Okay, I've fucking had it. New rules by GOD!

[Shardik]

All religions are hereby canceled.

If you want to believe in me, go ahead. Just keep it to yourselves. Our relationship is private.

Do I really need to again explain "Thou SHALL NOT KILL?"

Has anyone ever figured out that if we all took a vow of poverty that no one would be poor?

Don't pork your buddies wife (or husband).

Don't take what isn't yours.

Don't worship me. I'm fucking GOD! Not some insecure teenager. I don't even care what name you call me.

I'm sure I've forgotten a couple of things, but hey. I'm not infallible. Let me know and I'll consider things.

Your Bud,

God

[BlooInBloo]

1. heh.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

2. So you mean that "coveting your neighbor's goods" thing is all good now?

Hooray for Capitalism!

Because I have to admit that I've been coveting my neighbor's ox, ass, and male and female slaves lately and I was wondering if it was okay. :shrug:

[Shardik]

3. :) Coveting your neighbor's ass can cover a lot of ground.

Let's just say it's a no-no. :)

On edit: Unless you're both single.

[mrreowwr_kittty]

4. Yeah, his ass is pretty nice but I have a boyfriend.

Oh damn! I just admitted that I'm fornicating outside of marriage. :spank:

[NutmegYankee]

5. Damn you! I wanted to slap this Mosquito, but I can't kill!

I liked thou shall not murder better, like what was written in the current text. (except KJV, which somehow translated that wrong)

[Shardik]

6. Congratulations! You're now a Buddhist.

The "Thou shalt not murder" shit is from a nationalistic translation that was intended to support the formation of armies.

Just like the King James version wanted to get away from the Geneva Bible to tell folks that they could not get away from following a King's "suggestions."

Your Bud,

God.

[NutmegYankee]

8. Actually the Hebrew word is murder.

Murder is the killing of another human. Killing in general might just be whats for dinner.

[Shardik]

10. ut wasn't the original in Aramic?

But I see your point.

Dining on roadkill and old age animals would suck.

[NutmegYankee]

13. No. The Holy Books of Judaism are in Hebrew.

Aramaic was spoken by the people during the time of Jesus.

[Shardik]

14. You are right.

I am wrong.

And stand corrected. (Wrong "testament")

[NutmegYankee]

15. Uh oh. You're not going to send me on an Exodus are you?

One should never anger the Lord...

[Shardik]

16. Sorry, yes.

You must wander the Bronx for... say thirty minutes?

[NutmegYankee]

17. Oh, that's not too bad.

I ain't Bruce Willis and this movie doesn't suck :evilgrin:

[FloridaJudy]

24. Even the Dalai Lama

Has admitted he swats mosquitoes occasionally. Buddhists are instructed to avoid the taking of life, but if you inadvertently run over an armadillo or succumb to temptation and devour a hamburger that's understandable. Just try not to do it again, okay?

Near as I can figure the only religion that prohibits any killing whatsoever are the Jains. They even wear cloth masks to avoid inhaling insects - which I'm coming to think is a fine idea, at least here in Florida - having accidentally breathed in a gnat on my way home yesterday.

[TechBear_Seattle]

7. The Goddess beat you to the punch, my man

A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE

One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES?

"O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!"

WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL.

"I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe."

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

"But nobody wants it! Everybody hates it."

OH. WELL, THEN STOP.

At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.

The Principia Discordia

[Shardik]

9. Ahhh.... The Fnord! (I had to look that one up)

And how apropos!

:thumbsup:

[eridani]

28. Hail Eris! All hail Discordia! n/t

[juno jones]

31. Hail Eris.

BTW, I'm a discordian pope.

Now you all are discordian popes. See how easy that was?

[Hugabear]

11. I thought you died, George Carlin

Good stuff.

[Shardik]

12. I couldn't imagine a higher compliment.

Thanks.

[Two Americas]

18. brilliant

"Has anyone ever figured out that if we all took a vow of poverty that no one would be poor?"

That is really good.

[Shardik]

19. thanks.

and it's true.

[Two Americas]

20. all religions canceled

The problem is that each new religion tries to cancel religion, but people keep turning it back into a religion. I think what you are objecting to is people's tendency to turn anything and everything into some sort of tyrannical and irrational thing.

Here is how I see the switch that always happens. Most religions focus on a message of "clean up your own backyard and leave your neighbor alone and never mind what he is doing" but that gets perverted to "smite your neighbor in my name." It seems to me that this will happen with or without religion. I think the irrationality comes from trying to reconcile the two. Without religion, people could - and would and do and have - just get on with the smiting and not bother trying to justify that with "belief."

[Shardik]

22. I'll disagree.

The last serious try at putting religion into a real lite is when Marx proclaimed "religion" to be the opiate of the masses.

In the original context:

Religion is, indeed, the self-consciousness and self-esteem of man who has either not yet won through to himself, or has already lost himself again. But man is no abstract being squatting outside the world. Man is the world of man—state, society. This state and this society produce religion, which is an inverted consciousness of the world, because they are an inverted world. Religion is the general theory of this world, its encyclopedic compendium, its logic in popular form, its spiritual point d'honneur, its enthusiasm, its moral sanction, its solemn complement, and its universal basis of consolation and justification. It is the fantastic realization of the human essence since the human essence has not acquired any true reality. The struggle against religion is, therefore, indirectly the struggle against that world whose spiritual aroma is religion. Religious suffering is, at one and the same time, the expression of real suffering and a protest against real suffering. Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, and the soul of soulless conditions. It is the opium of the people. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is the demand for their real happiness. To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions. The criticism of religion is, therefore, in embryo, the criticism of that vale of tears of which religion is the halo.

[Two Americas]

23. I agree with that

I agree with Marx here, though I wouldn't say he "proclaimed" - reasoned, argued maybe. Proclaimed sounds so religious.

What is a yellow dog doing quoting Marx? That is such a minor and inconsequential part of what he had to say.

My point is that humans will turn anything and everything - including that statement by Marx - into a religious belief.

[Shardik]

26. Heh. 'm a "yeller dawg" from way back....

and I'm afraid you are right.

Far too many people in our society... All societies, want an easy excuse for their actions. And there are far too many people in the world who wait and want to take advantage of those superstitions.

[hlthe2b]

21. I subscribe to the rules by DOG....

If all would be the person their dog thinks they are, all would be well... (DOG will take care of the rest)...;)

[FloridaJudy]

25. I'm a member of the Dyslexic Untied Church of Dog myself.

[hlthe2b]

30. LOL

I hadn't seen that cartoon...;)

[Iggo]

27. And there it is.

"Don't worship me. I'm fucking GOD! Not some insecure teenager. I don't even care what name you call me."

I'm an atheist, and therefore already enlightened, but if I had to pick a god, that'd be my boy right there.

[Hubert Flottz]

29. Hey, how do you think this country got so fukt up?

Because they worship a freakin' "American Idol" and an AWOL.

[Blarch]

32. Mathew 6-5, 6-6, 6-7

"All religions are hereby canceled.

If you want to believe in me, go ahead. Just keep it to yourselves. Our relationship is private."


5"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. 6But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. 7And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

[jazzjunkysue]

33. "And quit thanking me for your pathetic awards show trophies. Like I CARE!"

"SHIT! I don't give a CRAP who wins the stupid effing football game, EITHER! SHIT!"