The marriage name game

[Stinky The Clown]

Did you take your spouse's last name or keep your own? Are you a he or a her? How did you make the decision to do whatever it was you did? Do you regret your decision? Has your decision caused any problems?

Discuss ......

[glowing]

1. I took my spouses last name.. woman married to man.

No regrets.. my last name is now spelled correctly and pronounced correctly. Until I was 25, most people were cluless.. Caused a bit of problems thru college with loans and such when they spelled it incorrectly.

[Mind_your_head]

2. No one could pronounce my maiden name correctly.....

as a school kid, I was in the back of the alphabet. NEVER got to be among the "firstlings".

I married got (and then divorced from) someone with a more pronouncable/'middle of the alphabet' last name. And even though, "I haven't stuck with HIM", I've stuck with the easier/better name.

[Luminous Animal]

3. My own name.

Our daughter has my last name, too. It has never caused any problems for 20 years until today, oddly enough! My husband went to pick up a rental car an hour or so ago, he wanted to add me as a driver but they told him that because we have different last names, they were unable to verify me as his spouse!

[rurallib]

4. We have many married friends with different last names

I get confused any more.

[HeresyLives]

5. Kept my own name. 40 years now.

I was born with that name, I will die with that name. It's mine.

[tabbycat31]

6. not married (female)

I would never even think of changing my name as to me it symbolizes being a man's property (which I am not).

I view my last name as part of my identity, and I will not comprimise it.

[azmouse]

7. I had no problem taking my husband's family name.

Never regretted it.

[NightWatcher]

8. why do some need a piece of paper signed by a clerk?

Been there before and heading there again too, but I really dont feel the need to legitimize the relationship with a paper signed by some court official.

I realize that it has nothing to do with the OP, but I just had to put it out there

[azmouse]

10. Many want the right to that 'piece of paper' very badly...

It really does mean something.

[NightWatcher]

11. I hope they get it. I'll march right beside them if they want it.

it's about freedom and choice. they should be free if they want to choose it.

[csziggy]

23. The same reason why GLTB want their right to be married - for the legal rights

Without that piece of paper, significant others do not have the same rights to share assets, get benefits from insurance and employment plans, to make health and legal decisions in case of illness or accident, etc.

I kept my name when I married my husband. And I never intended to marry - but we got into a situation where our legal relationship had to be defined. Since we were a woman and a man with a relationship we intend to last our lifetimes, getting that state marriage license was the most conventional, easiest, and cheapest way to define our relationship. I think it was $10 for the blood tests for each of us, $25 for the license, and a six pack of beer for the notary that signed the license.

To try to define the same rights - which in some cases is impossible under most state laws - would have taken many hours of legal time for an attorney to write up contracts. There are still situations where no matter how convoluted the legalese, rights held by family cannot be conveyed in a contract, or cannot be as fully conveyed as with that piece of paper signed by a court.

[polmaven]

32. That piece of paper

gives both partners legal rights they do not have without it. That is why GLBT are fighting so very hard to claim those legal rights.

I am a woman who has never married, but I would not take my husband's name if I did. As someone else has said, it makes it too much like being a man's "property".

I have friends who have each, however, hyphenated their names, including both...as did John and Yoko.

[mopinko]

9. married twice, kept my own (ok, my father's) name. took turns naming the kids

traded off, when i got the last name, he got the first name, then vice-versa. that part was good- no big battles about names.
aside from a lot of snideliness and stupidity from my own family, there has been very little trouble.
exhibit A of family stupidity- girls run in my family. in spite of large irish catholic families all around, my dad was the only male in 7 generations to have a brother. my brother also has one son. i have a son who bears my family name, but he does not count. when my aunt did a family tree book, there just absolutely had to be a picture of the only boy to carry on the name. sheesh.
other people have no trouble. even the schools have had no problem.

[handmade34]

12. will never give away my name

...I am a she and love my name. All my kids have my name.

[Orangepeel]

13. I'm a woman who kept my name

I like his name better, but I had a professional reputation already and didn't seriously considered changing it.

My husband said exactly the right thing about it before we got married -- that he didn't think women ought to change their names, but it was my name and I should do whatever I want. If I hadn't already known he was the right guy for me, that would have sealed it. :-)

[prayin4rain]

14. Changed mine so that when I have kids we will all have the same name.

Even if I divorced I would want to have the same name as my kids so I would keep it.

[mrs_p]

15. took my husband's name

as my father is a grade A asshole (and dead-end repub). couldn't get rid of HIS name soon enough. now, i have MY name.

[Hippo_Tron]

16. My mother kept hers for professional reasons

[proud2BlibKansan]

17. It was unheard of to keep your maiden name when I got married or I would have kept mine

I hate my married name. Love the man. Hate the name. LOL

[Beaverhausen]

18. I am about to get married and plan to keep my name - woman marrying man

both of our names are very common and they are similar, so it's kind if silly for me to change my name - sort of like going from thompson to davidson.

and I'm about to be 50.

[niyad]

19. when I married, back in the dark ages, took his name, because the military was too hidebound

to accept my father's name, even though there has never been a law that mandated that women change their names. and, as one person noted, the woman changing her name to that of her husband is all about the patriarchy and property ownership. both my father's name, and my former's, cause people a great deal of difficulty. and surprisingly few people recognize my name, so I give extra points to those who do.

when I got divorced, created my own name, as many have done, and will never, ever, change it for anyone. and a man who cannot understand that (referencing some very weird discussions on the subject ) would not be someone with whom I could consider sharing my life.

[uppityperson]

20. Married, female, kept birth name. My kid, husband and I all have different last names

No regrets about any of the name things, though one idiot admin person at the high school kept sending bs to kid's father "since had the same name, must be the guardian". Too bad if lived a thousand miles away.

Edited to add that my first husband demanded I use his last name "I've always wanted someone to take my name" and we got in a big argument when I suggested he get a dog. Then he got upset when I said I'd use his last name for my last name, and my old last name for my middle name. He said "you CAN'T change your middle name." Which led to another argument. We didn't last long together, were young and dumb and young and dumb.

I have had no regrets with keeping my birth name, people can find me, it is who I am.

As for having kid with different last name, had to take birth certificate a couple times to prove our relationship, which seemed stupid. If'd I'd told kid to say last name was same as mine, there would have been no argument from anyone. (pre OMG times)

[TahitiNut]

24. I like that. I've almost always thought it was silly that females changed their names.

Even as an old phart who's been married twice, I never 'required' or 'expected' my wife to take my (father's) last name. I didn't like nor want to feel as though she were CHATTEL. As a fella with half Norwegian ancestry (and 100% Nordic/Viking ancestry), I suppose I feel the patronymic instead of the (man's) family name made more sense. (Biological fatherhood is a matter of trust, after all.)

[LWolf]

21. I took both my spouses' last names.

I'm a female.

I took them because my maiden name meant nothing; I was born with it during the 2 years my mom had it. The man who gave it to her had nothing to do with me for most of my life. There was no connection to it; stuck with a name from people who had nothing to do with me. Why keep it?

Of course, then I was carrying another man who ran's name after the first marriage went south, and yet another man who ran's name to this day; I've been separated and then divorced for 8 years now.

If I had the time, energy, and resources, I'd change my last name to something with no connections to the past; my mom did, at 50. I'm 49; I guess there's still time.

To answer your question: I took my spouses' last names because the previous names didn't really belong to me.

[blaze]

22. A coworker of mine combined last names.

I thought that was a great idea.

Not hyphenated... kinda like taking Black and Ford and the new last name is Blackford.

[cherokeeprogressive]

25. That's what Tony Villar did. He married a woman named Raigosa

and became Tony Villaraigosa. He cheated on her, and is now divorced from her, but keeps her name as his own.

Strange.

[csziggy]

29. My sister thought about doing that - but their last name would have been "Fright"

:rofl:

[Solly Mack]

26. Hyphenated with a really long legal name

Pissed the man off at the local Social Security office when I went to get a new card after marriage. I just laughed at him. The more I laughed, the redder he got...the redder he got...the more I laughed. It was a good day.

Oddly enough, it still pisses some people off when they see it.

I still laugh.

[blaze]

27. I've often wondered

What happens when two people with hyphenated last names get married? I mean... somewhere along the line that could get truely out of hand! But I've always like the idea of honoring both families/names.

I guess that's why the combined name appealed to me so much.

[Solly Mack]

31. I can see it getting out of hand. lol!

Mary Margaret Thompson-Wilson-Reed-Johnston

It would be time to create a new last name from all the others.

[ZombieHorde]

28. I know a couple who both changed their name when they married each other.

They chose the name from an Enochian plate.

[marlakay]

30. I liked my last name but took his because

this isn't my first marriage and to say I liked my ex's last name better would have caused problems. I loved my old initials M.E. me....

I didn't like my maiden name either, too long.

[csziggy]

33. Female, kept my name. But I've seen various combinations

Mostly "for the kids' sake".

One girl I grew up with had a very confusing family name situation. Her mother got married, took husband A's name, friend was born, last name "A". Father was killed in the Korean War. Mother remarried, took husband B's name, had another child, last name "B". That husband was killed. Mother remarried, took husband C's name, had a child, last name "C". The parents got divorced, woman remarried, took husband D's name. No child. Then the mother and three children moved into the mother's mother's house. So you had children A, B, C, mother D, grandmother E. It was very confusing for most of the kids in the neighborhood! Most of the time if we talked about the family we used the grandmother's name.

I've seen mothers who took hubby's name, kept it after death or divorce until their child was out of school, then revert to their maiden name - that is silly to me. Why change it after nearly twenty years of using one name?

One of my sisters took her husband's name - though they joked about changing both by combining them - the result would have been "Fright" so they didn't. Another did not change her name and her kids took their father's name - predictable confusion at the schools when the kids started attending in high school (home schooled until them).

I figure a person's name is what they wish to be called. I use whatever they tell me to!

[CBR]

34. Took my husband's name. No regrets.