http://www.nypost.com/seven/11132008/business/tarp_toxic_shock__prez_hank_drums_up_a_p_138482.htmSTAMMERIN' Hank Paulson whiffs again. Yesterday Paulson, the nation's treasury secretary and the de facto president of the US, decided to completely scrap his original plan to buy up toxic securities from his friends on Wall Street - which was probably too tough to pull off with only 10 weeks left in his term - and directly go to Plan C. Plan B, of course, was launched earlier when Hank announced that he would use some of the $700 billion bailout check that Congress gave him to add capital directly to banks. That would have been a fine change, except that Hank forgot to mention to the banks that the money was supposed to be lent out - not used for dividends, executive salaries or redecorating offices. Oh well, just a small oversight! So now Hank is going to try again, saying "I will never apologize for changing a strategy or an approach if the facts change."
Exactly what has changed? The economy still stinks and Hank is still clueless. But the election did change a thing or two. Paulson won't be able to roll over his lame-brained ideas for bankrupting the country into another Republican administration. Now he has to wrap things up as soon as possible - hence, the need to commit the $700 billion quickly before the other side gets involved with its own stupid ideas. With yesterday's change, the money that was going to go to the Friends of Hank's On Wall Street will now be used to add liquidity to the borrowing system. Hank apparently hasn't worked out all the details yet, so he'll have to get back to us on that.
In case you've forgotten with all the nips and tucks, the original plan was called TARP and it was first rejected by the leery House, which later went along after a lot of arm twisting, name calling and pork barreling. TARP stands for the Troubled Asset Rescue Program. But since troubled assets are no longer part of the picture - or the abbreviation - the nickname will be a little naked with just the "R" and the "P."
So I'll replace the two missing letters in the abbreviation. It's the least I can do since Hank has been spending so much time looking out for the interests of me and all other Americans. How about this? Paulson's Economic Recovery Plan, or PERP. As I've said before, that acronym will fit nicely when Hank is sweating it out in front of Congress a year or two from now.
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