy with his homework, but as one of the new kids in school, has also been trying to meet his classmates, get acclimated, and make new friends. Now that he and I have had a chance to talk, I can respond to your concerns.

First, speaking parent to parent, I truly am sorry that Alan’s presentation at Show-and-Tell made your sons and daughters cry. That being said, after discussing the matter at great length with my son and others, I think that perhaps many of you weren’t getting the whole story.

When Alan told people that your children’s plan for health care was “die quickly”, he was, for all intents and purposes, saying the same thing that the Grassley boy said about him and his friends. Let’s face it, “pulling the plug on Grandma” is, in every sense, making Grandma die more quickly. So you see, our kids are 99% in agreement on this. The only difference is that Alan and his friends want every Grandma to have access to a plug in the first place.

Some have told me that their child wasn’t so much upset about what Alan said or how he said it, but that making people afraid that the other kids want their loved ones to die is the Republican kids’ favorite toy, and they didn’t like the idea of my son playing with it, especially since he’s new and didn’t ask permission first. Some pointed out that for many of the more unfortunate, it’s the only thing they have. Please don’t blame Alan, this is my fault. You see, when he was young we taught him to share, and he sometimes forgets that other people weren’t brought up that way.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not telling you how to raise your children, but even Alan noticed many of them are having problems, so, again parent to parent, I want to share a couple of our concerns with you.

Depending on how involved you are, you may or may not have noticed that the Republican kids have a lot less friends than they used to. Maybe it’s because they throw a tantrum and start name-calling when they don’t get their way. Maybe it’s because they’re idea of working together is for the majority to give them what they want but not vice versa. A lot of people say it’s because if they don’t do what they’re told, they’re allowance will be taken away. Personally, I think it’s because they don’t understand what sharing is all about. Anytime Alan or one of his friends brings it up, they call them ‘Socialists’. Well as I understand it, a large majority of people in this country say they’d be willing to pay a little more if it meant that everyone’s Grandma would have access to that plug so many people are fighting about pulling. That’s not ‘socialist’ – sharing everything is ‘socialist’, sharing 10% is ‘religious’, and sharing a few percent or less is, well, just sharing.

Also, I don’t know him but maybe some of you do. Back in June, one of the Republican boys said that they had a comprehensive health care plan and were just putting the finishing touches on it. I’m sure you know who I’m talking about – the dark kid – I think his name is Johnny Boehner or something like that. Anyway, if you know him or his parents, please find out when he’ll have it finished because my Alan is very worried that more people have already died while holding their breath waiting for it than will die this year because they don’t have health insurance.

So, again, while I’m sorry my son made your children cry, I think there may have also been an overreaction or misunderstanding on their part. I think a lot of it was just a case of a new kid in school trying to fit in and speak the way he heard the other kids speaking. In his case, he was just talking like the wrong kids.

As I said earlier, I never presume to tell other parents how to raise their children, but maybe if more of you made your kids spend more time on their homework and less time sticking their ‘doo-dads’ into staff members, foreign ladies, and the butts of every man, woman, and child in the United States, we’d all be better off…

Respectfully yours,

Alan’s Mother