Men should always be the ones to say "I love you" first in relationship, writer says

[Liberal_in_LA]

Why women shouldn't say 'I love you'

Men should always be the ones to say "I love you" first in relationship, writer says

Says men take longer to process their emotions

If she says it first, may stop a perfectly happy, healthy relationship in its tracks

---------------------------

But an "I love you" uttered too soon, before the man has processed his feelings and reached the same level of adoration could end a relationship that just as easily could have had an eternal shelf life. As soon as those words are said, they change the dynamic. If a man isn't feeling the love quite yet, he may suddenly feel pressure to manifest that emotion. And if the woman doesn't get the response she expected, it could damage her confidence enough to derail the whole relationship entirely.

[Spectral Music]

1. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[dbackjon]

2. Once again, teh gays and lesbians are screwn

Which one of us should say it first?

And lesbians NEVER get to say they love each other.

[Liberal_in_LA]

4. The taller one says "I love you" first.

[Deja Q]

14. So having greater girth doesn't count?

:hide:

[Fearless]

37. And what about gay guys?

Is there a lottery or something? Do we draw straws?

How about everyone is just honest with each other from the beginning and use their best judgment as to when to say that?

[flvegan]

3. Sounds like a bad REO Speedwagon song.

[ret5hd]

12. Is there any other kind of REO Speedwagon song?

[flvegan]

13. Touche.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

5. Does there really have to be a plan for everything?

Perhaps, he should say it only on a Tuesday at exactly 8am, after a breakfast of oatmeal, while wearing a maroon bathrobe, if the sun is shining, and the dishes are done, and she's in the right mood, and wearing bunny slippers, and..and...and..

"You've taken all the magic out of the whiskey.." From a Eugene O'Neil play

[KansDem]

6. I've often said "I love you" first in a relationship.

And it was often the last "I love you" as well...;)

[ogneopasno]

7. Um, who gives a shit?

[Phentex]

25. I'm betting the man does first...

after the initial embarrassing noises...which later become just sound effects. :)

[ogneopasno]

26. Hee! Excellent response to my cynical throwaway tone-lowering post!

I salute you.

[villager]

8. that didn't work out so well in my first marriage...

n/t

[TahitiNut]

17. It didn't work so well in EITHER of my two marriages or last love affair.

:shrug: That's what I get for being "in touch with my feelings" I guess. It's just not "manly" to go against stereotype.

[villager]

28. Word. I wanted to "talk about feelings." She clammed up,

Yeah. She was "real appreciative" of me.

[Demeter]

9. Link? Name of Writer? Anything?

[Liberal_in_LA]

19. oops:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/12/26/tf.women.say.love.you/

[JDPriestly]

10. Can you please give me a website reference on that.

I have no idea how to use the share/bookmark references. Thank you.

[deaniac21]

11. If the man is getting laid properly and the chemistry is there, he

WILL come around ;-)

[firedupdem]

21. LOL!!!

:rofl:

Learning how to hula hoop early in life always helps! LOL!!!!

That was a bad thing to say and I know it!

[Raksha]

15. Sadly, I have to agree.

Re Men should always be the ones to say "I love you" first in relationship, writer says

Says men take longer to process their emotions

If she says it first, may stop a perfectly happy, healthy relationship in its tracks.

Being the impatient type, and having "said it first" more times than I even want to think about, I have to say this was indeed my experience.

But then there was that ONE time when the guy responded: "I love you too." I remember how disoriented and helpless I felt. My first thought was, "NOW what do I do?"

What I ended up doing was marrying him. We had two kids, and we stayed married for 25 years, until his death in 1994. The exception that proves the rule.

[CANDO]

16. No matter who says it first......

Know it and feel it and be sure of it, before you say it. Don't use those words as part of a "strategy".

[Peregrine Took]

18. Lets face it, its a big matzo ball to have on your plate. Whoever says it first.

[yurbud]

20. should women be the ones to initiate first sex?

for a similar reason?

[yella_dawg]

22. Oooh..

Good point.

[Demeter]

23. Without an "I Love You"?

Sounds more like asking to be screwed and not nicely, either.

[yurbud]

27. guys aren't that picky, or do you mean an ''I love you'' from the guy?

[Demeter]

35. From the Man, Of Course

[lolly]

24. Well, I didn't read the article

I'll admit that, but I'm guessing, from a rigid-gender-roles person like this author, they are supposed to wait until they're married to have sex.

[Fearless]

39. Well I do want to have sex eventually!

:eyes: :rofl:

Seriously, I think that this whole debate would be solved with better communication between the couple.

[LeftyMom]

29. Oh my god my relationship is doomed!

Doomed! Over something I said years ago!

:counts years on fingers:

Okay, maybe not so doomed...

[cali]

30. I was never the first to say it in a relationship

and I often felt uncomfortable when the guy said it. In fact, it took having a kid for me to get comfortable saying "I love you".

[orleans]

31. if the guy says i love you then the woman needs to respond

with an "i love you too" after approximately twenty to thirty seconds.

if she responds *too* quickly it will seem as if she has thought about it before because she has her answer ready--thereby appearing too eager.

if she doesn't tell him in the near future (approximately twenty to thirty seconds after he tells her) he may suffer from relationship insecurity or a bruised ego. he might also convince himself that she really isn't worth it if he has to wait and wonder and worry about her loving him back or not.

if the woman responds after about 20 or 30 seconds it will appear as if the man was the one with this novel idea, and after a moment to consider it she also feels the same way.

if the woman tells him that she cares about him, but anything more is going a little too fast for her he will, most likely, read that as a polite blow off and the relationship is over at that moment.

unless he is either a sensitive, understanding person or one of those people who don't take no for an answer--in that case he may give her some time to think it over.

goddamn! relationships are so fucking complicated, aren't they?

[XemaSab]

33. The proper response:

Throw yourself into the other person's arms.

It's not a yes... but it will pass for one.

[orleans]

34. like this?

[Hannah Bell]

32. imo, no one should ever say it. you know if you're loved.

and if you don't feel it, the words don't help.

[Fearless]

38. I think it's nice to be reminded.

Especially if I'm not feeling good about myself at a particular moment.

[agincourt]

36. Say it when you feel it,

and don't make gender a straitjacket.