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President Obama has been in office for zero days and the number of long knives in his back has grown at an astounding rate.
Democratic bloggers, message board posters and the Main Stream Media(tm) have launched an endless array of attacks on the new President. While the right insists that Obama is a Marxist style socialist who will take 95% of wages from all working individuals and give it to "stinking poor people" and force all women over the age of 12 to get pregnant so they can have their babies aborted, the left has decided that they're not going to sit quietly by while the right has all the fun.
One far-left blogger posted today that "I had tears of joy in my eyes when Obama won. I mean, it was so awesome to part of that moment in history. I allowed myself 36 seconds of happiness and a sip of water with just a wee drop of sugar in it before I returned to my normal pinch-faced mask of unending concern for all the campaign promises Obama hasn't followed through on. Reality really hit when I woke up Wednesday to find out the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were still going on, that I still didn't have health insurance and that we are still using oil and coal based power. I knew this shit was going to happen, I just knew it. Obama is nothing but a DLC centrist pawn. He's been President for zero days already and you know what I bet he did last night? I bet the bastard went to his house and slept. A million problems in the world and that POS is sleeping?!?!? Now I hear he's appointed a Chief of Staff who was in the Clinton White House? If Obama doesn't appoint Kucinich to every other cabinet post, I'm done with him. Oh, and where's my mother-fucking pony?!? Screw this, I'm calling congress. Right. Now.
Another poster said "I've basically got a two month gap to fill before the 2012 campaign starts and that's a problem. As a person who spends 19 hours a day bitching about politicians on a message board, I've got a lot of time to fill and no major campaigns to fill it with. Yeah, there's Palin and I'm sure that I can fill some time making posts about her wardrobe but really, it's going to be about attacking Obama on the things he's failed to do in his zero days in office. Otherwise I'd just be sitting on my bean-bag chair eating soy snacks and yelling at people on C-SPAN despite the fact they can't hear me."
I reached Obama campaign manager David Plouffe for comment on the attacks.
"It's unbelievable, you know. I mean, I realize that Obama has been president for zero days and people have high expectations but between the attacks from the right calling Obama every name in the political spectrum from plain old liberal to marxo-communist-fascist yuppy-hippy to the left calling him everything from centrist to DLC'er to suggesting he's just a hair away from Reagan in terms of policy, what can you do? I mean, how can you be a communist-fascist? Those things are ideological opposites, aren't they? Even if we cloned a dozen Obama's there wouldn't be enough of them to fill the range of politics that these maniacs expect him to cover."
I managed to catch President Obama as he left a security meeting at the white house this morning and asked him how the first few of his zero days in office was going and he had this to say
"What are you, media, right? Screw you guys. I had sex with Michelle on the desk in the oval office this morning so you know what? Mission Accomplished assholes! I'm not dealing with this bullshit. Good luck with McCain!" Then he walked off, flashing the middle finger over his shoulder as he left, which this reporter interpreted as being for pretty much everyone.
This reporter can't say that he blames Obama one bit.
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