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JeffR
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Sat Dec-13-08 09:44 PM Original message |
| *** DUzy Awards for weeks ending December 5 & December 12, 2008 *** |
 Welcome to the natural-born non-Kenyan DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from the past two weeks on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal. Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. On a thread by SallyMander: Tips for finding cheap(er) tickets to Ireland? response #19 by leeroysphits: You could always try to win some White Star Lines tickets in a poker game. n/t OP by mw: Thank you, George Bush, for doing the right thing since Nov 4th That being: NOTHING. George Bush is doing the greatest service he possibly can to the US by DISAPPEARING and NOT TOUCHING ANYTHING. There's only one president at a time...and fortunately, we have Barack Obama now, after having NO president for almost 8 years. response #1 by Sebastian Doyle: Yeah, but what's Cheney doing? And does it have anything to do with recent events in India? response #4 by Xipe Totec: Dick is busy with paperwork He doesn't have a shred of free time left. response #10 by Shiver: He's keeping himself busy Not easy to move a portal to hell from Washington D.C. to Wyoming. There there's the packing of the torture implements, the priceless Nazi memorabilia, making sure all the bodies are buried deep enough (in case the Bidens get a dog too)... the list goes on. On a thread by underpants: Drug-smeared boobs knock out robbed men "UGANDA'S police warned male bar-goers to keep their noses clean after a probe found a gang of robbers had been using women with chloroform smeared on their chests to knock their victims unconscious. 'They apply this chemical to their chest. We have found victims in an unconscious state,' Criminal Investigations Directorate (CID) spokesman Fred Enanga said. "You find the person stripped totally naked and everything is taken from him," he said. Mr Enanga, who explained that several types of heavy sedatives had been used, said he first came across the practice last year when an apprehended thief named Juliana Mukasa made a clean breast of the matter. She is a very dangerous lady,' he said..." response #3 by OmmmSweetOmmm: It was a booby trap! :rofl: response #5 by peekaloo: hee-heeeeee. knockered out. :rofl: response #6 by Bucky: Are the crooks at large still or have the cops finally got a bust in this case? response #17 by Shiver: Can't be too long, if they aren't already... I mean, with a method like this, the charges must continue to rack up. GD, November 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4554975 On a thread by warrior1: Google Earth Greenland There's something going on. There's a 25 mile long oblong shape coming out of the ice sheet. response #28 by dixiegrrrrl: Wow..I can see Greenland from my computer. 2012, here I come. On a thread by AJH032: Obama to nominate Hillary for Secretary of State on Monday response #3 by rug: GDP to institute stop-loss progran for moderators on Monday. OP by proud2Blib: Great bailout joke Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died. Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.' The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.' Chuck said, 'Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.' The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with him?' Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.' The farmer said, 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!' Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.' A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?' Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.' The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?' Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.' Chuck now works for Goldman Sachs. response #1 by TahitiNut: Chuck better hire an accountant. His profit is $898, not $998. :silly: :dunce: Yes, Virginia, once an auditor always an auditor. It's a curse. :rofl: response #8 by bvar22: No, He wrote off the first hundred as a Business Expense, and then claimed it as a a Capital Loss. Then he asked Congress for a Bailout and made another Thousand. After that, he went looking for Dead Donkeys. response #3 by Skink: The second guy then repackaged the donkey into derivatives. On a thread by Are_grits_groceries: Savior Causes Collision- Jesus' will because the other motorist was not “driving like a Christian.” "A speeding pickup rear-ended a woman's sedan on the South Side on Friday morning and sheriff's officials say the driver said it was Jesus' will because the other motorist was not 'driving like a Christian.' The bizarre incident that shut down southbound U.S. 281 above the Medina River happened about 7:25 a.m. 'He just said God said she wasn't driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road,' said Lt. Kyle Coleman of the Bexar County Sheriff's Office..." response #5 by quantessd: I wonder if God will pay his fines and increased insurance, too? response #10 by ColbertWatcher: I believe God's will dictates that we pick up the tab. n/t response #7 by IanDB1: "God is my Co-Pilot and He Wants Me To Punish You." n/t response #9 by KansDem: "Who Would Jesus Rear-End?" Just how do Christians drive? response #14 by JVS: When your driving is so awful that you rationalize it as a manifestation of God's wrath... maybe it's time to buy a bus pass. response #15 by Are_grits_groceries: I hope the judge has a "Come to Jesus" hearing for him! response #18 by ColbertWatcher: From the officer giving the citation: "Where's the rapture, buddy?" n/t response #31 by eppur_se_muova: Idiot -- you're supposed to wait for the lightning bolt. God's got this covered, OK? response #51 by dixiegrrrrl: "objects in your rear view mirrow look crazier than you think" response #52 by lame54: They should give GOD a Breathalyzer Poll question by Buzz Clik: Is it really necessary to voice your opinion about everything? Just asking. response #1 by TahitiNut: Wouldn't you like to know? :dunce: response #4 by dkf: Is that humanly possible? response #20 by lumberjack_jeff: Give me ambiguity, or give me something else. n/t response #23 by Bluzmann57: Yeah My opinion of this post is that it is ridiculous. My opinion of the answer to this post is that it is ridiculous. And it's snowing outside. That stinks. Of course, that's just one man's opinion. response #24 by slay: I don't know. Maybe. The ultimate answers to every question. Really you say? Maybe. Where did I get this info? I don't know. Am I sure? Maybe. So I can avoid giving my opinion about whether or not abortion should be legal? I don't know - maybe. Now if we could only get others to use these responces instead of chiming in with dopey opinions all the time the world would be a better place right? I don't know. Maybe. :evilgrin: response #27 by dwickham: yes jeesh! response #28 by Buns_of_Fire: I voted "Robb is a dingbat." But only because you left out "I like to vote." :-) response #37 by stlsaxman: No. Just my opinion, and that's a fact! GD, November 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4561718 OP by Breeze54: Fuck all of you... I'll celebrate Xmas, T-Day, LIFE, LOVE, My Friends AND IF you don't like it?!! Then do you know what to do?? :shrug: BLOW IT OUT YOUR ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! response #1 by Forkboy: Now there's some Christmas spirit even I can appreciate! ;) response #11 by Tom Kitten: What's with this "Xmas" bullshit? Put the goddamm Christ word back where it belongs, as in "Christmas", not "Xmas", and then maybe I'll ponder your point seriously instead of just farting in your general direction you big bag of gas!...and oh by the way Merry "Christmas" asshole! This guy (me, pointing towards myself) happens to believe in Peace on Earth and Good Will towards All, so fuck you! P.S. Happy Fucking New Year! Maybe we can get together and clean up our garbage strewn society sometime? (With an inspiring graphic by Thomas Kincade, the Painter of Light!) response #12 by unapatriciated: Go ahead but I'm returning your gifts response #25 by iwillalwayswonderwhy: Ahem...is this thing on? Holidays are here, The folks are all happy, The music is playing, and it's all sweet and sappy, I wish you season's greetings, Best wishes, peace and luck, and if you do not like it, you can take a flying fuck. The end. response #36 by Bluebear: You should write for Hallmark! :hi: response #38 by flvegan: "Xmas"? "Seasons Greetings"? Fucking pagan heathen. War on Christmas much? On a thread by CatWoman: Henry Kissinger gives me the creeps response #19 by mitchum: I do a great Kissinger impersonation that involves a pair of glasses and my penis On a thread by Robbien: Nestle water ads misleading "Canadian environmental groups have filed a misleading advertising complaint against Nestle disputing claims in an ad by the world's largest food company that its bottled water has numerous ecological benefits. A group comprising Friends of the Earth Canada, the Polaris Institute, the Council of Canadians, Wellington Water Watchers and Ecojustice said Nestle Waters Canada contravened the Canadian Code of Advertising Standards 'by making false and misleading statements regarding the environmental impacts of its product' in full-page newspaper ad in October. 'They can spin the bottle all they want, but the truth is there is no green solution to bottled water,' said Joe Cressy, Campaigns Coordinator, for the Polaris Institute, in Ottawa..." response #11 by happy5: I have a Berkey filter the stainless steel model. The filter system is expensive, about $250-300, but it can pretty much filter anything up to radioactive urine. http://www.berkeyfilters.com/ And I also use the plastic water bottles for months at a time, with 8-9 in my fridge. response #14 by awoke_in_2003: Never had radioctive urine... though some of the stuff that has come out my other end is questionable :) Poll question by skygazer: Is there a more obnoxious and childish-sounding epithet than "hater?" :bluebox: No :bluebox: Hell, no response #1 by PeaceNikki: Poopyhead response #2 by Rabrrrrrr: Ooh, the old "I hate the term hater" meme. :rofl: response #8 by Midlodemocrat: I hate the word meme, hater. :rofl: response #7 by JVS: Don't be a hater hater hater response #10 by Oeditpus Rex: Hater, Hater, bo Bater... response #12 by hunter: The potty-mouthed haters are the worst... ...real dickheads. The Lounge, December 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8285722 Poll question by Amerigo Vespucci: Your FAVORITE menu item at the George W. Bush Presidential LIE-berry cafeteria-slash-gift shop :bluebox: Shit sandwich. Two slices of bread with eight years of shit sandwiched in between. :bluebox: My Pet Goat's Head Soup :bluebox: Twin Towers Got My Bullhorn Standin' On The Rubble Dubble Cheeseburger with Freedom Fries :bluebox: LIE-berry pie a la mode :bluebox: DECIDER apple cider :bluebox: Poppy Bush poppy seed muffins :bluebox: Barbara Bush Beautiful Mind Deep-Fried Batter-Dipped Brain Sanwich on a bun :bluebox: Jenna Bush Munchie Deluxe: 48 Taco Bell Taco Supremes with a full bag of Oreos chaser :bluebox: Jeb Bush Big Swollen Head-cheese sammich :bluebox: OTHER response #1 by TheGoldenRule: You forgot the booze to wash it down with. :puke: response #2 by Amerigo Vespucci: "The long-neck, what the heck, I'm OUTTA HERE" burger 'n' brewski special... ...just for you, my friend. :toast: :rofl: response #3 by Ilsa: You also forgot W's special "salt"; you know, those tiny packages of very refined white powdery stuff. response #6 by LiberalEsto: What, no pretzels? I'm all choked up. response #7 by Inkyfuzzbottom: You left out my favorite... Beer Battered Mission Accomplished Codpiece Cod...fries optional. GD, December 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4568689 OP by Kurt_and_Hunter: Hillary fell for it! Obama is a genius constitutional lawyer! he got Hillary to resign from the Senate knowing full well the Constitution prevents her from being Secretary of State. Blinded by power-madness, the 'monster' walked right into the trap. Next week Hillary will be withdrawn and Richardson will move from Commerce to State, which was the plan all along!!! And Hillary will be nothing more than a sad old lady out of a job. No Senate seat. No SoS. And now Barack has the list of Bill CLinton's donors so he came blackmail both Clintons into retiring from public life altogether. Game. Set. Match. _________________ Offered to save some wear and tear on the brains of folks trying to come up with this week's annoying paranoid Clinton fantasy. response #8 by Gman: Put down the crack pipe and step away from the computer put your hands where we can see them. We're here to help you... response #17 by H2O Man: The White House Weatherman strikes again! response #18 by Alter Ego: Hillary Clinton is composed entirely of uranium 235. Hillary Clinton's eyes shoot mind-control beams that subjugate her targets and forces them to appoint her to positions of power. Hillary Clinton's arms are prosthetics that hide her large, Kraken-sized tentacles. When Hillary Clinton goes to give blood, she declines the needle and instead just requests a handgun and a bucket. response #53 by truedelphi: Remind me not to drop by your house if I should ever be in the neighborhood. Not that I would mind your company, but should one of the glasses in front of me seem slightly different than the other -- And heavens help me if you are serving almond cookies along with the drinks... On a thread by ccharles000: Why in the world is Ludacris campaigning for Jim Martin. response #4 by malaise: Why not Princess Ludicrous is campaigning for Chambliss. :rofl: On a thread by redstate_democrat: Steve Schmidt: Bobby Jindal will be President response #31 by socialdemocrat1981: Steve Schmidt? You mean the guy who made McCain President? Oh wait a minute.... response #51 by TexasObserver: EXORCISM IV - the Jindal Factor I can hardly wait for that film to come out. Sequels usually suck, but this should be good. response #62 by tomg: Jindal and Palin in 2012. What a show. One can perform exorcisms while the other talks in tongues. Maybe Jindal can exorcise any witches hanging out around Palin. Then, since one is conservative ( as in 11th century) Catholic and the other makes your standard Fundie look like a Unitarian, Jindal can accuse Palin of heresy while Palin gives a speech about Rome as the Whore of Babylon. (in fact and in fairness, Jindal never performed an exorcism - that has to be done by an official exorcist - but he was present at a sort of do-it-yourself exorcism while in college for a woman he knew). On a thread by maddowfan: You Guys Do Realize That Clinton Is The Most Respected/Adored Figure In The World, Right? response #78 by robertpaulsen: You must be drinking Kool-Aid, Jim Jones is the most respected person in Obama's cabinet. Just kidding. I just wanted to put the words "Jim Jones" and "Kool-Aid" in the same sentence. response #160 by MilesColtrane: Most adored? Not until her image begins appearing on tortillas and toast. On a thread by hedgehog: Am I the only one uncomfortable with our SOS playing a command performance for the Queen of England? response #12 by jobycom: Nah, I'd rather her tinkling in front of the queen than dumping on the rest of the world. Poll question by Richardo: Phrases that make you instantly stop reading a post: :bluebox: "Truth to power" :bluebox: "Folks" :bluebox: "Fascist" :bluebox: "Hugh" :bluebox: "Wait for it" :bluebox: "Author: Richardo" :bluebox: Other (name it!) :bluebox: On edit: "Recommend this post if you agree with me" response #3 by Symarip: star star star CAPS CAPS CAPS star star star I think we're all guilty of it but it really is annoying when half of the threads in GD or GD P look like that. response #16 by kingofalldems: Blah blah blah blah----Here's why response #17 by jakefrep: Other - Ralph Nader. response #19 by Aristus: "Teh kitteh". I'm done right there, man... response #47 by Ptah: Teh anything. response #57 by Peake: (Poll) response #84 by underpants: "Hitler" + "Dry humping" The Lounge, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8289129 On a thread by RamboLiberal: Wounded deer attacks hunter who shot him "A Sedalia hunter bagged a big buck on the second day of firearms season, but the kill caused him a lot of pain. Forty-nine-year-old Randy Goodman said he thought two well-placed shots with his .270-caliber rifle had killed the buck on Nov. 19. Goodman said the deer looked dead to him, but seconds later the nine-point, 240-pound animal came to life. The buck rose up, knocked Goodman down and attacked him with his antlers in what the veteran hunter called '15 seconds of hell.' The deer ran a short distance and went down, and died after Goodman fired two more shots. Soon Goodman started feeling dizzy and noticed his vest was soaked in blood. So he reached his truck and drove to a hospital, where he received seven staples in his scalp and was treated for a slight concussion and bruises..." response #21 by scheming daemons: That makes the score this hunting season: Hunters 3,456,123.... Deer 1 It's getting closer. ;-) response #36 by PurityOfEssence: Bambo: Second Blood Too bad it didn't get away. Poll question by XemaSab: YOU MUST CHOOSE: Bush or Nixon? If you had to pick either George W. Bush or Richard Nixon for the next president, which would you choose? :shrug: :bluebox: Bush :bluebox: Nixon response #1 by d_b: Suicide. response #2 by DS1: Nixon. He's dead. Biden wins. Game, set, match. :P response #16 by dixiegrrrrl: Nixon..here's why 1. as mentioned upthread, he is dead. (do we have a dancing on the grave smilie? something tells me it is going to be in demand) 2. He had a brain. He could read. He liked to read. 3. He actually could rein in someone like Kissinger. 4. He really did give a damn about the war protesters, his image vis-a-vis Viet Nam. 5. He could articulate a thought. 6. He was capable of serious retrospection. 7. His lushdom came at the end, not the beginning of his presidency. No one could call him a feeble-brained sot. 8. He is dead. (just wanted to enjoy the emphasis). response #19 by rateyes: Well, well, well, that is the first and last time I ever voted for Nixon. response #26 by michele77: I didn't vote... I'm a Latin Americanist...so I can't pick Nixon even though Bush sucks the left nut of a burro. There, I said it. GD, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4575519 OP by a kennedy: Best idea I've heard in a while.... Members of Congress should wear uniforms like NASCAR drivers, so we can identify their corporate sponsors. response #34 by awoke_in_2003: It is sad... 540 elected members of congress give the rest a bad name :) response #21 by Ezlivin: They're already good at going in circles for hours OP by Bucky: I didn't ask you if you *wanted* a blessed day, I merely wished that you would have one! Geeze Louise, I didn't know wishing you well would stick a bug up your butt. It's just a figure of speech, slightly less stale than the cliche "Have a nice day," but slightly less banal than "See ya." If offering good tidings to you, the most basic form of human communication, is that offensive, allow me to suggest relocating to a hermitage of some sort, a retreat where you'll never be offended by the insufferable salutations of your fellow humans beings. response #4 by Truth Hurts A Lot: What should someone say when someone else sneezes? Damn you! response #8 by Mz Pip: How about "Cover your mouth, you asshole!!!" That should work... response #10 by Orrex: Doesn't bother this atheist, except... I was a little put off when coworkers, fully aware of my non-belief, insisted on telling me how God had blessed my wife and me with the birth of our healthy children, and stuff like that. I respect that their views include some sort of fellow named God; I'd like them to extend me the same respect and recognize that I do not share their belief. I mean, when Joan announced that she was pregnant, I didn't say "Congratulations on a successful conception subsequent to fornication in this rudderless universe of ours." I said "Congratulations" and left it at that, respecting that her views differ from mine. Incidentally, when someone tells me "God bless you" after a sneeze or whatever, I usually reply "every little bit helps." response #15 by Shiver: Funny... That's EXACTLY what I said when my cousin was pregnant... She replied with, "The odds of conception were favourable based upon my current rate of fornication in conjunction with the timing of my menstrual cycle." :shrug: response #45 by foxfeet: And are you both Coneheads? :P response #17 by zbdent: Hey, I'm sorry for snapping ... I had a bad day, horrendous PMS and I'M A GUY!!! On a thread by DeSwiss: Driving Under The Influence Of Christianity "A speeding pickup rear-ended a woman's sedan on the South Side on Friday morning and sheriff's officials say the driver said it was Jesus' will because the other motorist was not 'driving like a Christian.' The bizarre incident that shut down southbound U.S. 281 above the Medina River happened about 7:25 a.m. 'He just said God said she wasn't driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road,' said Lt. Kyle Coleman of the Bexar County Sheriff's Office. The driver of the pickup was identified in a Sheriff's Office news release as Michael E. Schwab, 52, of Blooming Grove. Schwab told first responders at the scene that 'the other vehicle was not driving like a Christian and it was Jesus' will for him to punish the car,” according to the release. The 35-year-old woman was driving her sedan north when the pickup struck her vehicle. Schwab told deputies he was driving faster than 100 mph at the time, Coleman said. The impact caused both vehicles to spin across a median before they came to a stop along a barrier in the southbound lanes. No other vehicles were involved. Though both vehicles were badly damaged, the drivers suffered minor injuries..." response #4 by Bozita: At 100+ mph, it didn't take him long to receive and interpret his message from God Must've been a text message. response #9 by moggie: Ramming at 100mph = driving like a Christian? Is that what they mean by "God speed"? Personally, I'd like to know whether the un-Christian car had any bumper stickers which offended this warrior of God. On a thread by Low Notes: Sarah Palin a Superstar? What?? response #4 by Feeney2: Wake me up when she says something with substance. response #9 by 11 Bravo: Rip van Winkle, is that you? GDP, December 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7949323 OP by dixiegrrrrl: Did you know there is a Henchmen's Union? I am watching Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (funny stuff) http://www.drhorrible.com/mushortio.html wherein is mentioned a Henchmen's Union. Kinda makes ya wonder... qualifications? standards of conduct? dues? (payable in what form, etc). things that make ya go ...........hmmmmmm response #1 by skygazer: Are minions allowed in that union? Or do they have to form their own? response #2 by dixiegrrrrl: depends on the skulk factor, I think. response #4 by SidneyCarton: I think "minion" is henchmen speak for "scab" So no, non-union. On a thread by Cattledog: Dog saves another dog hit on freeway. response #7 by Ezlivin: Rusty's in the club! response #67 by judasdisney: Dog is MY co-pilot On a thread by HEyHEY: The Jehovah's witnesses were just around....why the fuck were they driving a hummer? response #1 by slackmaster: It's probably a lot easier then pushing the sonofabitch :shrug: response #7 by pipi_k: Was it steel plated too? My best guess would be that they got tired of being shot at all the time and wanted something that would allow them a faster, safer getaway. Plus with a Hummer, they can invade all the more rural sections they couldn't get to before...at least not in the winter On a thread by pokerfan: Teddy bear toss in Calgary a few nights ago Total count: 22,871 bears: http://www.youtube.com/v/qm0M2kGpN1s A Teddy bear toss is a popular Christmas season promotion at many minor and junior hockey arenas throughout North America. Fans are encouraged to bring teddy bears to the game, and to throw them onto the ice when the home team scores its first goal. The toys are then gathered up to be donated as Christmas presents to hospitals and charities. In many cases, the players themselves personally donate some of the bears to children at area hospitals. (wiki) response #1 by hughee99: With god as my witness, I thought Teddy Bears could fly :) On a thread by the late Popol Vuh: WTF? Good Grief! "Council members caved in to demands from an angry crowd and delayed approving a neatness ordinance until officials explain every word of the 26-page document to Kenneth City residents. In what was estimated to be the largest crowd to ever attend a Kenneth City Council meeting, an outraged group of residents railed at the proposal that would regulate the upkeep of both the exterior and interior of all property in the town. The proposal basically sets standards for upkeep and appearance and gives town officials the right to enter homes. If the owner refuses to allow the official to enter, the town can go to a judge for an 'administrative search warrant' to allow access to the interior of buildings. Violations would cost up to $250 a day..." response #1 by Liberal_Lurker: Oh, Florida. You'd be adorable if you weren't absolutely horrifying. response #10 by GrpCaptMandrake: Do these authoritarian idiots even KNOW where they are? It's Florida, doofi! A state that lets you shoot people if you're even the slightest bit "threatened." This should be fun to watch. "Chenille? You've got CHENILLE curtains? Oh, I'm gonna hafta write you up!" BANG! response #51 by SoCalDem: I'd end up with Life in the Big House :rofl: OP by Believing_Is_Art: Definition of a Natural-Born Citizen As I understand it, the Donofrio argument before the SCOTUS today is that despite being born on American soil, Obama is actually a UK citizen since his father was Kenyan and subject to UK jurisdiction. Even if we concede that the Fourteenth Amendment makes it clear that Obama is a citizen, it does not say that he is "natural-born" citizen. The Constitution is actually quite vague on what defines a "natural-born" citizen. I would like to submit the following for consideration. A natural-born citizen is a person who meets the following criteria: 1. Was born on US soil 2. Was born to US citizens 3. Was conceived in the missionary position on US soil 4. Subject's parents possessed a valid marriage certificate at the time of conception 5. Has not resided outside the US for a duration exceeding one month, excepting in the service of the military If any of the above criteria are not met, a person may attain natural-born citizenship status if he/she meets the following: 1. Believes that marriage is between a man and a woman 2. Has attained an arsenal of at least 50 firearms, 10% of which must be automatic or semi-automatic 3. Does not support Roe v. Wade 4. Is a deacon at his/her church I think this should clear up any future question of a candidate's eligibility. On a thread by LiberalEsto: Palin's 'traveling makeup artist' paid $32,000 a month "Yesterday, a National Journal report put Palin's total 'accessory' and clothing tab at $180,000. Today a report put her total styling bill for hair and makeup at a whopping $110,000. It gets better -- Palin's 'traveling makeup artist' was paid roughly $32,000 a month for the final two months of the campaign. Palin’s 'traveling makeup artist' raked in $68,400 and her hair stylist netted more than $42,000 -- for roughly two months of work. To put that in perspective, makeup for Palin alone would have cost $410,400 if spread out over an entire year, and her hair -- $252,000..." response #5 by islandmkl: you gotta admit... you could not even see one trace of the reptile, could you? response #10 by kingofalldems: Shouldn't it be --"travelin' makeup artist"? response #13 by CitizenPatriot: Oh, I never asked for anythin but maybe a Diet Dr Pepper occasionally! these guys...these anonymous...JERKS are come out and say it to my face, there....Those clothes being reported are not mine. They belong to the RNC there, also, just like the lights and the stage. (scolding tone borders on shrill, but the big hair softens the school marm thing) Shame on them, there for that would be by many gotcha reportin'. Nobody's comin up to check on the clothes, there also, we gave those what we had, not too many of them, we spent the weekend the family Trig and Piper helped during half time, there, on the floor, sortin through those clothes that had been lent to me from the belly of that plane, there, but not in my closet. NOT in my closet, those are my clothes, here that I have on (fingers jacket). Come on, now (pouty face) ...why the mean things? It's seemin sexist there, talkin about my clothes there...I had no control over what I wore, they gave me they told me to ...I was never asked... just a few things, there, to for the RNC, for gosh sake's...go shopping, also, never asked for a darn thing there. There again, I never went shopping also, the clothes were brought to me by the campaign as part of a strategy there, but also, I asked I wanted there too, to just go on out there to the American people and also...talk directly without the filter, there, also, of the gotcha media. (bends down to stir prop moose stew while ignoring pleas of smallest girl child for attention. big smile now) Also, we're just focused here on ALasKA, havin' fun on our snow machines there, again as I said and also, too, gettin the budget worked out and thinkin about cuttin wasteful spendin there, also, for the American people in this great continent of ours, founded by the Pledge of Allegiance there in the 1800's with our Christian fathers. Oh, I couldn't say what door God will open for me next but ya, when I heard from President Sarkozy there, I thought, there it is also my destiny if I were chosen by as a leader of this great nation to be it would an honor there, also...an honor to be asked. No blinkin there! God Bless ya'. (wink. wink.) Interview END. PA whisks prop stew away,nanny comes for little girl, Palin removes Hocky Mom outfit and is Prada-ed out for her foray on her snow machines with her gun. That's their girl. response #19 by KurtNYC: That's a lot of pitbull lipstick response #21 by struggle4progress: Sarah's hair cost $700/day? If my hair cost that, I'd shave my head response #24 by Mabus: And I would have shaved it for you for a mere $250. Savings all around. :evilgrin: response #28 by struggle4progress: I had no idea I could be smooth and shiny for only $250/day. That's only $7500/month. What a bargain! I'll keep your offer in mind! response #32 by Mabus: Heavens no. My total cost would be $250. That would have been $250 for the initial shave. After that, to keep costs down, you'd have to do the upkeep yourself. Otherwise, if the RNC wanted to pick up daily maintenance costs, I would have soaked them and shared the ill-gotten booty with you. response #34 by struggle4progress: And the shine? Is it wax or polyurethane? response #35 by Mabus: Whatever your little heart desires For $250 I'm sure I could fit it into the budget. response #22 by ksimons: I would have done it for fweee!!! (holding 5 gallon pail of whitewash) it's not about the make-up it's all about how you apply it response #31 by ginbarn: That's a lot of spackle! And blood stains are so hard to cover up. Maybe her makeup is made from Trig's placenta. You know - a good hunter uses everything. :P response #36 by jmowreader: I wonder why they needed two artists One decent hair & makeup artist would have worked. She's only got two huge flaws in her appearance, and with careful arrangement of the hair and wardrobe you can cover a set of horns and a tail fairly effectively. OP by davidswanson: Unlimited Pardon Power and Five Other Impossible Things Before Breakfast Alice squinted as she peered up through the rabbit hole at sunlight wondering how many books she might have to stand on to be able to climb back out. She hadn't even begun to make up her mind when she was completely distracted by a large elephant on a motor scooter who grabbed her with his trunk and stuck her on the back seat as he sped off down a dark gravel path. The strange thing about the motor scooter was that it was a rental, and the elephant explained that he had rented it in a deal involving "unlimited mileage." That was written down very legally in a signed contract, so naturally the elephant had decided to drive backwards in time in order to put on as many miles as possible before next Tuesday. This meant both that Alice was getting younger every mile they progressed and that the tires had long since worn off, and the scooter was riding on bare wheels now. Alice was unable to say anything back to the elephant as they rode and he chatted, but before long he stopped in front of an All-You-Can-Eat buffet restaurant, and they both got out. Alice didn't know how they'd gotten there, since her kidnapping by the elephant would be happening in the future, but she knew that she was hungry. Alice intended to take full advantage of the all-you-can-eat arrangement. She filled up three plates with food before she was full, but the elephant out-did her. He ate most of the available food without bothering about a plate, and then ate the stack of plates too, before starting on the chairs and tables. Tragically, the elephant also ate the cooks and waiters, so the food stopped coming. After that, the elephant was arrested and put on trial, but acquitted of cannibalism on the grounds that the restaurant had said "All You Can Eat" in three-foot letters. Alice didn't stick around for the trial, but bought an unlimited travel ticket with which she rode around on busses for the next four years until she was back to her previous age. When Alice emerged from the rabbit hole, she found that her family and all of the townspeople she'd known had been slaughtered by White House staffers following the instructions of the president. The murderers didn't face a trial as the elephant had, because the president simply pardoned them before anyone even had a chance to suggest it. "But wait," said Alice, "how can he pardon people for crimes he told them to commit? Once he's done that, there are no more crimes and no more laws. So there must, then, be no more pardons." Alice was overheard making this exclamation by a creature stranger than any she'd ever before encountered, a creature called a lawyer. The lawyer explained that the president's pardon power was unlimited. The lawyer knew this to be so because no court had ever limited the president's pardon power. Alice asked the lawyer his name five times before understanding that it was John Yoo, and that he wasn't insisting on knowing her name first. Yoo told Alice that she had much to be thankful for. "First of all," said Yoo, "we killed everyone while you were away. Second of all, we've united the land, or what's left of it -- all the lawyers agree about unlimited pardon powers. And third of all, you should be very pleased that you have no testicles." This last remark confused Alice, but the chainsaw didn't. She turned and ran as fast as she could, and out of the corner of her eye she caught an image of George W. Bush in a priest's robes chasing after her and Yoo and shouting: "I'm gonna pardon you, Yoo! I'm gonna pardon you, Yoo, but you have to let me watch her suffer!" On a thread by Are_grits_groceries: “Right Wing Christian Group Upset Over Jack Black’s “Rotund” Jesus "Dr. Gary Cass, CEO of the really wacky right wing Christian Anti-Defamation Commission weighed in as upset over actor Jack Black's interpretation of Jesus in Funnyordie.com's Prop 8: The Musical written by Marc Shaiman: 'Jack Black should remember from his days at Hebrew School that homosexual acts aren't funny and are roundly condemned in the Bible. Appearing as a sarcastic, rotund Christ, Black distorts the Bible and condones shameful, homosexual acts. Associating Christ with perverse activity is an affront to all people of faith, especially Christians. Apparently Black and company find it hilarious to falsely accuse Christians while they intentionally distort the Bible. Black ought to apologize...'" response #1 by IanDB1: Considering Jesus could summon fishes, loaves and wine at will, I bet he was well-fed. n/t response #3 by Orrex: I'm pretty angry about all of those chubby Buddhas, while we're at it And Ganesh has really let himself go these last few millennia. response #25 by Withywindle: If Ganesh was a follower of the True Gospel (tm), then he could "name it and claim it" and would be prosperous, and could afford a nose job. response #23 by aquart: Jack Black is Jewish??? I'm so irrationally pleased. On a thread by marmar: Gee, I wonder who's bankrolling these scientists: Ritalin as good as sleep for cramming college kids response #4 by TlalocW: When I was in college - 14 years ago A 2-Liter and a pizza were enough to get through a night of cramming. This makes me uneasy, but I'm of Libertarian bent if you want to put it in your body, go right ahead. As for me, I'm afraid to take anything other than Aspirin because of all the low-voiced, rapid-fire possible symptoms heard at the end of drug commercials - the ones that go, "Flepiapropial may not be right for you. Symptoms include dry-mouth, nausea, ringing in ears, shortness of breath, bleeding from every bodily orifice, webbed toes, rickets, hoof and mouth disease, tennis elbow, the heartbreak of psoriasis, third nipples, and the sniffles." On a thread by DeSwiss: Cops Get Stung In Reverse Drug Bust!!! Boo-Ya!!! "KopBusters rented a house in Odessa, Texas and began growing two small Christmas trees under a grow light similar to those used for growing marijuana. When faced with a suspected marijuana grow, the police usually use illegal FLIR cameras and/or lie on the search warrant affidavit claiming they have probable cause to raid the house. Instead of conducting a proper investigation which usually leads to no probable cause, the Kops lie on the affidavit claiming a confidential informant saw the plants and/or the police could smell marijuana coming from the suspected house. The trap was set and less than 24 hours later, the Odessa narcotics unit raided the house only to find KopBuster’s attorney waiting under a system of complex gadgetry and spy cameras that streamed online to the KopBuster’s secret mobile office nearby..." response #1 by ribofunk: The Beauty of It Is They didn't have to say a word. No deception, no lawbreaking. Nothing. Just put some plants under a grow lamp. I bought a couple of grow lamps once to try to help grass grow in a shady area outdoors. It didn't work, but it occurred to me later that in a lot of cities I could have been inviting a drug raid. response #3 by Orrex: What do you expect, when you're trying to grow grass? :smoke: OP by Shiver: The Five Stages of Freeper Grief. While pondering my response to this poll, my mind wandered to the five classical stages of grief. This, in turn, got me thinking: 'How would Freepers, not known for following logical thought processes, deal with grief?' Before I even realized it, possibly due to lack of sleep, I had this typed up... :crazy: ***** The Five Stages of Freeper Grief(adjusted specifically for use on January 20th, 2009) Stage One: Whimpering. Wailing like an infant as President Obama takes the oath of office, arms wrapped around their legs and rocking back and forth. They'd rest their weepy eyes in Momma's bosom, but she's all the way upstairs, and the Cheetos are down here... Stage Two: Laundry. Having been seized by a moment of utter terror at the thought of the socialist, muslin turn the country will soon take, the Freeper will have shat themselves repeatedly, staining their pure white sheets. They must be cleaned now, and... hey, if you fold the cloth like this, cut some eyeholes... Stage Three: Huffing. The fumes from the laundry detergent smell soooo gooood. Freepers will hallucinate that they have returned to the Eighties, when Reagan was President, teh gays stayed hidden, the hippies had cut their hair and gotten jobs, and we were winning against the Commies! All was right with the world, and that pink unicorn with an enticing dildo horn doesn't mean anything... Stage Four: Palin. Once Stage Three passes, the minds of the Freepers will suddenly shift to their new savior, Sarah Palin. They will remind themselves how wonderful and brilliant she is, and that 'Obummer' will stand no chance against her in 2012 - clean sweep for sure! 538 total electoral votes! Ninety percent of the popular vote! Reagan will rise from the dead to serve in her Cabinet! Mom will stop saying that 38 is 'not too old' to finally start dating! Stage Five: Retreat. Despite the pleasant thoughts of Sarah Palin, the feeble-minded will still feel despair at having to wait so long. Freepers will thus, for the next four years at the very least, retreat to their secret 'Real America', located in the bomb shelter (read: pillow fort) they've set up in mom's basement. Don't let them know you know, but the password is 'I brought cupcakes'. If they answer 'with sprinkles?', then be warned - they have no pants and a Sarah Palin cardboard cutout is in there with them. ***** Of course, not all Freepers are the same... some of you may have other idea on the stages of Freeper grief. Please share if you do! :rofl: :yoiks: :rofl: response #4 by DS1: Hopeful Stage 6: Accidental discharge while giving gun blowjob response #18 by BlueIris: Stage 1: Insular denial ("He didn't win 'cause he wasn't eligible to run in the first place!"). Or whatever you would call denial that denies not only reality but psuedo-reality. Stage 2: Reactive amnesia. ("What election? Bush is king for life!") Stage 3: Implosion. (Milwaukee's Beast. Muteness. Sobbing.) Stage 4: Acting out. (Compulsive masturbation. Strip clubs. Same-sex affairs.) Stage 5: Groveling. ("Maybe if I threaten to withhold my taxes or move to Canada, Obama will see the light and start kissing my ass!") Stage 6: Seething resentment. (Freeper coworkers will notice the refusal to share space in the cafeteria or the board room, and the cheap shots at people with Obama bumper stickers in the parking lot.) Stage 7: Libertarianism. It's the new Fascist. response #32 by Shiver: Optional Stage Six: "Independence" After several months inside the "bomb shelter", the Freeper's rank odor will finally drive their parents nuts, and they will throw him out of the house. For the first time in their life, the Freeper is independent, and they come to an "epiphany" (possibly brought on by a vision of Jesus in their baked beans). Their beloved party has failed, and now exposed to ideas from the "outside world", decide to declare themselves "Independents". They will continue to spew the same hateful drivel and vote for the same morans, but whenever called on it, they can claim "I'm not a Republican, I'm an INDEPENDENT!" They might also, if they reach this stage, discover that women rarely find watching Hannity during sex to be a mood-enhancer. OP by Jackpine Radical: Always remember the motto of the International Food Preservation Society: Yes, We Can! response #4 by panader0: And the motto of the Brotherhood of Can Openers? Yes, We Uncan? response #6 by Jackpine Radical: That was a rather jar-ring comment. Please put a lid on it before something bad o-Kerrs. response #5 by Lastlaughin08: Are you their "opening" act? If not, I want my money back. Poll question by zulchzulu: Instead of using "carrots and sticks", what other analogies should be used in the political lexicon Whenever I heard any of the candidates mention "carrots and sticks", I always thought of my ex-girlfriend who was a militant vegan and would make a concoction when it was her turn to cook (which faded quickly) and it was literally chopped carrots, free-range Brazilian gravel, twigs from the neighbor's trashbag and some soy solution. So, what say you? Instead of carrots and sticks... :bluebox: Feathers and bricks :bluebox: Marshmallows and Jalepeno peppers :bluebox: Goldfish and Pirhanas :bluebox: Peppers and twigs :bluebox: Ham and mortar :bluebox: Smiles and frowns :bluebox: Siskel and Ebert :bluebox: Us and Them :bluebox: Giggles and Poops :bluebox: Other GDP, December 8, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7964470 OP by XemaSab: So if Obama is a British citizen does that mean we all get national healthcare? :crazy: OP by TheWraith: If you're opposed to casual sex, don't get a job as a porn star. By the same token, if you're against dispensing medication like birth control pills, don't get a job as a pharmacist. Simple. response #1 by HypnoToad: Fine by me; I got tired of being a penis double... response #12 by LaydeeBug: If you favor gun control, don't buy a gun, and if you oppose abortion, don't get one. nt response #16 by Bucky: Oh, oh! I got one, too. Okay, it's my turn. "If you want unpolluted water... quit drinking!" Hold one, that's not it. I mean, "If you want safe highways, quit driving so doggone much!" No, wait... that's not quite how it goes, either. Geeze, this is kinda tough. Okay, give me a minute... I still need to work the kinks out here. response #21 by Nederland: Wait! I'll got one... If you don't like slavery, don't own a slave. Shit, that doesn't work either does it? OP by tekisui: Hillary is Cutout to be One of the Best SoS's Ever. I can't wait to see her in action. We need someone of her caliber to clean up after the mess condi left. Condi might of well have been made of cardboard. :evilgrin: response #2 by DavidD: You really had to grope for that one. response #3 by Ikonoklast: She might need to loosen up a bit. Poor woman looked a little stiff. response #5 by greguganus: At least she won't be a paper tiger. n/t response #10 by Lilith Velkor: She's a real stand-up kinda gal. :patriot: response #11 by DavidD: I hope she won't fold under pressure Or get carried away by the political winds. OP by LoZoccolo: A convincing and solid case for Obama's eligibility for the presidency, for all right-wingers. YOU LOST! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!:woohoo: On a thread by madinmaryland: Palin's office receives powder-filled envelope "A letter containing white powder was sent to Gov. Sarah Palin. It was not immediately known if the incident was connected to letters received by governors in seven other states Monday. Palin spokeswoman Sharon Leighow said the letter was sent to Palin's office in Juneau and was received Tuesday. But Eric Gonzalez, an FBI spokesman in Anchorage, said they are investigating since the cases are so similar. Gonzalez said the powder will be submitted to a lab but did not immediately know if it had undergone field testing at the state Capitol..." response #4 by Believing_Is_Art: I doubt Palin was the target It's pretty common knowledge that she's never in Juneau. response #5 by Forkboy: Signed, The Wolves. response #6 by madinmaryland: At least we know Barry Bonds wasn't involved! :hide: response #8 by Forkboy: I'm not convinced of that yet. :D response #9 by LeftyMom: Late cosmetics delivery? response #14 by CitizenPatriot: gov palin's envelope was tested for anthrax or baby powder, but it turned out to contain merely the ashen remnants of her political career. In unrelated news, it was a particularly lightweight package. OP by Drunken Irishman: Fuck you Santa and your Holly Jolly burned out goddamn mother fucking lame-ass lights. Shove them up your frost bitten ass and light up your fucking prostate you smug, beard loving Kenny Rogers idolizing piece of Christmas shit. OP by swampg8r: a social experiment gone wrong i was of 2 minds on this whole cutout groping thing so i decided to do an experiment i had a cardboard cutout of myself made and went to the local mall i placed the cutout in a prominent position near the food court i took a table and began filling out statistics on reaction no one groped me! no one fondled me at all! 3 women laughed and i guess that showed they recognized my excellent sense of humor a bunch of teenagers made faces at it giggled and left a blind guys dog peed on my leg not the cutouts my actual leg i dont know if that signifies anything or not im still working on my statistical analysis response #1 by ret5hd: When you're done with it can i have it? response #2 by swampg8r: will you fill out a survey sheet as to what forms of groping and fondling it will be subjected to? response #3 by ret5hd: would video suffice? response #4 by swampg8r: why were you not at the damn mall! because all my data so far suggest no one wants to touch me or my beautiful cutout response #5 by NYC_SKP: Here's yer problem... You can't do a statistical study of a cutout of yourself with your real self in the same space at the mall. No creature is going to be interested in the flat facsimile of you when the real thing is right there! This includes blind guys' dogs... response #6 by valerief: You must smell like a tree. nt response #7 by FrenchieCat: Are you a good looking woman in her 60s who is world renowned? Cause that may be why you are getting different treatment. :shrug: response #8 by swampg8r: yes havent wanted to actually admit it but i am in fact sophia loren! OP by 20score: Introducing The New ‘Golden Glute’ Awards. Each week I plan on awarding The Golden Glute to someone who has been a true ass. The day of the week will most likely vary at first due to my work schedule. If this award goes over well, I will continue it. It will start with the winner’s name and what that person did to deserve the honor. Then there will most likely be a satirical piece devoted to the winner for that week. The first Golden Glute goes to Larry Elder. My personal opinion is that Larry Elder is a sociopath given that he lies with such ease about such important issues. If a person is ill informed or not thinking through the arguments, his diatribes could seem true. One of his favorite tactics is to quote studies and statistics out of context, as he does when he says the 9/11 Commission Report confirms Bush didn’t lie about WMD’s in Iraq. Today, for the second day in a row, Elder tied President-Elect Obama to Governor Blagojevich and Chicago corruption. He does this knowing full well that Barack Obama has zero connection to any improper or illegal actions committed by Blagojevich. So to you Larry Elder, congatulations on being this weeks most astounding ass. Larry Elder Haunted By Gandhi’s Ghost At Debate With Stephanie Miller Los Angeles – At a debate between the liberal and hilarious talk show host, Stephanie Miller, and the ultra-right wing Larry Elder, sponsored by UCLA, a few unexpected events happened. Stephanie Miller had just pointed out that Larry Elder had lied again about the Iraq War and WMD’s. Using his standard line about how The 9/11 Commission had proved Bush didn’t lie about the weapons, Ms. Miller pointed out the 9/11 Report was about - 9/11. “Look, your listeners will believe anything – for Christ’s sake, you’ve got them believing Bush is brilliant – but, we’re not your listeners,” said Ms Miller to a round of applause. “Well, he saved us from an attack for seven years,” Larry stammered. “What have you got to say to that? Huh?” “Well then, by your logic, so did Polk, Buchanan and Pierce and Johnson,” Stephanie said. “Plus if you’re going to take credit, then you also have to accept blame. Didn’t hear much of that from your fearless leader, or you.” But the fireworks were saved for the portion of the debate concerning the economy. “The invisible hand of the market - the invisible hand of the market,” Elder yelled. “Minimum wage hurts the economy! Taxing the rich is immoral” “Okay, that’s it!” yelled a man dressed in eighteenth century garments, strolling up to the front. “Enough! I’m Adam Smith and I’ve had enough of you and people like you using my name to steal from the poor. You scallywag – a pox on you and your ilk! My philosophy is not interchangeable with Machiavelli’s.” “And you know, Mr. Elder,” said an apparition dressed in a humble robe. “I’m Mohandas Gandhi and in life it was almost impossible to get me to lose my temper, or do anything undignified - but I never met you. Not only are you responsible for so much of the mess created - the war, the economy, people without insurance – but you are now blaming those who tried to stop this from happening. You sir, are a dick!” “Yes, yes he is,” said Will Rogers from the back row. At that, Larry Elder was silent in public for the first time. (The satire is a repost from something I wrote in October.) OP by edhopper: My cat has a George Bush doll that she plays with and bites. She just threw up on it. Good girl. Poll question by DS1: Who wins the fight? GD'S Blago or The Lounge's Chuggo? :bluebox: Blago :bluebox: Ahh! C'mon, fucking guy! response #2 by TK421: Blago's hair could kick Chuggo's ass response #3 by SOteric: Not if there's enough mayonnaise on it. I'm jus' sayin' response #4 by DuStrange: I heard that Chuggo paid Blago a LOT of money to be the next Senator. It make sense, given that mayonnaise is the official Illinois state condiment. response #6 by SOteric: Illinois has a state condiment? response #9 by mycritters2: Hell, we have a state fossil! And I don't mean some former governor rotting in a federal prison somewhere! response #7 by arcadian: They are clearly the same person. The Lounge, December 10, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8314155 On a thread by lame54: The Right Wing Diner That is the name of a restaurant, that is getting ready to open, near us. Any guesses as to what might be on their menu? response #1 by mondo joe: Crow. response #2 by youthere: I don't know...but whatever it is, it will be bitter as hell. response #3 by sinkingfeeling: Bibles, baby bottles, and sweet young things? response #4 by slackmaster: Chicken wings, but only half of them The other half are served at the Left Wing Diner down the road. response #5 by youthere: Will there be taps in the bathroom? response #8 by Are_grits_groceries: There will be skunk, weasel and vulture, and that will be just who eats there. response #14 by bullwinkle428: Rotisserie chicken-hawk? response #15 by Javaman: I bet the prices go up weekly, the portions get smaller and in the end... they will wind up laying off the whole staff due to excessive bonuses paid by the owner to himself. response #23 by zbdent: bet their "kids menu" will feature a "Teddy Kennedy" ... a bowl of watered-down soup with a toy car at the bottom of the bowl ... On a thread by Bucky: The US Senate is helping Hillary Clinton circumvent her emolument problem response #1 by NYC_SKP: Had I been able to object, I wouldn't have let my emolument be circumvented... ...way back in 1957. But I was just a wee baby boy... On a thread by MookieWilson: Inaugural: One toilet for every 6,489 people "Crowd estimates for Jan. 20 range between 1 and 5 million people. Metro is planning to carry upwards of 1 million riders itself on Inauguration Day, but the transit agency says it will shut down all of its public restrooms due to security concerns. Instead, 146 portable restrooms will be set up outside of selected rail stations. Even if the transit agency carries 1 million people on Jan. 20 -- and that could be a conservative estimate -- that means there would be one bathroom for every 6,849 customers." response #12 by cat_girl25: Let'em pee on the Bush's! :) response #17 by BlueDogDemocratNH: Sounds like Thanksgiving at my parents' house response #27 by happychatter: It's probably a Halliburton contract Maybe I'll put an outhouse on a flatbed and drive from Californy Charge a dollar a pee Hey, until after the inauguration, it's still "patriotic" to capitalize on human suffering response #28 by LynneSin: For $20 you can piss at my hotel bathroom - it's right by the White House I just had to pre-pay for my room today. Now I know how to pay off that bill :woohoo: response #52 by Orsino: And until then, it's two piles of crap for 300 million. n/t On a thread by kpete: Exclusive: Norm Coleman's Renovation Project Coincides with Financial Lawsuit "The timing and cost of Sen. Norm Coleman's home renovation has again raised questions about allegations that an Edina, Minn. businessman funneled money to Norm Coleman's wife Laurie. The FBI is now reportedly investigating the allegations that Nasser Kazeminy tried to funnel $75,000 in campaign contributions through the Senator's wife. By why would a U.S. Senator, who makes about $180,000 a year, need the money..." response #3 by beac: It seems plain old-fashioned sex scandals are passe... Free remodeling is the new GOP corruption of choice. How long before ABC options "Extremely Shady Home Makeover"??? response #7 by sellitman: That's it..... Obama is now in real trouble. He actually spent time with Coleman on the floor of the Senate you know. They should investigate Obama and see what he knew about this and when he knew it. response #10 by TOJ: Big Media will be all over this! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: I crack myself up OP by Ellen Forradalom: I just received a postcard for an aesthetic vaginal surgery office--ask me anything :wtf: response #1 by JVS: Are you gonna go for it? response #6 by Ellen Forradalom: Anyone who gets anywhere close to my hoo hoo with any cutting implement takes their life in their own hands. That includes during childbirth. response #11 by mcctatas: What next? beauty pageants featuring vaginae? response #15 by Ellen Forradalom: Why not? If you'd coughed up big bucks for a perfect hoo hoo, you'd want to show it off. response #69 by Shell Beau: I am the reigning queen! Ms. Vagina Mississippi! Go to nationals soon! Wish me luck! response #73 by mcctatas: My vagina only won... Miss Congeniality :P response #25 by ocelot: People might gossip. "I just heard Ellen Forradalom had her hoo hoo done..!" response #28 by Ellen Forradalom: "Well the little bitch!" "Now I'll have to get mine done too!" response #36 by Bucky: Do they intend to trim or enhance the works? And can they restructure the extra labial folds into a minute replica of Mt Rushmore? Cause I can't think of anything weirder than going down on a girl and suddenly coming face to face with Teddy Roosevelt peeking out of her mons. But maybe that's just me. response #76 by Ellen Forradalom: Or how about the face of Obama? YES WE CAN! response #45 by rug: Is this anything like finding an anonymous bottle of mouth wash on your desk? response #84 by flvegan: In the Lounge, this gets funny. In GD this would have been a tragedy. HOLD on... Wait a minute...GD...tragedy. TraGD. I think I just peed myself. response #86 by billyskank: Is there such a thing as aesthetic penis surgery? What, after all, is the point in having a vag that looks a million bucks without an equally handsome penis to introduce it to? response #88 by Heidi: Some of us are looking for deeper qualities when assessing potential response #89 by billyskank: Ah of course. How superficial of me. I should really learn to be less cocksure of myself. :D response #91 by peekaloo: Loose lips sink hips! isn't that the saying? OP by 20score: Senator Corker: “We Don’t Hate Poor People, We Want Lots More Of Them” “Sure we hate unions and everything they stand for,” said Senator Mitch McConnell. “The higher wages, better benefits… and don’t even get me started on pensions. But it’s not just about that, you know.” “He’s right, but we’re being misrepresented in the media,” drawled Saxby Chambliss. “They’re asking us unfair questions like ‘how could you give trillions to the financial institutions and refuse to pay less than five-thousand dollars a piece to save three million jobs?’ Well, it’s takin’ the whole thing outta context!” The Republican Senators had called a hasty press conference after stalling the auto manufacturer's loan. Mitch McConnell had gathered those Senators who felt they were being attacked and maligned in the “liberal media.” Orin Hatch and Jon Kyl were in the process of fighting for time at the podium. “Okay, it may not LOOK good to give all the money we have to the banks,” said Jon Kyl. “And it may look like we’re traitorous, greedy bastards willing to sell the country down the river for ideology in a race to the bottom – hey!” Kyl said when Tom Coburn elbowed him to quiet down. “Well… anyway.” He finished. “The point Senator Kyl was trying to make,” picked up Senator Corker. “Is that we don’t just ‘hate’ the unions, we hate the middle class! Now I hope you guys can back us on that? I mean they’re always begging, ‘Give us a wage we can live on.’ ‘One person getting sick shouldn’t make a whole family homeless.’ ‘We voted you in to represent us.’ Well, I think I speak for all of us here when I say - we’ve had enough! That’s why we’ve decided to not just represent the very rich by giving them everything they want and then some; but we will also represent the poor by increasing their numbers. See, we don’t hate poor people, we want to make lots more of them!” On a thread by Hissyspit: AP: Man Sprays 'Toilet-Papering' Teens with Fox Pee "A 50-year-old man who told authorities he was fed up with teens toilet-papering his house decided to defend his property — with a squirt gun filled with fox urine. Now, Scott Wagar is in trouble with the law. Wagar pleaded not guilty on Wednesday in Kandiyohi County District Court to misdemeanor assault and other charges. He was released on personal recognizance. According to police, Wagar was on his property Sept. 16 when he used night vision goggles to see 15-20 people running toward his place. He told police that he told them to leave, swore at them and sprayed them with the fox urine. He also allegedly struggled with one of the teens..." response #6 by 1620rock: How do you get fox pee?? response #55 by IDemo: Ply them with plenty of fox beer response #10 by Sydnie: He was armed with pee, they were armed with tp Seems like it was a fair fight to me. And don't miss this: OP by SoCalDem: Oddest part time job in Times Square  OP by kayakjohnny: Well, here we go. See? I told you. Now what? No link yet. response #1 by Political_Junkie: You were right. I should have known. My bad. response #2 by AchtungToddler: Why isn't this in breaking news? response #4 by Pirate Smile: I checked CNN.com. It must be this headline: "Meow! 729 cats show off" response #3 by HypnoToad: So THAT'S why the 2008 elections were canceled! And 2006... and 2004... and 2002... :scared: response #5 by Edweird: Again? response #6 by kayakjohnny: I'm afraid so. We talked about this, you know. response #9 by gratuitous: Why are you getting your information from those jerks? Shows what you know. response #11 by NYC_SKP: You need to let it go... The primaries are over! :hi: OP by Bucky: I'm in the tank for the team of rivals to be thrown under the bus Please post carefully in this thread. I'm exactly two cliches away from my head exploding. Oh shit, that was a cliche too! Please don't post any more cliches! response #1 by villager: This thread thinks outside the box! ;-) response #3 by Terran: You're really pushing the envelope but hey, it's a no-brainer. :hi: response #6 by prodn2000: Do you need me to "Talk You Down?" response #7 by trashcanistanista: Did you just jump the shark at olive garden? I haven't even eaten lunch yet. response #8 by wyldwolf: your OP speaks volumes... ... how was that? response #11 by NatBurner: this post has gone beyond the pale i'm still scratching my head as to wtf that may signify, too- i mean, is the pale supposed to be located directly at the acceptable limit we can go up to? are we supposed to run up to the pale, and immediately stop ourselves when we're maybe parallel to the pale? should we skirt the pale, perhaps? is skirting the pale acceptable? I'M SO CONFUSED! response #15 by JimGinPA: Your "Concern" Is As Welcome As A Bastard At A Family Reunion Fuck it, I haven't been in on a DUzy thread for two weeks! response #18 by apocalypsehow: If only we could all seek closure.... n/t. response #20 by MPK: It is what it is. Expect push back when the chips are down. response #21 by Bucky: This thread is good to the last drop and cute as a button! OP by JimGinPA: Who Is "Name Removed"... And why does he/she always post the same thing? response #3 by Tribetime: I wish it was Sarah Palin response #8 by jberryhill: Locking Calling out another DU member is contrary to the guidelines. response #29 by Life Long Dem: I looked up "Named Removed" and didn't find any profile. :shrug: response #32 by JimGinPA: Hidden Profile Too? Very suspicious. Poll question by skygazer: Please praise this thread. Thank you. :bluebox: Praising a thread in replies is cool. :bluebox: Praising a thread in replies is lame. :bluebox: It depends. :bluebox: I'm hitting alert. :bluebox: Other. response #1 by Skink: Hallelujah :headbang: response #2 by flvegan: Is this Jesus thread? response #5 by apocalypsehow: Hmmmmm...folks have praised this thread in replies without interference. I detect inconsistency. :shrug: response #6 by MPK: Maybe it's "praise fatigue". You know how it gets... The Lounge (moved from GDP), December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8292035  On a locked thread: Start a flamewar. response #8 by pinto: We return to our regularly scheduled programming. Thanks for your consideration. :hi: On a locked thread: DU Wins Major Award: WOOOOOHOOOOO response #23 by Lithos: Change For us it's time to change the government. For you, it's time to change your diaper.  On a thread by rcrush: SHAZAM response #1 by leeroysphits response #5 by rcrush response #3 by DarkTirade The Lounge, November 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8282233 OP by Amerigo Vespucci: Things go horribly wrong at yet another Palin press conference, this one in Texas... response #4 by polichick response #5 by Aviation Pro response #15 by TomInTib response #38 by pipi_k response #20 by Amerigo Vespucci response #18 by rucky GD, November 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4562595 On a thread by givemebackmycountry: My New Desktop response #8 by Swamp Rat GD, December 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4571238 OP by BuyingThyme: REALITY CHECK: This horrible, murderous, incompetent woman has no business being Secretary of State. GDP, December 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7941645 On a thread by underpants: : ) response #27 by Contrary1 GD, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4572813 OP by Pharaoh: The Bush legacy in one pic! response #2 by Whoa_Nelly response #4 by tblue response #27 by Sugar Smack GD, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4575850 OP by HypnoToad: Okay. Everybody: Repeat after me: response #1 by Midlodemocrat response #2 by HypnoToad The Lounge, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8291263 On a thread by Ichingcarpenter: Rare Live Prehistoric Shark Photographed- This guy looks like Nessie response #1 by Gman response #6 by bleever response #13 by FloridaJudy Science, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x46925 On a thread by Jackeens_for_Obama: PHOTOS Aw, she's just another face (or back of head) in the crowd response #1 by Hope And Change response #2 by Justyce response #4 by islandmkl response #23 by wienerdoggie response #51 by JoeIsOneOfUs response #7 by treestar response #17 by undeterred response #36 by DesertedRose response #41 by CitizenPatriot GDP, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7945041 On a poll by apocalypsehow: Please praise this thread. Thank you. response #4 by MPK The Lounge (moved from GDP), December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8292035 On a thread by Synnical: KY: Law's use of God challenged response #1 by Commie Pinko Dirtbag Atheists and Agnostics Group, December 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=263x34892 OP by Amerigo Vespucci: PHOTOS: Pickles unleashes the STAGGERINGLY ORIGINAL White House "Red White & Blue Christmas" theme response #5 by johnnie response #6 by Neo response #11 by MisterP response #18 by Bluebear response #23 by DonEBrook response #28 by chollybocker GD, December 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4581001 On a thread by Low Notes: Sarah Palin a Superstar? What?? response #28 by bridgit GDP, December 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7949323 On a thread by NYCGirl: Massive Crowds Turn Out To Protest Obama’s Falsified American Citizenship response #2 by trumad response #4 by smoogatz response #5 by DuStrange response #9 by IWantAnyDem response #10 by leftstreet response #13 by Sebastian Doyle response #33 by RichardRay response #40 by GoneOffShore response #34 by grace0418 response #58 by VancSouthpaw response #60 by HughBeaumont GDP, December 5, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7955470 On a thread by Bluebear: There is no debate as to Bush's legacy. It is cemented for all time: response #1 by dicksteele Dead serious mocking of the pResident. GD, December 6, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4601519 OP by BREMPRO: Bush's presidential portrait unveiled. Amazing likeness captures his dignity and intelligence! response #7 by TorchesAndPitchforks GD, December 7, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x4604879 On a thread by JeffR: Do you ever cringe when you see two DUers you like a lot at each other's throats? response #12 by Botany response #13 by bridgit GDP, December 9, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x7965316 |
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| flvegan
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Sat Dec-13-08 09:51 PM Response to Original message |
| 1. Excellent! Thanks as always, JeffR. |
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| alfredo
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Sat Dec-13-08 09:55 PM Response to Original message |
| 2. Great line up this time. Thanks |
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| saltpoint
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Sat Dec-13-08 10:01 PM Response to Original message |
| 3. Pretty darn good stuff if you ask me. Thank you, JeffR. |
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| Jack Rabbit
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Sat Dec-13-08 10:07 PM Response to Original message |
| 4. K/R |
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| underpants
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Sat Dec-13-08 10:12 PM Response to Original message |
| 5. Excellent list |
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| 20score
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Sat Dec-13-08 10:29 PM Response to Original message |
| 6. Thanks for the effort you, (all of you) put in for this!! K&R. |
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| Yavapai
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Sun Dec-14-08 01:34 AM Response to Original message |
| 7. Thank You JeffR, got my DUzy fix... |
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| krispos42
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Sun Dec-14-08 02:48 AM Response to Original message |
| 8. I got none! I got non! |
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| Shardik
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Sun Dec-14-08 02:58 AM Response to Original message |
| 9. K&R |
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| PBS Poll-435
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Sun Dec-14-08 03:28 AM Response to Original message |
| 10. Proud to be the 25th Rec! |
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| Heidi
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Sun Dec-14-08 03:47 AM Response to Original message |
| 11. Thank you, Jeff! |
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| malaise
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Sun Dec-14-08 07:38 AM Response to Original message |
| 12. Hehehhehehe |
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| SalmonChantedEvening
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Sun Dec-14-08 09:22 AM Response to Original message |
| 13. Kick! Rec! Squeegie my monitor! |
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| ThatsMyBarack
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Sun Dec-14-08 10:03 AM Response to Original message |
| 14. You forgot one! |
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| blondeatlast
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Sun Dec-14-08 10:25 AM Response to Original message |
| 15. My bad--I didn't nominate this thread, so for anyone interested: |
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| MilesColtrane
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Sun Dec-14-08 10:41 AM Response to Original message |
| 16. Thanks to JeffR and his merry elves. |
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| AwakeAtLast
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Sun Dec-14-08 11:04 AM Response to Original message |
| 17. Awesome edition of the DUzys |
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| beac
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Sun Dec-14-08 12:17 PM Response to Original message |
| 18. Much appreciation again for trolling the halls of DU to bring us the funny.. |
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| hisownpetard
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Sun Dec-14-08 12:52 PM Response to Original message |
| 19. Good job, JeffR! Amerigo Vespucci really wins high honors for his Palin-inspired artwork x 2, |
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| CitizenPatriot
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Sun Dec-14-08 01:27 PM Response to Original message |
| 20. I love reading these |
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| BlueIris
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Sun Dec-14-08 02:58 PM Response to Original message |
| 21. My second REAL Duzy!!! Thank you, thank you!! |
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| Idealism
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Sun Dec-14-08 03:10 PM Response to Original message |
| 22. Dammit I have to be funnier |
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| Starry Messenger
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Sun Dec-14-08 04:18 PM Response to Original message |
| 23. kicking! |
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| wellstone dem
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Sun Dec-14-08 06:58 PM Response to Original message |
| 24. Regarding all of the above.... |
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| scarletwoman
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Mon Dec-15-08 07:41 PM Response to Original message |
| 25. Sorry I'm late! I try to never miss kicking a DUzy thread -- even when *I* haven't won one. |
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