How Badly Will the GOP Convention Suck?

[marmar]

via AlterNet's PEEK:



How Badly Will the GOP Convention Suck?

Posted by Booman, Booman Tribune at 4:17 AM on August 29, 2008.

Inquiring minds want to know.



I'm beginning to think about the Republican National Convention. It's going to be different.

While Democrats in Denver are arranging for the spectacle of a stadium-sized throng, the Republicans here are staging things a bit differently for their get-together Sept. 1-4. They talk about a more intimate, you-are-there feeling. Simple but classy, they're calling it.

"We're much more simple this time than we have been in the past," said Nash, a veteran TV producer. "Basically, Sen. McCain and his staff feel that to do something real glitzy and Las Vegas-like would be inappropriate, the way the economy is."

The stage is just 4 feet high and rectangular, which by convention standards is practically Shaker-like. Television cameras will be stationed on the convention floor to give home viewers a greater sense of "being there." And some old flourishes will be absent, including the live band, the tiered podium and the huge presidential seal.

It's the anti-glitz convention. You can see the full schedule here, and it's pretty depressing:

On Monday, they'll have popular politicians: George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Mitch McConnell, John Boehner, and Michelle Bachmann. That is sure to give the Republicans a bounce.

Tuesday the main attraction will be Rudy Guiliani, who will presumably avoid advising us on the best way to get the public to subsidize your adultery. Other luminaries will include Grandpa Fred Thompson, Tom 'Color-Coded Terror Chart' Ridge, and Mike Huckabee. I can't see much bounce out of that.

Wednesday will by Cindy McCain's night. Kay Bailey Hutchison and Mitt Romney will speak, along with Carly Fiorina and Gov. Bobby Jindal. Whoever the vice-presidential pick is will speak, too. My guess is that the pick will be Hutchison, but I've been saying that for nearly a year now.

The last day is probably the most pathetic of all. They will actually resurrect Bill 'Remote Diagnosis' Frist. What are they thinking? Gov. Charlie Crist of Florida will speak. I guess he's popular. But Lindsey Graham? Sam Brownback? Mel Martinez?

This is the emptiest bench I've ever seen. Where is Chuck Hagel, or Richard Lugar, or Colin Powell or Brent Scowcroft, or Jim Baker, or Lawrence Eagleburger, or Henry Kissinger, or George Schultz, or anyone with any foreign policy experience? Where is George Herbert Walker Bush? The entire realist school of foreign policy will be absent.

I can't imagine this convention being anything but a total disaster. But at least it won't be a glitzy disaster.


http://www.alternet.org/blogs/peek/96853/how_badly_will_the_gop_convention_suck/

[stray cat]

1. Picture Zell Millers foaming at the mouth and that level of hate will be the GOP convention

[Philosoraptor]

2. 9-11, fear, paranoia, hate, hate, war, more war, long war, hate and fear

[baldguy]

10. And a hurricane setting its sights on New Orleans.

Death & destruction - A perfect display of Republican values.

[mikeytherat]

3. It will suck more than the black hole at the core of M87.

http://blackholes.stardate.org/resources/faqs/faq.php?id=5

An incalculable level of suck.

mikey_the_rat

[mwb970]

4. An extraordinarily weak program.

The only one I'd bother tuning in for is the new Katherine Harris, Michelle Bachmann. She's the craziest!

[billyoc]

5. This is sucking at a level of "The Two Coreys"

or Menudo.

[mikeytherat]

9. I'm thinking more of a "Menudo Reunion Tour" level of suck.

mikey_the_rat

[Ian David]

6. They're going to be wearing smoking jackets in an old hunting lodge. n/t

[Mad_Dem_X]

7. Cat Killer Frist?

Are you fucking kidding me?

[MikeNearMcChord]

8. McCain's speech will be at the same time, as kickoff for the NFL

begins. Let me see, Eli Manning or John McCain? I think I will watch the little brother play.

[madinmaryland]

11. Don't forget the highlight on Monday night will be Joe Lieberman's speech!

:rofl:

[C_U_L8R]

12. I think it will be GREAT

for us : - ))))

[negativenihil]

13. You know...

at this point i'm kind of expecting some sort of Rapping McCain act at the convention...

[madrchsod]

14. they schedule bush on the last holiday of the summer...BRILLANT!!

looks like this convention is geared to the folks in the nursing homes,senior citizens homes,and the rest of the brain dead republican voters....

besides it`s WWE wrestling on mondays....WWE will have more viewers than the creep show in st paul

[TexasObserver]

15. The GOP convention will suck so hard, it will cause tornadoes in Iowa, Kansas,& Missouri.

[stillcool]

16. I kind of feel for them...

having a party and nobody comes.

[seabeyond]

17. keep it small. they dont have enough supports for anything else. n/t

[ejpoeta]

18. I'm trying to figure out what to do next week while I am NOT watching the MSM

or the republican convention. I guess there is a lot of cleaning to do that I wasn't doing this week. LOL!

[Fumesucker]

19. I expect the headlines in the papers the next day to read..

A herd of cows thirty miles away was spontaneously milked.

[RedLetterRev]

20. "Intimate, you-are-there" translation:

The Dems had a huge stadium filled to SRO with excited members, thrilled to be there. The Repugs can't give tickets away to fill a good-sized room. "Austere" and "Shaker-like" means "we couldn't afford to go to the Dollar Store for crèpe paper and crayons because the Dems out-raised us 100-to-1". The couldn't get a live band because every live band in existence is suing the arse off of them for ripping off music without paying for it.

As for the floor show, well now. The level of excitement will bore cricket players to tears. The level of suck will develop three new named storms in the Gulf (Larry, Moe, and Curly). The sucking will be so great that the entire US will move north by a full eleven and a half miles, causing a new mountain range to spring up between Minnesota and Iowa. Iowans will be grateful. The level of bullshit will cause 14 more states to pass more stringent animal waste lagoon containment laws. Bills that have heretofore been stalled in committee will now pass immediately on state house floors by acclamation.

[n2doc]

21. More suckitude than has ever been seem before on the face of the Earth

Surpassing the great black hole at the center of our galaxy. This will set the all time standard by which all future Sucky events will be judged and found wanting.

[Wilber_Stool]

22. This is rich.

Television cameras will be stationed on the convention floor to give home viewers a greater sense of "being there."

Translation: We don't want you to know that there's no one here.

[Danascot]

23. Given the glamour and excitement of the speakers list

McCain will come off as a rock star.

[lpbk2713]

24. Their biggest dilemma by far ....

... and there is absolutely no way they can overcome it.

Smirky has ruined the GOP (:applause: ) just as he has ruined the USA.

[ToddRodd]

25. You can sure bet........!

[MsLeopard]

26. Nominate this entire thread for a DUzy!

Hilarious descriptions of suckitude!:rofl:

[Javaman]

27. To paraphrase Homer Simpson:

"They will be the suckyest bunch of suckers who ever sucked in the history of sucking."