Excerpts From Mike's Election Guide 2008 by Michael Moore

[orleans]

i haven't gotten too far in the book but it is fun reading so far.

chapter 1: "ASK MIKE!"

Seven years ago, in order to defeat the terrorists, I took the president's advice and went shopping. I have now rung up about $30,000 of debt on my credit cards, and the monthly payment on my adjustable rate mortgage has doubled. Have the terrorists won? --Jules Crandall, Ft. Lauderdale, FL

ANSWER: No they haven't! You won. We won. We won because YOU went shopping. You, the American public, decided to let the terrorists have it. You went to the mall, I went to Best Buy, she hit Sam's Club, he went to the Hummer dealer, we all went to the bank to take out another mortgage, and everyone went to Disney World and Disneyland! You shopped but you never dropped. You spent money you never had just like our brave President who spent money he didn't have. Now you, we, are in debt up to our eyelashes--and the terrorists are on the run.

here are a few more questions that "Mike!" answers

question: "I'm doing my best to support the troops, but I just can't make up my mind: Should I buy a magnetic yellow ribbon for the back of my car, or should I simply fly a big American flag on the back of my Dodge Ram? --Gladys Siple, Gatlinberg, TN"

question: "If Iran has weapons of mass destruction, we should invade, right? --Chuck Thompson, Greenwich, CT"

question: "Which presidential candidate do I want to have a beer with? --Billy McKenzie, Zanesville, OH"

question: "I was surprised to see a woman running for president this year. When did they start voting? --Bud Jones, Orem, UT"

question: "Everyone knows Ohio sucks. Why is everyone saying it will once again get to decide who the next president is? --Drew Ashanti, Ypsilanti, MI"

question: "Why should I vote? It only encourages them. --Red Malokowski, Red Hook, Brooklyn"

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chapter 6: "Mikes Handy Candidate Guide"

"Twelve Senate Seats We Can Win

COLORADO
Senator Wayne Allard, Republican of Colorado, is retiring this year. In his 12 years in the Senate, he was most noted for . . . well not much. (more)

NEW MEXICO
Following the lead of Wayne Allard (and the trend in the southwest to go with the Dems), Republican Senator Pete V. Domenici of New Mexico is retiring. Domenici has been around forever--and up to no good. (more)

NORTH CAROLINA
People seem to like Sen. Elizabeth Dole (R-NC). I prefer to think of it as pity. After all she's got a guy who's hooked on Viagra chasing her every night. Just as she reached an age where she could relax at night, enjoy a nice bath, a glass of wine, and a good book, she and millions of other older women in the world now have husbands with four-hour erections wanting some immediate attention. (more)

OKLAHOMA
There is no delicate way to describe the insanity that lives inside the mind of the Republican incumbent from Oklahoma, James M. Inhofe. (more)

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"Appendix

FOX NEWS/TALK RADIO/MCCAIN CAMPAIGN EASY GUIDE FOR LIFTING LINES OUT OF CONTEXT FROM THIS BOOK
~snip~
p. 2-23 "The terrorists are on the run! ...I know many of them...personally..."
~snip~
p. 2 "...the terrorists are...my friends..."
~snip~
p. 3-61 "...If you want to be free from terrorist bombings, then you have to be willing to...buy...this book..."

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i recommend this book (from what i've gleaned from it so far i am amused) because goddamn! i need a bit of levity, humor, & absurdity in my life--especially when it comes to politics.

on edit: forgot a few caps--obviously it's a bad habbit--especially when i write "i"

[orleans]

1. ??

[Pastiche423]

2. Thanks for that excerpt!

I'm headed to Amazon.

[orleans]

3. you're welcome. n/t