Top ten things that are good about the recent peanut butter scare:

[originalpckelly]

1. Spreading peanut butter on your bread was always hard work, now the peanut butter will crawl out of its jar and spread itself on the bread for you.
2. Products containing peanut butter are the key foods of the new Salmonella Diet storming the nation, lose five pounds in 72 hours.
3. The kids say there are fewer people in the lunch line at school on PB&J day.
4. THE HOME says grandma hasn't been regular in years, it appears to have caught up all at once.
5. Fido doesn't beg for his peanut butter snaps anymore, good boy fido, good boy!
6. The energy bars helped me run all the way home, they really do work!
7. The whole family remembers to replace the TP now.
8. Boiled peanut butter has the most interesting taste.
9. Bobby finally knows why we tell him not to put his turtle in his mouth.
10. Kids stopped making fun of the teenager because he has spots, now they all have the rose spots.

On a serious note, 8 people have died from this massive national fuck up, people are terrified of basic American cuisine, and this nation has another disgrace. The crooks responsible for this must be brought to justice. EOM.