***DUzy Awards for week ending April 6, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Apr-06-07 05:44 PM
Original message

Edited on Fri Apr-06-07 05:52 PM by JeffR

Welcome to this week's DUzy Awards, honoring priceless playfulness, piquant punditry and progressive put-downs from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The reet petite DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to babylonsister, BleedingHeartPatriot, Buzz Clik, krispos42, hootinholler and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

On a thread by maddezmom:

      New barbs hit home in US Iraq showdown(White House lashed Congress Friday for going on vacation)
"WASHINGTON (AFP) - The White House lashed Congress Friday for going on 'vacation' before signing off on legislation funding troops in Iraq, driving up tensions in a showdown with Democrats for control of the war..."

response #7 by soothsayer:

      shrubby, honey, you're going to have to learn to spend your allowance
more carefully.

response #16 by Kber:

      This from the administration that has no e-mails for 18 days
due to the Thanksgiving break?

Or took the entire month of August off in 2001?

Or couldn't be bothered to address the public after the worst natural disaster in modern history (the tsunami) wiped 100K+ people off the earth?

Or when Katrina hit?

I think Bush's balls must be about twice the size of his brain.

response #22 by momster:

      A Magnifying Glass
is needed to see the former...an electron microscope to see the latter.

LBN, March 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2787875

OP by PCIntern:

      Ms. Doan has created a new verb: "murky"
As in "I don't want to MURKY the waters."

I like that...you have been present at a great moment in linguistics. Howcum the Rethugs can coin phraseology and terms better than we can?

Like the notion that that statement is "inoperative". Stuff like that.

as an aside...what a flip babe she is...wow.

response #3 by varkam:

      She no good english talk, apparently.

response #5 by whistle:

      She must have been thinking about republican murky positions
...as in turbid or swampy, lacking brightness and having a moldy smell

response #20 by WinkyDink:

      It's because she's a loyal 'Murkin.

GD, March 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x548080

On a thread by CorpGovActivist:

      Perino: "The president was surprised to learn that Congress went on vacation today."

response #4 by WinkyDink:

      Nobody could have anticipated this scheduled Congressional break.

response #6 by CorpGovActivist:

      Who Could Have Predicted a 7th Straight Year of Easter/Passover Recess?
He was probably playing the odds, and figured it couldn't possibly occur for a 7th straight year.

response #9 by WinkyDink:

      We viewed those documents from the Middle East discussing such causes as purely "historical".

response #10 by BearSquirrel2:

      After the last "fiasco"
After the last "fiasco" Bush has decided to get all his news from the Weather Channel. I guess it just wasn't covered there.

GD, March 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x548443

On a thread by gatorboy:

      What's the difference between General Discussion and General Discussion Politics?

response #4 by havocmom:

      about 40 degrees
and some busted furniture

response #9 by rug:

      Watercress sandwiches are served in GDP.

GD, March 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x550581

On a thread by hlthe2b:

Reporter's Diary Yields New Clues in Earhart (Amelia) disappearance

response #2 by rug:

She'll be found before Osama.

GD, March 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x549830

OP by northofdenali:

      Pick your own, brand new, Cabinet Posts!!
Secretary of "I don't Recall"

Secretary of "I was not in the loop"

You get it, DU - go for it! Additional points if you include the appointed secretary!

My nominee for Secretary of Jesus, Can't You See The Bullshit Department:

For the Forget It Asshole, You're Toast Department:

For the We Gotcha Department:
Click link below to see the well-chosen visuals.

Mods, move if necessary but with the events of this last week...

Aw shit, I forgot "I Didn't Know I Wasn't Really A Green Beret" department, a "New Monica Same Shit" department, a "General Petreaus Unarmed Humvee" department -

Well, DU, you get the idea.

response #1 by napi21:

      Director of Homeland Amnesia in charge of all Federal Departments
combined!

response #4 by :

      Department Of Republican Affairs
While thinly disguised as a dating service for married Repubs and headed by Karen Hughes, it's actually designed to funnel bipartisan tax money into partisan coffers.

The Republicans thought no one would catch on.

GD, March 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x549855

On a thread by maddezmom:

      Tommy Thompson to run for president

response #8 by postulater:

      Run? Heck. The right word is Slither.

response #10 by DesertRat:

      I just saw him announce on This Week With George Stephanopoulos
It looks like Tommy used a new bottle of Clairol for Men for the occasion. :rofl:

response #13 by scarface2004:

      whatever....
where have you gone zippy the pinhead? amerika turns its lonely eyes to you!

response #16 by zidzi:

      Oh, good...two thompsons..one
a 3rd rate actor and the other a 3rd rate actor.

LBN, April 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2789459

On a thread by ProSense:

      McCain strolls Baghdad in full armor; U.S. reports six soldiers killed

response #6 by Vickers:

      What's the big deal? I went to Target today wearing full body armor.
Oh, and then I took my Kevlar-equipped Humvee over to Publix to get some cous-cous....goddammit, I love that shit.

response #9 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      Where was your close air support?!
Dammit, man, you can't go out there with out at least five gunships covering your exit.

GDP, April 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3191954

On a thread by Up2Late:

      Court to rule if chimp has human rights

response #11 by treestar:

      Chimpy has human rights
Though he and his administration would deny them to others. Even so, Chimpy will get a fair trial, and when all the evidence is in, only then will he be thrown into the clink.

I wonder if he will interpret the right to confront adverse witnesses as meaning he can attack them militarily!

response #16 by Prisoner_Number_Six:

      Sometimes the jokes simply write themselves.
:evilgrin:

LBN, April 1, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2789239

OP by blueinindiana:

My republican dream ticket!
Quayle/ Bauer 08 !

GDP, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3194082

On a thread by maddezmom:

      American diplomat stunned at how deep Iraq's sectarian divide remains(leading reconstruction)
"John Melvin Jones has spent more than two dozen years in the Foreign Service, but he says he's never seen anything like this in his life.

Jones says he was "taken aback" by how deep-rooted Iraq's sectarian tension remains..."

response #1 by Dhalgren:

      "No one could have known that there were differences between Sunni and Shia!"
"We never had any idea that there might be problems with destroying a country's infrastructure and letting it rot, without doing anything effective to restore it!" "No one could have known that Iraqis are, like, Muslims, or something, and have their own culture and traditions! No one knew that Iraqis weren't just Texans needing a shave!"

response #9 by youngdem:

      Hey John, you'd be SHOCKED what a partisan shill can learn by just removing his head from his ass
That bright thing you see is the sun, by the way.

LBN, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2790421

On a thread by WI_DEM:

      Tommy Thompson makes it official!

response #2 by weezy2736:

      Republican Candidate #74982.... no, wait, #74983
There's no real use in speculating yet. When it hits 10,000, I'll throw in my word.

response #6 by phaseolus:

      If a miracle happens & he's elected president, and if history repeats itself...
...the Wisconsin Tavern League will find itself the most powerful force in national politics. First item on the legislative agenda: National drinking age lowered to 15!!

Seriously though, Thompson's basically your generic late-20th century Republican -- he's in it for the chance to reward his cronies, and to pick up a little extracurricular nookie that his wife won't find out about.

GD, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x559063

On a thread by Hissyspit:

      Rep. Kingston (R-GA) "The Democrats' honeymoon is fixing to end. It's going to explode like an IED"

response #2 by hatrack:

      And how did this jackass get elected? Oh, wait, I think I already know . . .
Could it be by brandishing the Osama bin Laden Voodoo Doll of Terror in one hand, while thumping the Jesus-tub with the other?

Very possibly so!

response #10 by TomClash:

      As if he and his crowd would know an IED from a GED nt

GD, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x557933

On a thread by CK_John:

      My neighbor, in his 80's, thinks the election is this Nov. I didn't
have the heart to tell him. He is an old FDR guy and said he has got to make it to Nov. I'll try to break it to him when he is feeling better.

Maybe this will keep him going, until at least the primary.

response #4 by mtnsnake:

      Holy shit you better tell him the truth or he might croak after the 1st wk of November
if he sees Bush is still president! If you tell him it's the following year, that'll give him incentive to hang on longer.

response #7 by Patsy Stone:

      I think it's a collective consciousness thing too
Maybe the whole cycle is starting so damn early because we all want to pretend we're having an election now to get rid of this ass faster?

If you build it, they will come.

GDP, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3194154

On a thread by kskiska:

Balking at the First Pitch
"Bush's Skipping of Opening Day May Perpetuate a Ritual's Slow Decline...

"Oh, yes, he was invited," said Bush spokeswoman Emily Lawrimore. She said the president, an avid baseball fan and former part owner of the Texas Rangers, would love to be there. But "it's not possible with his schedule. He's got various meetings during the day, a meeting earlier in the morning. . . . It just wasn't going to work out..."

response #4 by givemebackmycountry:

Meeting schedule
Meeting One:
8:30 am - 10:30 am - The Honorable Herb Age from Amsterdam

Meeting Two:

11:00 am - 1:00 pm - Mr. James Beam from Kentucky

Meeting Three:

1:30 pm - 2:30 pm - Mr. Doo Bage from Jamaica

Meeting Four:

3:00 pm - 3:30 pm - Sir Ko Kane from Columbia

Meeting Five:

4:00 pm - 4:45 pm - Mr. James "Jack" Daniels from Tennessee

Meeting Six:

5:00 pm - 6:00 pm - Miss Caline from Texas

Meeting Seven:

6:30 pm - 8:00 pm - Dinner with Laura and the Grey Goose Society

Meeting Eight:

8:30 pm - - Bed

Hey He's got a FULL day!

LBN, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2790233

OP by XemaSab:

      Anyone want a coal-fired power plant?
My boss asked me to figure out which Western state will be the least difficult to site one in. :D

Not counting California. :D

Good times. :D

response #1 by Captain Angry:

      Wyoming.
If you're careful, you can have the whole thing running before the 6 people who live there notice.

response #2 by XemaSab:

      Word.
The problem is the 6 people who live there are still burning kerosene for light, so there are no existing electric lines. :P

Environment/Energy, April 2, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=115x90368

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Bush lied today

response #1 by northzax:

      well, it is tuesday
what did you expect?

response #4 by BOSSHOG:

      Breaking News, an unnamed administration official said bush told the truth today
We'll have more on this developing story at 6:00 and get reaction from national and world leaders.

response #7 by Donovan61:

      Bush doesn't lie EXCEPT
on days ending in D-A-Y.

response #8 by Turbineguy:

      I did not hear a single lie
I had the sound off.

response #8 by Buzz Clik:

      Let's analyze this title: "Bush Lied Today"
Where do we place the emphasis?

1. BUSH lied today. That would be in contrast to Condi, the Press Secretary what's her name, the Secretary of War, the VP. Nope nothing shocking about that. They all lie.

2. Bush LIED today. Meaning, we usually expect him to tell the truth. Um... not so much.

3. Bush lied TODAY. This suggest he lied a lot before and he'll lie some more tomorrow, but we have an specific incident of lying today we'd like to discuss. Well, that's not much news either.

Okay. The title wasn't exactly captivating: the entire administration always lie, and they lie every day.

So, he lied about the surge? Knock me over with a feather.

response #15 by kikiek:

      My 1st thought when I heard sirens in the the background was that his pants had burst
into flames.

Editorials & Other Articles, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=103x272559

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Gingrich: When I Said ‘Language Of Living In The Ghetto,’ I Meant Hebrew
"Newt Gingrich said this past weekend that the U.S. should abolish bilingual education so that people aren’t speaking 'the language of living in a ghetto.'

But last night on Hannity & Colmes, Gingrich claimed his statement 'did not refer to Spanish.' Gingrich insisted, 'What I meant is very clear,' but then wouldn’t say which language he was referring to..."

response #2 by Le Taz Hot:

      Oy vey!
:evilgrin:

response #5 by gratuitous:

      Well, we all know . . .
Those damn Hebrew kids, speaking their Yiddish slang, and tagging buildings with that 7WD thingie, are just incorrigible, and I'm glad that someone finally has the guts to call them out on it. Nominate Newt! Nominate Newt! Go Republicans!

Or just go. That would work for me, too.

response #11 by Dr.Phool:

      Damned Hispanics, always babbling in Hebrew.
Nothing I hate more than getting a menu on the phone, that says, "Press 1 for English, Press 2 for Hebrew".

:rofl: :rofl:

Press 3 for West Virginiaish, Press 4 for New Englandish.

response #12 by TlalocW:

      Oy, what a schmuck
Hebrew/Yiddish is the language of the ghetto that we've got to be wary against?

So if I'm schlepping something heavy for some poor schlmazel who hurt his tuckus, I'm all ghetto now?

response #15 by tanyev:

      I hope Newt has a good chiropractor.
He's going to need a lot of help after all the contortions to try and extricate himself from this one.

GDP, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3194935

On a thread by ck4829:

      Bush’s abstinence chief resigns
"Wade Horn, the Bush administration's point man for welfare reform, Head Start, and abstinence education, resigned Monday as assistant secretary for children and families in the Department of Health and Human Services..."

response #2 by Buzz Clik:

      Mr. Horn, nicknamed "Horny" by President Bush...
said that he was leaving because, in his current role, he wasn't "getting any" and was looking for a job that "would attract more chicks. I mean, seriously, how long do you expect me to ignore nature's urges?"

response #9 by TlalocW:

      He wanted to spend more time with his family
Wait... His families. He just discovered that some one night stands he had when younger resulted in the participating ladies getting pregnant, and he wants to get to know them.

response #8 by IanDB1:

      Wade Horn has resigned to spend more time having unprotected sex with his family. n/t

response #12 by SaveAmerica:

      too bad he couldn't stick it out..

GD, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x565192

OP Title by Leopolds Ghost:

Stick a Medical Staple Gun to Giuliani's campaign. He's done.

GD, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x566722

On a thread by maddezmom:

      Key adviser to Bush on Iraq to step down
"President Bush is losing his top day-to-day adviser on Iraq, the White House confirmed Monday.
Meghan L. O'Sullivan, who has played a key behind-the-scenes role in implementing Bush's Iraq policies over the past four years, will leave this spring.

Her departure, which follows that of her deputy, could leave the White House with a vacuum of long-term experience on Iraq policy, and it comes as Bush and the Democratic-controlled Congress prepare for a showdown over withdrawing U.S. troops.

O'Sullivan, 37, known for her 100-hour work weeks and steady optimism over the eventual outcome in Iraq..."

response #3 by JohnnyRingo:

      Wow...She spent 100 hour weeks planning Iraq War policy?
This Iraq War?

Pee Wee Herman could have planned it on a cocktail napkin at happy hour and we would have been home by now.

Demote her to Postmaster General.

response #10 by IanDB1:

      Meghan L. O'Sullivan has resigned to spend more time ethnically cleansing her own family. n/t

LBN, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2791662

OP by MonkeyFunk:

Just how dumb were people in the 30s and 40s?
Edgar Bergen became one of the biggest stars in the country... by doing a ventriloquist act... on the RADIO!!!

"Gee Maw, I can't see his lips move a'tall!"

"Yer right Paw, he's some kinda magic-man!"

response #4 by Lex:

Well, we have George W. Bush as President
for TWO terms, so we can't really be bashing any other generations!

The Lounge, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6378299

On a thread by underpants:

McCain saving the "good stuff" from Iraq trip for 60 Minutes this Sunday

response #5 by gatorboy:

FINALLY! The chocolates I've been waiting for.
Well hurry up with that candy, McCain. These thighs don't fatten themselves, you know!

GD, April 3, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x568671

On a thread by NNN0LHI:

Chimpy and his minions are sure scarce today. Are they hiding?

response #8 by kineta:

probaby off making sacrifices to Pazuzu or Belphegor or something like that. n/t

GD, April 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x574481

On a thread by malaise:

Bushco is really scraping the bottom of the barrel
This Marsha Blackburn is unbelievably dumb even by Rethus standards.

response #1 by antifaschits:

LOL
She is so dense that neutron stars get jealous.

GD, April 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x578826

On a thread by Aviation Pro:

      Caption Bush and Cheney....
Photo of Bush at Rose Garden podium at right, Cheney in the bushes at left, tall lamppost in the center.

response #6 by Deep13:

      The only bright idea between Bush and Cheney? A street lamp.

response #10 by johnnie:

      "Hey Dick...
...can you get off that grassy knoll, you are makin' me nervous."

response #20 by Skidmore:

      Pay no attention to the man behind the Bush.

GD, April 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x574817

On a thread by babylonsister:

File this under 'WTF'?
"JAKARTA -- A 74-year-old Indonesian with 107 wives has reportedly been jailed for beating one of them in front of three others - because he suspected she had been unfaithful..."

response #3 by Cabcere:

Holy crap.
Sexism, hypocrisy, spouse abuse...man, this guy would be a prime candidate for the Republican party! :wow: Somebody put him on the ballot...

GD, April 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x579364

OP by Hubert Flottz:

      Where he leads us we will follow, what he feeds us we will swallow!
Watch out for the Chimps Ahoy and the Fig Glutens and don't eat any bad mayonnaise. Never put your feet under your lawn mower with Chinese tennis shoes on and for Gawds sake be careful. Stear clear of all foods of any kind and you'll be just fine. Do you feel safer today than you did seven years ago? With Bush protecting America who needs enemies?

Edit...Did I say Be Careful?

response #1 by CrazyOrangeCat:

      And whatever you do,
stay off of ladders, when yer eatin' Fig Glutens.

response #2 by Hubert Flottz:

      ALWAYS wait a half hour after eating your Chimps Ahoy before
you go for a scuba dive. Never drink alone.

response #3 by CrazyOrangeCat:

      Don't fergit to remember to set down yer bottle of Jack . . .
. . . when ya fire up the chain saw. :o

response #4 by Hubert Flottz:

      Don't put your best foot too far forward when running a lawn mower.
Measure twice cut once! Close cover before striking. Don't tailgate!

GD, April 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x573332

On a thread by cali:

      BWAHAHA. Mega-delusional NY Sun urges deadeye dick to run.

response #5 by Buzz Clik:

      I love it.
Can you imagine him, as the front man, at a press conference?:

Press: Mr. VP. Your campaign, now in its third month, has yet to raise a million dollars in donations. Do you really think that you can win the nomination without any money?

Cheney: I have no doubt that, at the end of the Republican Convention, we will be greeted as victors. Flowers, ballons, tickertape, corporate perks. The whole nine yards.

Press: Do you ever intend to reveal any information about the meetings you held seven years ago with the giants in the energy industry, and, if elected, do you plan similar meetings?

Cheney: (sneers) I know you. You're that big time asshole from the Globe. When and if such a meeting occurs, you'll be specifically invited. Your challenge will be to find the meeting and get past security.

Press: Your administration has been charged by some of the Democratic candidates as being the most corrupt and incompetent in recent memory, and that your role in those problems was central. How do you respond to that?

Cheney: Yeah, you can tell that guy for me that he can go f*ck himself. No more questions.

response #6 by htuttle:

      Cheney couldn't win an election against herpes

GD, April 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x573697

On a thread by NNN0LHI:

After Romney said he has been a hunter his whole life now admits going hunting only twice

response #8 by frogcycle:

yeah, he's been hunting for his ass
but he can't find it with both hands

GD, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x581671

On a thread by John Q. Citizen:

      Can anybody direct me to where I can find Hillary's stand on the issues?

response #1 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Here you go.
http://www.gallup.com/

response #3 by WannaJumpMyScooter:

      better luck nailing jello to a cross
on a hot day

Disclaimer: The DUzies neither endorse nor oppose specific candidates. Unless they're Republican candidates, in which case they can go suck eggs.

GD, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x583032

On a thread by cadmium:

I'm actually starting to feel bad for McCain. I'm
beginning to consider him a bit impaired

response #17 by TwoSparkles:

McCain is...
...nuttier than a ten-pound box of peanut brittle.

...and that's a whole lotta nutty.

I get the feeling that he went off the deep end after Junior insulted him
and his child--and then was forced to hug and grope Junior on the campaign
trail.

We'll never know why McCain made the choices he did.

We just know that he's now a human pistachio.

GD, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x587548

OP by rhino47:

      What are good ways to make wingnuts heads explode?
Just asking cause I have to deal with them over easter.

response #1 by Kutjara:

      A small blob of C4 in each ear.
Works every time. Stand back, though; it gets messy.

response #2 by rhino47:

      You think brains go well with ham? eom

response #4 by Kutjara:

      Fortunately, you don't have to worry.
Freeper heads are refreshingly brain-free.

The Lounge, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6387444

On a thread by babylonsister:

US Defense Secretary Warns of Massive Bloodshed in Iraq if US Military Operations Curtailed

response #9 by bluerum:

And then, then, once they are done causing massive bloodshed over there -
they will bring their blood lust over HERE. And then, they will kill everyone with clubs and their bare hands. They will rape the women, young boys and kick all the dogs. Survivors will be made to convert to some non-christian religion. They will take away FAUX news and make you eat HUMUS!!

ALL STARBUCKS STORES WILL BE REQUIRED TO SERVE TURKISH COFFEE!!!

GDP, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3200738

On a thread by jakem:

      Minnesota to Take Pigeon Eggs From Nests to Avoid Poop at Republican National Convention
"ST. PAUL, Minn. — Pigeon poop has long sullied downtown St. Paul sidewalks, but the slippery, smelly mess is gaining urgency with the Republican National Convention coming to town next year.

Sticky foam, hawk balloons and nets haven't gotten rid of the birds, so officials have a new plan: stealing pigeon eggs..."

response #1 by Olney Blue:

      Why don't they harvest republican eggs?
It would save more than a city.

response #2 by Old Crusoe:

      No sense blaming the pigeons. Most of the worst shit will be inside the
Republican Convention hall, coming from the podiums.

response #17 by chknltl:

      Purloining Pachyderms Pluck Pigeon Progeny!
....hmmm....perhaps I'll pass on entering my kids in the annual Easter egg hunt on the White House Lawn this year.

response #28 by Javaman:

      perfectly put. ;) nt

response #20 by otherlander:

      They shit, but even worse...
they're grey doves. Can't have doves flying around, dammit! This is WAR!

Other great responses in the thread.

LBN, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2796455

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Petraeus: McCain’s market trip ‘helped the Iraqi economy.’
"On PBS yesterday, Gen. David Petraeus tried to boost up Sen. John McCain’s (R-AZ) much-aligned visit to Baghdad’s Shorja market: 'He was not protected by a cocoon of security. Yep, there was security there, but he out — actually he helped the Iraqi economy quite a bit, bought a number of carpets, in fact...'"

response #2 by hobbit709:

      Get your hip waders on
The Bovine Metabolic Byproducts are getting deeper. If $5 helped the economy to a noticeable degree, what does that say about the state of their economy?

response #8 by catnhatnh:

      Let's think this through like a credit card commercial....
Military flight to Baghdad for senator and entourage-250K
Security sweep prior to visit-100K
Active security with snipers and 5 helicopters and armored convoy-150K
50 units of local currency into the local economy-priceless....

and in keeping with the republican law of ratios $500K=50 local currency=25% profit=12.5 local units pumped into the economy-Damn near the ratio engaged in the rebuilding of New Orleans...

response #9 by karlrschneider:

      Petraeus could be replaced by a used flashbulb.
:eyes:

response #10 by Jacobin:

      "He was not protected by a cocoon of security"
The sky is not blue.

The ocean is not deep.

Rain is made of blueberry muffins.

Now we know why Smirk found this new general. He is an outrageous fucking lying piece of shit.

Other great responses in the thread.

GD, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x584996

On a thread by and-justice-for-all:

      The dumbing down of America continues...
"PETERSBURG, Ky. -- Tyrannosaurus rex was a strict vegetarian and lived with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

Dinosaurs of every kind were aboard Noah's ark.

Some dinosaurs managed to hang around until just a few hundred years ago.

Exhibits showing all this and more will be at the Creation Museum, a $27-million religious showcase nearing completion in northern Kentucky..."

response #3 by Solly Mack:

      and then one day a T-Rex accidentally ate Bam-Bam, causing Pebbles
to go berserk and kill off all the dinosaurs.

response #19 by Bicoastal:

      So I'm going to open a museum about WWII...
...it espouses my theory that the Nazis were Bulgarians, led by the fearsome dictator Count Chocula, who wanted to conquer Antartica in 1878, but were defeated by a coalition soldiers from Tanzania, Uruguay, and the planetoid Eris.

True, it's a different perspective from what some historical findings have shown--not a viewpoint popular with the mainstream media and so-called historians, of course--but doesn't every side of this controversial issue deserve the public's attention?

Other great responses in the thread.

GD, April 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x586865

On a thread by kpete:

      Just in time for Easter-New Bin Ladin Video Message Expected To Be Released

response #1 by zanne:

      Did the Easter Bunny have anything to do with this? nt

response #3 by originalpckelly:

      al-Bunnah?
Osama Bin Hoppin?

GD, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x590240

On a thread by Phrogman:

      New Bin Ladin Video!! (April 4, 07)

response #6 by InternalDialogue:

      It's Friday. That's usually when the studios release their films.
Seems like OBL's vids used to just show up on some extremist website or at a Middle East TV station as a surprise. Now they're talking about upcoming releases. And coming soon to DVD... don't forget those classics that are being released for a limited time only from the Bin Laden Vault!

response #8 by Ezlivin:

      I think I'll wait for the Director's Cut
It's got deleted scenes and outtakes, plus a voice-over commentary by bin Laden himself.

I just hate sitting through all those promos of other terrorist threat videos before the main show!

GD, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x589363

On a thread by Bo:

      13 Year Old Arrested In School For Writing On Desk
"The 'suspect,' Chelsea Fraser, says she's sorry for scribbling the word on her desk, but both she and her mother are shocked at the punishment.

'I'm appalled, because here we have rapists, murderers, and you're taking a 13-year-old kid? Wasting valuable manpower to arrest a child who wrote on a desk?' Fraser's mother Diana Silva told CBS 2..."

response #5 by Ezlivin:

      Her actions give aid and comfort to the enemy
They are watching every single thing we do and when they see this 13 year old kid being disobedient it encourages them to be suicide bombers.

response #11 by MindPilot:

      And it demoralizes the troops
If the soldiers find out a school kid wrote on a desk they will simply lose the will to fight. It just isn't worth protecting freedom when it's abused like that.

response #24 by hang a left:

      Why does she hate America?

response #16 by wtmusic:

      I hope there's a statute of limitations
or I'm in deep doo-doo. :D

response #28 by Wilber_Stool:

      So the murderer asked me
What are you in for, kid.
Writing on my desk, I said.
And they all moved away from me.

response #33 by Rowdyboy:

      Over-reaction. Cutting off her writing hand would have been punishment enough.....
leaving her with no arrest record!

LBN, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2797052

OP by PCIntern:

      'Some People' are made of plastic, 'Some People' are up to no good...
I walked into the house, turned on the TV to MSNBC, and there's our friend Norah O'Donnell having a whole conversation with a 'guest' where the first two words out of each of their mouths were: Some People. This must have been seven or eight times in a row.

They have begun to parody themselves...the question is, do they know that they're doing this or do they function at an even lower level than that?

"Some People" want to know....

response #1 by MrModerate:

      "Some people" are gutless cowards . . .
"Some people" ooze off the page of an RNC blast-fax.

"Some people" haven't left the Washington DC city limits for 10 years.

"Some people" have been told by their corporate bosses to flog the wingnut issue du jour.

"Some people" are completely imaginary.

"Some people" make me barf.

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      Some people call me "Maurice."
But my name's not Maurice, so I've no idea what the fuck they're talking about.

response #3 by thecatburgler:

      Neither is mine but I speak of the Pompatus of Love! n/t

response #5 by Bornaginhooligan:

      You do? Great!
Now you'll be able to tell us what "pompatus" means.

response #5 by thecatburgler:

      I'm not sure but I think it's a bouffant hairdo on a platypus. n/t

response #12 by MUAD_DIB:

      Some people believe that Norah is a crack-ho that does it for free...
But I would never think that.

More good responses, and more music references, in the thread.

GD, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x591922

On a thread by bigdarryl:

      OH BROTHER!! this is a joke the media is having an orgasm over Fred Thompson

response #8 by melody:

      I thought we were done with Fred Thompson headlines for awhile
Why not Pat Paulsen? He has a better chance of winning.

response #9 by NYCGirl:

      Paulsen's dead. NT

response #10 by melody:

      Which was my point. :) n/t

GDP, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3202400

On a thread by malaise:

WTF: Newt speaking Spanish
to apologize. That was the worst Spanish I ever heard. What a fugging hypocrite.

response #5 by Bornaginhooligan:

"Meo apologizo por offendo mina mehicano amigos"
"Pleaseo forgiva meo, taco supreme, Spaghetti."

GD, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x593061

OP by Rosemary2205:

      Does anyone know what happened to the spelling police?
Is my spelling getting better or did they all leave the board? I even posted a "there" instead of "their" and no one gave me any love!

:silly:

response #1 by Kutjara:

      We're now called "The Spelling Secret Police."
Make enough mistakes and we'll pay you a little visit. At about 4am.

response #3 by Virginia Dare:

      "Their" at the National Spelling Police Convention...n/t

response #5 by lapislzi:

      We're in plane close
:P

response #8 by hlthe2b:

      We lost them after an accidental "Free Republic" deployment
If the spelling didn't kill them over there, the "content" certainly would... :evilgrin:

response #10 by Kurovski:

      I've been around and about passing out citations.
BEWARE, CITIZENS!!!

I can't be everywhere at all times. I need to read the dictionary at least two hours per day.

response #11 by tinfoilinfor2005:

      After several sesions with my syke, he told me losen up.
I feel much better know.

response #15 by Radio_Lady:

      Yes, you were defenitely loosing your grippe...

response #21 by tinfoilinfor2005:

      Yes, lost my grippe on realty.
(probably after the housing market declined...) :)

response #17 by SoCalDem:

      Hey.. even Spelling police get to take a spring break..They're out, making their new video
"Spelling Police Gone Wild"

don't miss the video..

It's full of :
Dangling participles (You KNOW you want to see that)
Split infinitives (OUCH!)
Double negatives (BIG ONES)
Conjugated verbs (HOT ACTIVE VERBS)
Nasty Gerunds unleashed

Other fine but curiously illiterate responses in the thread.

GD, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x592944

On a thread by Husb2Sparkly:

Monica Goodling to Resign Saturday - Breaking

response #18 by Old Crusoe:

She wanted to spend more quality time with her defense team.

GDP, April 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3202438