McCain's casting couch

[CitizenPatriot]

John McCain's Casting Couch
By Peter Bart

I've always disliked casting meetings. Prepping a movie is an engaging
process, but picking the right actor for the right role is downright
frustrating.

For one thing, there's always somebody in the meeting who thinks he
has the magic answers. He knows who is destined for stardom. Then
there's the director, who looks smart but can't make up his mind.

I was thinking about this process the other day when I learned that
John McCain had held his casting session and selected his star – a
woman named Sarah Palin. McCain and Palin have had only one
substantive conversation, it seems, but he concluded she was right for
the role. Or maybe that's what his casting director told him.

I would imagine the McCain casting process went roughly like this:

McCain: I've got a big problem here. My prospective running mates are
about as exciting as a Senate debate. They couldn't keep a Rotary Club
awake.

Casting Director: I hear you. You need an unknown. Maybe your show
needs a female lead.

McCain: Cindy is my female lead.

Casting Director: So we find a second lead. She should have looks, but
not celebrity looks, like Barack.

McCain: She should suggest 'values.' And still have charisma. Someone
like Hillary. But not like Hillary.

Casting Director: An Annette Bening type. Annette has lots of kids but
you'd never know it.

McCain: But we need someone with Middle America kids.

Casting Director: So she must be a Mom. The sort of Mom Dr. Laura
would be if she were a woman.

McCain: Family values. Pro-life. Remember the young Debbie Reynolds?
Saucy but sweet. A soccer mom type.

Casting Director: Soccer mom is old. I'm thinking hockey mom. More
active. I'm thinking Alaska. That Governor woman in Alaska.

McCain: I said I wanted an unknown, but not an Eskimo.

Casting Director: No, no…the Alaska woman was once a model before she
became a governor. Been in office a few weeks but still a hockey mom.

McCain: That's good. No baggage like Joe Biden has.

Casting Director: She's a little too pretty but I'll tell her to wear
her glasses. And bring her kids.

McCain: She must wear her glasses when she meets Cindy.

Casting Director: I'll set up a screen test. With glasses. Plus I
think I can get options on her.

McCain: Must have options. If she works out we want to own her for two terms.

Casting Director: It's in the bag.

So that's how I think McCain chose his co-star. And he'd better be
happy with his choice because this show is already on the road.