Mr. Juajen has died after a lenghty illness.

[juajen]

I would love prayers and positive thoughts for my recovery from his death. We were married 46 years, and it is very hard to go to sleep or get up in the morning. Everyone says it will get better, but I can't imagine life without him and the going is rough.

[Behind the Aegis]

1. Lots of love and prayers to you and your loved ones.

:cry:

[joeybee12]

2. I'm so sorry to hear this...

:grouphug:

[tekisui]

3. I am very sorry for your loss.

I hope for you comfort in this time. I cannot imagine what you are feeling. Be well.:hug:

[proud2BlibKansan]

4. My sympathy to you and your family

:hug:

[xultar]

5. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. If you need to talk PM me.

Let me send you some hugs....

:hug: :grouphug::hug: :grouphug:

[Lars39]

6. My deepest condolances on the loss of your husband, juajen.

:hug:

[DevonRex]

7. He's still with you and always will be. You are in my thoughts.

:hug:

[MichiganVote]

8. So sorry to learn of your loss. My sympathies for your difficulties.

When you're ready....there are usually many grief and loss groups in communities. Sometimes we all sleep better after a good chat with others.

[bluedeminredstate]

9. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

I am so sorry to hear you have lost your husband of so many years. I will send prayers your way.

:hug:

[tularetom]

10. My condolences on your loss

I'm wishing some good karma your way.

[graywarrior]

11. I am very sorry, juajen.

So sad...
:hug:

[Nite Owl]

12. So sorry juajen

our thoughts are with you.
I lost my husband 14yrs ago, in a way it does get better but the emptiness remains. You just adapt better to it.

[redqueen]

13. Oh no... I'm so sorry...

:( :pals:

[Kahuna]

14. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

:hug:

[Kajsa]

15. I am so sorry for your loss,Juajen!

:(

Prayers and good thoughts coming your way,
for peace and strength.

My condolences to you and your family at this very
difficult time.

Please let us know how you are doing, OK?

:hug: :grouphug:

[alsame]

16. I'm so sorry for you loss.

:hug:

[babylonsister]

17. My sincere condolences, juajen. You have

my positive thoughts focused on you. :hug: And RIP, Mr. Juajen.

[Cleita]

18. My heartfelt sympathy and I know just how you feel. I felt the

same when Mr. Cleita passed on. It does get better, but if you can, surround yourself with friends and family for support. It makes it easier until you can cope on your own. At that time too DU was essential for my sanity. Just being able to interact with other humans when friends and family weren't available, was a big help. I don't think I have thanked DUers for that so I will thank them now. You are certainly in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

[Dora]

19. My deepest condolences on your loss.

I am sending you my best wishes and encouragement. I will continue to think of you.

[corpseratemedia]

20. I'm so sorry for your loss

I believe those many years will sustain you after this very very difficult part is over.(((hugs)))

[NC_Nurse]

21. (((((juajen)))))

I'll be thinking of you. :hug: I'm so sorry for your loss.:-(

[UrbScotty]

22. Oh, dear juajen.

I am so sorry to hear this.

We love and support you, dear.

:hug:

[Spazito]

23. I am so sorry for your loss...

I can only say it does get easier to cope eventually, it is not so much 'better' but, rather, life evolves 'differently'. Make sure and reach out, lean on all those who have offered their support and comfort, it helps, it truly does.

:hugs:

[WillParkinson]

24. Our best wishes in this trying time...

And beyond.

I cannot say it will get better. 46 years is longer than I've been alive. I've been with Paul for 22 years and I cannot imagine life without him.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you the very best. :hug:

[WhiteTara]

25. my sympathy for your loss.

My arms reach through the cosmos to hold you in comfort.

[RamboLiberal]

26. My Deepest Sympathies to you Juajen

:hug: My thoughts and prayers are with you. It is rough. Take it one day at a time and let all the great memories you must have of those 46 years help sustain you.

[notadmblnd]

27. I lost mine almost five years ago and there's never a day I don't think about him.

There will always be bittersweet moments, but it does get easier. Our son(16) is so much like him that at times it's like he's still here. A facial gesture, the way he sits like his father in a chair or even a familiar phrase let's me know that he will always be with us.

My deepest sympathy for your loss.

[SoCalDem]

28. aaw.. Hugs to you and yours

:hug:

[OneGrassRoot]

29. I am truly so very sorry...

I know there are no words to ease your pain in losing your partner in life for 46 years. You absolutely are in my prayers and I send positive thoughts...and hugs of support. You're not alone, even though it must feel that way.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[CrispyQ]

30. Oh my.

Dear juajen, my deepest sympathies for the loss of your beloved husband. I wish there were words I could say to ease your pain & loss. :hug:


BTW, there is a bereavement forum on DU where you may find comfort.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=323

[stevedeshazer]

31. May you find peace and love in his memory.

[EFerrari]

32. I'm so sorry for your loss, juajen.

You do whatever you need to do for yourself right now. :hug:

[merh]

33. Saying prayers for you and yours

my sincere condolences, may you find the strength to get through this and to a time when the memories give you solace :hug:

Rest in Peace, Mr. Juajen -

[GreenPartyVoter]

34. I am so very very sorry! *hugs* It's taken my dad a long time to get his feet

back under him, too. But it really helped him to get involved in causes. He's an active member of the Greens, his local Grange, and has done hospice work among many other things.

Maybe that will be an option for you as well when you are feeling more up to it. :hug:

[Uncle Joe]

35. I'm sorry for your loss, Juajen.

I also hope you find the inner peace and strength to carry on, it sounds like you have a lifetime of golden memories to cherish.:hug:

[no_hypocrisy]

36. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I wish you peace and comforting memories.

:grouphug:

[LiberalAndProud]

37. ()

Praying that you will be comforted as you walk this heartbreaking stage of your life's journey. Steady on, dear Juajen.
:hug:

[CreekDog]

38. I'm so sorry for your loss

:hug:

[nolabear]

39. I'm so sorry. Know that our thoughts are with you. n/t

[Gregorian]

40. Stay strong. Be brave. We're all here together.

I know how you feel. So very difficult. There is so much to say about this. So many ways to look at it. Yet it seems so final and empty. I don't think that is real. It's hard to know the truth. Each moment is all we have.

It's hard to know what to say in this moment. My heart still aches over loss. Life includes this ending you have experienced. It will be ok. It will be different. Be grateful for what you had, and what you still have. I hope I am not being to wordy. It's an attempt to help with something so painful.

[texanshatingbush]

41. Here's what I know from personal experience:

1)Initially, you think you will NEVER forget the darkness of those final days. Don't despair. Eventually, your thoughts will be about the good and happy times

2) My mother told me, three years after my dad's death, that she knew it was irrational, but sometimes she was angry with Dad for "leaving" her, even though she knew that he had no choice and didn't want to "leave". So if you have some irrational thoughts, just cut yourself some slack, be kind to yourself, this is just part of the stages of grief

3) When the first big special day or holiday comes around, DO SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT from what you have always done to observe these days in the past. My aunt gave me this advice after my dad died, and invited us to visit her in Hawaii for that first Christmas. After my mom died a few years ago, the entire family decided to take a cruise that would have us at sea on Christmas Day. It works. You still have a big hole in your heart, but at least you don't have the anguish of familiar surroundings and traditions to remind you so acutely of the one person who is not there. (FWIW: We booked our cruise about this time of year for Christmas holidays, and got some pretty good rates--so don't be daunted by the possible cost of an activity until you check it out)

4) You will have your ups and downs. Lean on your friends and let their love and support buoy you through the bad times

5) Add a new activity to your life: do some volunteer work (thinking about/doing for others is a great way to get a focus outside yourself); learn how to draw; grow antique roses; make a butterfly & hummingbird garden; get a loving pet who is always glad to see you and requires that you have a regular schedule to your life (you can't work late, because one of God's charming little creatures needs you to come home and dish up some food and be a laughing audience for their antics)

I'm so sorry for your loss; it's never easy to bear. Forty-six years together is a real accomplishment these days--which tells me it was probably a match made in heaven. The body goes away, but the spirit will be with you forever.

Courage and love to you.

[Fire1]

55. That's some great advice, texas. It's exactly what I did after

my mom passed and indeed it helps.:hi:

[juajen]

68. Thanks so much, all of you, for your wonderful advice and comfort

I kept putting off announcing it because then it would really be real. I will take all of your advice to heart.

BTW, I'm missing some friends. If some of you have done that thingy where you switch user names, please pm me so that I know who you are.

of course, a lot of you are very familiar.

DU friends are wonderful, as usual.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, and lots of hugs back.

[Undercurrent]

226. Thank you so much for sharing your hard earned wisdom.

I wish I had such meaningful advice after my fiance was killed.

My best to you.

[Hepburn]

285. Oh, yeah, on the anger.

I was PISSED ROYAL at my beloved husband for leaving me. We had the perfect life and marriage. So one day, I let it all out and just screamed at him and expressed the anger. I knew he did not want to go ~~ but that had nothing to do with how angry I was over his going away and leaving me.

Part of dealing with and healing from the horrible pain.

So if you feel like screaming because you are mad that the person left you, my advice is to do it...because you really are angry over your loss.

JMHO

[ljm2002]

42. Oh dear, that is hard...

...I guess I would say, treasure the years you had and be thankful you made it to 46 years together! As for getting along day by day, reach out to friends and family. Do not leave yourself isolated, especially not at first. It is a huge adjustment. Just make sure if you feel yourself drifting, or sinking into depression -- call someone right away. Set some activities for yourself -- anything you like to do: dinner, walks, movies with friends, or whatever it is that you enjoy doing with others. Make an effort to maintain a "social calendar" even if the activities are informal. If you plan activities you will have something to look forward to, to help you get through those feelings of emptiness and loss.

[WCGreen]

43. 46 years and you were there for him when he most needed you...

What a wonderful life you must have had together.

[juajen]

74. Thanks, WCG, those are sweet healing words. I hope I was

there when he needed me most. I always tried to be. He was a wonderful, smart man, and we were best friends in high school and throughout our marriage. I miss him so.

[malaise]

44. Deepest sympathy Mrs Juajen

46 years is a lifetime. I know it's selfish but I hope I die before hubby. :grouphug:

[juajen]

75. I hoped the same thing. I always thought he could survive

much better than I would. Time will tell.

[malaise]

126. I know that the opposite is true in our case

I handle death much better than hubby. My mom survived 11 years after dad died and they were married for 42 years. Your kids and 'grandkids' will sustain you and the pain will ease. After 46 years you have earned the right to mourn you beloved. Let no one deny you that right. :grouphug:

[anigbrowl]

45. Sorry to hear of your loss. Please keep posting here.

He must have been a very special person, 46 years is a long time to be married.

[blm]

46. Peace to you and your family.....

your DU family is always here to listen or lend a hand.

[CherokeeDem]

47. Deepest Sympathies....

to you and those who love you both.

Debbie

[pscot]

48. Bless you, Juajen

We all recognize our own grief in yours. Only time can bring ease of heart and mind. The poet, Aeschylus, felt it 2500 years ago: Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God.

[juajen]

76. That's quite beautiful. God Bless. NT

[Feron]

49. I'm very sorry for your loss. n/t

[Bunny]

50. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[DoBotherMe]

51. Peace be with you juajen

Dana ; )

[SalmonChantedEvening]

52. My heart is breaking for you juajen

Mydeepest sympathies and sincere condolences. :hug: :loveya: :hug:

[juajen]

77. I love that "Life is a drum kit. Play." Thanks all of you.

[Lex]

53. Peace and good vibes to you.

(((hugs)))

[Mz Pip]

54. My deepest condolences

My thoughts are with you. take care.

[juajen]

80. Thanks, so much. BTW, I paint also. Maybe I'll try to paint my grief away. NT

[sweetroxie]

173. Creative self-expression can really help

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my soul mate nearly 10 years ago. I wrote lots of poetry and drew and made music and cried a lot and talked to friends, and all that helped me go through the pain. Grieving for one you love is a very pure, authentic act and is very cleansing as long as you don't try to block it. It does become easier with time. Life intervenes and puts distance between you and your loss. I still miss Bill every day, but when I think of him it is with feelings of love not pain. I wish you the very best.

[Chorophyll]

56. I'm so sorry, Juajen.

Prayers and vibes coming your way.

[Morning Dew]

57. My deepest sympathies. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Fire1]

58. My deepest sympathy. n/t

[dixiegrrrrl]

59. I am so very sorry about your loss and grief.

I hope your connection to the Du community will help ease the pain somewhat.

[proud patriot]

60. sending you Strength

Hang in there :hug:

[loudsue]

61. I am so sorry, juajen.

:cry: I can't even imagine the lonliness you must feel. It has to be so very difficult, MOST especially after 46 years.

I will send prayers for your sadness to dissipate, and for comfort to come to your life in ways big and small.

In the meantime, here's a big (((((((HUG)))))))) .

[noiretextatique]

62. my deepest sympathies, juajen

:hug: sending positive thoughts to you.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

63. Prayers, love, and light sent your way. n/t

[Libertas1776]

64. My deepest condolences

to you juajen :grouphug:

[spanone]

65. ...........

:hug:

[Raine]

66. I'm so sorry for your pain

:hug:

[Jack Rabbit]

67. ()

Pebbelz.com

[H2O Man]

69. I'm sorry for your loss.

And am sending prayers and positive vibrations.

It's a hard time, and what you are dealing with is beyond words. But know that you have friends here. And many of us -- certainly including myself -- are here for you, at any time you want someone to talk to.

Your friend,
H2O Man

[juajen]

85. Thanks so much H20 Man. I cherish my DU friends, even if

I've been absent these past few months, as my dear husband's condition grew worse.

Again, thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for your sympathy and love. I so need this consideration now.

[brer cat]

70. What a terrible loss.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

:hug:

[Blue Diadem]

71. *hugs* juajen

Prayers and good thoughts coming your way.

My deepest sympathy on your loss of your dear husband. :hug:

[Skittles]

72. thinking good thoughts for you juajen

just remember, someone at DU is ALWAYS here - so lean on us

[juajen]

87. Thanks so much, Skittles.

[blogslut]

73. I'm so sorry for your loss

You've got to mourn the way that is right for you. There is no best way. I shall keep you in my thoughts.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

78. I'm so sorry for you loss.

:hug:

[PA Democrat]

79. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[LynzM]

81. I'm so sorry to hear that...

Much love and many hugs for you... :hug: :hug: :hug:

[johnnie]

82. You are in my thoughts juajen

I am so sorry to hear this.

[michreject]

83. Please except my condolences for your loss.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

84. My dear juajen...

46 years...That is a long marriage...

My husband and I have been married 44 years, and losing him scares me more than anything else...

I rely on him for so much...

Please take care of yourself...

He will always live in your heart...

You are in my prayers...

:hug:

[juajen]

89. Oh my, calpeg, I have to tell you, it is absolutely terrible, but

I will try to be here for you if it happens. I know I'll survive, but will the survival be worth it?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

90. Thank you, sweetie...

But yes...your survival will be worth it!

Wouldn't he want you to go on, even though he is gone?

He isn't really gone, you know...

And you have gifts to give, still...

:hug:

[Libby2]

86. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[calimary]

88. I'm so sorry to hear this! My condolences. Forty-six years - wow!

That was spoken about at Ted Kennedy's tributes last week - in connection with his meetings with 9/11 families over the loss of their loved ones that day. (I THINK that was it.) And I think it was one of those bereaved dads who was invited to the wake at the Kennedy Library in Boston. And he recalled Ted Kennedy counseling them that the first year is the hardest, and that you never really get over it, but with the passage of time it does get easier to bear. He'd certainly have known. It's only the distance brought about by time. Don't know why but I always find myself envisioning my mom or dad (or recently, word of an ex-boyfriend dying) on a train platform, having just gotten off the train. I'm still on that train with my family and friends and everybody else I know. And gradually our train pulls away from the station and the loved ones who got off on the platform start receding into the distance, sort of fading away while we all proceed down the track without them. The train always moves forward, only stopping to let people off (or allow new ones on), but always resuming on the journey. And I see them fading from view as they drop farther and farther behind the moving train as it rolls away.

I dunno. Just some thoughts. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband and I made it 33 years as of this past April. Forty-six years for you two. Wow. Long time. Treasure every one of those days and all the memories. You have shared a long and enduring relationship - something to be proud of.

[juajen]

91. Thanks, Calimary. I had hoped we would get to our 50th, but it wasn't to be.

He was a very brave man, having been ill since the early eighties. He remained vital and even got a second advanced degree. We all depended on his intellect constantly. Guess now, we will have to use a dictionary. I loved him deeply and always will.

[calimary]

94. Aw damn. Yeah, that would have been quite a milestone. But it sounds as though

you two made every day a milestone!

One hears so much about broken marriages and bad relationships and fleeting encounters and unsatisfying, nonsustaining unions. An enduring love like yours is a rare and precious treasure. Not everybody's so lucky. And you probably had to work at it, too. But that's why it lasted.

:hug:

[dotymed]

314. JUAJEN

My love and jealousy to you. You were so blessed, you still
are, to have had a love, that was real. So many of us, have
been surprised to realize that when things get tough, so do
our relationships. Carry that joy with you and be a beacon.
Please tell people that have not been so lucky what it is like
to have an unconditional love. Get on with your blessed life
and always know how blessed you are. He may not physically be
there, but you have been so enriched that your flame will draw
moths (like me) because what we always thought was a fairy
tale, is true.I have been married twice. I divorced both of
these mates when it became clear that what I materially
provided was more important than the shared love that I wanted
and needed. You are so lucky. When I say "jealous",
that is not accurate. I am so glad that you had that
"itch" scratched, I kind of just wiggled. You never
know what the future holds for a person as blessed as you,
hang around a long time and find out. Thank you and God Bless
you.

[VOX]

92. I'm so very sorry, juajen. 46 years is a long and remarkable partnership...

And I know that it's heartbreaking to have to give up that partnership in the physical world. You've gotten some first-rate suggestions and support upthread, and while I can't add meaningfully to all the good thoughts and words, please know that we here at DU are with you every step of the way, and that you are in our thoughts and prayers every moment.

It will be difficult, with some very dark days, but the passage of time will bring you some peace and healing. You are much loved!

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[juajen]

93. You friends are great! I'm better already just for sharing.

A big hug to all of you.

[Arugula Latte]

95. I'm so very sorry. I send you condolences.

:hug:

[valerief]

96. My sympathies. nt

[Cass]

97. I'm very sorry, juajen.

I lost my husband some years ago after an illness and know how hard this is to go through. PM me if you ever want to talk. Hugs to you.

:hug:

[madmom]

98. .

:hug:

[dysfunctional press]

99. the going will get better...eventually.

it's been my experience that, emotionally speaking- time really does heal ALL wounds.

don't shut people out who want to help- that's what my aunt did, and it only prolonged her pain and loneliness.

i'm sorry for how bad it must feel now- but life goes on, and it's very likely that you could meet someone wonderful to share the rest of your life with, if you let yourself- and i'm sure that your husband would want you to be happy.

grieve for as long as it takes- but don't be afraid to get back to living.

[senseandsensibility]

100. Prayers and positive thoughts are on the way

I am so sorry for your loss. Forty six years is an amazing amount of time to be with the one you love. I know that you know this better than anyone, but your post made me appreciate my marriage anew. I will pray for things to become easier for you, and again, I'm sorry.:hug:

[goclark]

101. Our hearts are filled with sorrow for your loss ~

:cry:

[livetohike]

102. My sympathy to you and your family juajen

:hug: I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope the good memories you have of your life together will comfort you and bring you peace.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

103. My condolences on your loss, juajen.

:hug: :hug:

[lightningandsnow]

104. I'm so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. I'm sending you all the good thoughts I can muster.

[foxfeet]

105. I'm so sorry. I wish you peace and healing .

:hug:

[madrchsod]

106. ask and you shall receive....

take one day at a time...

[pitohui]

107. i am sorry to hear that and hugs

i[ll be thinking of you for sure

[Swamp Rat]

108. .

:hug:

[Batgirl]

109. Condolences for your loss and all my good wishes that you will find peace

After my dad died, my mom, who was his caregiver for the several years he was ill with dementia, was at a loss as to how to proceed without him. Hospice told her of a weekly breakfast for bereaved spouses. After a few months, mom felt ready to give it a try, and it's been a huge help. Their common experience of loss made her quickly feel she was among friends. They plan group outings and laugh and have fun. They call and check on one another. My brothers and I have been there to support mom, but we can't offer the kind of deep understanding of those who've walked her path. Within a few weeks her spirits were visibly brighter.

She still talks about Dad and we often find ourselves laughing and crying at the same time reminiscing. They had a decades-long marriage like yours, and I know that she'll miss him forever. But, she also has found there are reasons to get up in the morning, that life can still hold adventures, that there are a few chapters still to be written.

[juajen]

111. Thanks, Batgirl, and all the rest of you. I'm sorry I put this notice

off. It is helping so very much. I think that I just couldn't write down the words. I'm a great one for burying my head in the sand.

[HarveyDarkey]

110. May you find peace

My heartfelt condolences.

[DearAbby]

112. Life goes on

It's hard to hear that now. Right now it's minute by minute, hour by hour, to take that next breath. But you will. I am so sorry to hear about your loss. So sorry. :hug:

[jaded_old_cynic]

113. My deepest sympathies

I know how hard it is to lose a spouse. I lost my dear husband of 20 years to cancer almost 3 years ago. The pain never really goes away but it lessens with time. After all, this is an event that will effect you the rest of your life.

Friends and family can be a great help, but the only person who can heal you is you. I continue to have my moments as will you. I'm sure that you can find the strength within yourself. Also, if you need someone to talk to who understands where you are.... please don't hesitate to PM me.

Take care.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

114. My deepest condolences.

You have my positive thoughts and sympathy. :hug:

[unapatriciated]

115. Hold your memories close, they will in time bring you joy and laughter

lean on your friends here at DU and always remember how much we care about you.

[DainBramaged]

116. I am so sorry for your loss, and my prayers go with you.

My Mom waited 25 years to be reunited with Dad, and she loved him as much 25 years later as she did the day he died. It only gets easier if your love wanes.

Stay strong.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[tavalon]

117. Shorten your life to hours and eventually to days with goals

This is going to hurt like hell until it hurts just a little less. For some of us who started this losing family members early it sometimes goes fast and yet, if there were unresolved issues, I can get stuck in a grief spiral that can almost hurt worse than the initial loss. Don't block out memories but neither should you dwell. This process usually does get better but it can take a hell of a long time and don't let anyone tell you it's already been long enough. It's your heart that's broken, you get to figure out when it's sufficiently feeling better.

No, these people never leave our hearts but they morph into joyful instead of painful memories eventually.

If you think you might be getting depressed (there is a subtle but pretty important difference between healthy grieving and depression) please see someone asap. It's hard enough to grieve without getting stuck in that stage of depression.

[juajen]

118. This is such good advice. I appreciate it so much. There is

wonderful advice and love throughout this thread. Thank you my dear DU friends.

[tavalon]

124. I am really sorry this has happened in your life

[Hepburn]

283. Yep, that is the way I handled it.

One of the basics I found that helped me ~~ schedule EVERYTHING. You are remaking your life. Set the table with a place mat for dinner and cook yourself a dinner. Do laundry and go grocery shopping with a list ~~ do these tasks on certain days and certain times. Put yourself on autopilot with things to do at specific times. Never sit and eat out of a container in a chair in front of the TV even if you did that when your spouse was alive. Work in the garden, pick up your needle work. I had a spouse who passed after a long illness. The amount of time on your hands now seems endless. Set times to do things ~~ and it can be non-productive things like watching a movie on TV...but skip the sad ones for right now.

This is a new life and you need to work into it. It is not easy, but you will find your own niche and you will survive. And...do NOT go to those grief groups. They seem to wallow in it, hold on to the grief and resent anyone who wants to and who can move on. That is a generalization and I am sure that some are OK, btw.

:hug:

[tavalon]

287. That brings back kind of a funny memory

I'm a recovering codependent and the CoDA meetings were a cornerstone of the earlier part of my recovery but then I started noticing how, well codependently structured they were. So I quit going. I still use stuff I learned there but it was just time to move on......

[Hepburn]

293. Yep....

....some people have to hold on to a problem as the solution. Good for you for moving on!

:hug:

[K8-EEE]

119. I'm so sorry juajen. Hey if you ever need

to start a special "juajen needs somebody to talk to" thread any time....just start one any time and I'll bet you'll get TONS of heartfelt cyber hugs.

[juajen]

121. I'll remember that advice. I'm always wishing I had someone to

talk to at 3am when I cannot find rest with drugs, which I will not take. It will be interesting to see who's up with me. Thanks again, everybody.

[K8-EEE]

187. There will always be someone here for you!

This is really a great group of people who care about each other.

[juajen]

208. Well, ok, I made a mistake.

I meant to say "when I cannot find rest without drugs, which I will not take". Excuse, please.

[Hepburn]

303. Sign on the DU....

...someone is usually on at any hour of the day!

:hug:

[trumad]

120. Sorry for your loss and God Bless...

[Richardo]

122. I'm very sorry for your loss...

I'm sending prayers and positive thoughts your way. :hug:

[LWolf]

123. My thoughts are with you.

:hug:

[MineralMan]

125. You are in my thoughts. I'm so sorry for your loss.

It will get better, but it will always hurt. Be well and at peace when you can.

[Liberal_in_LA]

127. sorry for your loss. This is so sad

:cry:

[SCRUBDASHRUB]

128. Prayers and positive vibes from me to you. Very sorry to hear of your loss.

[mia]

129. I'm so sorry for your loss, juajen.

I hope that fond memories bring you peace and comfort.

[seemunkee]

130. You have my deepest sympathy

You had a long life together that must be filled with wonderful memories.
Peace to you

[defendandprotect]

131. My sympathies to you and your family --

[BanzaiBonnie]

132. My condolences, prayers for the easing of your grief

Take your time, your grief process will have its own timeline.

It gets easier, but that will take time.

[JohnnyLib2]

133. I'm very sorry.

:hug:

[Serge A Storms]

134. I'm very sorry to hear it

positive thoughts your way

[Triana]

135. I'm so sorry!

My condolences to you on your loss!

:loveya:

:hug:

[MasonJar]

136. My sincerest condolences. It does get easier, though not better.

[Window]

137. Please know I will keep you and yours in my prayers. Sincere,

deep condolences for you and your family in your hours of need.

[Highway61]

138. OMG

I am so very sorry.

[Amos Moses]

139. Please accept my condolences.

It was terrible when my dad died. Over time, the memories stopped being so painful. These days, he is still missed but everyone in the family says they are able to focus more on how glad we were to have him while we did. You never get over losing a loved one like that but, with time, it does get easier to go on.

[nc4bo]

140. I am so sorry for your loss juajen.

:hug:

[Hepburn]

141. I have been where you are....

...please check your PMs, OK?

[demwing]

142. I'm so sorry for your great loss.

I just lost a child in January. Please come to the bereavement forum if you would like to talk with others. It might help a little. We are here for you.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topics&forum=323

[City Lights]

143. I'm so sorry, juajen.

:hug:

I wish I could reach out and hug you in person. Please accept my sincere condolences.

Peace to you.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

144. You will never be without him -

he is always with you, always will be with you. He loves you far too much ever to leave you, and if you feel him close to you - I know you do - talk to him. Tell him all the things that are on your mind. He already knows, but he wants to hear it from you.

Life is eternal. Life is immortal. Death is only a horizon. Carly Simon wrote those words, and she is a wise woman.

Your love will never end, and, for now, it's just taken a different form.

People who tell you it will get better are wrong. It will not get better, but you will get used to it. Nothing will ever be the way it was when he was with you, but you will now have a new reality. And that will gradually become OK. You'll have a new kind of OK, but the old OK is gone forever, so don't believe those people. You'll make your own OK in your own time, as you get used to it and you decide what it will be like.

And all of it will be fine, because it will be all yours.

Just be careful. Move slowly. You're very distracted now, so pay attention to everything you're doing, because this is when accidents happen.

Make no big decisions right now, either. You're in no hurry for anything, I hope, so take your time and do it all in the fullness of your own choice.

You are the captain of your ship now, so you can't make any mistakes, because everything you do will be perfect.

But, talk to him. He's waiting to hear from you. He loves you, he'll always love you ......................................

[juajen]

163. Thank you so much. I do feel him with me, and I do talk to him, and,

it is comforting. I moved his recliner into my bedroom, and since I did that, I do sleep better some nights. However, it had better not recline!

[KoKo]

145. juajen, sending you (((postive thoughts))) and wishes for strength

that will get you through this. :hug:

[LuckyLib]

146. My sympathy for your loss., Plan something a few months in the future.

A trip with a friend or family member, a visit to an old friend you haven't seen in a long time. Having something on the horizon to look forward to is really important.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

147. My thoughts and wishes for peace will be with you

Inch by inch it will become more bearable. Little comfort that brings right now, I know. Try to keep in mind that he would want you to force yourself to go through the motions until you can do it more naturally again.

My heart goes out to you at this time. :grouphug:

[countmyvote4real]

148. So sorry for your loss...

Take as much time as you need to mourn. Don't be afraid to lean on willing shoulders. Even those of Mr. Juajen. After 46 years, he will always be with you in your heart to lift you up and carry you on. Peace.

[Liberal In Texas]

149. My deepest sympathies. RIP Mr. J.

[scarletwoman]

150. My sincere condolences. Speaking from experience; you go on, there's nothing else you can do.

I don't know if the ache of the loss ever goes away -- it's been 9 years for me and I still weep several times a week. But, you do go on, because there's nothing else you can do.

:hug:
sw

[Betsy Ross]

151. Deepest sympathies

May you find peace.

[sonias]

152. My condolences to you and your family, jaujen

Take all the time you need to grieve. The loss of a life partner is very hard. You always have him in your heart. Try to keep doing things you enjoy. He would have wanted you to live. There is absolutely nothing wrong with grieving and everyone's time is different.

If you have close family or friends - reach out to them when you need someone to lean on.

:grouphug:


Sonia

[Mika]

153. Projecting much love and positive energy.

I'm very, very sorry for your loss.

It will hurt a little less as time goes by.

You will be OK.

This change is very hard, but you will be OK.

I have been there too. Communicate and socialize as much as possible.

You will be OK.

:hug:

[G_j]

154. loving thoughts

winging your way.

bless your heart

[Irishonly]

155. Both are being sent your way

I hope the memories of your life together will bring comfort. He will always be with you everywhere. Peace to you.

[justinaforjustice]

156. Thank You For Helping Us All See the Goodness.

My thanks to you for having the courage to write about your sad loss. Your letter has opened the floodgates of DU, showing us all how many good, caring people there are here who have not lost the capacity to feel and express empathy for their fellow, suffering human beings. In these dark days of killing and torture, when so much evil is evidenced in some of our leaders, it is heartening to know that there are so many people who know how to love and care for one another. You clearly have many friends here who want to help you get through this terrible loss. You will get through it, however impossible that might seem right now. May peace and aloha go with you.

[maxpower]

157. Peace and positive vibes

Coming your way.


Peace to you

Max

[BrklynLiberal]

158. Time and tears......

So sorry for your loss.

[Canuckistanian]

159. My thoughts are with you

It's brutally hard to lose a loved one after so long a relationship.

Please try to keep a sense of yourself. Concentrate on comforting others. And remember the good times.

So sorry for your loss.

[Festivito]

160. Would he have wanted you to languish, would you, if it were him?

You'd want him to be happy, and rest assured he'd want you to go on with peace and joy. Peace that comes from knowing you love, joy that comes from feeling that love. Oh, it can be obscured with pain of temporal loss, but, you see, love doesn't die and neither should your peace or your joy.

Get up and show the world what it is to love.

[Maru Kitteh]

181. Don't throw that kind of guilt trip on somebody who needs to grieve.

It belittles the gravity of what has happened to tell a grieving widow of a marriage of 46 years essentially to just cheer up and follow it with some Hallmark sentimentality.

Grief - DEEP, intense, even paralyzing grief is a NORMAL after such a deep loss and important part of dealing with this most permanent separation.

[Festivito]

247. I am deeply sorry.

PM

[Maru Kitteh]

307. I need to apologize to you too. You were trying to be kind and helpful.

And I was reacting emotionally out of my own deep fear of losing my husband, and what that would feel like to me. I should have acknowledged your kind intentions, and I should have been less prickly.

I am sorry.

[question everything]

161. My deepest condolences, dear juajen

I don't know if it will get better. I know that the sharp pain could get dull because... this is our defense mechanism that keeps us going.

I hope that you will cherish the memories of your life together, of the happy times, of travels and surprises, of celebrating life together. These memories are yours, hang on to them and keep them alive.

[Solly Mack]

162. My deepest condolences.

Warm and healing vibes coming your way.

[OnyxCollie]

164. I'm sorry.

[AwakeAtLast]

165. My sincere condolences to you and your family

May you find some comfort as the days move forward. Rest, make sure you eat. Reach out to those who say they want to help you even if you don't know how you want them to help. They will figure it out.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[bobbolink]

166. Thank you for sharing your grief with us, and for asking for support.

That shows your strength and depth.

You'll be in my thoughts, and I will wish you peace and strength.

Thank you. :hug:

[man4allcats]

167. My thoughts and prayers are with you, juajen.

I know how hard it is to suffer such a loss. I love this very sensitive and discerning poem from the Irish. I hope it will offer you some degree of comfort and peace as you struggle to regain balance in your life. PM me if you need to talk.


Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there... I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow...
I am the diamond glints on snow...
I am the sunlight on ripened grain...
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you waken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of gentle birds in circling flight...
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry—
I am not there... I did not die...

[juajen]

180. Thank you. I love that poem also, and, I'm irish.

My DU friends, all, thank you for being with me this night and I promise that I will come to you in those moments when I am decimated and need rejuvenation. You are really special people.

[Maru Kitteh]

168. Don't rush yourself and don't feel guilty for grieving as you need to. Trust yourself.

You have my prayers tonight for healing and peace. I am so sorry.

My mom and dad were TOTALLY devoted to each other. We lost dad in 1995. I didn't think she would live as long as she has without him but she is doing well now. There can still be life. Some of it can even be good, someday, just not now.

Don't feel guilty for grieving and don't feel like you're just supposed to be able to "snap out of it." until YOU are ready. Trust yourself.

I would hug you if I could.

[sueh]

169. I am so very sorry, Juajen. Prayers & hugs to you.

:grouphug:

[beac]

170. So, so sorry for your loss.

Bedtime is always the worst. I've found it can be comforting to have something soft to hold onto as you try and go to sleep. Boiron makes a good homeopathic sleep aid called Quietude that is very mild and not addicting.

Wish I had better words, but know that I am shedding a tear and raising my glass to your wonderful 46 years.

:hug:

[juajen]

171. Thank you all so very much. My heart needs this lightening right now.

With all of you posting, I feel so much better. The world will not know of this gentle man's passing, but you are acknowledging him and his passing in such a wonderful way and supporting me as well. My thanks and love to all of you.

[MadMaddie]

172. Positive thoughts and prayers to you dearest Juajen!

:grouphug:

[wovenpaint]

174. My condolences to you and yours

for the loss of your husband. I still feel the loss of my parents and thinking of all the good memories helps for me. I'm sending you healing vibes for peace.

[Melissa G]

175. (((((((juajen)))))))

peace and best wishes during this challenging time.

[DrZeeLit]

176. Send you LOVE. Do be so kind as to come back and share your journey with us from time to time.

We will support and love you.
We will reach out.
But do let us know how you are, where you are in your grief, and what we can do to help.

One important mantra I recall from the only deep grief I have suffered so far is,


HEALTHY PEOPLE GET HELP.


So, if you need help, please ask.


Again... much love to you.

[applegrove]

177. Very sorry for you. Vibes to your family and ***speed to him.

[SeattleGirl]

178. My condolences to you on your loss, juajen

:hug:

[BlooInBloo]

179. Aw jeez. Seems like everyone is dying. I'm sorry. :(((((

[juajen]

185. Yes, it does seem that way.

This week has been pretty unbelievable. Mr. Juajen died on the 15th and Teddy a week later. When my dear one and I got married it was exactly one week after JFK was assassinated. Pretty unbelievable, isn't it. Our lives together started with the death of one brother and ended with the death of another. Life is very strange. My husband and I lived through a lot of history, and in very exciting times, as was our life together.

[BlooInBloo]

197. Sigh. Congratulations on your 46 years together at least. I know you cherish it. :)

[tosh]

182. Ohhh, Juajen - I am so sorry for your loss.

I just can't imagine the weight of the sadness of losing one's life partner. I hope warm and happy memories will soon begin to fill the void that has been made in your life.

:hug:

[Bossy Monkey]

183. All sympathies. Grieve him well, and celebrate him the rest of your life n/t

[Kadie]

184. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[FourScore]

186. So sad.

:cry:

[WildEyedLiberal]

188. I'm so sorry

I don't have any advice, just a big :hug:

[Parker CA]

189. I can offer you a smiling face and super good vibes!! ;) Take care of yourself!!

[Odin2005]

190. OMG, I'm so sorry!

:(

[donheld]

191. I'm so Sorry

[Lugnut]

192. I'm so sorry, juajen.

My sincere condolences to you and your family.

[TwilightGardener]

193. Very sorry--wishing you peace and comfort and healing.

[ellaydubya]

194. My deepest sympathy

I understand loss so I understand a little bit of your pain. I send you positive thoughts and wish you easier days. As our DU family has posted here in your behalf- it is hard and it takes a long time.....but it truly does get a little easier........and for some of us longer than others. Hang in there and know he is with you always----that is true.

[lonestarnot]

195. I'm sorry for your loss.

Sending comfort vibes and huggs. :(

[Withywindle]

196. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

I will hold you in my thoughts.

[bkkyosemite]

198. juajen may you find comfort in knowing that there are many others like yourself going through the

same thing. Knowing that those around you and here care very much for what you are feeling. And no it does not seem possible that this pain will go away. It will always be remembered but will ease with time and the grieving process will get easier. Be easy on yourself. Do little things that make you smile whether it is a surprise visit to a chocolate shop or a visit to the hairdresser for a new style. Give yourself all the time you need to heal. Do something for yourself when you feel up to it. I send you love, kindness, sincerity and postive comfort knowing we are with you in thought.:grouphug:

[webDude]

199. My prayers are with you, Dear. Hang in there.

[Iggo]

200. Wow! 46 years! Good for you guys!

I hope you feel better real soon.:hug:

[juajen]

201. Someone very lovely gave me a doner star.

Must have known that I am on SS and just lost a hunk; my husband, and a share of our SS. I'm sure my bills will be going down now that I am a widow. Crazy, crazy.

Anyway, you all have warmed my heart, and thanks for the star. It means a lot to me that someone thought of me and did that.

[aikoaiko]

202. Positive thoughts to you and yours.

RIP Mr. Juajen.

[mamaleah]

203. Your grief is not something that anyone can put a timer on.

Baruch dayan ha'emet. You will be in my prayers this evening and throughout the week. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. :hug:

No one can tell us it will get better or when, but understand they are trying to comfort you in the best way they know how by saying that. My dear grandmother struggled for years after my grandfather's passing. We all grieve for however long we need to.

[Mnemosyne]

204. May your memories give you comfort. My condolences, juajen.

:hug:

[HCE SuiGeneris]

205. Keep him close to your heart

through fond memories, and take comfort in knowing his love for you is eternal.

I wish you peace.

[zeos3]

206. I'm so sorry for your loss

[vanboggie]

207. So sorry juajen

My mom and dad had been married for 43 years when he passed away, so I can understand your deep loss. It is going to take much time to even begin to heal, but each day will get a little easier, though I know that's an incomprehensible thought right now. My heart goes out to you and I am sending you lots of positive vibes. As time goes on, you will learn to smile again. Try not to make big decisions or (further) life changes for a year or so until you get your sea legs again. Time is your friend. Getting there will be rough, but you will eventually find some normalcy in your life again. You were wise to reach out to DU'ers. We're always here for you if you need a shoulder anytime of day or night. :grouphug:

[juajen]

211. It took me a while to even talk about it on here. I'm so glad I did.

It is such a comfort talking to all of you and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the condolences and love. Hugs to all.

[Booster]

209. My thoughts are with you, juajen.

:hug:

[Hekate]

210. I'm so very sorry for your loss...

:hug:

Hekate

[Vickers]

212. Damn.

:(

Heartbroken hugs to you, friend.

[proteus_lives]

213. My condolences to you and your family.

RIP and Godspeed to your husband. May he know nothing but peace.

[cliffordu]

214. Sorry for your loss......

May time leave you with the sweetness that was your life together as a balm against your most profound loss.....

[OneBlueSky]

215. God bless, juajen . . . in time, only the good memories will survive . . .

and don't forget that you can still talk to him any time you like . . . I often talk with departed loved ones, and once in awhile they even answer me in my dreams . . . I don't know how much of it is real and how much is just my imagination, but I do know that it has helped the healing process immensely on more than one occasion . . .

may your husband rest in peace . . . I'll keep you and him in my thoughts and prayers . . . God bless . . . :hug:

[juajen]

216. I promise, I will talk to him all the time.

Love and hugs to all my DU friends.

[shimmergal]

217. Sending prayers and good thoughts

right now. I'm so sorry..I know you are hurting so right now; just hang in there and things _will_ get better eventually. You shared something precious, being together that long. Don't take it the wrong way when I say I envy you for having that.

[memory]

218. I 'm so sorry

My heart goes out to you Juajen. May the pain you feel be softened by the thoughts and good wishes of the community here and the knowledge that your love lives on. :grouphug:

[flyarm]

219. So sad to hear of your loss Juajen .. I will say a prayer for Mr Juajen

and for you and your family...46 years is a lifetime..and it will take you time ..be kind to yourself..you know he will always be with you.

Sending you love and my kindest thoughts.

fly

[juajen]

229. Hi Fly. We both know how supportive DU can be because

of our Andy. Thank you for your kind words. Hope everything is well with you.

[Iwillnevergiveup]

220. Dear Juajen

Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of your beloved husband. I will never experience 46 years of marriage , so can only imagine what you're going through now. Just know that you are in the hearts and prayers of many, many people who wish you peace and comfort at this difficult time. Please check back soon to let us know how you're doing, okay?

:hug:

[comtec]

221. **HUGZ and comfort**

:grouphug:
I don't know what I'll do when my wife passes...assuming she goes first ;)
To loose that person who has so filled your life...

This has not been a good week for our side at all!

[LeftishBrit]

222. I am so sorry.

All my very best thoughts to you.

[Wetzelbill]

223. My condolences

I am sure we'll all be here to help you as much as possible. :hug:

[juajen]

231. You're so right! Everybody has been wonderful. I am blessed

with my friends on DU.

[Wetzelbill]

238. it's really a wonderful place

Great people here, people you can count on when you need some kindness and somebody in your corner. I know it's not easy, but it's nice to have some support to help you through and people on DU have helped me through a few tough times myself. :)

[democracy1st]

224. R.I.P.

[Vidar]

225. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Undercurrent]

227. My heart goes out to you.

I pray you have the love and support of your friends and family. When my fiance was killed I had very little support. I hope you have a lot.

[juajen]

232. Bless your heart, I am so sorry about your fiance`

I do have wonderful support from friends and family. We have five children and one of them is staying with me night and day. They're hurting too, so, it is hard for me to really open up to them. Thanks so much for your concern.

[barbtries]

228. you have mine

deepest condolences Ms Juajen :hug:

[riverbendviewgal]

230. Hugs and love to you in your sad time

It is not easy to lose a loving husband of 43 years. You will feel the pain each day but know that it will lessen in time. I know because I lost my husband of almost 33 years from cancer. Our son died 18 months before him of cancer.

I am living in the present and now able to look at pictures and smile and laugh at our good times together. I am grateful we did have them.

Reading the DU members responses to your message is so wonderful. There is much love and good advise.

Always go to your friends so that they may help you with a smile, a hug, an outing. It is good to be with loving people in this time.

[juajen]

233. I pray I will not live to lose a child. I don't know how you withstood

this kind of loss. My heart goes out to you. Thanks for your advice. We were married 46 years, but were best friends since the beginning of high school. We used to talk for hours on the telephone late at night and early into the morning. He was madly in love with me even then. It took me a while to catch up, actually, until college. This is one of the reasons I can't sleep. I keep expecting the phone to ring with his hello.

[juajen]

234. I just noticed that my dear hubbie made the greatest page

I'm, of course, crying. Thank you all for wonderful words and recs. This thread is so indicative of the heart of DU, the caring heart that you only see when one of ours is in great pain. Love you all.

Juanita

[Lasher]

239. And I'm sure he was the greatest kind of guy.

I never stop missing loved ones who have gone before. It helps if I focus on how lucky I was to have had them when I did, and not so much on how unlucky I am to be without them now.

A tear and a smile.

Lasher

[Tripmann]

235. My deepest condolences.

[eridani]

236. Oh no! Stay strong

It doesn't ever stop hurting, I think. I'm also at that age where I have to consider the likelihood that either me or DH is going to go first.
:hug:

[Karenina]

237. I'm so very sorry for you loss, dearest Juajen.

Your wish is my sacred command. :hug::loveya::hug:

[Enthusiast]

240. Sorry for your loss, Mrs juajen.

Forwarding prayers.

[GinaMaria]

241. Sending you hugs. So sorry for your loss

[Call Me Wesley]

242. Safe passage to your husaband.

May he be free from suffering. Peace and comfort to you. :hug:

[Vinca]

243. I'm so sorry.

After 46 years it must be difficult beyond belief. :hug:

[gademocrat7]

244. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

[Soylent Brice]

245. my condolences.

[Christa]

246. My love and best wishes

you spent a lifetime together.

:hug:


My deepest condolences.

:grouphug:

[mod mom]

248. So sorry for your loss. Peace to you and yours.

[yellerpup]

249. You are in my thoughts during your period of mourning

may your memories of good times together bring comfort. After forty-six years and taking care of him throughout a lengthy illness, I am sure he would want you to sleep peacefully and wake up with a smile on your face. Peace and love to you, dear juajen. :hug:

[HamdenRice]

250. I'm so, so sorry for your loss nt

[sazemisery]

251. May his words comfort your sorrow

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. ~Kahlil Gibran

[connecticut yankee]

252. I am so sorry to learn of your loss

Please accept my condolences. I hope our love and support will comfort you during this rough period in your life.

[susanr516]

253. Prayers & healing thoughts to you, juajen nt

[Bluenorthwest]

254. Offering my condolences on your loss

Peace to you and your family.

[Surya Gayatri]

255. Sending you thoughts of

comfort and strength. May the Higher Consciousness help you persevere during this period of transition. Console yourself with the certitude that Mr. Juajen is suffering no more and that he'll be waiting for you on the other side. SG
:grouphug:

[peekaloo]

256. Condolences.

:hug:

remember the good times.

[japple]

257. Sending you a blanket of soothing energies. My husband died

suddenly and unexpectedly 5 years ago, and, after 25 years of marriage, I know how lost you feel. The only thing that kept me going during those dark days was the support of family and friends and my guardian angels. Talking about him and remembering the good times we had was so helpful. May you find peace and comfort in your memories, and may the angels hold you aloft.

[Toucano]

258. I am very sorry for your loss.

Best regards.

[rasputin1952]

259. Sincerest condolences upon hearing this news...

:hug:

May you remember only the best of times, those moments that brought you so close and kept the warmth.

It does get easier, but it takes time.

[Jackpine Radical]

260. My heartfelt condolences. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[dugaresa]

261. my sincerest condolences

[FarPoint]

262. You have my deepest condolences to you your family

and friends of the family from the enormous loss and pain you feel today. :hug: :grouphug:

Let us help you walk thru each day, we will grieve together, then make new adventures to fill the empty spaces.

[Demoiselle]

263. All my prayers and sympathy, Juajen.

How wonderful to have 46 years together.

[Greyhound]

264. Our thoughts and hopes to you. n/t

:hug:

[TygrBright]

265. We are here for you, juajen. This is a community.

An online community, but a community nonetheless.

Here to talk, here to share.

There are those here who have experienced your loss and who can listen and share; there are those of us who will be someday where you are now, and who will need your experience and your listening and sharing.

Remember, you only have to get through today. Just the one day, that's all.

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers, too.

respectfully,
Bright

[kpete]

266. juajen

I have been with my husband since 1970.
Of course, we have had our ups and downs, but I KNOW I am lucky to have such a mate!

My heart weeps for you, what a horrible loss.
Take care of yourself and may peace be with you soon, kathy

[FailureToCommunicate]

267. I am so sorry for your loss. The long illness must have been hard.

Prayers for you.

[Brewman_Jax]

268. My condolences

Good thoughts to you from me and the cat.

[Bonhomme Richard]

269. I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

[Beacool]

270. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

It WILL get better, but it does take time. Everyone grieves differently. Some people need solitude and some need to be surrounded with people. I dealt with it (my father's death) by keeping busy. In time the pain was not like an open sore. I don't know if you're a religious person, but my faith also helped. Knowing that dad was probably in a far better place was a great comfort to me. I hope that you have a good support system of family and friends around you.

I wish that I could transport myself over there and give you a big hug.

:hug:

[juajen]

336. I wish you could too, Beacool. Thanks so much. Your understanding

is truly helping. So many lovely people who care about me is uplifting, even while I grieve.

[Beacool]

340. I'm glad that our words are helping you a little.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Take good care of yourself!!!

:pals:

[dgibby]

271. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Sending vibes of peace, love, and healing.:hug:

PS: Whenever you can't sleep, just remember that, while it may be dark of night where you are, the sun never sets on DU. We are here for you 24/7.

[janet118]

272. He was part of you . . .

it will take a while to heal. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

[Milspec]

273. I'm very sorry Juajen

I lost the love of my life 15 years ago, I still have a void in my heart, but family/friends can be very important during this sad time in your life. It will get better.

[SusanaMontana41]

274. My thoughts are with you

and your family, Juajen.

[swilton]

275. Please take care

And know that our thoughts and heartfealt condolences are with you. :grouphug:

[kentuck]

276. Our thoughts are with you.

So sorry to hear about this.

[LibDemAlways]

277. Heartfelt condolences. My

mother is going through the same thing right now. I lost my dad last month. They were married 62 years and I wish I could do something to ease her grief and pain.

I hope that wonderful memories of good times shared, as well as the love of family and friends, will sustain and comfort you. You have many friends here at DU, and we are thinking about you.

[Divine Discontent]

278. I am so very sorry. what wonderful memories you must carry from those 46 years

please remember that so many hear about your time together with him and think, what a lovely life they had!

your heart is breaking unlike what any of us can imagine feeling at this time - I am so sorry for your loss.

I have hurt so much that I thought I couldn't go on, or get up, and slowly, over the weeks and then months, it got better. I remembered why I loved things again... I pray that is what you will have happen.

My prayers and heartfelt condolences for you...

[serbbral]

279. I'm sending a prayer and......................

I am so sorry for your lost.

[progressoid]

280. We're all here for you.

[nyc 4 Biden]

281. Hugs for you...

:pals::pals::pals:

[grace0418]

282. I'm so sorry Juanjen.

:hug:

[SammyWinstonJack]

284. .

:hug:

[MissDeeds]

286. So sorry for your loss

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :grouphug:

[myrna minx]

288. I am so sorry for your loss.

:hug:

[comicus1980]

289. Deepest condolences...

:(

[mecherosegarden]

290. My deepest condolences to you. N/T

[Subdivisions]

291. 'I can't imagine life without him'

Then don't, dear juajen. Fill you heart and mind with your memories of him. Talk to him. Think to him and of him. Need his advice or counsel? Ask him for it and it will come to you. Celebrate him and his contribution to your life.

I've never lost anyone that close to me before. I cannot know your pain. But I can imagine it. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy and, please, take care of yourself.

[juajen]

337. Thank you so much. I will celebrate him. I promise.

It seems as if I've loved him forever, and I thought we had forever. So, maybe if I celebrate him, he will remain with me. Isn't that morbid, and wouldn't people say I should move on. What if I don't want to move on? What if I only ever want to be with him?

[wryter2000]

292. I'm so sorry

:hug: Thinking of you here. Try to stay as busy as you can. Think of ways you can treat yourself. Let friends and family cheer you up as much as possible.

[Swede]

294. Sorry to hear this sad news.

thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[Mad_Dem_X]

295. My deepest condolences.

:hug:

[Sanity Claws]

296. I am so sorry for your loss

46 years -- what a wonderfully long marriage. You were blessed.
I will keep you and your late husband in my prayers.
:hug:

[Rebubula]

297. My prayers....

...and love to you.

There is no way that I could begin to imagine your loss. I am sorry for your pain.

[madmax]

298. Very sorry for your loss.

:hug: It's not the same but, you know DU folks are always here for you. :hug:

[sudopod]

299. *hug*

[woo me with science]

300. My heart to yours. I am so sorry for your loss. nt

[Dinger]

301. My Sincerest And Most Heart Felt Sympathies To You juajen

:grouphug:

[renate]

302. best friends since high school, married 46 years...

... and still so happy and loving together, even though he'd been ill for more than 20 years, which would put a huge strain on a relationship and would make most people pretty cranky--but, apparently, not him. He must have been a truly wonderful guy. It sounds like the two of you were the definition of soul mates.

I am so sorry. A loss like this is like an amputation of one of the main joys of your life, without anesthesia. It will always be a terrible loss, and there will be ups and downs, and sometimes, even on good days, grief will strike you out of the clear blue sky, but it won't be this difficult forever.

[gratefultobelib]

304. What a lovely thread. My sincerest condolences. You are so fortunate

to have had your husband all of those years. May your memories sustain you. O8)

[dalaigh lllama]

305. Our hearts are with you, juajen

:hug:

[ceile]

306. My condolences.

:hug:

[Desertrose]

308. So sorry, juajen.....

:hug: Seems like no matter how much time we have with our loved ones, it is never enough....
So sorry for your loss....it eventually will ease up but it's a rough path right now.

:hug: DR

[slipslidingaway]

309. Positive thoughts and sincere wishes for peace and strength in the

coming months and years.

:hug:

[Th1onein]

310. I am so sorry, Juajen. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

So sorry for your loss.

[texastoast]

311. Bless your heart

Will send prayers your way. It will get better, but it will be a while. May you find peace in the sweet memories.

[emilyg]

312. My condolences.

[virgdem]

313. I'm very sorry for your loss..

my deepest sympathy to you and your family. May the days get easier as time passes.

[Bluerthanblue]

315. i am so sorry ..

you will be in my thoughts and prayers Juajen.

Please Be gentle and patient with yourself ..

:hug:

.....

[goodboy]

316. Sorry for your loss. (nt)

[NEOhiodemocrat]

317. So sorry

I will pray for you both. Hang in there and try to remember all the good times.

[Tikki]

318. Hugs to you....

There is love and warmth and grand memories all around you....

Tikki

[dogday]

319. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am truly sorry this happened to you. Things will get better with time. :hug:

[susanna]

320. I'm so very sorry.

My prayers are with you.

[flakey_foont]

321. sorry for your loss

[JitterbugPerfume]

322. I wish for you

peace and love (((((((hug))))))))

[cal04]

323. I'm so sorry for your loss

my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family
:hug: :hug:

[Lifelong Protester]

324. I send my sympathy on this the anniversary of losing my mom

I am sorry to say it doesn't get better so much as you learn to live with it and cope. I lost my mom to a car accident so there was no good-bye, just a sudden loss. I lost my dad to a lengthy illness. NEITHER way is easier. It takes time to make life bearable after such a loss, but it will become bearable. Surround yourself with folks that will let you cry, let you reminisce, let you just BE without saying anything if that is what you need.

Prayers and hugs to you from me. I am so so sorry for your loss.

[AnarchoFreeThinker]

325. God Bless you. Good thoughts and prayers headed your way.

[WoodyD]

326. {{{{hugs}}}}}

46 years is wonderful, but if it's with the right person, it's also not enough. Bless you, cherish every memory and take each day as it comes.

[TheKentuckian]

327. All my prayers and positive vibes

[glinda]

328. I am sorry very much for your loss.

[Joe Chi Minh]

329. May God give you strength and encouragement, Mrs juajen. I'm on board for what it's worth.

[elehhhhna]

330. Honey,

One day, one minute at a time. Slowly. Take your time and don't fight your feelings. Let it all flow through you.

Put your hand over your heart. You know he's there.

[lala_rawraw]

331. i am so sorry for your loss

my prayers are with you and your family.

[bvar22]

332. You have my heart ....

....my South Louisiana Kajan sister.
I'll grieve with you today.

[juajen]

338. Thanks. I need all the help I can get.

[williesgirl]

333. My heart goes out to you. I lost my Bud 9 years ago and it's as raw as if it were yesterday. PM if

you'd like to talk. rec'd

[lupinella]

334. Lots of love.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

335. My deepest, sincerest and most heartfelt thoughts, prayers, sympathies and condolences

to you and your family. I'm so, so very sorry:hug: :hug:

Wishing you peace, comfort, strength and positive vibes:hug: :grouphug:

[juajen]

339. Hi, to all of you

I stayed up all night crying and reading posts on this thread. I finally fell asleep around 6am and slept until noon.

I awakened with the idea that I should pay attention to so many who said get out of the house, do something special, etc. So, when my daughter called and said "Let's get you out of the house, Mama", that's exactly what I did.

It was a beautiful day in So. Louisiana, as only people who have lived here would understand. The sun was shining, and it was no more than 80 degrees with very low humidity, and a gentle breeze was delicious. The birds were singing and everything was beautiful.

I felt my husband's presence everywhere, and he stayed with me as my daughter, my 5-month old grandson and I went to do lunch. What fun and a what a wonderful day remembering the life of this remarkable man.

I am still crying, for everything reminds me of him. I hope he had fun today, because I had him with me every step of the way.

Bless all of you wonderful people who are shoring me up as I am forced to live a different life. I will never forget the help you all have given me.

Love and hugs,

Juanita

[bkkyosemite]

341. Love and hugs back and good for you...now do some more of that getting out...

:hug:

[WillowTree]

342. I'm so sorry, juajen.