Just got great news about my niece and her fiance

[bighart]

Social services paid him a visit in his hospital room and did a lengthy memory and cognition test and he passed with flying colors.
The social worker said something about his mom and he told the social worker that mom is not allowed to make decisions for him. They are in the process of drawing up paperwork for my niece to be given power of attorney. Additionally he is going to finally have the surgery on his leg that he needs, they allowed him to sign the authorization, and are scheduling the surgery for his pelvis for next week. His mom is home for the weekend and is going to be PISSED when she gets back on Monday.

[ejpoeta]

1. what gives?? what's wrong with his mom?? how old is your niece's fiance??

and this is why we all need to say what we want in writing i guess.... I am glad that this guy is able to make these decisions for himself. sometimes i wonder about families.... I just thank god that my family never tried to get between my now husband and myself. Back in 97 when I had my car accident bob and I weren't married and my family wouldn't even have thought to try to keep him away from me or to take over anything!! And they weren't that fond of bob at that time either. There was some friction, let's say between me and my family at the time about bob. but they never tried to keep him from seeing me or anything and never tried to control my care or anything.

[Warpy]

4. Some families aren't able to swallow their dislike

and do bar life partners from seeing loved ones. That's why gay marriage has been so important.

Otherwise, you have to count on being sneaked in by a sympathetic nurse, something patient-centered caregivers do more often than not.

If you're ever in that situation, remember that nurse is putting her job on the line, so stay very low key and don't mention it to anyone.

[bighart]

7. Very long story.

He's 33 and was in a bad car accident about a month ago. His mom has tried everything she can to keep my niece from seeing him or being informed of and included in choices about his care and they have lived together for around 2 years and have a 6 month old daughter. He was pretty out of it until recently and the hospital just today decided to honor his wishes above his mothers.

[Posteritatis]

14. Oy, sounds like a real winner. I'm glad he's back in control of things. (nt)

[ejpoeta]

15. OMG! they have a kid together and live together and the mother is doing this!!

i imagine this will cause some conflict once this guy gets back on his feet. I am glad the hospital is going to do what this guy wants. It would be one thing if the guy was like 18 or something... well, 18 is an adult so... not really... but at the age of 33!! this mother needs to get over herself and let the guy make his own decisions!! It's sad that parents can't just honor their kids wishes and let them make their own decisions. that's one thing I remember about my mom... even though i was 12 when she died. I remember that she may voice her concerns or whatever, but then drop it and let you make your own decisions. And if this woman is pissed, oh f-ing well!! the guy is an adult and your niece is his significant other.

[bighart]

16. I honestly have never been invloved with an uglier situation

The woman flat out lied to me for no reason, has told friends that she doesn't consider the daughter he and my niece have to be family,
lied to his siblings about his condition and prognosis, tried to have him removed from life support, tried to have my niece thrown out of the hospital because she was "asking too many questions and getting on my nerves" and the list goes on.

[varelse]

21. "tried to have him removed from life support"

:wtf:

[bighart]

24. Not even kidding

She was going around telling people he was "brain dead" and would never recover even though he was in a medically induced coma due to the number and severity of his injuries. His brother told me she called all the family together and told them they needed to say goodbye to him because she knew he "wouldn't want to live this way" and was going to have him taken off life support. This was like 4 days after the accident.

[ejpoeta]

26. i hate to ask this but.... is there some insurance or something??? what is wrong with this woman!!

[bighart]

31. I really don't know what her deal is.

His daughter and my niece are named as his beneficiaries on all the insurance paper work. I am beginning to think, and I really hate to say this, that she was seeing a potential source of income if he didn't recover. When it became clear he was going to live, the story on her part changed to "severe brain damage" and she was going to be the one appointed his guardian.

[ejpoeta]

33. uggh!! this is why I believe that what goes around comes around and that we all ahve to

answer for our actions sooner or later... call it standing before your god, call it what you will... but I believe we all have to answer for our actions someday.... thank god he recovered enough to get HIS wishes taken care of. and thank god he has his own family with his girlfriend and child, and apparently her family....

[GreenPartyVoter]

36. Someday she may be the one on life support and he has the Power of Attorney.

[ejpoeta]

25. why the hell does it matter what SHE considers the guy's significant other to be?? the guy is 33.

she has no business taking over like that. But the girl doesn't have much standing I guess if they aren't married and the guy hasn't put it in writing. I hope he makes sure that in the future they have it legally set up if they aren't going to be married. This woman sounds like a real winner... and I hope that when her son wants nothing to do with her after what she's done, she doesn't try to blame anyone but herself. Because I could see a scenario where her son disassociates himself from a woman who would try to usurp his own decisions and take over like that. And that is NOT what this man needs while he is going through such an ordeal as he must be going through right now. There is disagreeing with a person's choices... and then there is stepping WAY over the line!!

[bighart]

29. She is a real piece of work.

Niece had no legal standing to be involved or make recomendations about his care. He and his mom barley spoke before this but she is still considered "next of kin" in a situation like this.

[ejpoeta]

32. i'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that they won't probably be speaking very much after this

either. it's sad, really.... as a person who misses her mom very badly I hate to hear anyone not being on good terms with their mother... but it is not always possible to have a relationship with someone. Blood doesn't always mean family. sad but true.

[sandnsea]

2. So he's doing well?? Awesome News!!!

And really great news for your niece. Mom will get over it, moms usually do.

[bighart]

9. My wife spoke to him on the phone last night.

He is excited we are coming to see him this weekend. She said it was kind of hard to understand him sometimes because his jaw is still wired shut and they haven't taken the trach tube out yet.

[Barack_America]

3. Hey that's great.

:hug:

[roguevalley]

5. wonderful news. Tell them someone in Alaska loves them. :-D

[Bluerthanblue]

6. so glad to hear things are turning around for all of you-

:grouphug:

continued good wishes~

[nadinbrzezinski]

8. Glad that we could help in the way we could

at distance...

Oh and Mom is gonna be majorly pissed...

[bighart]

11. you got that right.

I told my niece to be prepared for all hell to break loose next week when mom gets back.

[Hawkeye-X]

17. The best thing for you and your niece to do is to tell all of the nurses, doctors, and everyone

involved that the fiance has made the decision to let him and your niece make the decisions on his health. If possible, get a justice of the peace to give your niece and fiance a civil ceremony to tie the knot, and have the "official" wedding later. It's done all the time...

My wedding was on the 23rd of March, but the license says we're married April 19th. We keep the 23rd of March as our anniversary.

[bighart]

19. Brings up another interesting little fact

His mom told the hospital chaplin that he is still "legally married to his first wife", which he isn't and she knows that, to keep them from being able to do what you suggest. Hospital wants proof the divorce is final so my niece called his ex and asked her to fax a copy of the divorce decree to the social services office, which see readily agreed to do.

[Hawkeye-X]

22. I hope the niece and the finace has lawyered up

and getting ready to file a restraining order enjoining her from being 100 feet from the finace, your niece and their daughter.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. What GREAT news!

I am thrilled to read this!

Finally, something good is happening!

Too bad about his Mom, but she will hopefully learn her place.

[Lisa0825]

12. I'm so glad he is doing better!!!

:grouphug:

[bighart]

13. Forgot to mention

We are going to see him this weekend and since he is in a private room now we're taking his daughter too!!!!!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. Won't that be great?

The little girl will need to be prepared to see Daddy injured, but she'll be OK...

He will be over the moon!

:D

[bighart]

20. I can't wait!!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

23. I believe it!

I hadn't realized his daughter is only 6 months old...

She won't have a clue what's going on...

She'll be fine.

Silly me...

[ejpoeta]

27. i think that is just the medicine this guy needs.... to see his daughter.

[bighart]

30. He is gonna be thrilled!

[myrna minx]

28. I'm glad he's doing much better - and that the hospital is honoring his wishes.

Congratulations. :hug:

[Fumesucker]

34. Although I didn't post, I read your OP when this situation arose..

I'm so glad everything seems to be working out for your family.

Thanks for the positive update.

:grouphug:

[Heddi]

35. Im glad everything worked out for him/her/them/everyone

One more piece of advice: I'd let the RN's know that mom may not be too happy when she comes to visit on Monday, and that they should be prepared for a possible altercation when she arrives. They'll be able to call security and get her removed if that's his wish.

I'm glad he's going through with the POA with the girlfriend. At that point, nothing, and I mean NOTHING the mother says, wishes, reccomends, suggests, will be binding legally. So that can of worms is closed.

[bighart]

39. Social worker is going to be in the room when he tells his mom.

I am going to suggest they have security nearby as well.

[TuxedoKat]

37. Glad to hear

that he is recovering well and back in control. Best wishes to all of you. :)

[havocmom]

38. Glad things are looking a bit up. Enough work ahead for them without his mom's meddling

Thanks for the update. Was thinking about you and yours last week & wondering if things were improved. Will keep that little family in my thoughts. Keep us posted.

[pipi_k]

40. Yay! I've been (silently) following this saga, and I'm glad for both of them

It's too bad it took so long, but better late than never, I suppose...


I hope the mom shits herself from anger.
:evilgrin: