Hey, did the Rapture happen yet?

[SpiralHawk]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x6597126

Have I been LEFT BEHIND? Or is it later this evening?

A clue, puh-lease.

[parasim]

1. Well, most of my friends and family with tickets to that particular event seem to still be here...

So, apparently not.

[Rick Myers]

2. Hurry up...

I got my eye on my uber-Christian neighbor's SUV...

[ejpoeta]

3. well either it didn't or there are going to be a lot of pissed off people that thought

they were in the club that are still here. LOL!

[RC]

4. Ain't nobody on this bloody, war torn rock gonna get Raptured till we all learn to get along!

[Echo In Light]

7. Can you dig it?

[Junkdrawer]

5. Fox News issued a Standards memo...

Now are you scared?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=389&topic_id=6600386&mesg_id=6600386

[liberaltrucker]

6. Nah, my fundie ex still calls.

:banghead:

[RagAss]

8. Rained Out !

[elocs]

9. I once knew a guy who is now 40 and as a kid was in a panic because he thought the rapture had come

and he was left behind. He has worked for years as a stand-up comic and he has worked it into his act.

When he was 10 and I was in my middle 20s we were members of a very strict Pentecostal church who were big believers in the Rapture. God forbid you were doing a no-no and the Rapture came and you were--left behind. Going to the movies was worldly entertainment and so was a big no-no. Of course at age 10 he lusted after seeing the latest Star Wars movie and so was overcome by irresistible temptation. When he finally got home he was guilt ridden, but nobody was home and he couldn't find anyone. He was in a total panic, trying to call people he was sure would "make it" because he was convinced that the Rapture had come and he was left behind because he had sinned in going to see a movie.

True story. Oh, he was wrong then, but, who knows?

[SalmonChantedEvening]

10. 1500 years ago.

The Tribulation has gone into Overtime. The Management apologizes for not being forthright about these things. Or forthleft for that matter.

[endarkenment]

11. As an atheist: god I hope so.

[Arugula Latte]

12. My Rapture haiku:

I'm Rapture Ready
Sold my house and got nekkid
But, dang ... I'm still here.

[AntiFascist]

13. It's about time! n/t

[TrogL]

14. Will you people quit it - I am the Anti-Christ and there's no Rapture today

I've got a shrink appointment on Friday - maybe after that.

[skip fox]

15. Proof that Faux News is becoming like the MSM: They are not covering The Rapture!!!

n/t

[Swamp Rat]

16. Yes, you missed it.

Yer screwn!1



:D

[malaise]

18. When's the next date

I want to convince a few of them to give me their evil early possessions - like their mega-church properties and their bank accounts. :evilgrin:

[Swamp Rat]

19. That's all?

:D :hi:

[malaise]

21. Hehehehehhe

Hi there Swamp Rat!! :hi:

[Vidar]

17. You bet, but all I got was this used halo.

[nadinbrzezinski]

23. Damn second hand halos....

you'd think God's choir would have gotten ready for the influx... with new halos.

[redwitch]

Hey Everybody! It's rapture time!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
and never brought to mind
should auld acquaintance be forgot
hey everybody, it?s rapture time
I was staring at the clouds from a 747
when I saw that there were thousands
getting sucked up into heaven
and I knew that Armageddon time was nigh
when the Captain said,
"on your right there?s Mother Teresa floating by"
Oh, I could here the passengers behind me start to cheer
when he said, "looks like the whole non-smoking section?s disappeared.
But don?t you fear, even though I?m outta here
you?ve still got the navigator

He?ll stay with the rest of you fornicators and atheists,
insurance salesmen and bigamists,
and certain televangelists and such
and by the way, thanks for flying with us"

Chorus:
Well it?s one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
Taken away from their RV?s and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck
and I?m stuck here in sinners company
Jimmy Swaggart, my mother-in-law and me

Driving home from the airport
the highways were all clear
except for cars with NRA bumper stickers on the rear
I pulled into a burger joint
Gave my order to a sweet blonde who said,
"Would you like some fries with that?"
Zoop she was gone
I finally made it home
I couldn?t take it anymore
when I saw my friend the Jehovah?s Witness
who preaches at my door
He was rising higher and higher saying,
"What do you think about that?
Na na na na na...Thupt!
and I heard...splat!

Chorus:
Well it?s one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
Taken away from their RV?s and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck
and I?m stuck here in sinners company
Madonna, my mother-in-law and me

Now?s the time to fear the most
Armageddon?s getting close
When you hear the Holy Ghost
Who you gonna call, Ghostbusters?

I went to see a friend of mine,
the one who drives a Ford
with the little sign on the window
"Holy rolling with the Lord"
well, she hadn?t yet been raptured
and it made her real upset
she?d been counting on not paying her American Express
She sat poised like a debutante
waiting for a date
and when she finally did get raptured she cried
"Jesus you?re late"
Me, well I was staying
I said, "Hey what I do wrong?"
when a voice from up above said,
"You?re the schmuck who wrote this song"

Chorus:
Well it?s one of those days
all of my friends are getting raptured
Taken away from their RV?s and their pick-up trucks
by a heavenly Electrolux on super suck
and I? mstuck here in sinners company
Rush Limbaugh, my mother-in-law and me
and you sitting there
you missed the rapture too
Happy new year

Camille West

[nadinbrzezinski]

20. No EMP, no destruction of the US Fleet

Israel has not bombed Damascus.

Could they be WRONG AGAIN?

If I had a buck for each prediction I could retire by now.

Though I considered taking some of my old clothes to the local mega church and laying them on the ground and then taking a Ram's Horn...

[frogmarch]

22. Why am I not surprised to see

that Kirk Cameron is the star? What a wackadoo. :silly:

ON NO, Brad Johnson is in it too? But...but..I LOVE him! He can't be in this dumbass movie!

[ThomWV]

24. There's hours left, and remember, you won't see it coming until the very end.

Bwahshahahahahahahahah!

Keep an eye on the sky, when the stars start going out you'll know the rapture is right around the corner. Oh, keep an ear opened for gnashing of teeth too.

[Stevenmarc]

25. We can't have the Rapture yet TLC wont let the Duggars out of their contract

[woo me with science]

26. I am looking forward to the reduction in traffic. nt

[irislake]

27. No, they are still with us.

Hadn't you noticed?

[spanone]

28. i've got my bags packed and they're by the door...i hope it's before my bedtime

[Yunomi]

29. I read yesterday

at Pharyngula( http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/index.php?utm_source=bloglist&utm_medium=dropdown&page=2 )that The Rapture had already happened. The True Christians, both of them, were taken some time ago, and nobody really noticed.