The Iceberg Lettuce Conspiracy (or, so we were eating some arugula the other night...)

[alcibiades_mystery]

So we were eating some arugula the other night, and we decided that iceberg lettuce was the greatest fraud ever perpetrated on the American public. Let me explain.

I grew up in an Italian household. So what you call "arugula," we just called "salad" (really, salate). Pops would drizzle it with some extra virgin and just put it on a plate. Buon appetito. Now, I know what you're thinking: Lucky you to have grown up so rich and fancy! But we weren't at all. We were even poor for many of those years, living in a string of apartments in Queens, NY. But we always had good salad, and we always had seafood on Friday (lent or no), even if it meant scraping together pennies for that. And, to be fair, in the outer boroughs where we lived, with huge Italian populations that felt the same, arugula wasn't that expensive. So, of all the things to spend more on when you're poor, why arugula? Why? Because arugula tastes like something. Or rather, it has a taste. We never ate iceberg lettuce, and - quite frankly - I was horrified when I actually had what you people call a "salad." It's just fucking water, yo. It has no taste.

So what's the conspiracy? My wife and I decided that iceberg lettuce is a fraud foisted on the public by an Evil Salad Dressing Cabal. That's right. Ya been hoodwinked by Lite Ranch shlockers. Believe it. Because, you see, owing to the utter tastelessness of iceberg lettuce, you need something on it, to wit, dressing. If you make it fatty, cream-based dressing, all the better to hide the fact that you're basically eating water. It's cheap as shit to grow. It is sturdy, so it holds that disgusting dressing you people gulp down. And you basically don't notice that you're actually paying more than you would for something that actually has a taste, because you constantly have to buy those sickening squeeze pump bottle of congealed shite.

For next week's rant: "Against Jarred Sauce," a polemic in the Ciceronian style...

[MountainLaurel]

1. You got a point there

:applause:

[riderinthestorm]

2. To be fair....

"And, to be fair, in the outer boroughs where we lived, with huge Italian populations that felt the same, arugula wasn't that expensive."

Key phrase there.

[Wilms]

3. I wonder the same about soap dishes that have the bar melting in a puddle. n/t

[glowing]

4. Very correct... I won't grow Iceburg lettuce in my garden or use it in my salads

The only think I like it on is a sandwhich... so that the lettuce doesn't overpower the rest of the stuff I put on it...

but you are correct.. the best salads I had were in Italy.. The only dressing, a bit of olive oil and salt and pepper.. perfect, light, and eloquent taste in the mouth. Also, much healthier.. the greener the leaf, the more nutritional. Iceburg lettuce has less taste and is basically water.. good if you live in a desert or are a rabbit.

[Kali]

6. actually bad for rabbits and other rodent like pets

use romaine for green-eating pets

[AlCzervik]

15. we have a guinea pig and the vet specifically told me "No iceberg lettuce"

so he eats only spring mix.

[Kali]

5. but it is so nice and crispy and cold

I like to mix greens and iceberg and recently started making my own disgusting ranch dressing - it is so easy and I will never go back to the congealed crud. BUT, a slathering of fresh home made creamy buttermilk ranch IS pretty yummy! Add some home grown tomatoes and cukes ... sweet onions...mmmm :9

[grasswire]

8. you and the snooty foodies agree

Iceberg made comeback several years ago to the upscale restaurants and food magazines. It's on the menu in restaurants where they'll charge you ten bucks or more just for what you describe. A wedge of iceberg with creamy dressing.

[fasttense]

7. I had forgotten how good lettuce could be

until I started growing my own. That lose leaf lettuce with anything else that comes up green and leafy, mescaline lettuce, spinach, young kale, beet tops, young turnip greens. It all tastes and smells like real food, unlike that bland iceberg. I even make lettuce sandwiches it is so sweet and tender.

[Serial Mom]

9. I bought iceburg last week - first time in 5 years...

It "looked" a little less colorless than usual, and I thought I hadn't tried it in so long, why not try again!

Ding, ding, ding - you hit it on the "head" - it is tasteless, almost colorless, and like eating nothing at all!

I have also refused to order a salad at a restaurant for more than 5 years too if it uses iceberg! They are close to making more money on those salads than they do on drinks!

[unpossibles]

10. I can't stand iceberg "lettuce"

give me leaf or romaine or arugula or spinach or almost anything else - they are not that expensive really, and you actually get something good and better for you for the extra few cents.

blech. It's so disappointing when I go to restaurants and see that crap on a plate - it really makes me question the rest of the meal.

[sinkingfeeling]

11. I detest arugula! I remember eating dandelion leaves and grass from the yard as a kid, and it all

tastes better than arugula!

[arcadian]

12. Growing arugula in the garden

I love it. It's yummy, I love the peppery flavor and use it in salads, it also goes really well on a roast beef sandwich. Romaine is usually the base for any salads that we have for dinner.

[SalviaBlue]

13. This CA girl grew up eating iceburg lettuce.

When we were kids my mom would put a wedge of iceburg on a plate and sprinkle a little sugar on top and we called that "salad."

I've acquired some more sophisticated tastes over the years (including a love of arugula) but I still love iceburg.

I make wonderful "wedge" salads with iceburg sprinkled with a mix of marinated fresh vegies (tomato, shaved carrots, green onions, etc.) and homemade creamy blue cheese dressing ... YUMMY.

There's also nothing like an all American iceburg salad with cucumbers, red onions, tomatoes, etc. etc. etc. To me the salad dressing makes or breaks the salad and most bottled dressings are horrid. Homemade oil & vinegar or a homemade creamy ranch or blue cheese dressing is heavenly with a crunchy iceburg/veggie salad.

Looking forward to your rant on sauce.

[JohnyCanuck]

14. Iceberg: more bland, least nutritous, but it ships relatively easily and travels great distances

The star ingredient of pedestrian side salads in roadhouse restaurants across the land, iceberg lettuce is compact, spherical, and whitish green, with a crispy texture. The most common and popular lettuce, iceberg lettuce is also one of the more bland and least nutritious of leafy greens. The reason for its popularity: it ships relatively easily, and has been travelling great distances from field to market since the days when it was packed under giant blocks of ice (thus the name, "iceberg"). Lots of other types of lettuce are now available fresh all year round at reasonable prices, so branch out if you've been relying heavily on this old favourite. Look for crisp leaves without brown spots or other blemishes; the darker the green, the more nutrients in the lettuce.

http://www.homemakers.com/Food/cookscorner/lettuce-lessons-n580p1.html

[bunkerbuster1]

16. Speaking of lettuce--McCain will pay you FITTY BUX an HOUR to pick it!

no lie, really!

http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/05/ldt.01.html

SEN. JOHN MCCAIN (R), ARIZONA: Now, my friends, I'll offer anybody here $50 an hour if you'll go pick lettuce in Yuma this season and pick for the whole season. So -- OK? Sign up. OK.

You sign up. You sign up, and you'll be there for the whole season, the whole season. OK? Not just one day. Because you can't do it, my friend.