And now, let's lighten up with a joke or two

[Bluzmann57]

Yesterday was rather contentious in here, at least for me. So now it's time to lighten things up with a joke or two.
Q-What's the major difference between George W. Bush and E.Coli?
A-E. Coli has an exit strategy.
Well, I thought it was sort of funny, if crude.

Now an oldie but still a goody.
Bush was meeting with Cheney and Rice about the I raq situation. Rice said, "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Three Brazilians just died in Iraq.". Bush furrowed his brow, thought a moment, and said, "That's bad news indeed. How many is a Brazilian?".

Feel free to add your own. They may even be funny.

[Cirque du So-What]

1. As a prominent D.C. cleric lay on his deathbed...

he summoned his aide and instructed him to bring * and Deadeye Dick to his chambers. Since they knew the famous man'o'God's popularity, they thought it might garner them some good press, so they agreed. As the two stood on either side of the sickly man's bed, he took *'s hand in his right & DD's hand in his left.

* broke the silence and said, 'we're honored that you asked to see us, yer regulenceness, yer superciliousness, errr...yer eminency...but why - of all the people you know, did you choose us?

The religious leader replied, 'all my life I've tried to emulate Christ in everything I've done, and now - as I lay on my deathbed - I want to die as He did: between two lying thieves.'

[Richard Steele]

2. An old liberal lay on his deathbed, surrounded by his family.....

Suddenly, he announces, "Get me a voter registration form.
I want to change my party to Republican!"

His oldest son whispers to the group, "Pay no attention. He
doesn't know what he's saying."

The old man cries out, "I heard that! My ears still work, and
so does my brain! Now, bring me that form so I can switch to
the repub party!"

The son implores him, "Dad, how can you do this? You and mom
met working for the Kennedy campaign, you opened champagne the
night Nixon resigned. I've watched you spend your life fighting
for truth and fairness a thousand different ways, and you taught
all of us to do the same. How can you suddenly join the group
that opposes all that?"

Motioning his son closer, the old man says quietly,
"Look, we both know that I'm not getting up out of
this bed ever again. I just figure that, if someone
is going to die, better it be one of those bastards
than one of us."

[harlinchi]

3. This isn't a Bush joke; it's one I heard and had to pass on...

Three mice were in a bar in a very tough part of town. They were exchanging stories, trying to impress each other with how tough each was.

The first mouse drains his bourbon, slams the glass on the bar and says,” Let me tell you how tough I am! Whenever I see a mousetrap I lay down on it and place my feet on the trigger. I set if off and catch the bar in my teeth! I bench press the bar twenty times just to work up an appetite and then I make off with the cheese!”

The second mouse throws back two tequilas and slams his glasses on the bar and says,”That’s nothing! Let me tell you something. Whenever I see rat poison I gather as much as I can carry and take it home. I grind it up into a fine powder and put a little in my coffee each morning to give me a little buzz to last the day!”

They each turn to the third mouse who slowly sips his beer, places his glass on the bar and says,”I ain’t got time for this B.S. I gotta go home and f@ck the cat!”

[No DUplicitous DUpe]

4. I posted this one yesterday...it got some laughs:

Bush wanted to use a local church for a photo op. Bush's advance
person said to the pastor, "We will make a $10,000 contribution to
your church if, during your introduction of Bush, you say he is a
saint." The pastor agreed to do so and accepted the $10,000
contribution. When the pastor introduced Bush before a nationally
televised audience, the pastor said: "George Bush is a petty,
self-absorbed hypocrite and nitwit. He stole the 2000 election. He has
polarized the country. He has politicized science. He lied about his
military record. He invaded a country for oil and had the gall to
land on an aircraft carrier and pose before a banner stating 'Mission
Accomplished.' He continues to blur the line between church and state.
Cronyism and corruption are rampant in his administration. He is the
worst example of a Christian I've ever personally known. But, compared
to Dick Cheney, George Bush is a saint.

[KansDem]

5. "Good news" and "bad news"

After the inauguration-day festivities of 2001, Bush arose and threw open the windows in the White House bedroom. He was feeling cocky and smug about the judicial coup when he noticed someone had written “Impeach Bush” in the snow below the window. Angered by this apparent act of disloyalty, Bush summoned the FBI, CIA, NSA and other intelligence agencies to come to the White House and investigate. After each agency conducted an exhaustive investigation, they reported to the new President.

“Sir, we have finished our investigations and are ready to report to you,” said the spokesperson for the agencies.
“OK, so report” replied the President
“We have both good news and bad news, Mr. President”
“Oh? Well, give me the ‘good news’ first”
“We were able to identify important properties of the message. An analysis of the substance used to write the message revealed it to be urine. More specifically, the urine of Vice-President Dick Cheney.”
“Well, I might have known. He thinks he’s really the president! So what’s the ‘bad news?’”
“An analysis of the handwriting showed it to be Laura’s”

edited to change year