you guys are like my family..I found out my dad is dying of cancer today.

[w8liftinglady]

Most of you know I'm fighting a drinking problem,too.I have few friends in Neocon Hell,so I'm sharing with you.Thanks for being there.I've been sober 3 days.I'm OK.

[annabanana]

1. Hang in there Lady...

prayers to you & yours...

[bicentennial_baby]

2. Get thee to a meeting, babe...

And hang in there. You're in my thoughts :hug:

[w8liftinglady]

4. done,and thanks.I'm OK.

[MasonJar]

3. I am so sorry about your father; I hope he can recover.

[w8liftinglady]

7. Thank you,but he's dying..liver and pancreas.

I'm praying for a fast and painless death for him.He's entering hospice.

[SoCalDem]

17. Aaaw, hon.. that's too bad.. I'm so sorry to hear that

Just be with him as much as you can and record your time with him.. some day you'll find it comforting to replay your visits with him..:hug:

[Cassandra]

26. Light to you.

A friend's husband died of liver cancer last year. Once they got to the place where medicine could do no more for him, he went fast, after only one day in hospice. She said he appeared to have no pain.

[MissWaverly]

33. hospice, good idea, they can manage the pain

good luck with staying away from alcohol, 3 days is a long time, keep up the good work!

:-)

[ljm2002]

57. You have my sympathy...

...my mom died of cancer of the liver and pancreas. It was 2 months from diagnosis to her passing. The thing is, we had time to say good-bye, but it did not drag on for months or years. But that doesn't make it easier, it is just wrenching to say good-bye to a parent.

Now I also want to say, you have my utmost admiration for being who you are, and being willing to get out there in print and say what you believe, in spite of the well-known proclivities of the rabid right who are always so eager to smear and attack those who do not subscribe to their view of the world. You are one brave and well-spoken woman.

So while you are dealing with the alcohol issue, don't let any voices in your psyche (we all have them, those tapes that play in our internal dialog) tell you anything bad about yourself. Right now you need encouragement and affirmation. If you notice one of those negative tapes playing in your mind, just tell it to shut the hell up, and remember, there are many people, myself included, who really truly admire you. Think about that and make up some new, positive tapes.

It does not have to be a Pollyanna exercise, you can take up self-criticism again. Later. When you're not so vulnerable. Give yourself a year -- I'm serious. It takes that long for the old habits to be replaced, and you are also dealing with a difficult personal loss.

Be well, say your good byes, give your Dad what comfort you can, and take care of yourself. It's worth it.

We all have to go some day -- we're born, we live, we die. It's the living part that counts.

[malaise]

5. Try and stay strong

Give him all the love and support he needs. :grouphug:

[monmouth]

Hang in there, and know our hearts and prayers are with you.

Get to a meeting and share with your friends, someone there has been where you are right now and they will help to see you through this, one day at a time. Blessings to you.

[tekisui]

6. Be well.

One day at a time.:hug:

[DarthDem]

8. So Very Sorry

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. This is naturally easier said than done, but stay the course and keep being strong. Best wishes and please keep the community posted.

[spanone]

9. sorry sorry sorry.....

hang in there....five years for me...hang in there. it's tough.

[AndyA]

10. Sending good thoughts your way...for you and your Dad.

I hope you both find peace and happiness very soon.

[2KS2KHonda]

11. Oh so sorry, that's tough stuff. I lost my mom 3 weeks ago today

to a massive stroke which in a way was more merciful than any long drawn out thing. :hug:
:cry:

[w8liftinglady]

13. I'm sorry for your loss,too

That's what i love about DU...there are good people here.Peace.

[roguevalley]

25. 2KS2KHonda, I hug you too.

[mailman82]

12. God Bless my friend!

I am sorry about your Father. Take it One Day at a Time!

[TomInTib]

14. Take care of yourself, Friend.

There are some things one cannot change.

But there are other circumstances that one can handle.

I will be thinking of you.

Tom

[hisownpetard]

15. You're 3 days healthier than you were. Keep going! You will find the strength

you need to get through this.

I'm gonna keep you in my heart, w8.

[peace13]

16. Take care!

I am sorry to hear about your dad. Love and energy your way. Peace, Kim

[bpj62]

18. Your Dad,

I know how you feel. I lost my father to cancer 21 years ago and a day doesnt go by when I dont think about him. If you have any issues with your dad do your best to make your peace.

[The Doctor.]

19. Way to go.

Don't forget to periodize your workouts, you might be suprised at how much that can help.

[MoJoWorkin]

20. I am so sorry. I lost my dad June 7.

I am now taking care of my mother full time. It is very hard on us, and I know from experience, what you are dealing with.

[easttexaslefty]

21. I'm sorry

My thoughts will be with you and your dad.:hug:

[roguevalley]

22. I hug you. I just hug you, honey. I wish you only hope here. When

they told me my sweet angel dad was going to die, they said he had about three days. He lasted a little bit longer waiting for my nephew to come home. I have been where you are and I wish I could hug you. Hang in there. The place they go is so good it helps take the grief down a notch.

[babylonsister]

23. I'm so very sorry, w8liftinglady.

I lost my mom to a long, drawn-out bout with cancer. I hope he goes painlessly, and I hope you find strength and peace. :hug:

[proud patriot]

24. My deepest condolences

:hug:

[Cerridwen]

27. .

:hug:

I wish for you someone to hold your hand when you want it,
someone to give you a hug when you need it,
someone to offer you silence during those times,
someone to listen as you talk,
to let you cry just because,
and to hand you the safe and inexpensive things to throw should you feel the need to rage.

It's not much. It's worked for me and my friends during our painful times.

:hug:

[w8liftinglady]

69. that is absolutely beautiful.

It soothed my soul the moment I read it.Thank you for sharing it.It helped SO much.

[devilgrrl]

I am so sorry, I will send good vibes your way.

:hug:

[janethussein]

28. I am praying for you, lady.

My Dad passed suddenly in November 2002 and my husband passed, also unexpectedly, exactly 7 weeks later on Christmas Eve. It will soon be 6 years and things are finally looking up. Don't let yourself get really down -- alcohol and drugs are only a temporary fix and delay the inevitable grief that you will have to face. Trust me, I tried to put my grief on hold through those and other "fixes" and this year I finally decided to face it and get on with my life. I finally feel "alive" and without drugs and alcohol. It takes time but you will become even stronger than you already are.

Prayers and thoughts to you.

[enid602]

29. My Mom

My Mom had home hospice; she connected so well with the nurse they sent around. I think that's at least partly why she lived another 6 months. I hope your Dad similarly benefits from his hospice experience.

[Triana]

30. I'm so sorry about your dad. I just found out my aunt has lung cancer...

..not quite the same but - it's bad news nonetheless.

My bro is an alcoholic. He hasn't had a drink for years. Like him, you'll always be recovering from this horrible disease.

Whatever you do, whatever happens or no matter how bad it hurts and you want to self-medicate - DON'T take a drink.

Please.

Just.

Don't.

Post here on DU. Call your sponsor/counsellor/mentor at AA - regardless of time of day or night to support you through the urge. Just don't take the drink.

Hang in here. Go to your meetings regularly and as often as you need.

:hug:

[Catherine Vincent]

31. Sorry to hear about that. nt

[ancient_nomad]

32. I'm so sorry.

My mother was dying from stomach cancer at the same time my father-in-law was dying from lung cancer. They died within a month of each other. So, I know what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad. If you need someone to talk with, PM me. Congrats on the 3 days!

[Bunny]

34. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

Congrats on your sobriety, too.

[DailyGrind51]

35. My heart is with you! I watched both my parents suffer from health problems,

until they passed away. It is difficult to see those we love endure so much, especially given the fact that I was diagnosed and successfully treated for cancer years ago.

[JFN1]

36. Hang in there

Our best wishes for you and your Dad...

[snacker]

37. I'm so sorry...

I will keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

38. Oh darlin

:hug: :loveya:

Here for you, sending out vibes of love and strength.

[uppityperson]

39. My condolences on the dad bit. I wish him the best, and peace to all.

[Blue Belle]

40. I'm so sorry to hear that about your Dad...

You have friends here... we'll be there for you.

[LaurenG]

41. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[demobabe]

42. Hang in there...

...and know your friends on the DU are always here for you, no matter what.

Sending good thoughts for both you and your Dad.

:hug:

[calimary]

43. Here, my dear.

You are lifting many weights at the moment, indeed.

We are here for you.

My sympathies. I remember when my dad was dying from complications of late-onset diabetes. As far as we knew, cancer was one of the few things he didn't have. But it was awful. My sympathies.

The ONLY even MINIMAL positive about such an agonizing time (at least from what we felt as a family) is that the magnitude of the suffering you see your loved one endure ends when they pass. And you take some comfort in that, at least. Not a lot of comfort, but there is some. Sometimes it blunts the impact. At least it did with us. My sympathies. Cherish the time you still have. And come and cry on our shoulders - many shoulders open and available here!

:hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug: :pals: :hug:

[Greybnk48]

44. Really sorry to hear that. Stay strong Lady. n/t

[Ilsa]

45. Hang in there. You have friends here thinking of you and

we want to help if we can. :hug:

[bdf]

46. We've had our differences, but...

those were on intellectual matters. Matters of opinion.

I wish your father all the best. I hope for (and this may sound callous, but it is not meant to be) either a speedy recovery or a speedy death. Because the alternative is a slow, painful death, only slightly ameliorated by oral diamorphine.

And I hope, with all sincerity, that you can overcome your own problems. Alcohol is one of the most addictive drugs going, although it's (relatively) hard for most people to become addicted. Once you accidentally step over the line, the withdrawal symptoms are far worse than the M$M has portrayed for heroin (or any other drug). Not only less pleasant, but far more likely to lead to death. About one-third of alcoholics who try going cold-turkey without medical intervention die from convulsions. All who try without medical intervention (and perhaps also those who do have medical intervention, for all I know) suffer waking nightmares that are scary enough to convince them that they are in Hell.

Alcohol is perhaps the worst drug we know of. In low doses it is a depressant, causing feelings similar to opiates like heroin. In higher doses it acts as a stimulant, causing feelings similar to cocaine. It's a hell of an addictive drug. And it's perfectly legal.

And yes, I drink far more than I ought to. It's an insidious drug.

[w8liftinglady]

55. Thank you for taking the time to write.It helps.

[Contrary1]

47. Oh Sweetie, I'm so sorry.

It is very hard to lose a parent. You are going through so much.

Try not to talk yourself into thinking that having that one drink will help ease the pain. It's hard, I know. I am on my third week. I am sending positive thoughts your way.

:hug:

[JerseygirlCT]

48. Oh I'm so very sorry.

There aren't any good words.

I'm glad you're hanging in there with the drinking. I wish you huge amounts of strength to continue to stay sober. And strength to deal with the very sad situation you're now in.

[onethatcares]

49. good luck and the best of thoughts.

may the good things be with you. Peace.

[wiggs]

50. Sorry sweetheart. You'll discover you're stronger than you think during

all of this. It's very, very hard but it's an important time for you, him, and everyone involved.

Shouldn't have to happen, but it does. I empathize and send positive vibes.

[DearAbby]

51. One day at a time...

Say those things that need to be said. Take each day as a gift. I am so sorry about your news. Healing thoughts and strength to you and your family.

:hug: We're here for you.

[pitohui]

52. sorry to hear it, please stay strong EOM

.

[kpete]

53. one day at a time

sometimes, one second or moment at at time

good luck and peace to you, kp

[Individualist]

54. My condolences, w8liftinglady

:hug:

[w8liftinglady]

56. Thank you all.I am sober and stronger because of your kindness.God bless.

[RayOfHope]

58. I'm sorry w8liftinglady. Please be gentle with yourself. Love and healing to you and your dad n/t

[RayOfHope]

59. I'm sorry w8liftinglady. Please be gentle with yourself. Love and healing to you and your dad n/t

[sellitman]

60. Hugs to you.

And your Dad.

I have been lucky but my wife lost her Mother to Cancer when she was 18. I never got to meet her and my kids never got to meet their real Grandmother.


I hope your father doesn't suffer.

[enigmatic]

61. .

:hug:

[goclark]

62. My thoughts are with you and your family

:hug:

[Withywindle]

63. One day at a time.

The important thing is to get through TODAY. No one knows what tomorrow will bring, so it doesn't matter right now - it's not as important as today, whatever it is.

One of my favorite quotes about death comes from Neil Gaiman's Sandman comic series, where Death is embodied as a beautiful Goth girl who does the best she can to keep a positive attitude and is probably the sanest being in the story, 'cause she's seen it all.

She had to collect a young man who was very angry about being cut short, and she told him gently but firmly, "You get what everyone gets. A lifetime. No more and no less."

That's what we all get, exactly. It's on us to make it count for as much as we can.


:hug: :hug: :hug:

[w8liftinglady]

64. Just a note to say.."Thanks"

I am grateful to you all.You gave me comfort and kept me sober.I'll never forget your collective kindness.
Love you all.

[w8liftinglady]

65. as karma would have it,I had a patient dying of my dad's cancer today.

I cared for her and fixed her(and her husband's) pain.Gave her one of my controversial prayer beads,which she tearfully clung to as I eased her pain.Although I'm crying while I write this,it's a good thing.I'm feeling instead of numbing the pain.I'm sober.Thanks to the countless number of you who have gracefully extended a shoulder to cry on.I owe you my sanity.

[madeline_con]

66. Spend time with him if you can.

I cried and drank while my own father died of lung cancer. I should have spent more time with him. Be with him if you can. It's hard, but do it. :hug:

[midnight]

67. Bless you and your family as you go through this.

[w8liftinglady]

68. It's strange how karma works

This revelation about my dad has made me so much more empathetic.I have had several patients with terminal cancer,and I know I have helped their kids and friends by being open and caring.You on DU taught me this,and gave me the tools.Thank you.

[Maestro]

70. So sorry to hear this.

My heartfelt sympathy from just down the road. I hope your battle with your problem continues to improve and I hope that whatever happens with your father is peaceful.

[w8liftinglady]

72. Thanks,Maestro-you've been a good friend

[flashl]

71. For you and your father ...

:grouphug:

[w8liftinglady]

73. ...

:hug: Thank you.

[Midlodemocrat]

74. Very, very sorry, w8liftinglady.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad. Congrats on the not drinking!!!! :woohoo:

[w8liftinglady]

78. Thanks..you guys have been my shoulder to lean on.

I am grateful for your kindness

[Marrah_G]

75. Hang in there Lady!

I know it's hard as hell. Lean on your friends here on DU. You will make it!

[pinstikfartherin]

76. I'm so sorry...

While I can't imagine what you are going through, I talk to people in your same situation every day as I work for a hospice. My great uncle died on hospice and my mother was a hospice nurse, both being with who I now work for. The most important thing seems to be for people to know that you really care about them and their family. I know that those that I work closely with go above and beyond the call of duty, and those are the best people to work with hospice patients and families. What we do means so much to some families that they get involved after the death of their loved one by volunteering with us and doing what they can to improve the quality of life for others who are ill. There will be some bad apples out there, but I sincerely hope that whoever takes care of your dad does so with the care and compassion that hospice staff should.

[w8liftinglady]

77. Thank you.I have full confidence in the hospice staff

Apparently,the military in San Antonio has an inpatient hospice,where my dad will go.I am grateful to the staff for their committment to loving,gentle care.I know my dad will be in good hands.

[mmonk]

79. My heart goes out to you.

When my parents were dying, I had nursing assistants stay with them in shifts at the house and also to bring in food and make sure their medications were taken correctly. I think they appreciated being at home. Best of luck and always remember the bond you have.