My 3 dates with a closet republican

[jazzjunkysue]

(Total fluff piece, so, move on if you're looking for serious commentary with details.....)

I met (let’s call him John) in my dance class: social dancing, a.k.a ballroom.
So, I didn’t know anything at all about him.

We got through 2 and a half dinners during Barack’s first week in office.
Because of the constant news, of course, politics came up, and I made enough cute remarks to make my librul politics clear in the first dinner. But he claimed to never have voted for B* and not to be a republican.

So we’re having a good time and making plans and things are cooking along. Then, on the 3rd dinner, he says something about the election and I let it drop that B* rigged the 04 election.

That was the beginning of the end: He got upset: “Were you there, in person, to see it happen? How can you prove it? I thought we were going to have a nice dinner? Don’t you want to have a nice dinner? Can’t you drop it? You have to drop it. It happened 4 years ago and you can’t drop it…..”

He's hysterical.

I should have just dumped him right there, but I really liked him.

Back at his place, he’s insisting that I am “up tight” and defensive, with the not so subtle implication that I now have to sleep with him to prove I’m not defensive. As I get up to leave he loses it, knowing he’s not getting what he really wanted out of me, and the insults come flying out.

I’m biased and unreasonable and refuse to listen, holding a grudge, afraid to get involved, offensive, on and on.
When he said I don’t know how to have fun, I let him know that I have fun by making fun of B* and his administration.

The funny thing is, as soon as he knew he wasn't getting any, he wanted to convince me he wasn't pushing me for sex. Like, as if he wasn't on the losing end. I hadn't really turned him down.

I didn’t know until then that he really was very personally identified with B*. He considered it unthinkable that I would oppose the chimp. These followers really are hooked on the lies and cannot tolerate any thoughts outside their own. I could argue politics all day, but he can’t tolerate it. The strange thing is, he's quite seriously intelligent. Master's degree, really difficult professional consultant hauling in huge bucks. He's not dumb.

Here he was, really attracted to a woman who can shoot holes in everything he believes.

Needless to say, I’ll never see him again. Not because he didn’t agree with me, but because he really got hysterical and insulted me when I picked on B*. I can't imagine how he'd react if I ever disagreed with him on anything.

I don’t want to stick around for more…

I really can sit and discuss politics with a republican, but, the closet republicans are the problem: They can’t admit who they are and can’t tolerate any divergence from their ideology. It’s like free market capitalism is sacred.

p.s.: FYI: I never said one cross word to him, never shot back one word in anger, I just said I wasn't ready to get that involved. After the barrage, I said I didn't think he'd want to be involved with a woman who was all of those bad things, and left. I even said I was disappointed because I was attracted to him.

[barbtries]

1. thanks for sharing

at least he showed his true colors before you really fell for the act. amazing though isn't it that intelligent people can be so - dense? is dense the word? i don't know, i don't get it though.

[jazzjunkysue]

2. He knew he had to pretend not to be republican. That's change.

I feel like the long nightmare of the GOP dinasty is over, only to be replaced by economic upheaval.

[tblue]

19. Yeah. Look who's in the closet now!!!

LOL!

[dansolo]

35. He probably just pretended in order to get her into bed

Don't delude yourself into thinking that he was at all ashamed about being a Republican. He probably just picked up her liberal leanings, and he just put on an act in order to get lucky.

[ZombieHorde]

36. Yep, happens all the time. This is why so many high school girls think their good poets. nt

[jazzjunkysue]

43. Yep. He fooled me but decided he would either cash in or give up

on that 3rd date. Or, he may have thought I was just repeating what I've heard from friends, but I didn't really mean it. He may have suddenly realized he'd wasted his time when I knew about the election rigging. Either way, he was stunned that I'd rather stick with what I new and give him up. That really pissed him off.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. Great story!

K&R

I too wonder how they can believe the crap they do...

Their wiring is so different from ours...

You did well!

:hi:

[Idealism]

4. When one makes up their mind, facts are a mere nuisance

Thanks for sharing, you did the right thing

[jazzjunkysue]

7. yes: The facts are the problem: He's invested in the system that's made

him rich, and he doesn't want to know that others are not doing so well.

[Idealism]

18. I often wonder why greed is mistaken for ambition

and why these two seemingly interchangeable concepts in our society, are considered virtuous

[tblue]

24. Ayn Rand, for one.

I agree. I don't blame anyone for having money or making money, generally speaking, but to do it at the expense of or with no consideration whatsoever for those who have less, is a serious character flaw, not to mention the root of our country's current demise.

[tblue]

22. You could hang with him for a while just to open his eyes.

Take him to a homeless shelter. That's how Ed Schulz turned from a Rightie to a Leftie. He went to a shelter where his woman volunteered, and he realized most of the people there were veterans......... Changed him 180-degrees forever.

Actually, I couldn't go out with a Republican no matter what. And I don't blame you for bailin' on the guy. It's funny, tho, that he thought he had to hide it.

[TlalocW]

5. Not the same level as dating but...

I started work as a contract programmer in a new office on November 5 (recall that election day was the 4th), and as I was being introduced around one woman apologized for being in a bad mood - her reasoning was that she was distraught emotionally over Obama's victory and proceeded to tell me what a big republican she was (even had a poster of Ollie North on her wall when she was a teenager).

I'm looking forward to her eventual metldown.

TlalocW

[jazzjunkysue]

9. God help you. They're not rational. Don't breathe a word of your politics

to anyone there. Honestly, they can't take it.

[SmileyRose]

41. I'd make a point of going on librul on them.

The entertainment is just too priceless in the right situation.

[TlalocW]

53. At my old job, I was one of two liberals in the office

I was a programmer there as well. One of the sales men/project managers was an older gentleman with a lot of technical know-how and has since left to for his own ministry. One day he sent out that email about the difference between conservatives and liberals that takes the form of how each react to getting mugged. The liberal worries about how society has treated the criminal, what society with think of him and how he reacts to the muggers, etc. while the conservative reactions is, "*BANG*"

I replied all to that (including an outside client who was a minister at the guy's church) and re-worked the story into how the conservative's family is killed by the mugger, but the guy decides to blame some innocent guy across the street and illegally starts harassing him instead while the real killer stays out of jail and even brags to the conservative's friends and remaining family about his deeds, etc. This was when the Iraq War was really in full swing.

Well, the boss - a really big conservative - called him onto the carpet instead of me, and with my office being next to the boss's I could hear what he was telling my co-worker, and basically it was to stop sending that stuff out in the office and not to get into it with me because the boss had already found out that he couldn't win against me. :)

TlalocW

[ShortnFiery]

6. Yes, try having right wing nuts in your extended family.

My last conversation with my older brother was over two years ago at my father's funeral. He was going on and on (and on) about how terrific Bill O'Reilly was and then turned to me and quipped, "Did you know Bill's over six foot five?" Without missing a beat I retorted, "No, I didn't know they could stack shit that high."

The forgoing exchange was the last conversation I've had with him. Good riddance! :evilgrin:

[jazzjunkysue]

11. Oh, man. That's really fast thinking. Maybe he's softened up a bit

these days? I wouldn't want to lose a family member over this...

[TuxedoKat]

21. OMG!

I wish I could think that fast! What a great retort and very apt too, in Bill's case.

[tblue]

25. LOL!

:toast:

[roody]

37. My dad and two siblings are right wingnuts, and I don't understand.

When I was growing up they were nice people. Something happened.

[tjwash]

8. Dayum....

Back at his place, he’s insisting that I am “up tight” and defensive, with the not so subtle implication that I now have to sleep with him to prove I’m not defensive. As I get up to leave he loses it, knowing he’s not getting what he really wanted out of me, and the insults come flying out.

I’m biased and unreasonable and refuse to listen, holding a grudge, afraid to get involved, offensive, on and on.

This is only the 3rd date? And he's already throwing mental punches at you like that, in addition to trying to pressure you for sex on top of it? That's scary shit. That's abusive behavior that he is already exhibiting.

I'd get the hell away from that one REAL quick...

[jazzjunkysue]

12. Breathtaking, isn't it?

[dweller]

10. so

does this mean you are available again?

:7

dp

[jazzjunkysue]

15. Yep. Real available.

[wolfgangmo]

13. The key phrase...

"The strange thing is, he's quite seriously intelligent. Master's degree, really difficult professional consultant "

He suffers from experts syndrome wherein the more qualified someone is an an increasingly narrowed field of study, then less they know about anything else and more they are convinced that their expert status in that narrow field qualifies them as an expert in all fields.

And it seemed he has serious entitlement, power and sex issues.

[jazzjunkysue]

16. Bingo! He usually just gets everything he wants with a credit card.

No waiting.

[cushla_machree]

42. That sounds familiar

I have a family member who is very intelligent, doctor even. But thats about all he knows, loves Fox news. He doesn't come over often for dinner.

[Vinca]

14. I hope he paid for the 2 1/2 dinners.

If only you'd known right away you could have ordered something more expensive.

[jazzjunkysue]

17. I'll remember that next time!

:hi:

[DFW]

20. For the deceit alone, he deserved to be dumped

Lots of people (unfortunately mostly guys, of which I am one) have anger control issues,
and it is not wise to get involved with one unless you know from the start what you are
dealing with. I have two daughters in their early 20s, and that is one thing that they never
forgive, period.

The fact that he lied to you instead of coming out right away and engaging you in civil
disagreement (who knows--there might be some guy alive to have a sane reason why he
supported B* in the first place?) is grounds for deleting him from all address files,
electronic and otherwise, that you may have.

I don't know of any women expressing the sentiment that they wish I had been cloned, so I
don't pretend to be giving advice from the position of God's gift to women, but I know enough
women who have been disappointed (or worse) when guys like that lie about their true views--
it turns out often enough that if they lie about that, they lie about a lot of other things.
If anger-control issues are on the list, it's time to do an Olympic sprint in the opposite
direction.

*full disclosure--I am married to the most tolerant woman I ever met, and she has made
a strong case for getting nominated for sainthood for having put up with me for 34 years,
27 of them as a boringly married couple. Our daughters do NOT put up with dishonesty in any
way, shape or form with guys, and they have done pretty well by sticking with that.

[TuxedoKat]

23. Yuck

What a puke. I'm glad you figured out what he was really like before it went any further.

[santamargarita]

26. Perhaps see his voter card first?

:sarcasm:

[mrreowwr_kittty]

27. Great story!

There seem to be a LOT of closet Republicans these days. They call themselves "independents" or "Libertarians" but I can tell they voted for Dumbya both times.

[jazzjunkysue]

28. Exactly. Whenever I hear independent or libertarian, I know what that means.

Selfish, parochial, ignorant, greedy, incapable of empathy....

[mrreowwr_kittty]

29. Or they're still Republican but Bush "wasn't conservative enough"

:eyes: I'm like, he was conservative enough both times you voted for him and what, pray tell, issue is he "not conservative enough" on.

[jazzjunkysue]

33. I told my formerly republican Dad to vote for Kerry for that reason

because he was more conservative than B*.

He's since sliced his GOP membership card in 2 and mailed it back to them.

[liberal1973]

30. Interesting

Hmm... I usually ask my date if she dated any republicans. If that person says yes, then there won't be any more dates.

Even if the woman is a Democrat. I will not date a woman who has dated a republican, because to me that already speaks of bad judgement.

[Jim Lane]

34. But by your criterion you wouldn't date jazzjunkysue

"I will not date a woman who has dated a republican...." Shouldn't you at least soften it to "a woman who has knowingly dated a Republican"? Cut some slack for jazzjunkysue and other victims of deceit.

Then, of course, there are the women who date Republicans because they hope to change them.

[riqster]

31. Everything else aside, he's a liar.

If he lies about his politics, he'll lie about other stuff too. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

[WilliamPitt]

32. Shoulda blue-balled him and walked out in protest.

Hey hey, ho ho, your liberal date has got to go...

;)

[MsTryska]

38. Did he ever actually espouse any republican beliefs in y'alls

talks?

or are you presuming he is a republican because he wanted you to leave the politics alone?

I'm dating a moderate republican. We have very interesting conversations, and he's definitely not one of "those" republicans. he doesn't try to change my mind, I don't try to change his, and our conversations are civil, and broaden both our horizons.

I'm not saying you were right or wrong to stop seeing him, because it does sound like he turned into a general jackass in the apolitical sense, but to play devils advocate:

What if you were really attracted to someone and wanted to get to know them better, but they kept making snarky comments about politics that you didn't necessarily agree with while you were out to dinner? And it appeared they were bearing a grudge against a guy no longer in office?

You'd dump them right? He gave you the benefit of the doubt.


the only way to get people back from the darkside is for each one to teach one.

I'm all about converting via sex appeal, but that's just me.

[jazzjunkysue]

47. You're right: It's not his politics, it's his appalling behavior.

I mean, you usually have to be married 5 years to hear the character assasination that ensued when I refused him. And the thing is, you can be a true conservative and still admit that B* rigged the election.

I never made any broad claims like, "All conservatives are wrong about everything." That's not my take on it.

But he wigged out at the very mention that the election was rigged, as if B* is too honest to do such a thing.

I wasn't haggling over one bill or one policy or a detail: My vote was stolen and I'm not going to get over that. That's just immoral and unethical and dishonest and treacherous.

So, even though I can reasonably discuss the details and merits of both sides of an argument, he just muzzled me. He couldn't take any of it.

[MsTryska]

54. ah. well fuck him then.

I remember when the boy and I discussed 9/11. He was a bit taken aback that I think 9/11 was an inside job, and I'm sure he probably thinks I'm still crazy for believing that, but he still heard me out on why I think that, and it didn't blow up. Same for me when he gets on his Affirmative Action kick. I see his point, and I actually plan on making a post about it, but we are able to rationally discuss this stuff.

of course it really helps that when we start discussing the real everyday issues that we see (deregulation, high health costs, real estate tanking) we are in agreement from a policy perspective, even though he thinks he believes in a Free Market. :p

Basically i think any relationship, period, comes down to respect for each other. It sounds like this guy, no matter what his politics are, had no respect for you, and the idea that you may have a differing opinion. Therefore - he gets the door.

[SmileyRose]

39. I feel for you.

Thank goodness you found out early on. Not about the republican thing so much, but that the guy is a closet abuser.

And good on you for the way you handled yourself.

:hug:

[jazzjunkysue]

48. Thanks. As usual, DU is the best medicine for this.

I love this place! :hug:

[Brooklyns_Finest]

40. He was just being a regular dude

I am sure he was trying to "hit that" and move on. I have been in the situation where I was not intellectually interested in the woman, and at times downright annoyed with her, but I did what I had to do to get what I wanted. It appears that he was too weak to maintain the facade in order to accomplish his mission.

[jazzjunkysue]

49. You're really living up to your name there, Rex.

[KakistocracyHater]

44. my favorite insult is the "frigid slut"

good story & good call.

[jazzjunkysue]

50. Right. He questioned my psychological stability when I refused him.

It's an old, 7th grade tactic that shouldn't work on a middle aged woman, but that didn't stop him.

[MrScorpio]

45. You did good by walking

He sounds like a manipulative and abusive asshole

[abq e streeter]

46. I could never date, much less have a relationship with a repub

"closet"or not. Too bad, because I have a friend who was the lead singer in a band I was in about 15 years ago who still cuts my hair. We've often talked about the mutual attraction, but she's a conservative Christian, and I just can't possibly respect anyone like that enough to even date...hard enough being friends and holding my tongue about how she's been tricked into supporting the very people that are destroying everything decent about America ( and I'm positive she'll NEVER figure it out). I can't even talk politics with republicans anymore, its just too exasperating hearing them fall for such obvious lies. So in my opinion, you're better off without this guy; hold out for someone whose values you can truly respect. I am ( holding out), even though the loneliness gets overwhelming sometimes. but I gotta be with someone whose values mesh with mine. Best of luck to you in finding someone compatible, who you can respect as well as be attracted to.

[jazzjunkysue]

51. Thank you! Aren't you sweet! Respect really is the point, not the details.

[Jack Sprat]

52. It's about trust too. If you can't trust

someone to be honest, then it was going to cause real trouble for you in the future. You used good judgment as I see it.