50% of Americans think women should be forced to take husbands' last names

[ccharles000]

Newly minted brides should do more than vow to love their hubbies for a lifetime, say the majority of Americans. Some 70 percent of the respondents in a new study feel they should also take their spouse’s surname - and 50 percent say that it should be a legal requirement for a woman to take her spouse’s last name.

The study, presented Tuesday at the American Sociological Association’s annual meeting, was done by the Center for Survey Research at Indiana University, as reported by USA Today.

Some 815 people were asked multiple choice and open-ended questions about a variety of family and gender issues. On the issue of marital name change, the majority of respondents weighed in with a fairly conservative answer, says Laura Hamilton, Indiana University associate professor and lead study author.

“The results were surprisingly conservative,” she says. “Even though there is a general movement toward neutral language, like saying chairperson instead of chairwoman, people seemed to feel it was better for a woman to change her last name to her husband’s.”

She said that the fact that half of American thought this should be a legal requirement was also surprising.

http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/2009/08/12/2009-08-12_70_percent_of_americans_.html

[marmar]

1. Yikes.

:scared:

That's a little unsettling.

[AzNick]

My wife never changed he name legally

She uses my last name for social reasons but she never made the switch at Social Security.

And you know what? I don't give a damn.

[BlooInBloo]

2. Wonder what the gender breakdown on the question was.

[Name removed]

3. Deleted message

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[Name removed]

80. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[anneboleyn]

158. Hoosiers went blue in November. The Hoosier state is changing, significantly.

The fact that Indiana -- of all the states that went "new blue" in November -- went for Obama signals a huge shift in the state's fundamentals. This is a state that hasn't gone blue since Lyndon Johnson.

[proteus_lives]

159. Exactly.

Our state has a conservative base but we're shifting. I love my home state and I'm proud we slugged it out for Obama.

Plus I hate state-hate/bias. It's so high-school.

[PSzymeczek]

95. A lot of Indiana is super-religious.

Amish and Mennonite.

[Kalyke]

229. How do you call an Amish person on the phone to poll them?

;)

[PVnRT]

177. The study was conducted by someone at IU, not conducted only on Hoosiers

Now who's stupid?

[ejpoeta]

4. why not make women hand over any assets as well. geesh.

[dustbunnie]

5. 50% of American women are obviously pathetic then. n/t

[FLAprogressive]

9. it wasn't necessarily 50% of women...could have been 75% of men and 25% of women

which averaged out to 50% of all respondents.

[dustbunnie]

18. You're right. It was knee-jerk and there was no gender split.

But there was also info indicating that only 5-10% of women actually do go ahead and keep their names, so it's probably a pretty widespread way of thinking among both genders.

[Mari333]

6. wtf

[Betty]

7. I find this hard to believe

I could see maybe that 25% of morons who still think bush was a great "president". But how can half of the country still be living in the 1950's?

[HopeHoops]

14. Shit, they think he WAS the president - isn't that bad enough?

He wasn't elected either time and Cheney ran the fucking show anyway. All Bush did was get drunk and go on vacation.

[BolivarianHero]

8. So?

A plurality of Americans, sadly, hold the Saud Family in higher esteem than Hugo Chavez.

I guess it's because they wish they lived in Saudi America.

[TheKentuckian]

121. I'm not Hugo's biggest fan but that is nuts (though far from a big detractor either)

The House of Saud is probably our greatest external real enemy. Not just an enemy to America but of every principle that Western Civilization is based on.

[BolivarianHero]

184. They are enemies to the classical liberal values of the American revolution...

and to the progressive values of the American left, but they are not enemies of the interests of America's elites.

[Quantess]

10. I wonder if they had included the scenario of marrying into unfortunate last names

whether the results would be any different?

[pipi_k]

23. I say we go one better...

and force any women who said it should be a law that women must take their husbands' names to marry men whose last names are, er...unfortunate

like...

Cocksuckersmith

von Asswipe

McHorseshit

Douchebagowitz


etc.

I bet they'd change their tunes pretty quickly then :+

[reflection]

11. I'd like to see that survey.

I'm waiting in line and reading DU from my BB, so I can't get to it (if it is at that link in the OP). But I have a tough time believing that 50% of people are that narrow-minded.

[Ian David]

12. Also, 60% believe in a mandatory Fellatio Friday rule. n/t

[montanto]

252. Thats mostly a different 60% though.

[Arkana]

13. My mother didn't--so fuck them.

[Maru Kitteh]

113. Neither did my great-great-grandmother - in Nebraska - in the late 1800's

talk about guts.

[TuxedoKat]

210. Indeed! She was way ahead of her time.

Do you know the story behind her reasons? Did she get alot of grief and annoying questions
because of her decision?

TK
(also from NE and never changed my name either)

[Maru Kitteh]

225. She loved the man, she simply didn't like his name. Even her grave stone carries her own name

They were buried as Mr. John Brown and Mrs. Jane Mrs. Jane Black, his wife.

She simply had a very strong spirit. I can't imagine the grief she took for it, but she got her way, even to the end.

[polichick]

15. Plus, they have to wear corsets when leaving the house. nt

[jberryhill]

87. ...and only corsets /nt

[LiberalFighter]

16. What were the religious backgrounds of the respondents?

[PM Martin]

17. WTF?

That is all.

[a la izquierda]

19. I took my husband's last name...

but it was more a tribute to my mom. My Dad, who I love, was a jackass.
My husband didn't care what I did-he was just happy we were getting married. And I'm an academic, so he knew it could go either way.

[jberryhill]

88. You should give it back to him, he might need it for something... /nt

[a la izquierda]

182. yeah, people get confused since Tim is a...

common first name. going through the rest of his life without his last name should be complicated. ;)

[eridani]

176. True of a lot of women who didn't get along with their fathers

I got along great with mine, and didn't want to change. I caught some crap for not changing my name in 1970. Still together 40 years next February.

[stubtoe]

20. When I got married I kept my last name. My mother and mo-in-law were scandalized.

The men, not so much. Kinda weird how that went.

[Kaleva]

39. My wife asked me not to smoke inside so I don't.

Some of her older female relatives thought that was a terrible thing. That I, the man of the house, had to go outside to smoke.

[etherealtruth]

43. Oddly, that is the same reaction I received

Even more bizarre .... many of these same women insist on addressing things to me as Mrs. X. I am divorced. If I didn't use the ex'es last name while married, why in the world would I use it now?

[stubtoe]

46. Your only response is to keep trying to train them, although

they're probably set in their ways. Even some of my own contemporaries (we've been married 27 years) still have trouble trying to address a letter to both of us without using that "Mrs.".

[etherealtruth]

60. I have just about accepted that they are un-educable

The people I am referring to are in their 30's, 40's and 50's ... its not as if I am trying to force octogenarians to accept a foreign concept .... jeesh

[Kaleva]

51. Wife's surviving grandmother addresses her as Mrs. (my name)

in all correspondence she sends. It bugs my wife a bit that her grandmother does that so as a joke, I kept one such envelope in a dresser drawer. It stayed there till one day, when Mrs.(my name) was so upset with me, she took the envelope out of the drawer and burned it.

[etherealtruth]

58. I am not at all upset when "the schools" address me as Mrs. X

.... or anyone associated primarily with my children do. I never corrected anyone (prior to divorce) that had a "personal" relationship with me or my then spouse .... but in business or family ... for cryin' outloud

[madeline_con]

97. Same here, and my brother still asks me what name I go by.

:eyes:

[depakid]

21. Just on a cross cultural note:

Australians frequently refer to their spouses as "their partners" -and this is how it's commonly reported in the press.

Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd's partner's name is Therese Rein (and is a highly successful businessperson in her own right).

[GodlyDemocrat]

22. Bill Clinton in part lost the 1980 Arkansas Governor's race because his wife was Hillary Rodham and

not Hillary Clinton. She was forced to change her name for the 1982 election.

[Lilith Velkor]

24. As opposed to keeping their fathers' names, like "liberated" women do when they marry?

Hmph.

This is America, you can legally call yourself any goddamn name you like, even if you're female. Don't like it? Tough shit.

[csziggy]

90. Yes, exactly. People can use any name they want as long as it is not for illegal reasons

When I got married I kept the name I had always used, my father's surname, because it was what I was used to. If I had cared more about making my own mark in the world, I might have made up a surname and both my husband and I could have changed our names. I've known people who have done that.

Or use the old Norse method - men are named for their father and women for their mother, based on the given names, not what we call a surname. Sven names his son Igor Svenson; Inga names her daughter Ilsa Ingadottir. I may not have the forms exactly correct, but you get the idea. Of course that can give genealogists fits!

The time I think it might be important in our culture for the parents to have the same last name is when there are children involved. Sometimes it can be confusing. But then, my sister did not change her name and her kids turned out OK. They all took their father's name, I don't know if there was any discussion about doing something different.

[Luminous Animal]

144. Yes. I will keep my father's last name and I am a liberated woman.

And my daughter has my last name even though her father and I are married. She is now a woman who has the last name of her mother. You have to start somewhere.

This is America, a woman should not be compelled (as the article suggests - if you had bothered to read it)to take on her husband's last name.

[brendan120678]

183. I had a friend who was furious when...

his ex-wife tried to give their child (born shortly after they separated) her last name instead of his last name.

[Lilith Velkor]

195. If you had bothered to read my fucking post, you would see that you agree with me.

And being liberated ain't got shit to do with keeping your daddy's name. If you want to dispute that, go right the fuck ahead.

[Gormy Cuss]

197. It's not my father's name. It's my name, the one that appears on my birth certificate.

It's not that hard a concept to understand.

I have male friends who have their mother's surnames not their father's. Should they change the surname just so all men have their father's names, or is the fact that their mother's surname came from a man (whether that be her father or an ex-husband)good enough? I've never heard anyone suggest that, so apparently men get to wear whatever surname they have, regardless of whether it's their legitimate name and no one cares. What about immigrants from cultures where matriarchal surnames are used? Should they be persuaded to change to their father's names in order to conform to American norms?

No, of course not.It's only women who are taken to task this way.

As for legally calling ourselves what we want, we are free to do so as long as we're willing to put up with a lifetime of comments and criticism from people who are threatened by it. I've never told a married woman that she shouldn't have taken her husband's name, even when she's divorcing, yet all sorts of people feel it's their duty to tell me that it would be easier for everyone if I took my husband's name. Yeah, it would be so much easier if none of my childhood friends or extended family knew my name, never mind all of the professional colleagues from past jobs. :eyes:


eta: and yes it does have EVERYTHING to do with being a liberated woman, as this survey and other studies demonstrate. There is no rational basis for sustaining the model that assumes women will change their legal name at marriage. None.

[Lilith Velkor]

204. Ever hear of Jonathan Leibowitz?

That's the name that appeared on his birth certificate, but his legal name is Jon Stewart. He had it changed, just like every adult has the right to do.

There are also cultures where it is understood that the childhood name is temporary until the child comes of age and chooses a name. That way makes more sense to me.

America is full of small-minded assholes who try to tell people (especially women) what to do. They should be made as miserable as possible until they either mellow out or die.

[Gormy Cuss]

212. We don't live in such a culture.

In our culture there is still a presumption that women rent their surnames but men own theirs.

We live in a culture where some men do change their names, often to lessen the foreignness of their names and that includes the foreignness of having a name associated with a minority religious group like Judaism.

You're right that we'd be a better country if the small-minded weren't so preoccupied with telling other people what to do, but that's one of the reasons the presumptive surname change for women--and women only --rankles some of us. It's not a free choice yet. For far too many people a woman keeping her own name is still considered as a slam on men rather than exercising the right to determine her own name.

[Lilith Velkor]

228. "It's not a free choice yet."

Actually, yes it is. Anyone can legally change their name.

It's also a free choice to be a dick about the fact that others have a free choice - but it's not legally binding, so who cares?

[eppur_se_muova]

25. What, gotta mark their property?

Isn't it enough that they walk four paces behind?

[whoneedstickets]

26. I'm outraged! They should be able to keep thier FATHER's name!

or their mother's name (aka their GRANDFATHER's name)...ok scratch that, they could go with their grandmother .... no that's just their great grandfather's name...


ah, forget it...there's no escape from this patrilinial descent system .... Let's just call them all "Evesdaughter" or something.

[Luminous Animal]

162. I have my father's name...

and my daughter has my name.

Now she has her mother's name and she is really proud of that. Though her dad's dad was horrified. Most of her friend's moms retained their "maiden" name but she is the only one who bears her mother's last name. Same with my sister. She kept her last name but all of her children have her husband's last name.

My daughter and I are breaking the mold. She swears that all of her children will have OUR last name.

[Strong Atheist]

27. :

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=389&topic_id=6186844#6188501

[MrSlayer]

28. Forced? That's ridiculous.

It is traditional but I don't think it should be mandatory.

[csziggy]

91. It used to be so assumed that it was defacto the law.

Those of us who got married in the 70s or earlier know what a pain it was to buck the tide.

[Crunchy Frog]

29. And most of them also want the government to stay out of people's lives.

:crazy:

[lukasahero]

30. 50% of Americans can bite me. eom

[Captain Hilts]

31. CLARIFICATION: 70% think they should. 50% say it should be The Law!

[kwolf68]

32. Laughable

My wife took my last name, but it was entirely her decision. Had she wanted to keep her maiden name I would not have cared. Her life, her choice.

Why can't we let women make their own decisions?

[sweetpotato]

33. Good question

Why can't we let women make their own decisions?

Because you wouldn't trust your lawn mower to do your tax returns. Possessions don't make independent decisions - don't you get it? :sarcasm:

[seaglass]

34. Doesn't surprise me a bit. Maybe I hang with the wrong women

but the vast majority of women I know either changed to their husband's name or hyphenate.

Funny how so many agree women should have the choice to keep their own name but so few women choose to do so.

[Kaleva]

36. I don't know any women who took their mother's maiden name

Regardless, the three choices women usually choose from is to keep their father's name, accept their husbands name or hyphenate the two.

On second thought, I know of a few women who were born to a single mother who had kept her name but all who have married so far have taken their husband's name.

[REP]

114. Hi. I took my mother's maiden name and my grandmother's maiden name; my parents were married

I'm married, and I still have the same hyphenated last name, which does not include my husband's name.

[quiller4]

262. My foster daughter legally changed her name making her

mother's maiden name her legal last name.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

35. I wouldn't

marry a woman that would not take my last name (she obviously has no respect for tradition). This is not something I talk about, but I think my girl knows how I feel on this subject. It is kind of a moot point, because she loves my last name and always mentions how she wants to be "mrs _____".

I don't think that it should be a law, but just like she has a choice not to take my name, I have a choice not to marry her.

I'm putting my flame suit on now!

[Kaleva]

37. It was the only request I made of my wife before we married.

That she take my name.

[Maru Kitteh]

118. You asked your wife to abandon her identity as a condition of marriage?

Ick. How .......... base, insecure, primitive.....

[LeftyMom]

38. Thank you for letting any woman with a brain or some dignity know to stay clear of you.

:eyes:

[Xithras]

42. I wouldn't be so hard on him.

We all have the right to set whatever expectations we want when it comes to potential mates. He'll either find someone with the same beliefs and expectations he has (in which case those beliefs harm nobody, even if you personally disagree with them), or he'll be single his entire life (harming only himself). The one thing we should all have control over, and which society gets no say in, is our choice of a mate.

If the guy is a traditionalist, it makes sense that he'd only want to marry another traditionalist. Doing otherwise would just be inviting divorce.

[Lorien]

125. "Traditionalist" otherwise known as "Misogynist"

amazing how much of this bullshit is accepted around here.

[LeftyMom]

127. Seriously.

What year was it again? I thought this crap went out of style before I was even born.

[Lorien]

136. It did, and the GOP brought it back. All thanks to Reagan and the death of

the Fairness Doctrine.

[redqueen]

254. You thought SO wrong.

This is going to be the very last type of bigotry to die.

[Edweird]

50. So, every woman that has changed her name is brainless and lacks diginity?

Seriously?

[LeftyMom]

54. Of course not. But marrying a man who insists on it lacks brains and dignity.

Marriage is a partnership. If a guy is laying down "do what I say or no deal" ultimatums like that before the ink is even dry, he's almost certainly going to escalate to even more controlling douchebaggery later on and really doesn't deserve the companionship of any woman but Rosie Palm.

[Edweird]

63. If the guy 'has to insist on it' then he is with the wrong girl.

If they don't share the same views about their relationship then I suspect it is doomed.
People have widely varying wants and needs from relationships. That doesn't make any of them necessarily 'bad' or 'wrong', just different.

[kath]

193. "with the wrong girl" -- shouldn't he be marrying a WOMAN, not a girl??????

Is this a boy we're talking about, or a man?


Jeebus H. Christ on a trailer hitch, I get so sick of this shit... :banghead:

[Edweird]

226. You couldn't find anything else to be 'outraged' about, so you went with that?

Seriously?

[Brooklyns_Finest]

273. Insecurity

And they say it us who are insecure. Sometimes I call my woman my girl, woman, lady, what have you. It has nothing to do about demeaning or reducing her in any way.

[madeline_con]

101. And dissed her again! Maybe she thought it was o.k. Damn!

[madeline_con]

99. Wow, you just dissed his wife. Way to go. NOT. n/t

[LeftyMom]

117. No, he disrespected her by not offering her a choice about her own fucking name.

She can change her name to Mrs. Aloysius Snuffleupagus for all I care, I have zero problem with changing one's name if that's what on wants to do. I just think he's being a spectacular douche for attempting to control her by even threatening to lay down an ultimatum about something as personal as her name. And if she puts up with that she's going to have to deal with worse later. Men don't exactly have a track record for getting *less* controlling after the ring goes on...

That said, at least he's letting his neanderthal flag fly now, instead of being one of those guys who's totally for relationship equality until the marriage certificate is filed, and then turns into a controlling nutsack. I've run into enough of those IRL that somebody who at least gives off plenty of warning signs of impending douchebaggery to his bride-to-be genuinely seems refreshing. At least Miss Doormat knows exactly what she's in for as the future Mrs. Joe Patriarchy.

[latebloomer]

40. So a "tradition"

is more important than marrying the woman you supposedly love?

:eyes:

[Kaleva]

47. His current girlfriend seems agree to accept his name

[latebloomer]

52. Yes, that's what he said

But the question remains- why, if she said no, would that be a deal-killer?

Would it be for you? Why or why not?

[Kaleva]

64. Never was an issue but doubt it would have been a deal breaker

I suspect she would have gotten alot of grief from the older women on her side of the family though had she wanted to keep her name even though it was her first husband's name who had died.

[latebloomer]

70. That would be a bit strange, had she kept his name

but, whatever.

I knew a woman who was divorced and remarried but kept her first husband's name because she'd used it professionally for many years.

I took my husband's name and use mine as a middle name. He had a preference that I take it, but would never have insisted.

Sometimes I'm sorry I didn't keep my name- the three names are too long and unwieldy. Plus my name was my identity, and I like my maiden name better than his.

[Maru Kitteh]

122. It's never too late! Changing your name is a simple matter really.

Bumpkiss to what anyone else thinks!

[latebloomer]

214. Not for me

It would actually be way more complicated than when I first changed it. Not only would there be the normal stuff like SS, IRS and driver's license, but I am licensed in my profession and have a whole bunch of other organizations connected to my job that would absolutely have to be informed.

Not worth it.

[newspeak]

211. Especially today, with added security measurements

it is much more convenient to keep your last name. I mean, when you marry who has to spend the time having the correct documents and wait in line to change your name at the driver's license office and at social security? Everything you have, credit cards, DL, SS, etc... must have a name change.

[girl gone mad]

45. That seems like an arbitrary condition.

I'd never let societal nonsense like that stand in the way of love or friendship and I would probably never marry a man who gave me an ultimatum such as yours because that's a sign that there are some underlying control issues.

I'm about to switch to my maternal grandfather's surname because I like it and I loved him. No one in my life gives a shit one way or the other, thankfully. Personal freedom is a beautiful thing.

[Edweird]

61. I wouldn't either.

Not so much for the 'tradition' aspect, but because I don't do things in half measures. It's all or nothing. Either we are a union, or we are not. Same name, joint bank accounts, no secrets - the whole nine yards. My first wedding band was a tattoo. That's how I roll.

To any feminist types that would like to tell me how you 'wouldn't put up with that', well don't worry, you aren't even in the running. There are plenty of women out there that DO want that type of symbolism in their marriage(and it doesn't make them sniveling brainless twits with no self esteem or dignity). Much like you wouldn't be the slightest bit interested in me.

[SweetieD]

67. Good then I suppose you were ok with taking your wifes name?

Since you were not so much for tradition.

[Edweird]

68. Actually, I considered it, and brought it up. She was VERY against it.

I was open to it.

[lukasahero]

73. "To any feminist types...don't worry, you aren't even in the running."

Thanks for clearing up where you stand on feminism.

[Hello_Kitty]

86. Seriously!

Amazing that this attitude toward women's equality is tolerated on DU. Similar comments about gays or minorities would get you tombstoned.

[Odin2005]

107. Well, like I always say, there are DUers that think date rape is OK...

...so this stuff doesn't surprise me.

[Edweird]

170. Really? Marriage clearly means different things to different people.

You are unwilling to accept that other people may want something different than you.

You think I should get tombstoned for that?

[Hello_Kitty]

201. Yeah, because that's all you said.

:eyes:

[Name removed]

126. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

128. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Lorien]

135. True, very true. The nastiness toward our GLBT brothers and sisters that

is being tolerated here is also disgusting in the extreme. I hate it that we all must fight for equality on DEMOCRATIC UNDERGROUND as well as everywhere else in the Nation.

[Maru Kitteh]

131. Remind me how many admins are women again?

Oh that's right. NONE.

[flvegan]

134. I'm going on record as saying that's not appropriate.

I've personally experienced DU Admin's lack of gender bias in the past.

[Maru Kitteh]

137. I'm gong on the record as saying I love your posts but you cannot understand what women go through,

even here.

Why DO you think Justices O'Connor and Ginsberg thought it was SO IMPORTANT to have women on the court?

[flvegan]

139. I agree with you completely.

In absolution. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever understand even in the least what women go through. As a straight, white, young, blond haired/blue eyed male I will never understand HALF of the shit most of my friends will ever go through. Ever. And I'd never suggest that I did/would.

I was just pointing out that I don't think that Skinner, EarlG nor Elad have any gender based bias, and I believe that because of personal reasons. Honestly, that's as far as my opinion goes.

[Maru Kitteh]

142. It is one thing to imply a gender bias. I did not. I did not explain my post fully

but you cannot accuse me of implying a gender bias either.

I do say that it is probable that they are not as sensitive and attuned to the daily onslaught of ugliness and discrimination that women are subjected to every damn day of their lives, everywhere they go, every time they turn on a television, pick up a magazine, engage in normal social chatter, read the news, interact with their own family members, and when they log on to DU.

I have learned and accomplished women on my side including Justice Sonia Sotomayorand the two female SCOTUS justices before her.

[flvegan]

143. I don't think I "accused" you.

I was simply expressing my personal experience. I think I even justified my inability to equate myself with the issue, considering.

[Maru Kitteh]

148. On second edit: I think you did indeed accuse me

My original post at this place:

I don't know what your personal gender experience has been here FLV, but I think I explained myself adequately.

Poor treatment of the female worth, person, body, and identity is acceptable as almost no other prejudice is. Even here.

Edit for typo and omission.


Follow up to your assertion that you did not accuse me:

"I'm going on record as saying that's not appropriate. I've personally experienced DU Admin's lack of gender bias in the past."

So you did accuse me of making a post you felt not "appropriate" and your justification for that assessment was some undefined "lack of gender bias" experience of yours.

[Name removed]

151. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Name removed]

155. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Hello_Kitty]

233. The recent case about the girl being strip searched in school proved that

The male justices were making locker room jokes about it and Ginsberg was like WTF?

[Name removed]

138. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[flvegan]

141. I do.

Considering what's happened since then, there, I won't comment further. Let a vapid wasteland of stupid be just that. Seriously. Who fucking cares? I refuse to take shitty, biased ********** seriously.

*buuuuurp* Sorry, but that's what passes for something there.

[Maru Kitteh]

145. LeftyMom is right. It is easier for men to say "Who fucking cares"

And please believe me when I say that is NOT a condemnation. I KNOW you care. But it is easier for you to dismiss.

[flvegan]

147. Oh, dear.

I don't know where exactly to begin.

[Maru Kitteh]

156. Well then, PM me, I promise I will read it.

[Edweird]

171. That's right. How DARE I think something different?

I mean, a woman changing her name? The horror.

If it's mutual and consensual, it's ok.

[Luminous Animal]

173. There's nothing like consensual than I won't marry you

if you don't agree with me.

Oh. Stop. I get it.

You would never marry a "girl" who wouldn't agree to change her name. The notion of "consensual" thus becomes a moot point. You've dictated the terms and found the "girl" willing to agree!

[Edweird]

218. Everybody has a list of criteria. Even you.

If it's mutual and consensual, who the fuck are you to judge?

[Edweird]

272. While we're at it, I also wouldn't marry someone that smokes, hates animals, hates the outdoors,

is inactive, does drugs, is judgmental or is any kind of evangelical or fundamentalist xtian.
Deal with it.

[Edweird]

232. While looking for something to be offended about, you missed the point entirely.

[Liquorice]

85. I think you are a sexist. nt

[Edweird]

169. I don't care what you think.

[Liquorice]

263. Society hasn't progressed to the point where sexists are ashamed of their bigotry. nt

[Edweird]

269. Education hasn't kept up with technology and people without reading comprehension

skills post on the internet.

[Maru Kitteh]

129. "Feminist types" ????? Nice post Rush Limbaugh. Jezuz fucking Christ.

Would this be tolerated if you had said....

Homo-types?

Jew-types?

Ghetto-types?

Barrio-types?

Cripple-types?

[Edweird]

166. So 'feminist' is a pejorative to you?

[Gormy Cuss]

202. Apparently it's a pejorative to you based on your earlier post.

or at least "feminist types" is. If your wife is part of an equal partnership with you she is living a feminist lifestyle.

[Edweird]

217. Nope. Some here seem to be a little 'over the top' and looking for things to be offended about.

They always seem to be on the attack.

I wouldn't marry a woman that wouldn't change her name. Willingly. Without coercion. Hell, I wouldn't marry a woman that wasn't downright enthusiastic about it. That's not for everybody. I certainly don't think it should be mandatory. People should be free to do whatever works for them - including changing their name if they so choose.

It appears that some here can't accept that. That's their problem, not mine.

[Maru Kitteh]

236. I am not a "feminist type." I am a feminist. - "type" is a qualifier applied to modify a word into a

pejorative.

He is an expert in his field VS. He is one of those expert-types.

He is a religious man VS. Recently, he's been hanging out with religious-types.

She has always been compassionate VS. You compassionate types don't need to worry about this.


Nice try though. You know, I can see where a grown woman of some intelligence would present a certain difficulty for you.

[Edweird]

238. oooh, what a stinging rejoinder.

"You know, I can see where a grown woman of some intelligence would present a certain difficulty for you."

That's about a half step above "I know you but what am I?".

I will live my life as I see fit, and I will do so with whomever I choose under whatever terms we both accept. If it's mutual and consenting who the fuck are you to judge? The only one with a problem is you.

[lukasahero]

239. You seriously don't see the problem with "consent" as you describe the situation?

What choice does your girlfriend have if it's your way or the highway? That's not a choice, it's an ultimatum. Do you really not see that?

[Edweird]

243. It's not like I wait until the wedding day to bring this up.

If things are going well, I approach the subject very early in the relationship.
It's not 'my way or the highway', it's 'are we compatible?'. "How do you feel about ____?". Everyone has criteria. Even you.
If it was 'my way or the highway' it would defeat the whole purpose. I refuse to commit myself 'until death do us part' to someone less than completely enthusiastic about it.

[Maru Kitteh]

275. I see you are gracious in defeat. n/t

[Edweird]

277. Ice cream has no bones. n/t

[flvegan]

132. Why don't you take her last name then, champ?

[Edweird]

163. I actually brought it up, SPORT, be she wanted mine, CHIEF.

[Heidi]

161. Really? Then why don't you take your wife's maiden name, since it's "all or nothing"?

:hi:

[Edweird]

164. I brought it up as a possibility, be she wasn't interested.

[Heidi]

165. Cool, then. What you and your beloved decide among yourselves

is none of our business, anyway, as long as you're not judging what other couples choose to do about the name thing.

Heidi (last name hyphenated maiden/married) :hi:

[Edweird]

168. Different strokes for different folks.

I never said anything about judging others, only that I want what I want.

Do whatever makes you happy.

[polmaven]

186. I, myself am unmarried,

but some friends have done just that, with BOTH sporting the hyphenated name.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

274. Now that is pathetic

Give me those guys addresses so I can go over to their homes and smack some sense in to them. What in gods world would make a man take his woman's father's name? The simple thought of that is nauseating.

[polmaven]

279. Ok, now I get it...

When you are being this sarcastic, you really do need to use the sarcasm tag.

[nashville_brook]

179. so, the "first" wedding band was a tattoo -- how's that working for ya.

[Hello_Kitty]

203. LOL!

[Edweird]

219. At the time it was exactly what I wanted. No regrets about that.

I take my commitments seriously.

[July]

192. Another point of view.

Edweird, I wouldn't tell you and your girlfriend what to do, but I do have a comment on the premise of your post: "Either we're a union or we're not."

For you, the name change is part of what makes the union, along with the bank accounts, wedding band, etc.

However, some of us have good, strong unions without some or all of those things. To me, those are personal choices that don't define whether or not I've got a good marriage.

[Edweird]

223. I'm not passing judgement on anybody's relationship. You do what works for you.

I will do what works for me.

I just won't sit here and let a few 'militants' dictate the terms of my relationships.

[redqueen]

255. Why not take her name? That's the same kind of symbol of a union.

Oops nevermind... just saw your answer upthread.

Cool beans. :)

[tabbycat31]

65. well I would not marry you

most of my guy friends know that this is a very strong issue for me, as my mother and grandmother's names were lost (my mom's maiden name only lives on through my middle name).

And I HATE HATE HATE when a woman is referred to as Mrs John Doe instead of Jane Doe. It's like she has no identity of her own.

You could not pay me to change my name because I disagree VERY STRONGLY with the concept.

[Maru Kitteh]

133. My MIL sent me one birthday card addressed to "Mrs. mr maru kitteh" I sent it back as "no such

person at this address"

It only took that once.

[fishwax]

82. I can't understand having that as a dealbreaker

What other "traditions" would you insist they adhere to?

[madeline_con]

104. I gave Leftymom a hard time, but there are two ways to be a dufus in this situation.

So, fuck her and all bets are off if she changes her mind on the name thing? :(

[nini]

116. So, she has to respect a tradition that implies she is property?

How about you respecting HER choice to do it or not?


God only knows what else you have to have your way with.

[Maru Kitteh]

119. How very insecure of you. I'll bet you still put your initials on your underwear too.

[Lorien]

124. I hope you remain single for the rest of your life then

because no woman deserves to be treated like property by someone who is both arrogant and insecure.

[flvegan]

130. What else would she be forced to traditionally submit to?

[lukasahero]

190. This is a good question

And your point is far more important than the actual name change issue.

It's not a 'choice' if it's an ultimatum. So what other ultimatums will this poster make of his wife if she doesn't consent to his will? And how aggressively will he enforce his traditional authority to get her to 'choose' the correct option?

[TK421]

244. Listening to him speak?

[omega minimo]

149. Please don't breed.

[cali]

167. what an idiotic post. I hope your girlfriend gets out of her relationship with you asap

tradition is a stupid fucking reason to stick with something. Slavery, you little genius, was a tradition. Not allowing women to vote was a tradition.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

276. Damn!

Why are you so mean? Me and my girl have a great relationship. It would be just as much of a loss for her as it would be for me if she left. Everyone deserves somebody. I don't think I should be cursed to loneliness just because I differ with a few of your on this issue.

I am not even sexist. My mom and dad have been married for 35 years. My mom, who works, has had a hot dinner ready for my dad ever sense I have been a live. She also does his laundry, iron his clothe, and a whole host of other domestic stuff. I would never ask that of my girlfriend/future wife. In fact, I was always pissed off that mom never told dad to go do for himself.

The name issue is important to ME. In a time where 50% of marriages end in divorce, and 70% of those divorces are initiated by women, I think I am entitled to having a wife who actually respects marriage. I don't need to get in to a marriage where the woman doesn't totally commit to being with me.

Okay, I am done with this discussion. There are plenty of women who would jump to be Mrs me, and there are plenty of men who have no problem with their wives keeping their fathers name. Its a big pot people, no reason that we all can't get a cup!

[PVnRT]

178. Good to know that's the most important thing for you

[Gormy Cuss]

199. Why?

Why is this tradition so important to you that it would be a deal-breaker? Have you ever articulated the reasons for this strong sentiment?

[redqueen]

257. I'd be curious to know the reasons why this is so important as well. (nt)

[Echo In Light]

41. Unfortunate that people read familiarity as truth/just/right, that over time = "tradition"

It's a wonderful world of colonized minds!

[mrs_p]

44. forced? wtf? and why the husband's name?

in the end, though - most of us have our father's name. i couldn't stand my dad, so took a new name as soon as i could. husband didn't care what it was.

[Mrs. Overall]

53. I changed my name from my father's name as well

and then hyphenated that name with my husband's name.

[mrs_p]

56. thank the gods that we had a choice, right

and interesting that these people want to take it away. it seems they are for freedoms - but only certain freedoms. hypocrisy is unbelievable.

[mamaleah]

48. I took my husband's last name. So far I am not scarred.

If you want to keep your own name, then by all means you should!

It's called choice.

[polmaven]

189. Choice is one thing.....

You absolutely have the right to make that choice....but the article says 50% believe women should be FORCED - by law to take their hub ands names. No choice - FORCE!

[lukasahero]

194. "It's called choice."

That is what 50% of people polled want to take away. Choice is a wonderful thing - let's fight to keep it.

[mamaleah]

260. We should

But I am always bothered by those that dislike women taking their husband's names. I do not understand that.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

49. The county clerk refused to register my marriage because of this.

Late 1970s, San Antonio, Tx.

My guy and I went down to the County Clerk's office to register a Declaration of Common-Law Marriage in Texas.

The ribbon clerk typing up the form ripped up THREE FORMS typing it when I said I was not changing my name.


I knew the Texas Family Code pretty well, as I am a former legal secretary, former court reporter, law school graduate, and the daughter of an attorney and a legal secretary.

I kept asking him "Please show me where in the Texas Family Code it says I have to take my husband's name".

Well, he couldn't, because there is NO such statute.

The Clerk failed to carry out the duties of his office, which is a Class A Misdemeanor, I believe.

I went to a lawyer who said, what he did was illegal, but just go to a judge and get married the regular way, which we did.

:banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

:wtf: :wtf: :wtf: :grr:

[ccharles000]

55. I'm sorry that happened.

:hug: so much stupid in the world.

[DeschutesRiver]

92. I live in a tiny central Oregon town, ranching community

Our mail is brought to the local post office by a mailman coming from the nearest big cowtown.

Apparently, he has taken to gossiping to our postmaster that me and dh are living in sin. Why? Because he has seen enough of our mail to know that I have one last name, and my "husband" has another last name; ergo, we've been lying to the community by saying that we are married. He has the "proof."

Can't believe such backwardness still exists until I experience shit like this. This guy hasn't heard of women keeping the name they were born with? And why on earth would anyone care about someone else's marital status in the first place? We've never met this asshole, and he was supposedly quite exercised about the issue. Kind of creepy.

If he asked, I could have shown him the marriage certificate showing we've been married since 1983 (won't mention we shacked up together in 1980, probably fry his single brain cell). I did tell our postmaster that, if he had the guts to do it, to relay a message to this mailman that I would bet him $5000 (each putting that amount in escrow with instructions that it go to the winner's favorite charity) that me and dh were indeed legally married.

Never heard back on that.

[Mythsaje]

175. Seriously?

I grew up in Terrebonne... My dad and stepmother were never married, she used his last name for just about everything even though everyone knew they weren't married and no one cared one whit about it.

[DeschutesRiver]

227. Hi, (used to be) neighbor!

I didn't explore this throughly, as it kind of pissed me off. Apparently, he was agitated because we were lying about being married according to his world view, due to the last name difference. I thought about showing up when he delivered the next day's mail, and asking him point blank why the guy who delivers my mail is being so nosy and offensive, but decided to leave it alone. What do you say anyway to a complete stranger who is acting so intrusive?

This was a first at giving me an insight to what is being said behiind the scenes that you don't get in a face to face encounter with some people here in the outlying areas. Terrebonne is quite a different place than Prineville, which is where this guy is based (don't know how familiar you are with Prineville?). We are much much further east than that, but that is who delivers way out here. This is a place where a big fat brawl broke out amongst the local cowboys at a bar when someone make a Brokeback Mtn joke; where I was probably the only person for miles around getting things delivered to me from the Obama store during the campaign. I don't know about Terrebonne, but religion and strict "pretend on the surface" adherence to religious dictates is a very big deal for a majority out here; kind of a mini Bible belt deal, more so than I'd realized before I came here.

[Mythsaje]

253. Prineville was always pretty redneck...

More so than Terrebonne. Lot of old hippies found their way to Bend, Redmond and Terrebonne, so, yeah, I think I know what you mean. Prineville always struck me as pretty old-school cowboy.

This was back in the 70s, of course, but when I went back there in the 80s Redmond was like a little city in some respects. The high school's biggest pot dealer was the police dispatcher's son, for example. Even some of the old farmers in the area weren't as uptight as you might find elsewhere.

[DeschutesRiver]

267. The good news for me

is that despite our big divergence in views, for the most part people will help each other when something goes wrong.

Better news is that we found a place that is so remote that we can avoid most of the unpleasant stuff - what others think doesn't typically intrude into our lives. With a few notable exceptions of course.

[nadinbrzezinski]

57. We really did not have a choice, and we looked into it

as a Navy dependent it would have been more than just a nightmare. So I did...

My sis didn't have that issue, she kept hers.

[mwooldri]

59. In this household, 0% of American men think women should be forced with their husbands last name.

Don't let the minor fact that there are also 0% of American men period in our household bother you. Though my wife has said she would change her last name to mine if I buy her a house...

Seriously, a name is a name... what if the last name of the husband goes dreadful with yours? And what's with it that way? Why not hyphenate? Why not a completely different last name? Why not the man take the wife's last name?

[LooseWilly]

62. 50% of Americans are dumbshits.

50% of Americans (and change, if one buys the official story) voted for Bush, twice.

That's what's wrong with the country today. Americans...

[whistler162]

66. WOW UNBELIEVABLE ASTOUNDING!!!!!!!!

407.5 Americans think women should be forced to take husbands' last names! UNREC!

[donco6]

69. It's what God wants.

That and lots of babies. And no shoes, definitely no shoes. And no working outside the home. And, of course, there's the obedience to your husband - that's important. And no speaking in church.

I could have sworn we left the Dark Ages behind like, 800 years ago.

[TK421]

248. And man spilling his seed without a woman....don't forget that one

cause I am so going to burn in hell for that one :yoiks:

[donco6]

278. I am so fucked.

Wait . . . let me rephrase that . . .

[thelordofhell]

71. My family never took anyone's name, they just hyphenated

Just call me Mr. Larson-Johnson-Davis-Lawrence-Bingham-Hansen-Olson-Abromovitz-Gonzalez-Chin-Seagram-Burns-Garafalo-Venkman-Xavier-Gordon

[csziggy]

98. !

:toast: :yourock: :applause:

[sakabatou]

72. *facebludgeon*

[alarimer]

74. Morons.

50% of Americans can kiss my ass.

[lonestarnot]

75. I don't think it's any of 50% of merikans business what one choses to do with their own name.

:hi:

[Gwendolyn]

76. In certain parts of Canada, you can't take on your husband's name.

Everything on your official documentation is your own. My mom died in hospital of cancer, and the name plate above her bed, was her maiden name. Even though she had been married to my dad for umpteen years, she died an individual. I think it bothered my dad, but oh well. He too, was forced to call her by who she was before she married him to the nurses and doctors. A little wake-up call in our patriarchal family. I'm ashamed to say, I actually asked a woman at the front desk why this was so, having flown in from the US and not used to it, and that's exactly what the 50ish woman told me, half-disgustedly. "We are all individuals." Sure, it was her father's name, but it has to start somewhere. And I think mostly people are opposed to it because of religious reasons, and because of the unruliness of documenting lineage.

[SeattleGirl]

77. I would be competely against such a law.

It should be the choice of the woman. If she wants to take her husband's last name, that's cool. If she doesn't, that's also cool. I didn't take my husband's last name for several reasons. The most important one was professional. I am known in my field by my current name; to change it could cause a lot of problems in my getting work referrals (I've known women to whom that has happened, and it took them awhile to build up their referral base again). The second reason, while it may sound silly, is that my first name, with my husband's last name, sounds like a well-known tongue twister.

When we still had a land line, sometimes people would call and ask for Mrs. Husband's-Last-Name. I would say, "I'm sorry, but there's no one here by that name." Sometimes, people would call and ask for Mr. My-Last-Name, and my husband would also say there was no one there by that name. Worked like a charm in getting rid of telemarketers!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

78. I don't wanna be Mrs. Asshole.

With the second hubby, I did not change my name either. The insurance co. always used his name, so at the doctor's office I was always "Mrs. Asshole". Never changed my driver's license. Had a business in my own name as well.

I never ever got used to the doctor's office calling me "Mrs. Asshole".

I should have hyphenated our daughter's name so my name wouldn't die off. But I didn't.

[csziggy]

102. I always correct people who call me by my mother-in-law's name

But it can cause massive confusion. Too bad - I have my name and that is that.

[ShadowLiberal]

79. It's easier when one takes the other's last name, but there should be no requirement

It's also just not realistic to expect a famous woman to change her last name, it would just confuse people. I mean what if you were a politician for some state or local office, not one that your voters would hear about a marriage on the news, that could change votes if someone met you before years before you get married at a town hall meeting, then sees you with a different last name on the ballot and doesn't make the connection that you're the same person.

[proteus_lives]

81. I wouldn't care if the woman I wanted to marry didn't want to take my last name.

I don't see why anyone would care.

[Liquorice]

83. I took my husband's last name and almost immediately regretted it. I felt that

I had lost a part of me when I lost my last name. I did NOT expect to feel that way. My husband is very enlightened and a feminist. He told me before we got married that it was totally my decision and he would support whatever I decided regarding my name. After I became so miserable about changing it, he told me it was my name, and I should change it back if I was unhappy. I felt a little bad because I didn't want him to in any way think I was rejecting HIM; I just missed my name! I thought about it for a long time, and eventually decided to hyphenate my name with his. Although that isn't the same as having my original name, at least it's close enough to where I don't feel I've lost something about myself. Still, most businesses (like the dentist, etc), call me by his last name and ignore the name before the hyphen. :eyes:

I guess it doesn't bother some women to give up their birth name, but for others it is very hard. Men should try to imagine what it would be like if society expected them to give up the name they had been called since the day they were born.

[FarCenter]

84. It is incorrect to refer to a woman in the style of "Hillary Clinton"

Socially she would be referred to as "Mrs. Bill Clinton".

To her intimate friends, she would be known as "Hillary", but in that case the last name is not used.

[Maru Kitteh]

140. What kind of fuck-wittery is that? It's Madam Secretary of State Clinton to you

thank you very much and NEVER - NEVER "Mrs. Bill Clinton."

The former first lady, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Madam Secretary.

[FarCenter]

200. To clarify, if Jane Roe marries John Doe, she is Mrs. John Doe

You would only address her as Mrs. Jane Doe if they are divorced.

[LeftyMom]

261. I had no idea that they had the internet in the Fifties.

Women are people, they get their own names now.

And the default form of address for a divorced woman is Ms. Jane Doe.

[Gormy Cuss]

205. No, she shouldn't ever be "Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton."

That implies that she is divorced, according to traditional rules on address. She's Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton, or Hillary Clinton, but once the honorific "Mrs." is attached the proper form of address is Mrs. William Clinton. That's one of the nice little reminders of what it really means to take your husband's name in marriage. You are supposed to lose your old identity and family now that you're part of his.

These days even Emily Post allows that the form "Mrs. Jane Doe" is gaining acceptance for married women. I guess those traditions aren't as cast in stone as some people think. ;)

http://www.emilypost.com/everyday/forms_of_address.htm

[Igel]

89. Eh.

It won't be law, so there's no point getting upset about it.

My wife wanted to take my last name (no big deal with me, I personally dislike my last name). She neglected to send in the paperwork, so it never happened.

Of course, now her last name is different from her son's last name. It was rather fun going through customs--she had no evidence that her son was, in fact, *her* son and she wasn't kidnapping him.

While she's Dr. Non-Igel (a form of address she dislikes), she's not Mrs. Non-Igel. Nix "Mr. and Mrs. Igel", in any legal setting. Also nix "Mr. and Ms. Igel". "Mr. Igel and Ms. Non-Igel" strongly suggests to everybody that we aren't married; I think it's an implicature (conversational implicature, of course). Her solution is to use my last name as an alias, so that we're "Mr and Mrs Igel". Of course, when we get car insurance, sign contracts, etc., etc., it's a bit confusing when her real last name pops out. Two apt. complexes required that we sign as Mr. and Mrs. Of course, in so doing they required her to use an unofficial alias on a legal document. Oh, joy.

And since we share some things, such as those stupid cards you swipe when you go to a supermarket, I'm often "Mr. Non-Igel". It's not worth correcting them. It's a convention, and like all other social conventions, it's there for a reason. My wife really wishes she'd had her name changed.

Eh, at least we speak English, and not Czech.

[REP]

93. How does a survey of 815 equal all of America?

Not faulting ccharles000 for posting this interesting article, but rather the people who did the study and the reporter. 815 is a rather small sample to say this opinion is representative of the majority of Americans.

[Gormy Cuss]

206. The sample size is large enough to be representative if the sample was drawn & implemented correctly

I'm looking for the ASA paper and methodology report on this one but haven't found it yet. However, since the results were accepted for a paper at the annual meetings of the leading organization for sociologists the authors had better have a rock solid methodology behind these findings.

[REP]

271. I think the sample was from one area and comprised only of newlyweds

But I could be mistaken and read it wrong.

[PSzymeczek]

94. Donde los Yikes? n/t

[BirminghamExaminer]

96. In Alabama it's the law.

When I got married, the law automatically changes the female spouse's name to her new husband's name. So I had to go to the courthouse and have it changed back. Really.

[Odin2005]

100. A lot of people think I'm crazy when I say that a woman changing her name is a stupid thing to do.

:banghead:

[BirminghamExaminer]

106. What if your state forces you to? Mine did.

Then I went straight to the courthouse and legally changed it back. In Alabama it's the freaking law that a woman's name is changed to her husband's the instant they are married.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

264. Remind me never to move to Alabama, then.

We got common-law marriage and community property in Texas, as part of the more enlightened Spanish law that says women can own property in their own names.

No danger of me moving to Alabama.

[dustbunnie]

120. It would be great if you moved on.

Even though you think you are protecting women.

[Maru Kitteh]

103. This can't be right. 2 out of the 3 married couples that live next to us in central Nebraska kept

their own respective names.

Central Nebraska.

[Triana]

105. I refuse(d) to cop to that 'women as property' shit

What the hell is this, The American Taliban?

[BirminghamExaminer]

111. This is what I would like to have said to that woman at the PA Specter

Town Hall fracas in Lebanon PA....remember the woman who stood up and said she wanted the America that her "forefathers" created? God I wish I had been there...I would have said, I guess you prefer not to be able to vote, and not to be able to own property then, right?

[Hello_Kitty]

108. When I was in the Navy I remember my shipmates being forced to take their husband's names

Two of my friends who married civilians wanted to keep their own names but PCS told them they had to do it or they wouldn't get their housing allowance or dependent pay. I guess the knucklehead paper pushers couldn't figure out they were married if they didn't have the same last name. I thought it was a total violation of their rights.

[grace0418]

109. I don't mind if folks call me by my husband's name, but I never changed it.

What's the big fucking deal? Why do that many people give a shit about the subject that they'd favor a law mandating it? Good grief, some people have way too much time on their hands.

[Brooklyns_Finest]

110. My last girlfriend

I mentioned up thread that my current girlfriend will take my last name, should I choose to marry her. My last girlfriend (before this current one), was divorced. She had taken her husbands name and once she was divorced, decided to keep her ex husbands name. I thought it was quite odd that she did not change back to her maiden name. It would have been a real interesting conversation if she wanted to keep her ex husbands name had we decided to get married. To me, that would be the height of disrespect.

Only a minority of women decides to keep their last name, so these arguments have very little significance in the grand scheme of things.

[Maru Kitteh]

153. Only a Neanderthal, knuckle-dragging insecure pig would presume to think a woman was "disrespecting"

him by keeping her own name for whatever reason Gawd-damned well pleased her.

Many people would tell you to get a dog instead of a wife and wish you happiness. I won't do that because I love and respect all animals, including dogs.

[TommyO]

198. My cousin kept her married name until her child was out of school

My sister-in-law kept her name, for professional reasons, when she married my brother and she's constantly being called "Mrs. O", not "Mrs. X" by my nieces teachers, even though they know her name.

[redqueen]

259. If you only knew how many women were bullied or coerced,

you'd realize how stupid that 'little significance' comment was.

[and-justice-for-all]

112. I live in indiana and I never heard of this survey...

815 does not a majority make..nt

[cherish44]

115. I took my husband's name

Got divorced and took my original name back, it's a pain in the ass. If I ever am crazy to get married again, I'm keeping my name...fuck that.

[Lorien]

123. Screw that shit. I would never take my husband's surname if I married

it's an old holdover from when women were being passed on as one man's property (her father's) to being another's. I have screen credits and a very easy to pronounce and spell last name-in fact, when my mom went through her bitter divorce with my father she held on to his last name because it was so much easier to deal with than her father's very German surname. Otherwise she would have dumped it. It's amazing how racism and misogyny are on such a steep rise these days. The authoritarians are completely out of control.

[bridgit]

146. Sure, 50% now, but when the neo-morans start their screaming psychotic shit on this issue...

that number will rise to 63-67 in nothing flat

[omega minimo]

150. 51% of Americans are women.

[comtec]

152. My wife uses her family name here

and we use my family name back in the us.
it saves a lot of confusion :)
Here I'm Mr Dutch_name hee hee.
There she's Mrs. American_name.
Sometimes as a joke we use a hybrid of the two van der American_name =]

it's all really silly anyway.

[TheKentuckian]

154. 50% probably wouldn't force a 16 year old to go to school.

Way in the stone age.

[proud patriot]

157. I didn't take my Husband's name , he Took Mine

My Family Name was going to Die in My Generation because we were all
girls . It was a gift to my Grand Father to for Christmas . He cried .

[gkhouston]

235. What a great story.

:thumbsup:

I kept my name. Nobody seemed to care that much about me, but the grandparents were a little freaked when I gave birth and the hospital had the child labeled as "Baby Girl Mom's_Last_Name" even though we'd given them my daughter's full name shortly after birth. (She carries her dad's surname.)

[Jennicut]

160. I took my husband's last name because I absolutely hated mine

I don't think he would have cared what we did. But I was NOT gonna be stuck with my last name. LOL. Love my parents dearly but...

[snot]

172. Wow. This wk, told my sig. other,

since he hogged the good chair for the first 10 years we lived together, it's mine for the next ten.

Never took anyone else's name, but if I did, maybe the same deal would work.

[Mythsaje]

174. Only 50%? I would've guessed higher...

The only objection to it I can think of is that I wouldn't necessarily want to take anything but my wife's MAIDEN name if I were to do so.

It's not like my last name isn't friggin' BORING.

Hell, maybe we should all just be able to pick whatever last name we like best when we get married. A complete restart. :D

I so don't understand why this would even be an issue.

[tsuki]

180. I am the last of my line, so I kept my name. Husband has no problem

with it, why should any one else?

[Vinca]

181. I took my husband's name some 35+ years ago . . . and I don't know why.

It never crossed my mind not to at the time, but in retrospect it makes little sense. Just because you marry you don't cede your identity.

[AwakeAtLast]

185. My sister's boyfriend wants to take HER name!

He says his name is too common and boring, so whenever they get married he will take her name! How cool is that? :D

[ThomWV]

187. The same people have name-tags sewed into the waistbands of their underwear

Because who knows when your's might get mixed up with someone else's. Same principle.

[havocmom]

188. I would have thought 50% would be surprised it WASN'T required

So many still seem to figure keeping your own name = not 'really' married.

[derby378]

191. WTF?!?

Fascists. Back into the hole they crawled out of.

[tjwash]

196. Ancient outdated custom that goes back to when daughters were sold to other families.

And this phenomenon of getting married for love is actually very new as well.

[VenusRising]

207. 407 people's opinion equates to half of Americans?

That's a bit of a stretch.

[newspeak]

208. I was reading about some celtic traditions

and at one time, a child was named for the family with the most influence. So the child's name could be the mother's or father's. Nothing about a woman changing her name to her husband's, especially if that woman's family had more prestige. I don't think this is a contemporary concept--that there have been societies that follow different traditions.

So, "what's in a name?", I am an only child, female, there are no males--I could have easily kept my maiden name. As a matter of fact, I thought about doing a name change to restore my maiden name. My hubby has no qualms about me changing my name--of course, that's why I married him. Been married for thirty-three years and counting!!!!

[Greyhound]

209. "You can't fix stupid"

so what else is new?

[TuxedoKat]

213. I never changed my name

but when my mom and brother send me mail they always add my husband's last name to it
even though I've told them I never changed my name.

[HughBeaumont]

215. My wife hyphenates.

Although sometimes, that can get to be lengthy, so she just goes by her maiden name. Doesn't matter to me one way or the other.

I have things like the "recovering" economy, an old car and potential college costs in 4 years to worry about.

[Gormy Cuss]

216. Missing from the headline: 50% said that it would be okay for a man to change his name to his wife's

IOW, men can choose, women shouldn't.

http://newsinfo.iu.edu/tips/page/normal/11558.html

Majority of Americans say wife should change her name.

Today's couples continue to struggle over whether the woman should change her name upon marriage, despite the gains women have made in the workplace and other aspects of American society since the 1970s. In a national survey, 71 percent of respondents agreed it is better for women to change their name upon marriage, with only 29 percent disagreeing. Surprisingly, respondents even split fairly evenly in their support of government regulation requiring name change. Researchers from Indiana University and University of Utah say these findings come despite a clear shift to more gender-neutral language. "The figures were a bit sobering for us because there seems to be change in so many areas. If names are a core aspect of our identity, this is important," said Brian Powell, professor of sociology at IU Bloomington. "There are all these reports and indicators that families are changing, that men are contributing more, that we're moving toward a more equal family, yet there's no indication that we're seeing a similar move to equality when it comes to names."

Co-author Laura Hamilton, a doctoral student in the Department of Sociology at IU Bloomington, presented findings from the study, "Mapping Gender Ideology with Views toward Marital Name Change," on Tuesday at the American Sociological Association's annual meeting. The survey, a nationally representative sample, tapped 815 people and asked both multiple choice and open-ended questions. It was part of a larger survey probing public opinion of a range of gender- and family-related topics.

Somewhat contradictory, almost half the people surveyed said it would be "OK" for a man to change his name to that of his wife. But for respondents, male name change was so implausible that they off-handedly or hesitantly agreed it would be OK. For example, Powell said, one man laughed as he responded: "Sure, why not. Hey in America, anything goes!" Others said that it was OK because: "Sure, a man should be able to do it because he's a man."

Advocates of women changing their names emphasize a family and marital identity for women, indicating one family name makes more sense from a family and societal point of view. They rely on religion and tradition as the authority in this area. Name change critics focus on the importance of women's independent identities and to the ways they benefit individually, such as professionally, by keeping their own name. They also think the decision should be left up to the women.

[lukasahero]

224. "a man should be able to do it because he's a man."

Well, there you go then.

If people think we're living in a nation of equality, that sentiment should set them straight.

[undeterred]

220. What about gay couples?

[mnhtnbb]

246. You know the answer to that one: they shouldn't be allowed to marry.

If they'd had that question in the survey, I imagine that would be the response.

[SammyWinstonJack]

221. 50% of 'Americans' should mind their own damn business!

This is what 'Americans' concern themselves with? :puke:

[no_hypocrisy]

222. I use my grandmother's maiden name (albeit, it's really her father's name)

because she had to give it up when she married.

[snooper2]

230. Only thing- It does make some things easier...

Just got married July 2nd and wife still using maiden name. She uses my last name at times just cause she thinks it's cute :) . Had to catch her when we were at the doctors as she almost signed a form with my last name instead of her's. On the insurance card through my work it has her maiden name.

Who knows the fuckup/pain-in-the-ass that would have caused :)

[Captain Hilts]

237. Then, why don't YOU take HER name?

[snooper2]

241. If you only knew what her last name is :)

We don't want our daughter to go through what she had to in school :)

[Captain Hilts]

242. Good reason!

[Romulox]

231. Isn't it several kinds of silly to whine "tradition" attached to marriage?

Let's knock down some of the other "traditions" associated with marriage: e.g. monogamy, cohabitation, communal property. It's stupid to pretend that there is no quid pro quo involved in marriage. The relative bargaining power of spouses and the cultural values animating their decisions may have changed.

But saying that one spouse's expecting a certain behavior as a precondition for his or her continuing commitment is "controlling" misses the point of marriage entirely. As does an appeal to knocking down "traditions". As I mentioned, let's knock down monogamy, if we're skewering all the traditions of the past. :silly:

[Missy Vixen]

234. I kept my name and added my husband's

There are still people who consider this a personal affront. My husband said it didn't matter to him whether I kept my name, added his, or whatever I chose to do; it was my decision.

We don't have kids, so the "illegitimacy" argument is not even a question.

Why can't people mind their own business? :eyes:

[mnhtnbb]

247. All legal documents I sign with first "maiden" and hubby's last name

I was doing so long before Hillary Rodham added Clinton.

[Enrique]

240. what a perfect issue for the GOP!!!!

get on it, Michael Steele, cook up some crazy legislation or even a constitutional amendment to build the movement on, and ride it all the way back into power.

[marlakay]

245. I wanted to keep my name but since it was ex's name

I switched. I liked last name of first husband and had that name a long time after we split so had it for 20 years. I could have done what I wanted but to be nice to my husband now I switched.

Still not happy with name after 10 yrs but I don't talk about it!

[Kerrytravelers]

249. I have multiple credentials and degrees. Why in the world would I change all that?

I still have my maiden name. I added Mr. kt's name to mine, but I sure as hell didn't get rid of my maiden name. I'm now First Middle Maiden Married in terms of names. No hyphens. It's my name. It is who I am. Why should I be forced to disregard that?

The only reason I added Mr. kt's name at all, and that was six years after we'd married, is that we're likely to be moving out of country within the next 18 months and having a name in common would simply be easier in regards to moving as spouses. That is the ONLY reason I added his name.

[City Lights]

250. 50% of Americans need to mind their own business! nt

[Generator]

251. Between this and health care insanity

I despair for this country. I already did, but I can't pay much attention to it's nonsense anymore. We seem to be going backward and not evolving at all. I feel so alone in this country and I am white and middle aged and moved to yes the- suburbs. GAWD I call it Stepfordville. YES we are the only one in the neighborhood without a fucking SUV. The only one with ONE child. And the only woman I'm sure that kept her maiden name. And this in supposedly liberal suburban Portland. I didn't move here for "the lifestyle" just the great house. The best one we found.I actually had THAT woman at the barbecue who mentioned the lower taxes in Washington Co as being the reason to live here. TAXES?!!!! I am 47 but I will never be that woman. TAXES! GAWD. BORING ASS. WHO are these people? AND how did I get among them? HELLLLLLLLLLP. YES I will rue the day I moved to Suburbia. But before we were surrounded by right wing immigrants in the poor neighborhood we used to live in. So there is no escape in this country. Unless you can afford Eastmoreland where they think their shit don't stink.

[GreenPartyVoter]

256. That's just stupid. I chose to take my husband's name, but I would never

force any other person to take their spouse's name.

[SeekerBlue]

258. Nope, not gonna happen

Not only am I not planning on taking my husband's name, I am not planning on ever HAVING a husband.

http://beyondstraightandgaymarriage.blogspot.com/
http://www.unmarried.org/

[Manifestor_of_Light]

265. I had a fight with the driver's license people.

I wanted to drop my first name, since I go by my middle name, use maiden name as middle and hubby's last name.

They told me I could NOT drop my first name. GRRR!

[nonsequitur]

266. bullshit, they can use whatever name they want.

.

[Skittles]

268. disgusting

I'd never consider changing my name

[deaniac21]

270. Take them where?