I had THREE Abortions and I don't regret it at all.

[Breeze54]

Hello all you "Truth Seekers".

----------

I was married for TEN years, THREE SONS and being abused... day and night! I was isolated and unable to even buy the basics without my 'husbands' "permission".... for 9 years and a half. It took me that long to figure out a WAY OUT!! Grr!! Actually? I KNEW how to get out, at the end, BUT he said he would KILL ME if he even THOUGHT I would TRY to leave (I left him once cross country and he followed) and he checked EVERYTHING and ruled by Sexual Abuse/MONEY when he thought his power was being usurped IN ANY WAY!! Getting out is/WAS NOT EASY... It IS DEADLY!!! THEY WILL KILL YOU!!!

WAKE UP AMERICA!!!!!!!

Help Abused Women!!

[Breeze54]

1. Forgot to add..... FOCK HIM and the Horse he rode in on!!

Bite me, assholes!!

[babylonsister]

2. OK. You're back. nt

[Breeze54]

3. LOL!

:hug:

PS. I hate HIM!!!!

[StarryNite]

4. After reading what you said...

I hate him too.

[Breeze54]

7. Thank You... that makes 2 of us...

A small army can grow. :-(

:hug:

[Breeze54]

5. OUR LAST DAY TOGETHER

We (he invited me out for dinner with friends to a "high falutin' place in the city)

It was extremely uncomfortable for me. He was all over me.. against my wishes...

He never took NO for an answer but he'd back off when friends were there.

I was soooo scared when they would leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(

When they would leave? His friendly, soft demeanor would dissapear.

That's when he got mean....

My own sister BLAMED ME for not wanting to comply!!!!??!!

It was ALL MY fault?

BS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are there still repercussions from all this shit?

A little.

Life is to be celebrated!!!! :D

That's my Opinion. ;)

:hug:

[aquart]

9. We helped a customer (who became a friend) get out.

Helped her go back for her cat and her clothes, too.

That pale, thin, washed out creature blossomed. She's now a realtor in San Diego with a LOVING husband and a beautiful house (and posters of Ron Paul but we won't go into that).

There is definitely life after abusive bastards.

[Breeze54]

28. We need more humans like you....

Thank You!

:cry:

:hug:

[aquart]

41. More my sister and my mom.

And we really do need more people like them.

[sutz12]

6. Glad to see you finally escaped...

Best wishes in all you do going forward.

[EFerrari]

8. I watched Dolores Claborne last night.

It was SWEET.

lol

[Just Saying]

10. I'm glad that you are safe and free.

I knew a woman who was not so lucky. :cry:

You are so right on! When an abused woman tries to leave is when her life is in the most danger of all.

I'm happy you escaped and I hope you find happiness and security. :pals: Best of luck to you!

Do you read The Nation? Katha Pollett just had a column on this very issue. I'll post the link if I can find it.

[Breeze54]

26. "When an abused woman tries to leave is when her life is in the most danger of all."

That IS the truth.

Thank You! :hug:

[Triana]

60. That is absolutely the truth. When an abuser sees he's losing control - he RAGES...

...and can become deadly. The statistics back up this one - when women leave abusers, that is when they are in the most danger.

[Triana]

11. That's what the "blame the victim, why doesn't she just leave" crowd DOESN'T GET...

..when you have NO money and your LIFE is in danger you can't "just leave" - especially if you have kids to worry about too.

Happy you're out and safe and away from the psychopathic control freak/abuser.

:hug:

[Breeze54]

14. Thank YOU for understanding, above all that were so sweet.

YOU get it!!!!

You get it. Thanks.

No money and YOUR LIFE IS THREATENED!!

OMG!

[Hello_Kitty]

39. Even if you don't have kids

He will threaten you, your job, your pet, your relatives, whatever.

[janet118]

49. If you don't work, you don't have your own money.

If you do have a job, the abuser will target you at your workplace. They will make abusive calls or show up on site until your employer lets your go. Further, many women are attacked while at work or when going to or from work. Kids make it even harder to escape - both parents have legal rights to see their children and an abuser can use the law and your concern for your children to hold you hostage.

Now abortion clinics are under attack and becoming harder to access. Why are so many men in the lead of the anti-choice movement? It's not about fetuses; it's about controlling women.

Good for the OPer for escaping and surviving to tell about it.

[Triana]

57. It is about control. All of it. Power and control. n/t

[Raster]

48. First of all, the "why don't you just leave" crowd is almost always male.

Two, they have no concept of some hateful, cancerous, controlling bastard insinuating himself into every aspect of your life; and
three, said bastard will do anything to keep his hold and control. You don't see very many FEMALE violent stalkers.

[Triana]

58. They have no idea what it is like to fear for their own survival or their own lives...

..and also for the survival/lives of children who depend on you.

No.

Clue.

[knitter4democracy]

64. No, they really don't get it. They think it's just the woman's choice to stay.

They burn her both ways: she's a loser for picking a guy like him, and she's a loser for not getting out. They really can't understand how the abuse works, that he starts out wonderful, the very epitome of the perfect guy, and then it's like the boiling frog and you wake up one day years later realizing that you're boiling and could die any day.

By then, you're a kept woman. Most have kids, so there's another serious worry--how do you keep them safe out on your own when you might not be able to keep yourself safe? You have no money and can't get any easily. You're a prisoner, and that's how he wants it. Add in the terror and abuse, and it's a miracle anyone gets out of those situations alive.

[dkf]

12. How awful!

I'm so glad you were able to get out of that situation. Bravo to you! Nobody should ever have to take that crap.

[Breeze54]

16. Keep spreading that word to your girlfriends... newly weds, OK?

:(

[nadinbrzezinski]

13. Hugs ...

And yes this is a serious issue, as you well know

As to getting it, most people don't

I do... and the most heart breaking moment always when dealing with abused patients was... how to try to help them to get out, and how to get the cops to STOP BLAMING THE DAMN VICTIM!

[Breeze54]

17. ((((Nadinbrzezinski)))

:hug:

:)

[EFerrari]

15. Sing it, sister.

[Breeze54]

19. Best reply yet.... It's THE LAW!!!!

You know what I mean. ;)

:hug:

[EFerrari]

22. Oh, yes I do know.

:hug:

[northofdenali]

18. Breeze - I've been there, done that -

and got out. Finally married the man of my dreams (we dated in High School!) and am living a great life now -

but without the support of women who'd been there before me, I don't know if I'd have had the courage to do it on my own.

I volunteer with our local women's shelter and some support groups. Some of the stories are way more tragic than mine - I got out with life and limb intact, only my heart and soul were severely damaged.

It takes time. Healing. Faith in yourself. Support from those who've lived it.

And a good, solid knowledge of self-defense tactics never hurts, either!

:hug::loveya::hug:

[Breeze54]

21. I LOVE YOU, northofdenali !!!

:hug:

:loveya:

THANK YOU!!!!

[frog92969]

20. As a man I'd like to say...

that there are alot of us on your side.

I have a very harsh position on predators that I won't go into right now.
Glad you made it out.
:toast:

[Breeze54]

23. I always admired 'Frogs"

:P

Thank You for being my friend, frog92969! :hug:

[frog92969]

31. Your story grabbed me

I was insecure in my early relationships.
Luckily I became aware before going from controlling to abusive,
and mustered up the courage to be strong in myself.

The payoff is that now I'm married to a very happy woman.
Don't give up on your happiness, it's out there.

[Name removed]

24. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[ProfessorGAC]

43. Me Too Frog!

I'm with you and i'm on Breeze's side too.
GAC

[Withywindle]

25. I am so glad you got out!

:hug:


check out this website: http://www.imnotsorry.net

[Just Saying]

27. What do (battered) women want

Here's that link:

http://www.thenation.com/doc/20090504/pollitt

Why do women stay? It's a question that rankles feminists because it sounds exasperated and accusatory. In Slate, for example, Linda Hirshman argues that empathy is "the soft bigotry of low feminism"--victims should just get a grip. (To be fair, it's hard not to be disappointed that Monserrate's girlfriend now supports his improbable story that he slipped while bringing her a glass of water.) But another problem with the question is that it implies that we don't know the answer, or rather, answers. In fact, we know a lot. There are practical reasons: economic dependence, fear of child custody loss, having no place to go, no network of support. There is fear that the man will kill her if she tries to leave--indeed, experts say that's the most dangerous time for a woman. And there are emotional factors, too: learned helplessness, low self-esteem, despair. Batterers are good at isolating their partners from friends, family and other sources of support and help, and at making them feel worthless, ugly and stupid. When we express bewilderment that a woman could stay with a man who hit her, we forget that physical abuse isn't like being punched by a mugger; it takes place in a context of ongoing emotional abuse and manipulation.

[Breeze54]

30. Well said.... fear of being killed was Number One for me.

:hug:

[Oregone]

29. Your post contradicts my preconceived notion that life is black and white

So, with my fingers in my ear, "Im not listening! Im not listening!"



:)


Thanks for your post

[Breeze54]

32. Exactly! It's kind of like... "he'll change and will still love me.."

"he'll change and will still love me.."

"he'll change and will still love me.."

"he'll change and will still love me.."

Then after being raped, in the name of marriage, they move on' BUT
YOU, as a woman, can NOT move on...EVER. YOU ARE PROPERTY!!!!!! :(

It wasn't just the NJ/NY mindset... even Scandinavian Farmers thought the same THING!!! ARGH!!!

It seems ALL cultures think they OWN women!?!

WTF?>!?!

:cry:

I HATE MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(

[Oregone]

33. You shouldn't hate men

Im a man. I definitely do not think I own any woman. Its rather a lease, being that it is expensive and subject to termination. :)

[Breeze54]

35. But ... I Love men!!

AARRGGHH!!!

Helplessly Hoping

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArczUVXrODQ

[pipi_k]

53. Not only that, but the really crafty ones...

know how to manipulate your feelings.

Meaning that they're not always assholes. They intersperse just enough kindness and love in between the abuse to keep the woman there, hoping....


Oh, and they're very good at this in the beginning as well...being so romantic, blah blah blah.

Part of my problem with leaving various abusive relationships was thinking back to how beautiful it was in the beginning and wondering what I could do to "make" it that way again. Like it was all my fault. I used to think there was something wrong with me, and that if the guy were with some other woman, she would be perfect and he wouldn't treat her the way he treated me. What I didn't understand back then was that he would act the same exact way with ANYONE who stuck around long enough to tolerate his shit.

Anyway, it took lots of crying and emotional work to be able to break free of the cycle of abuse. It's not easy, I know, especially when there are small children involved, or the man has convinced us that we're NOTHING without them.

[Blue_In_AK]

34. Wow, Breeze54, I didn't realize you were going through this.

I was with an abuser for 17 years myself. Not a day goes by that I'm not grateful that's all over. I hope your new life will be as full of peace as mine has been the past seven years. :)

[Breeze54]

36. You Rock....

I love you for who you are and I'm moving on too! ;)

:hug:

(I'm lying)

[Blue_In_AK]

37. It's so difficult getting away...

Some very hard years for me once I knew I had to go. PM me if you need to vent.

[Breeze54]

38. You've all said many nice things and that is appreciated.

It wasn't wasted on me... at all. ;)

That was so sweet and kind of you to say and I thank you ALL for that!

Look, life Deals a deck; a hand and we have to play it, right?! ;)

I will play it... and here's a BIG THANK YOU SONG FROM ME TO YOU!! :)

Please enjoy! :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ArczUVXrODQ

[Hello_Kitty]

40. Funny, I haven't noticed any of DU's resident MRAs yet.

For those who are uninitiated: MRA

[hfojvt]

42. why should you?

The OP said a few things, but I didn't see "FOCK MEN!!" as one of them.

[get the red out]

44. So those were the anti-choice cheerleaders!

I was on another thread with some guys that could have passed for f-ing Jerry Falwell defending the anti-choice crowd. I guess that was the group.

[Odin2005]

54. Ugh, I ran into one of those on another message board that calls himself an ANARCHIST of all things!

:crazy:

[Hello_Kitty]

63. A large percentage of 'libertarians' are actually MRA authoritarian control freaks

Their notion of liberty is the freedom of white males to own property. Since they view women and children as chattel, they are of course anti-choice because how dare the property get all uppity and think she can deny her owner's sperm?

[get the red out]

45. I hope your life is filled with joy

After all you have been through. A dear friend of mine suffered in an abusive marriage, the ways he threatened to kill her are beyond words, just hideous. To survive sane and be able to escape says a lot for your inner strength. Your children are lucky to have a mother like you.

[hlthe2b]

46. Such a difficult story... Thank heavens you got out of that.

I hope your sons are ok and got any counseling they may have needed as well...Your story is an important one to share. Be at peace, Breeze54.

[stray cat]

47. The murderer who killed the doctor also had no regrets -

I support your decision completely but a lack of regret for an action doesn't mean much.

[Name removed]

50. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[marshall]

51. Women having multiple abortions reaches record high

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article6335880.ece

[Karenina]

62. So what? The Times is a U.K. paper.

:eyes:

[rwork]

52. Breeze, reading your writings

you seem like a like a super-fantastic person. Loved the music.

[harun]

55. What does the title of your post have to do with the content of your post?

[bicentennial_baby]

61. I was wondering that as well

:shrug:

[Odin2005]

56. Oh God, I'm glad you are safe, now!

Why does it seem like these monsters always start out as nice and charming people and then suddenly change into abusive assholes?

[Dappleganger]

59. And how many republicans offered to help you?

I'm going to guess that would be a big, fat ZERO.

Kudos to you for taking your power back. :D