getting old in a culture that looks down on old people

[G_j]

is rather disconcerting...
:shrug:

just a thought I was having..

[Captain Hilts]

1. Yeah, I just turned the big Five Oh. Wear it proudly. nt

[villager]

hey -- so did I. 'Bout a week ago....

n/t

[Captain Hilts]

14. So, all the cool kids are turning fifty about now. nt

[kitty1]

36. This cool cat turned 50 last Dec. ......

It's just a number right? The cosmetic and botox overlords are wringing their hands in delight at all the money they will make with so many aging boomers.
Extra virgin coconut oil is all you need to consume and apply to stay youthful and healthy

[hamsterjill]

82. Me, too!

'58 was a good year!!!

[dmr]

64. Nah, the cool kids started a few years ago. You're just catching up!

:)

[mwb970]

70. Yeah, like MJ and Billy Mays.

These are bad times to be 50, apparently.

[Captain Hilts]

72. Well, yeah, I couldn't help but notice that. But, Barbie and I are going strong!

[mwb970]

76. Hang in there!

I'm sure a lot of people turned 50 lately without making the news. Kind of like all those airline flights that proceed normally rather than crashing, but are never mentioned in the paper.

[Ilsa]

51. 50 is fun to celebrate. 51 sucks. Especially after all those deaths last week,

right before my bday. Glad you've made it this far. Happy Birthday and welcome to the club!

[Captain Hilts]

85. Those deaths ALL took place ON my birthday!

[Warpy]

2. Women have a bizarre experience in their 50s

All of a sudden we become invisible to everybody but our closest friends and families. It's like we just don't exist as human beings any more. No one is interested in what we have to say, how we think, who we are. We're just another piece of furniture, something to step around on the way to someone more interesting.

[G_j]

8. I always hoped we would culturally evolve

beyond those attitudes,

maybe someday...

[SDuderstadt]

24. I'm sorry...

did you say something?

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Since 50, I've noticed teenage girls no longer giggle when I walk by.

[SteveM]

37. Teens don't giggle at you? I turned 61 and they giggle all the time

probably for completely different reasons

[csziggy]

30. The local Obama campaign showed people that they should not ignore women over 50

Since we were the main workers and local organizers - the unpaid ones, at least. Flat out, without the many, many women over 50, the local campaign would have had a lot fewer people and a lot worse campaign.

But I think the the South, older women are in a perverse way more valued than in many parts of the country. Women in general and in the past were patronized but they learned how to wield power in the quiet and behind the scenes in many cases.

One of the most instructive moments for the out-of-town paid Obama staffers was when an elderly black lady came in to give advice to the campaign when they were first opening the office. She had been active in politics since the 60s and knew who to talk to in just about every neighborhood, every small town, every county here in North Florida. If she did not know an individual, she knew where to go to find the right individuals to get things done. I could see the wheels turn as the young paid staffers re-evaluated the role that we older women would have in the campaign.

Most of us (if any) did not apply for paid positions, but donated our time for free but we would not have had the coverage of the area without all the women who worked our asses off.

[Captain Hilts]

45. Older women are THE backbone of grunt work in all campaigns. Dems and Rs. nt

[dmallind]

32. Really?

As I peruse this list of the 100 most influential women I see few notably under 50 (I confess I don't know the ages of all of them), and even in a historical sense it struck the wife and I as we were touring the Hall of Fame in Seneca Falls just last week how many women in there started their most influential activities after - in many cases considerably after - their 40s.

Now sure if we're talking about being seen as a sex symbol or dating success it gets harder for both genders but women more so after 50, but as far as influence goes age seems to be no barrier.

http://www.forbes.com/lists/2008/11/biz_powerwomen08_The-100-Most-Powerful-Women_Rank.html

[Iris]

54. you really think dating is harder for women over 50 than men over 50?

b/c I don't see any of my 20, 30, or 40-something friends falling all over themselves to date men over 50.

just sayin'

[dmallind]

81. Well yes I do - not from hard data I confess

I'm not even over that gae yet, nor have I been dating material for over a decade. But it's still more normal for older men to date younger women than vice versa, and there is still a higher premium based on purely physical attraction and youthfulness for women than men as far as I can see. And on the other side of the gender bias coin it's still more common for "gold-digging" to be female to male than male to female.

[Iris]

83. if that's the case, then I'd say there aren't many 50+ men dating

seriously - I only know 1 or 2 women who have married an older man and very few who have dated someone very much older than they are.

as far as gold-diggers - well, this isn't dating, but marriage statistics still indicate age differences are 3-4 years

[Hepburn]

90. Who in the HELL wants to date anymore???

OMG...NO!!!! I am in my 60s and I have a gentlemen friend. We go out on social evenings, but we are NOT a couple nor are we romantically involved. When we get invitations that says "and Guest", I go with him or he goes with me. My guy pal lives by himself and he is perfectly content with basically being unattached. We love each other dearly as friends, but that is it. We truly are friends and adore each other. Most people who meet us think we have been married for years and years.

I have NO interest in having a boyfriend or a steady date or, gawd forbid, anyone living with me. I am perfectly content to live alone and do what I want to do when I want to do it or do nothing at all. I can drink out of the OJ bottle and walk around dressed ~~ or undressed ~~ as I please. My dog NEVER complains as long as her water bowl and food dish are full!

BTW: I am female, straight and will be 61 this month. I am a long-time widow and I was joyously and happily married for years.

:hi:

[Skittles]

43. speak for yourself!

I would never allow myself to be treated that way - I am 52 and guys in their 30's still ask me out :D

[Matariki]

50. You know...

I've known too many women who came to believe they were incredibly fascinating because men hung on to their every word - or at least pretended to. Consequently they did little to cultivate much beyond their appearance. Sadly when they got older they couldn't understand why no one paid much attention to them anymore. Conversely I've known many very intelligent and interesting women who pursued their passions and they continue to be fascinating people all their lives.

And I also think the if women cultivated interest in WHAT OTHER WOMEN HAVE TO SAY - and not worry so much about having men as an audience we wouldn't feel invisible.

Just some thoughts. Not arguing with the sad truth of your OP.

[MADem]

62. The most interesting stories come out of women between fifty and eighty, IMO.

They've lived and learned. People who ignore them are missing out on some good info!

[Delphinus]

69. Ooh, I do hope you're wrong.

I'm just going through my "red moon passage" now (51) and was hoping, based upon all the books I've read on menopause, that I would be coming into my own now.

[cap]

74. it is time that we refused to accept American-style Purdah

20% of the population right now are women between 45 and 60 years old. We have the numbers and we hold the purse strings (much of the consumption in this economy is directed by women) but we don't have the organization.

We are the glue that keeps this damn country together. We are the ones providing child care for our grandkids, senior care for our elders, running the house so that our husbands can work 60-80 hour weeks. If we stopped picking up the pieces and told everyone else to fend for themselves or get the government to legislate proper solutions to social problems, things would change in a heart beat. We are the ground troops for political and social campaigns-- we are the ones who know which local papers to advertise in, how to door knock, what topics rub the grassroots the right and wrong way--- ground troops in campaigns directed by men.

We are losing our physical and mental health due to focusing on OPP (Other People's Problems), not our own shtick in life. In fact, many of us are so run down that we can't focus on our own stuff.

When we focus on our own stuff, we are forced to ask some questions that cut to the heart of American society. For example, why are there so few of us in senior positions? We worked up the ranks and now we have been shunted out of the career track. Why aren't senior positions 50-50 men and women? (A big Duh moment ). Why are we penalized for taking a few years out of work? After 10 years in the workforce, what's the big deal? No one makes a big distinction in nursing where the technology changes constantly. Women have always rolled in and out of nursing to take care of their family.

In fact, Wharton noticed that a lot of its women MBA's were being shunted out of the workforce after a gap in employment. So they started a refresher course to get those women back in the workforce. Very few of those gals got hired back in a position comparable to the one that they had left. Don't get me started on what's happened with women attorney. So many have dropped out, that a running joke is that going to law school for women is just so she can get her MRS. I've seen a number of attorneys just drop out because the man is making the money and she's not; so the sequitar is that she is the one to stay home so he can procreate.

I mean what's the difference between 15 and 20 years worth of experience? I see no job advertisements making such a distinction... in fact, the distinction seems to be between 5 and 10 years experience for a "senior" position. Never mind the fact that we are the "mothers" in the corporations, we are the glue that picks up on the details, we keep the seat warm for the fair-haired boy, we are given sticky situations that we turn around, we do other people's jobs and not get the promotions. Let's not even get into why we aren't managers and why we are working for people our children's age. The Gen Xers are expected to be fully rolled into the management ranks by 2012. So where do we go?

Or, take the other tack... OK people... so you want us out of the workforce? Let's do it. I'm sure happy to get out of your way (work aint fun... you have to pay me to do it), provided you will take care of me till me dying day. And, I ain't gonna keel over any time soon. Our generation will easily make it until 90 and maybe well over 100. This don't come cheap. Imagine a very modest retirement of 20K/year for 30 or 40 years -- we are talking about 600-800K. So whose coming up with that kind of dough? Guys, you're the provider. You make most of the money in the house. In the workforce, somehow as a group, you are refusing to hire us and pay us an equal wage. What are you planning on leaving us when you're gone? Most of you don't have pensions so we can't count on the checks our mothers are getting as survivor benefits. Well, I guess you are planning to leave us to the tender mercies of our children. Kids, especially you daughters, enjoy having mom (or your mother-in-law) in your house with all her aches and pains (oh yeah, and paying for all those meds and running to the hospital/doctor's offices). Especially after all the childcare we've provided for both you and your children. Despite our large numbers, you've been promoted over our generation in the workforce so you guys are the ones making the money. I hope you aren't planning on abandoning your mamma. Most of us aren't going to be able to work when we are 80 years old-- illness and old age eventually do catch up.

No. The answer is for women over 50 is to stand up and be counted. We have a good 20 years left in the workforce and we should be making the most of it. We have to. Our men folk just didn't provide for us adequately. We really don't want to be a burden on our kids.

We are only silent because we choose to accept it. I find being over 50 to be somehow liberating. I am getting to the point where I don't care what other people think because I know myself and I value myself. You want to ignore me... I know how to deal with that. In the workplace, demeaning people and social exclusion are forms of bullying. There are some excellent resources on the web on how to deal with bullies. Go raise your consciousness sister. Empower yourself by learning a few techniques. You can start shutting these people down.

When I choose to draw the line, I know how to fix other people's wagons. I can do it both with the world's biggest club, or with the finesse of a stilletto.I also have started the process of understanding wisdom: which fights to pick, which fights are worth fighting on principle's sake, how to use an opponent's weight against him, when it's appropriate to take the other person's feelings into consideration and when to draw the line on situations where I am negating my core essence, how to avoid getting into a fight in the first place without compromising your integrity, and how to create situations where issues don't arise in the first place, and how to seek peace and harmony. It is a journey...and one where I am constantly learning.


The suicide rate for women over 40 stopped being collected under the Bush administration in 2006 because women in that age group are killing themselves at a sharply increased rate. We better start living or else we are gonna be dyin'.

[Karenina]

79. Hot damn, Cap!

:applause:

[cap]

84. We are women, here us roar!

OK... so you get a few eye rolls and a few people here and there start to get in the way...

But once you realize you are not alone and that you are worth something, it all starts to come together rather quickly.

We aint getting out of the mess this country is in unless us older women pitch in. It is that plain and simple.

Sorry about my spelling mistakes in the post.... normally I clean it up a bit better... but I was on a roll.

[Hepburn]

89. Ummmmm....no....

...I will be 61 this month and NO ONE has EVER stepped around me like I was a piece of furniture.

Trust me...NO ONE! :hi:

[madmax]

3. Turning 60 in August

Not feeling old and not looking too shabby but, you're right. Take heart in that knowledge that you have and be comfortable with yourself. At my age I finally realized the only opinion about me that matters is mine.

[monmouth]

4. I'll be in my very late 60s in July, but mentally am looking forward to

getting my driver's license...LOL

[redqueen]

5. I wonder...

if that habit has anything to do with the opposite - obsessive adoration of youthfulness.

We glorify actresses who have good plastic surgery jobs. We glorify people who continue to indulge in risky behaviors when others' sense of risk avoidance would normally have kicked in. It's all so stupid IMO.

[DearAbby]

6. No so bad as before

We have a lot of company.



off topic: Any god damned idiot who comes to me and says " you're not old..fifty is the new thirty", I am gonna go over there and kick his ass!

[CrispyQ]

18. Dear Abby,

see post #12.

Can I watch?

:rofl:

[MADem]

63. Thirty? Someone told me it was the new forty! nt

[Deja Q]

7. Ageism stinks. And then look around and see who supports ageist people.

Directly or otherwise, it is a fascinating look at so-called "human nature". (aka "purportedly justified bullshit").

[shanti]

28. yeah, but getting old stinks worse!

n/t

[DavidDvorkin]

9. Oh, to be 50 again!

Or even 60.

You kids today. Always complaining.

[Wizard777]

13. or even 70. Since 77 isn't as old as it used to be. 80 isn't as scary as it used to be.

In fact I'm looking forward to it. In light of recent events I'm more grateful than ever before of each passing year.

[RaleighNCDUer]

17. I have to say, I feel older at 56 than my mother's 83 year old boyfriend

seems to be.

Just a matter of perspective.

[shanti]

46. sure beats the alternative, huh?

;)

[Wizard777]

65. LMAO there is that too. But it's not that bad. I've been there before and I'm not afraid to go back.

I had a NDE when I was 16. So the greater majority of my life has been spent living on borrowed time. It been my experience that God is a very generous lender. Now I'm kinda hoping that God's generosity knows no ends. But if I do find the end of His generosity. I know there is one heck of a consolation prize waiting for me on the other side.

[Wizard777]

10. 77 isn't as old as it used to be!

:bounce:

[RebelOne]

31. Nope. I'm 70 now and 77 is looking pretty good if I make it.

My health is fairly good and I don't have any aches and pains and am working 40 hours a week.

[democracy1st]

66. wow thats great

[Ganja Ninja]

11. This culture looks down on anybody that doesn't have money

regardless of age. Old people don't have to feel all alone in that.

[Wizard777]

25. Such is the culture of greed we call capitalism to lend legitimacy to sin.

Of course there is an outrageous APR on that loan of legitimacy.
The rate of return for the investor is your body, mind, and soul.

[Javaman]

35. Read my sig line. :) nt

[handmade34]

41. I think you have it...

when I turned fifty, I realized people weren't so quick to hire me. But the discrimination I experience in regards to financial status is much more pointed. Its not about being a person of color - its about being a person of color with no money. It is most certainly about class.

My experience: I work on the road and do not usually have to interact with people for business, so I dress down a lot. I am a diamond member of all the major hotel chains (I spend $50,000+/year as my housing is paid for by the company). When I go into a hotel to check in, the difference in how I am treated is distinctly marked by whether I present myself by my membership there or not. I realized a long time ago that if all people -regardless of status - were treated as special (such as people with money are) our society would be much, much healthier.

[David__77]

12. 50 is the new 30.

I think it's really true. People aren't the fogeys they used to be.

[RaleighNCDUer]

19. I am!

And keep off my lawn!

[Javaman]

34. Tell that to my knees.

lol

[DearAbby]

42. OH ...JESUS HOLD ME BACK!

I am gonna smack you into the middle of next week, you'll get a god damned speeding ticket by Next Tuesday...GOD ALMIGHTY HOLD ME BACK.



Confused? See my post up thread. :::evilgrin:::

[DeschutesRiver]

53. Depressed as I am, sitting here with a damned sprained ankle at 51,

while doing something as mundane as walking dog number 2 outside on a leash to do her evening business, your post made me lol:) A couple of times, in fact, and thanks for that.

50 is so not the new 30 - I've never had a freaking sprained ankle in my life, and how come it happens walking on a fairly level gravel surface? Dog number 1 is 14++ years old, what is that, 80 something? How come I twisted and fell at a walk, and Mr. 80 year old blew past me at a dead run like I was standing still? Wow. Can't wait until I am finally in my 80s...

What used to be a foot a few hours ago is just a fat and bruisy looking thing (had to google what to do for it). In another 7-10 days, I planned to be stacking 80-100 pound bales of alfalfa with dh in the barn, like 20 tons of it. I can see how this might really mess up those plans - maybe I can hire some 30 year olds now to do it.

sigh.

[Lorien]

58. You too? I fell down a wet staircase two Sundays ago and sprained my

left ankle. It still looks like a large swollen balloon animal and I'm still on my knees or crutches. Hasn't changed in the least since it happened-and I'm still in my early 40's! Healing sure gets harder as you age. :-(

[DeschutesRiver]

60. Oh no, yours sounds really bad!

Now I feel like a baby, because I can still walk on mine, so long as I keep the ace bandage tight and only walk slowly and in straight lines - hurts and feels unstable right now. It is my left ankle too. Isn't it just shocking to see the swelling? And there is some ugly bruising already - if it gets worse not better in a couple of days, I'll see a doc, but with a 5,000k deductible, it will have to get a bit uglier before I go in.

Yeah, healing takes forever now, and I did start to notice that in my 40s. Fingers crossed that your ankle starts getting with the healing program soon - I've not yet had to use crutches for anything, and I can't imagine how impatient I'd be if I were you and stuck with them! OTOH, I am considering digging around here to see if I can find dh's cane from his multiple knee surgeries years ago, just for some added support in case I need it.

[Captain Hilts]

86. And we're in better shape. nt

[Posteritatis]

15. Honestly I've gotten the impression that this culture looks down on *everyone*

I feel like I'm in one of the tiny windows where that's not the case (or maybe I'm just lucky), but this culture really feels like it's got an equal-opportunity contempt thing going on. Older people are conservative, a drain on resources and Don't Get It; younger people are disrespectful, intrinsically criminal and Don't Get It; just about everyone in between is clearly at fault for everything that isn't the doing of the other two groups, etc etc etc.

Ageism pisses me off no matter which direction it's going in, but it seems to be going in every possible direction as of late.

(And, of course, don't get me started on things looked down on for reasons other than age. Oy.)

[seabeyond]

21. equal-opportunity contempt. i think you may be right. n/t

[Iris]

56. good point

[no_hypocrisy]

16. Other cultures revere the elderly as having given them their opportunity by

working and sacrificing for the rising generations.

[scheming daemons]

20. Shut up, grandpa!

Just kidding..

;-)

[Echo In Light]

22. It's corporate culture "values," nothing inherent in the human condition

Brainwashed society

[Cleita]

23. They treat you like shit in the large cities. If you move to

smaller places that cater to retirees you get more respect because they need your money. Also, medical services are geared for old people. I live in such a place. The nearest city is also a college town so you get a mix of young and old when you go into town to do your shopping. The merchants cater to both.

[Mari333]

26. well, Im getting old and this culture can kiss my ass

and I intend to be the most cantankerous old lady they ever met. I will have good company..we are the largest demographic group in the USA....this culture can kiss all our asses.

[G_j]

40. good!

I know I'm in excellent company!

:yourock:

[cap]

78. Hear, Hear!

maybe we need to start the crotchety old biddy society! :)

[aikoaiko]

27. What do you see in our cultures as "looking down on old people"

With the graying of boomers, getting looks as good as ever.

:sarcasm:

[JitterbugPerfume]

29. my sister age62

had a stroke in October and she said she is no longer invisible , but treated with outright contempt when she "gets in the way" at the grocery store etc.

[Gwendolyn]

33. It's a trade-off.

Our culture may not revere the old, but within the cultures that do, young people are enslaved/their lives rigidly run, so to speak.

Look at it this way. Once you get to great crone status, it's highly unlikely that you'll be burned at the stake as a witch, and they won't be getting your ice floe ready any time soon. And once you're well into the "Mr. Demille, I'm ready for my close-up" days, you won't really notice what they're doing to you anyhoo.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

38. "Old age isn't for sissies." - Bette Davis. On the other hand, it beats working for a living.

A sentiment I find all too true.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

39. Fifty is not as old as it used to be

On my parents' wedding pictures, my grandmother is ten years younger than I am now---and she is dressed like an old lady. Imagine, she's still in her forties, and she's dressed the same as the sixty- and seventy-year-olds.

I may look like an old lady to a teenager, but I'm much more fit and active than either my mother or grandmother was at my age. Unfortunately, the men in my age group seem to think they deserve a 35-year-old.

[shanti]

48. for some reason

i don't think the boomers are going to be looking old so fast....shoot, there are a lot of old hippies among us! at 53, i'm not really that old, but i proudly wear my tie dye! ;)
:hi:

[Iris]

57. yeah and the 35 yr. olds are just falling all over themselves to be with them, right?

[Odin2005]

44. I've always looked up you old farts.

Probably has to do with my closeness to my 86yo grandmother. When I was a kid I loved her telling stories about the Depression and thr war years.

[G_j]

73. I could tell you some stories about Woodstock

:-)

[Hepburn]

91. So could I if...

...I could fully remember it! :evilgrin:

[scarletwoman]

47. I'll be 60 in November. I still kick ass, & I intend to keep on kicking ass until I kick the bucket.

I'm just me. I attract/repel people the same as I always have. As an old hippie, I've always been a renegade who didn't/doesn't fit in. I don't notice any difference just because I've got some gray hairs.

Don't piss me off, sonny, or I'll hit you with my cane! :D

sw

[G_j]

52. will be 58 in Oct,

it's not other's perceptions that effect me so much as the crap I absorbed from the culture, even though I've always consciously resisted it.
But I'm actually very lucky, I play in a R&R band. :-)

[democracy1st]

67. good for you!

[pipoman]

49. I work in a retirement community,

though I'm 43 some of my best friends are 60+. My mentor just turned 80. She works around 40 hours per week, I am the General Manager but she rides me like a $2 mule. She and another pastry chef (79) in our kitchen are among the most productive employees I have. I love them both with all their quirks and dread the day they decide they want to slow down. Activity is the fountain of youth.

[Lorien]

59. Can't agree with you more. My mom and one of my good friends are both

68 and both remain incredibly active-probably more so now than they were in their 30's. I swear that neither seems over 40 or so when we're out and about.

[dysfunctional press]

55. a society full of aged baby-boomers won't be looking down on old people.

old will be the new young.

[MADem]

61. You'll get over it. Remember, you're as young as ya feel.

And we're all dying, we're just on different timetables.

Enjoy it while you can.

[old mark]

68. 62 in August. I went from a '60's revolutionary to

a '00's social security recipiant-if I live till fall...

You all in your 50's - you ain't seen nothing yet.

mark

[Fla_Democrat]

71. Yep

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x5964174

[a la izquierda]

75. My parents are more fun now...

then they ever have been. Mom's 54 and Dad's 56. Perhaps it's because I appreciate them more as I get older (I'm 31). I also have colleagues in their 50s...I gotta tell ya, being a grad student when you're 58 takes a lot of cajones because there are so many elements of ageism that one's younger colleagues probably have.

[Vickers]

77. I turn 45 this year, and I'm prettier than ever.

:P

[Karenina]

80. VEDDY INTERESTING.

:silly:

[Captain Hilts]

87. I love the references to Susan Boyle being "old." She's younger than Madonna and young enough to

join U2. U2 must need glasses to read the print on their CDs.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

88. She's "old" in the sense of when she started her career.

U2 and Madonna are about the same age, but they started decades ago.

[Captain Hilts]

92. Yes, true. nt

[LeftHander]

93. TV Culture looks down on old people....

Unfortunately most people are totally absorbed by TV.