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A lot of us like to pretend that we're unaffected by such things. "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." and all that shit. But the fact is that we all know how to use language to inflict pain. The best of us do our best to avoid doing so. When I was younger I had male friends who liked to play the insult game with one another. I never played. Not because I wasn't any good at it, but because I was TOO good at it. It stops being a game if someone zeroes in on whatever hurts a person the most. After the first couple times they managed to needle me enough to get me to engage, they stopped doing it.
Suited me just fine. I always thought it was a stupid game anyway.
As an odd, solitary, diminutive bookworm of a kid, I often found myself the butt of insults I didn't even understand. In grade school I couldn't figure out why someone attempted to insult me by calling me a "faerie." I did find it interesting how angry said person became when I called him a "warlock" in response.
As you might imagine, I got beat up a lot. Eventually I learned to keep my mouth shut and NOT say the first thing that came to mind. Hence my disinterest in playing the teenage insult game.
My dad's favorite thing to call me was "stupid." To this day it's the one insult guaranteed to rile me. I've proved him wrong so many times I've lost count. And I will never, ever, allow him to say that to either one of my boys. He never really developed a filter between his brain and his mouth, and he fell victim entirely too easily to his own anger. And it never helped that somewhere along the line he picked up some nonsense about avoiding positive reinforcement so as to not cause a "swelled head." He's never really understood the benefit of positive reinforcement.
:shrug:
So I learned very early how badly words can hurt, and have done my level best not to use them as a weapon against other people. The only time I have slipped in recent memory has been here, on DU. Oh, I'll insult third parties (like Republicans and Democratic sell-souls) without a twinge of guilt. What am I to them, or they to me? Even if it were to somehow reach them, it's either going to be rejected out-of-hand, or give the person pause long enough to think "why would this person say that about me?" Most likely the former.
I do, however, completely reject the use of certain words. Won't use 'em. Why? Well, let's get into that for a second.
Mostly, it's because I think they're too damn random. One might use them intending to hurt one person, the chosen target, but instead end up cutting a bloody swath through a specific group of innocent bystanders.
"Slut." As someone once put it, "it's a word designating a woman who will sleep with anyone except ME." Basically, sour grapes. Given the fact that I believe every woman has the right of ownership to her own body, and to the sexual responses of said body, I don't believe anyone has a right to use such a term to denigrate them. If one holds a double standard with regards to the sexual behavior of men and women in this regard, I have very little use for him or her. I don't believe in "sluts."
"Gay." (As a euphemism for 'stupid.') This summer it took about two days during visitation this summer for my kids to get the idea that I didn't like it. And why. Used in my house, or in my presence, it better mean either "happy," or "homosexual." And not as an insult. They really didn't mean it as an insult to gay people. It's just something the kids say. Well, not my kids. Not around me.
"Woo."
I have never, ever, heard this term used IRL. Maybe it's the company I keep. People who aren't pretentious assholes. I'm agnostic. I don't pretend to have all the answers, but I resent the shit out of anyone who acts like they do. This word is a direct insult to my wife and several of my closest friends. Many, many pagans and new agers are liberals. They also tend to be at least moderately active, politically speaking. Let's try to avoid pissing off our allies, shall we?
"Breeder."
One word. Idiocracy. I'm not sure I'm willing to surrender the planet (or at least this country) to the RW loons currently breeding like rabbits. I'm lucky enough to have at least one kid (a teenager no less) who thinks I might just know what I'm talking about. That might just fulfill the requirements to be considered a miracle. (j/k--I don't believe in miracles). I'm not sure what I've done to be worthy of that honor, but I'll damn sure attempt to live up to it.
Then, of course, there are all those cultural and ethnic slurs with which most of us are familiar. I don't use them. I don't tolerate them in my house, nor ignore them if they're used in my presence.
I know some people dislike the word "bitch," and while I never use it myself, I do know that some women claim it proudly. If I'm going to use a slovenly, unimaginative insult, I'll use the gender neutral term, "asshole." I like to be an equal opportunity offender.
Words do hurt. We can use them like a finely tuned sniper rifle or like a shotgun. If we have a specific target in mind, maybe we should make sure to avoid collateral damage whenever possible.
:evilgrin:
This is, of course, just a suggestion.
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