NEW AIRLINE RULES

[Ghost in the Machine]

NEW AIRLINE RULES


Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir.

May I see your ticket?



Passenger: Sure.



Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, Please!



Passenger: What for?



Attendant: For telling you where to 'Sit'.



Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.



Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5.

It's the Airline's new Policy.



Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard.

I won't pay it.



Attendant: Sir, Do you want a seat on this flight, or not ?



Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay.

But the airline is going to hear about this.



Attendant: Thank you. My goodness,

Your carry-on bag looks heavy.

Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?



Passenger: That would be Swell, Thanks.



Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done!

That will be $10, Please.



Passenger: What ?



Attendant: The Airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.



Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.



Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand.

You need to sit, And fasten your seat belt. We're about to



push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.



Passenger: "No Way! "



Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the Air Marshal.

And you really don't want me to do that.



Passenger: Why Not? Is he going to 'Shoot me'?



Attendant: No, But there's a $50 Air-Marshal hailing fee.



Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10.

I can't believe this.



Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir.

Is there anything else I can do for you?



Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?



Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, Sir.

Just insert two quarters into the

Overhead coin slot for the First Five minutes.



Passenger: The Airline is charging me for Cabin air?



Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge.

It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.



Passenger: I don't have any quarters.

Can you make change for a dollar?



Attendant: Certainly, Sir! Here you go!



Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.



Attendant: Yes, there's a 'change making fee' of 25 cents.



Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter ?

What the heck can I do with this ?



Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

[DarthDem]

1. K & R

Nice. I'm personally ready for a national airline (almost every other single country seems to be able to pull this off) or two, which can compete with Southwest.

[Mind_your_head]

2. Stop giving 'em ideas!

I want to :rofl:, but I don't want to "rofl" into a future like this that could actually be 'our new new reality'.

[SeattleGirl]

3. "Would you like something to drink, sir?"

Yes, thank you. I'd like a Velvet and Coke."

Fight attendant hands the passenger the drink.

"That will be $7.00, sir."

Passenger: "Excuse me, but there's no ice in this drink, and it's warm!"

Flight attendant: "But sir, you didn't specify that you wanted it cold, and with ice. I can get you a new one, but it will be $14."

Passenger: "$14??????!!!!??"

Flight attendant: "Well, yes sir. $7.00 for the drink, as I said, plus $3.00 for cold Coke, $2.00 for ice, and a $2.00 disposal fee for dumping out the drink I just poured for you."

Passenger: "Jeebus! Just forget it, okay?

Flight attendant: "Of course, sir. But I still need to collect the $2.00 disposal fee!"

[comtec]

4. Thankfully that bullshit is illegal here in Europe

At least on the part of my flight that is going TO the US, they'll have to include everything!
The law states that unless noted (IE buy your own food in the ticket) Everything is assumed to be included.
They are NOT allowed to charge for last minute bullshit.
Bare bone flights to Spain, say just that on the ticket, this is a bare bones flight! buy your own food.
But baggage handling, all that is a part of the price of the ticket, paid for in advance.
What they are doing back home is patently illegal here, and I'm glad for it!
yes we pay an EXORBITANT AMOUNT OF TAXES here, highest anywhere it feels like, but at least we also get protections from greedy corporations... to an extent. There are no 800 numbers... fuckers all use 900 numbers for ANY kind of service, or complaint!

I have to PAY to COMPLAIN!!! I'm sure it'll be coming to the US shortly, they way they keep screwing us :(

[dysfunctional press]

7. the u.s. has always had MUCH more liberal baggage allowances than other countries...

international flights to/from the u.s. have always had larger allowances for baggage than flights between two countries that didn't involve the u.s.

and the new domestic baggage restrictions/fees on u.s. carriers generally don't apply to the international flights.

but the worm has definitely turned for american air travelers.

[liberal N proud]

5. It it getting there

[Ghost in the Machine]

6. kick