It's not just a ceremony

[WhollyHeretic]

I've posted this in the past but figured that it needed reposting with some of the debates going on. There have been a lot of posts dismissing civil rights for the GLBT community. One of the things I've seen over and over is the dismissal of the right to marry as something unimportant. The right to marry isn't about having a ceremony. Here are a few things affected by it:

Status as next-of-kin for hospital visits and medical decisions

Joint insurance for home, health and auto

Immigration and residency for partners from other countries

Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will. Even with a will, the surviving partner must pay inheritance taxes, where a heterosexual spouse doesn't.

Joint parenting, Joint adoption

Joint foster care, custody & visitation including non-biological parents

Joint leases with automatic renewal rights in the event one partner dies or vacates

Inheritance of jointly owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship

Survivor Benefits such as Annuities, Social Security, Pension Plans, Medicare

Exemptions to property tax increases upon the death of a partner who co-owns a home

Spousal discounts on medical care, education and home loans

Joint filing of tax returns

Wrongful death benefits for a surviving partner and children

Bereavement or sick leave to care for a partner or child

Funeral decision making power for deceased partners

Crime victim’s recovery benefits

Judicial protections and evidentiary immunity (gays can be forced to testify against their partners, heterosexuals can't).

Mandatory economic privileges and benefits from employers

Retirement Savings - married spouses can roll 401(k) funds into an IRA without paying taxes while gays pay up to 70% in taxes & penalties even when claimed as a beneficiary.

Home protection - Laws protect married seniors from being forced to sell homes to pay for high medical or nursing home bills while gays & lesbians have no protection.

Domestic violence protection orders

Divorce protections such as community property and child support

Joint filing of customs claims when traveling

[NMMNG]

1. I'm pleased to give this post its first recommendation

It's sad so many people just don't get it. Only Marriage will provide these rights--not Domestic Partnerships or Civil Unions.

[WhollyHeretic]

18. I guess some people still think seperate but equal is a good idea

I love your new sig-line.

[NMMNG]

24. Funny how some of those people were subjected to that not so long ago

Yet they still think it's ok for others...



I love your new sig-line.

Thanks. :hi:

[eleny]

2. K&R

[yardwork]

3. Thank you.

Queer people are not seeking "special" rights. We are seeking the protections that are offered to every single other citizen of the United States except queer people.

[mmonk]

4. Tell it

K&R

[Horse with no Name]

5. Proud to give 5th Rec

and a kick.
Off to the Greatest page with this.

[Cameron27]

6. Of course, it's a disgrace.

American citizens are being deprived of their rights and people are quibbling about it.

[Journeyman]

7. 'Tis a shame indeed people need educating on these points. . .

especially as all are issues and benefiits for heterosexual married couples, and consequently are a concern for anyone who plans to marry or not. Extending these benefits for all is, of course, desirable and will one day come to pass -- but for anyone to be ignorant of these issues is both foolish and foolhardy, especially as they touch so deeply into every aspect of nearly every life, no matter what a person's orientation.

[karlrschneider]

8. Rec'd & kick...many peeps don't know about this.

:kick:

[NanceGreggs]

9. Happy to K & R as well ...

America isn't America unless all Americans have equal rights, equal freedoms, and equal opportunities.

:kick:

[babylonsister]

10. This is going to everyone I know. Thanks. nt

[Mabus]

11. You that right!

I'm straight. I never saw a reason to get married. I lived with a few guys but was always careful not to have children. I like kids. I thought about having one or two every so often but I never met the guy that I wanted to have a connection to for the rest of my life, that is, until a few years ago. I met a wonderful man and I moved in with him. To make a long story short, he has kids from a previous marriage, one of whom is bipolar with psychotic episodes. The bipolar one had a falling out with her mom and started living with us. One weekend, when my boyfriend was out of town and his ex-wife was on her honeymoon, the bipolar kid had an episode and disappeared. I called the police but kept being put-off because I wasn't related to her. I finally got a hold of my boyfriend and had him call the police. He cut short a business trip to get back to deal with the police. We found her after two days.

A few months after that incident, my boyfriend and I had dinner with a gay couple we know. I was relating my frustration at what had happened and my inability to do much of anything at the time my boyfriend's daughter disappeared. Our friends looked at me and told me I could take care of that little problem if I would just get married to my boyfriend. They then started outlining what that little piece of paper called a marriage license meant. They mentioned talked about everything from taxes to health care decisions. Until that time I had never thought about what marriage really meant, legally at least. By just saying "I do" I was suddenly conferred with all kinds of rights that I would have to fight for otherwise. So, the only reason I finally agreed to marry my boyfriend was because of a gay couple.

Fast forward to last month. My stepdaughter had another episode and disappeared. This time all I needed to tell the cops was "I'm her stepmom" and they listened. They found her (in another state) getting ready to board a bus with someone else who was mentally ill and abusive. If I didn't have that little piece of paper, I couldn't have gotten the ball rolling to look for her as quickly as I did. If I didn't get the cops looking when I did I don't know if my stepdaughter would be alive today. It was weird. The same people were involved, yet, this time, because I was married to her father, I suddenly had the "right" to make a police report, I had the "right" to talk to her doctors and give them some background on her previous episodes, treatments, etc.

I have legal rights that have been granted to me because I said "I do" and signed a piece of paper. Why shouldn't everyone? Aren't the foundations of any marriage mutual love, mutual respect and wanting to take care of each other? As far as I know, these things aren't tied to or limited by a person's sexuality. Marriage is a civil rights issue and it should be extended to every American.

BTW, I'm more than happy to be the fifteenth person to K & R this thread. Count me in to support and to fight for gay marriage for my fellow Americans.

[WhollyHeretic]

12. Thanks for sharing your story.

:hi:

[Mabus]

16. Marriage is a choice but sexual orientation isn't

and there is no reason for them to be mutually exclusive.

:hi:

[Duncan Grant]

20. Thanks for sharing your story, Mabus.

Voices like yours are so important to this effort! Thanks for your leadership on this issue. :hi:

[foreigncorrespondent]

13. While the rights associated with marriage...

...are really nice, and would be wonderful to have, for me marriage is about the merging of two hearts, two minds, two people.

The one thing I can give the person in this world that I love more than life itself is myself. Of course she would already have that, but accepting her proposal is about my telling her (as much as her, me) that she really is the only one, and I make the commitment to be with her for the rest of our lives.

The ceremony itself is all about confirming to the world (or at least those around you) that you have found true happiness, and from this moment forward you join together with your chosen life partner as a family.

Sorry. I'm an old romantic at heart and it just pisses me off when people tell me it isn't my time. I spent the last five years loving someone at a distance because people kept telling us it wasn't our time. Those people really do have a lot to answer for now.

Not one single person in this world has a right to deny another person true happiness and commitment. How dare they think they have that right. It is disgusting.

Thanks for posting this anyway. It really is good. Glad to recommend it, and bookmark it for future reference. :)

[AllegroRondo]

14. Another one for you

this came up in a business law class I took a couple years ago.

In my state (and most others), simply putting "husband and wife" on a contract automatically confers a status of Tenant by Entirety (TBE). It basically creates a separate legal entity for the purpose of that contract.

[WhollyHeretic]

15. Thanks

:hi:

[ProudDad]

17. K&R

It's about discrimination!

This IS a civil rights issue...religion has NOTHING to do with it...

[Tyo]

19. Good job! Thanks! k&r

[Solly Mack]

21. Thank you!

[blondie58]

22. Absolutely in agreement

It is really about basic legal rights to people who love each other.

[Pacifist Patriot]

23. ...and dammit, I want the officiating fees.

Just kidding. I do same-gender marriages for free--and gladly. We have some catching up to do.

[kdpeters]

25. If you aren't for equality, you aren't my ally.

You aren't. If you think the answer is 'civil unions' or that 'marriage belongs to religion' or that 'the government should get out of the marriage business', you are not my ally. You are compromising with homophobes. My equality is not up for negotiation. Any compromise is an attack on my dignity, though admittedly less that an attack from a homophobe -- just don't expect me to grateful for it. For what? Letting me eat cake? Doling out my second class citizenship with a handful of legal rights? You are sorely mistaken if you think these notions will ever be acceptible as a solution. They won't. Only equality.

Why is it so hard for you to understand that we don't accept your privilege to legislate your superiority over us? We never will. So much time and effort wasted to appease those who will never be appeased who aren't even offering up sincere arguments in the first place. They don't care about marriage -- if they did they would do something about marriage other than go after the gays. They care about gays. They are homophobes and you're taking this 'sacred institution' nonsense seriously when it's my legal options to protect my family that you have the luxury to have such far-fetched philosophies as it doesn't affect your life one way or the other. Thanks alot. But don't call yourself my ally. Until you are unconditionally standing with me as equals, you are not my ally.

Here's my plea -- stop appeasing them. Join me. Fight for equality. Demand it. Refuse to be sidetracked by these red herrings. Semantic nonsense. Reject it. Be a true ally.
Earn it.

Thank you, thank you to the many many true allies we have here on DU. We need you and we depend on you. Thank you. Skinner -- you are a gem!

[northofdenali]

26. Not only am I adding yet another recommendation,

I'm bookmarking and emailing - there are SO many people out there who are not homophobic, but do not support "marriage" as such - while supporting civil unions (what's the difference, they ask...) and most have NO CLUE about the effects of denying full civil rights to gays and lesbians entails. Unless and until "marriage" is relegated strictly to religions, and civil unions are what the state sanctions for ALL who want to "marry", then it's still discrimination.

I cannot for the life of me understand why the STATE should have any say in "marriage" as such, when it should treat it strictly as it is - A CONTRACT, following the laws of said state, with no discrimination PERIOD. So until our definitions change, marriage should be, must be, available to all regardless of sexual orientation, as long as the two wanting to marry are of legal age to do so.