Matt Lauer's Roast: Tom Cruise, Katie Couric, and 3 Hours of Dick Jokes

[DainBramaged]

Just got back from the Hilton in midtown after three hours of dick and pussy jokes from some of the biggest stars of TV and film. Over plates of rubbery chicken, with Howard Stern in the audience, with Aretha Franklin doing the most amazing rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner ever (and while playing the piano herself), and with Abe Vigoda sitting on the dais and managing to stay somewhat alive, the afternoon's Friar's Roast did not disappoint.

Cameras and recording devices were not allowed, but we managed to write down the dirtiest jokes on a notepad under the table. Without further ado:

Lauer's Today buddy Al Roker was "roastmaster" (ask your parents), but before he could even get warmed up, Tom Cruise made his "surprise" entrance (which was such a surprise, it had been broken on the Internet hours earlier).

Cruise was brilliant casting, because the rollercoaster he's been on the past few years over his space-alien-worshipping religion started over two big events -- the way he jumped all over Oprah's couch expressing his love for new babe Katie Holmes, and for a confrontational interview he did in 2005 with journalistic cupcake Lauer. The Lauer interview in particular made Cruise not only appear unhinged, but it also made him look like a bully for the way he criticized Brooke Shields for turning to medication to deal with post-partum depression. (Those wacky Scientologists believe the best way to treat all maladies, particularly those of the mind, is with maximum adoration of 30's pulp fiction author, L. Ron Hubbard.)

But today, Cruise was not only a good sport for showing up to roast Lauer, he really killed. Guy was hilarious and self-deprecating. He joked about how he and Lauer were actually best buddies and went everywhere together, how they pranked Willard Scott, and how they talked on the phone four times a day (and he had slides to go with it).

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/runninscared/archives/2008/10/matt_lauers_roa.php


PLEASE read the whole article, laugh your ass off funny

[Skittles]

1. "maximum adoration of 30's pulp fiction author, L. Ron Hubbard."

:rofl:

[dsc]

2. I wasn't amused at all

An awful lot of anti gay humor to say the least. Including the word faggot. Wow is all I can say.

[DainBramaged]

3. (sigh) they live in a very different world than we do

and they also work with many, many Gays, so do not be disturbed. Would you be as upset if they were bashing Jesus?

[dsc]

4. Jesus, likely not, Christians as a whole, probably

but what is really annoying is that one use of the N word pretty much ended Keith Richards' career, yet Godfried can tell that routine and no one will care a whit.

[DainBramaged]

5. I know. All in the name of comedy, but words shouldn't hurt when said in jest

Lenny Bruce was a victim of his own words, Richard Prior made obscenity and race into a warm blanket, Chris Rock thinks White people are all stupid, and Rodney Dangerfield got no respect, do we stop all words because some one may be offended? What happens when all words are offensive?

I'm just saying, they don't live in our world, never have, never will. They are shielded from the everyday toil and troubles we experience, all in the name of show biz.

[proud2BlibKansan]

6. I had the same reaction

I have also never understood why sophomoric toilet jokes are considered funny, even at a roast.