Should I negotiate with my neighbor about his brat kids, or should I just kill him?

[Philosoraptor]

Dear Abbey:

My neighbor, who is a nice enough guy, has these three brat kids who are always walking through my yard, kicking my cats, terrorizing my dog, throwing rocks through my window and scrawling graffiti on my walls.

I'm wondering if I should set up a meeting with him and have a man to man discussion about his kids and how we can best alleviate this situation. But I ask myself, why should I sit down and talk to this man? Will he really do anything about his brat kids? Maybe I should just walk over there and shoot him right in the head, then chase down those brats and ice them and his wife too. Why should I negotiate with anyone? I know I'm in the right here, and I have plenty of bullets.

Your opinion would be greatly appreciated.

All appeased out in Idaho.

[ChairmanAgnostic]

1. I'd photocopy a gun permit, send it to the parents

no, on second thought, I would not.

Just call the police.

[Philosoraptor]

2. The damn liberals won't fund the police.

[Epiphany4z]

3. as the mother of 5

there are times you do not what the little heathens have been up to ..if parent seems a reasonable sort and is approached the right way speaking to the parents can be effective.

I would start there anyway. It may start a bad neighborer attitude from you neighborer but if you just call the police without talking to them it will for sure cause a bigger head ache than it might need to be.

[Philosoraptor]

4. Like when Chamberlain appeased Hitler? We all know how that turned out

[taterguy]

5. Kansas lost in the 1957 finals to UNC

Unless you were talking about some Chamberlain other than Wilt

[Epiphany4z]

7. lmao

smart arse....

[Jack Rabbit]

90. OK, what did Chamberlain do wrong in 1938?

[QueenOfCalifornia]

94. UH!!!!

He was an appeaser!
He was an appeaser!
He was an appeaser!
He was an appeaser!
He was an appeaser!


Did I get it right yet?

He was an appeaser!

[Jack Rabbit]

97. No.

What Chamberlain did was to give away half of Czechoslovokia to Hitler and think that would satisfy his appetite for territory (it should be noted that Czechoslovkia was not at the conference table when this little deal was struck). This wouldn't be like you talking to your neighbor; this would be like you suggesting to your neighbor that his kids vandalize the house on the other side instead of yours, thus satisfying their need to be little punks and your need to left alone.

That attempt to satisfy the monster's appetite in the belief he'll behave after that is appeasement. Simply talking to him is not.

[chknltl]

6. Although there is merit to both plans...

Might I suggest presenting to your neighbor: Vet bills and Graffiti Removal bills and ask if he or his ruffians intends to pay for these bills. If the answer is anything other than yes, a fence and documentation of further infractions, (as well as costs to you), and then take his butt to a court presided over by a judge not named Judy. (Of course if you don't take my advice and seek Judge Judy's help you might get the cost of that fence thrown in so you might want to think about a really NICE fence)

[Epiphany4z]

9. If your after reimbursement

go there but if you after getting the brats to stop...I would first talk to the parent and if that didn't work take your route. If you simply want the kids to stop and not have a bad neighborer situation that is how I would and have done it in the past. Some parents are as belligerent as there kids and some when talked to very reasonably are shocked to find what the heathens are up to and take matters in hand once they are told.

[chknltl]

Perhaps you are right...I was projecting myself as the parant...

...and how I would have reacted had I gotten such bills. I am not like most folks I know, I would have been deeply embarrassed and wanted to pay those bills as soon as I could AND made sure that the kids partook in getting him paid back. (If the kids were old enough, my neighbor/victim could expect to have his lawn mown to HIS specifications for FREE for the rest of the summer...that would be my first 'restore the peace' offer but then I am a bit old fashioned).

You are right though, who knows what the neighbor may be like so talking may be the best start.
That other option: 'shooting everyone' is soooo beyond old fashioned....it is something, I dunno, mCcain would do to Iran. One can't get more old-school than THAT!

[Jacobin]

8. I'd just nuke his house. You can't talk to terraists

[Junkdrawer]

12. Yep. A little Shock and Awe could rebuild the entire neighborhood.

A new era of peace will ensue.

[Philosoraptor]

17. My other neighbor nuked the house next door, hasn't been attacked in years.

[Posteritatis]

89. Hee. (nt)

[eilen]

10. Sell gun, buy fence.

Seriously, a 6 ft high fence. With motion detectors that turn on searchlight and siren. I'd electrify it but you might not want to find fried cat stuck on your fence. Also, a big rottweiler and prominent "BEWARE OF DOG" sign. My brother has security cameras that are turned on with motion detector and are solar powered but has passed on the siren and searchlight (except for the motion detector lights by the garage and cameras). He has a few territorial dogs in his yard. He also practices throwing knives back there.

You can't SSS kids who trespass on your property, not even nasty kids. The parent clearly has no control over them or they would be well behaved in public. You can't change that and their father, despite his best intentions to work with you, will be unable to control them (old habits die very hard). As a result, he will resent you for his shortcomings as a parent and put the blame on you. His kids will take that and run with it and things will get worse.

Any broken windows, the cops get called.

[Philosoraptor]

16. I put up a ten foot fence, they used a twelve foot ladder.

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

11. Sounds familiar... Hmmmmmmm.....

Love your analogy!!!!

[ProdigalJunkMail]

13. while funny...i would have to say

that is just about the worst analogy ever...if EVER there were apples compared to oranges this would be it...

sP

[keep_it_real]

14. Why not just put up a fence?

Yea, it will cost you to do so but the cost will be a lot cheaper than going to jail.

[timtom]

78. Why not bulldoze the neighbor's house

and THEN put up a fence?

[izzie]

15. I do not think you can talk to him UNLESS he thinks just like you.

Oh sorry that is only how the WH does it. Frankly I lived next door to people with kids like that once. No one could stop them but I did get the school to let my kids get home safely. It finally stopped when the navy, in a fit of un-stable thinking, sent the man to Spain and he took his family. Spain asked them to leave also and I do not know what the navy did with the poor man and his brats and crazy wife. It was one year of pure terror right down to them running into your house, trying to scare a teen-age girl to death by hitting her with lighted matches after they got her alone, dumping garbage in your back yard. You name it these three boys did it.

[WV_Biker]

18. Gotta shoot 'em

If you don't shoot it will embolden the rest of the neighborhood. Peace through strength and all of that.


Jeff

[FourScore]

57. Exactly! And welcome to DU jhigley!

:hi:

[Gato Moteado]

19. it's amazing how many DUers took this story literally

nt

[frogcycle]

26. yeah really

kind of demonstrates why there is so much sniping and vitriol here

no critical thinking; no actual comprehension, just I did not/You did too kind of dialog; often jumping in and hitting reply without reading the thread, just the title

kind of like the tower of babel - we all speak different languages!

[FourScore]

54. I'm pretty surprised at that myself. n/t

[Ishoutandscream2]

62. Isn't it, though?

Here I was, laughing my ass off, and then I see some of these serious replies.

[Mira]

20. What good has discussing problems ever done? Just blow up their house.

Save the bullets for when their relatives come after you.

[Solly Mack]

21. No, silly. You and your neighbor go to a third neighbor's house and fight there.

Cause you gotta fight'em over there to keep from fighting them over here.
That way, you can spread your uh...your...uh...errr..hmmm....

[brokensymmetry]

22. Cameras, first. Then...

First, get in some cameras and a digital recorder scheme.
This can be high dollar - however, with wireless weather-resistant
web-cams and computer software, it can also be cheap.

Record the material.

File criminal charges.

Get a conviction.

Sue them, based on the conviction above.

Collect. Use all the various collection procedures permitted by law. I suspect
that includes bank account and wage garnishment in your state. Get an abstract
of judgment and a writ of execution, thus destroying their credit rating.

Oh, and a peace bond...so when their children invade your property, there is
a violation of a court order.

(Sorry. I haven't had coffee yet, so I'm in a nasty mood.)

[Hubert Flottz]

23. Does your neighbor have any oil wells you can steal?

Edit...Or Nuuu'kkkur'lur reactors?

[Philosoraptor]

24. I'll sell all their stuff to pay for the bullets, & I'll occupy their former house.

[Hubert Flottz]

28. Heil Dumbya!

[DrDan]

25. start with the neighbor, obviously

that parent has the best chance of getting these unruly kids in line.

[FourScore]

27. First you should build a "coalition of the willing" with your other neighbors.

They may be feeling terrorized by these kids as well. Or maybe their kids have playdates with these brats. In which case you may need to negotiate a deal -- or ice them too. You must first ascertain who is with you and who is against you.

[riderinthestorm]

56. Don't forget Poland!

errr, I mean, the Polish neighbors.... Yeah, they want your neighbor's oil too - oops! No, scratch that! Really, they simply want to help in the War On TerraBrats too!

[stray cat]

29. Pre-emptive strike - kill the entire family and all your neighbors

just in case brattiness has spread to surrounding houses.

[Philosoraptor]

31. Good plan...

[FourScore]

36. There ya' go! n/t

[ThomWV]

30. Call him up and tell him to keep is fuckin' kids off your property

And if the little bastards broke your window have the son of a bitch pay for what his kids did, and if he won't call the police and let them take care of it.

[DU GrovelBot]

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[auntAgonist]

84. Best Answer YET!!! Duzy worthy!

:rofl:

aA

[frickaline]

33. Here's a few ideas

1. Build a large fence and employ other neighborhood kids to patrol your neighborly border. If any of the neighbors try to cross, arrest them. If they manage to evade the other kids and you find them, force them into slave labor.

2. Distribute candy, knives, alcohol, slingshots, fireworks, nunchucks, and salt guns to all other neighborhood kids that claim they will help you, whether you believe them or not. If anyone catches you doing this, burn any incriminating evidence and blame your dog.

3. Provide your pets with a color coded alert system to make them away of the neighbor kid's presence (dogs are colorblind but I'm sure they will get the hang of it eventually).

4. Use your neighbor's dog kennel and lock any kids you find in there for questioning. Use any means necessary to find out if they are brats. If anyone complains, hey, it's not in your backyard, right?

[islandmkl]

34. go get yourself some old refrigerators with the handle-type doors and put them in your backyard...

little bastards will figure out some games among themselves...

oh yeah, leave any faulty electrical appliances laying around where the little tykes can steal them, take them home and plug them in...

[FourScore]

35. Perhaps you should become President of the HOA -- reform some rules and covenants.

If you do it right, you could set it up so that you can take the kids to a neighbors house without letting anyone know. You could torture them a little to find the other brats in the neighborhood and what sort of unruly behavior THEY are planning. You could search their rooms when their parents are at work and the kids are at school -- that way you may find evidence, you know, slingshots and pocketknives and such.

[lonestarnot]

40. Oh yeah the nazism of home ownership. Nice.

NOT

[proud2BlibKansan]

37. Do the American thing

Blow him and his kids out of the water.

:hi:
Good to see you.

[Hubert Flottz]

38. Have you tried the "Duct Tape and Plastic Wrap?"

Do you have a lead lined root cellar where you can shelter in place until those mean ole terra-ist kids fall asleep, or until the kkkounty kkkontracted truant officers properly interrogates and or waterboards those little insurgent heathens?

I can't believe how many people still don't get it... :-)

[Philosoraptor]

39. They have slingshots of mass destruction, if I could only find them...

[Hubert Flottz]

42. Be kind and forgive them, for they know not what they do...

turn the other cheek...and demonstrate a little "MORALITY" and "COMPASSION" like any good little KKKONservative flocker should...

Bush/Exxon still Preys every day!

[Time for change]

41. Dear All appeased out in Idaho:

If your neighbor's brat kids are terrorists, then it seems likely that your neighbor would be a terrorist too. If you negotiate with him therefore, that would be a form of appeasement. We should have learned from history that appeasement is wrong.

Our esteemed Vice President of the United States has said that if their is a 1% risk of something bad happening we should treat the situation as if the risk were 100%. It seems to me that if you negotiate with your neighbor about this problem your neighbor may feel appeased or may even hurt you. It seems that there is a 1% risk or greater that that will happen. Or at least there is a 1% probability that there is a 1% risk that your neighbor will hurt you if you negotiate with him.

As you know, however, I am legally bound not to advocate the commission of a crime. So do what you think is best.

Sincerely,

Abby

[jberryhill]

43. Get His Weapons of Mass Destruction Program Planning Activities /nt

[formercia]

44. Minors are untouchable and they know it.

The police are more concerned with minors engaging in felonies. The kids still get away with it. The kids know they won't be sent to a residential facility because they're always full.

Set up a couple of video cams and document their behavior then sue the parents. Take them to court and make them pay your legal fees. When it starts costing them money, it will either stop or they will move away. Repeat until effective.

Call the parents on the phone.

Write them a letter they have to sign for.

Complain to their landlord if they are renting.

Document everything.

Always be the burdened party.

Make their miserable lives even more miserable until they cease and desist.

[nichomachus]

45. You could also just pay him not to bother you

it seems to have worked in Iraq to some extent.

[lutefisk]

95. Good idea. Just get large cash advances on all your family's and friends' credit cards!

By the time the collection agencies come after them for the debt, you'll have moved on anyway. This is all so easy!

[IronLionZion]

46. Anything less than pure annhilation would be spineless appeasement.

What Would Hitler Bush Do?

[coriolis]

47. Get a board, and some water...

:evilgrin:

[leeroysphitz]

48. It's wrong to even JOKE about shooting him because his kids are brats.

The kids are the ones who need to be shot.

[Lochloosa]

49. Get a bigger dog.

[Breeze54]

50. Have a friendly discussion with Dad & Mom...

Leave the gun, unloaded and locked up, in your house. :P

[muriel_volestrangler]

51. "I'm losing patience with my neighbours"

For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is.

As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours.

They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!

Terry Jones, January 2003

[Blue_Tires]

52. headshots for them all...

the brat kids are only going to grow up into ill-adjusted, angst-ridden destructive teenagers, and attacks on your home/yard will be much worse

[Philosoraptor]

58. Don't deny me the pleasure of torturing them for info

[End Of The Road]

53. To echo an earlier response, do the AMERICAN thing, and...

talk to a LAWYER.

We're talking vandalism, if the kids are breaking windows and scrawling graffiti. The parents can be held financially responsible for repairs. Hit 'em in the pocketbook. But talk to an attorney first to find out what documentation you need, and the cheapest, most direct avenue for dealing with the problem.

Face it, the parents know what the kids are doing, and just don't care. But they will care once it starts coming out of their pockets.

[FourScore]

55. Ummm ...I wouldn't take this thread quite so literally if I were you.

Think about it.

[Dogtown]

59. Fight him over THERE

so you don't have to fight him HERE...

[ismnotwasm]

60. Do the "Kill them all and let God sort them out" thing

I saw it on a bumper sticker so it must be valid folk wisdom.

[halliburtonsux]

61. Terrorizing animals? I vote Murder 1.

<g>

[siligut]

63. Don’t kill him.

Kill the kids, they are the problem. Or just cut off their legs, that should do it. No reason to face manslaughter charges because of ill-mannered kids.

[AngryAmish]

64. I really don't think trying to murder your neighbors is the right thing to do

In fact, you might be a psycho.

[yardwork]

69. Good point. Would you agree that anyone who reacts by killing the neighbor is probably psycho?

Suppose a country were to behave this way toward another country (this is purely theoretical of course) - would you agree that the country who choose to attack the other without trying to work it out might be in the wrong?

Or is it ok for a country to behave like a psychotic murderer?

[AngryAmish]

72. I don't think countries have anything to do with it

I just think you should should be nicer to your neighbors. Much nicer. Two wrongs don't make a right.

[yardwork]

83. Reread the OP. It's a metaphor for the U.S. position against Iran.

[AngryAmish]

85. Maybe a metaphor for being a jerk

Go ahead and blame a guy if his kids act up. Murder is not a solution.

[yardwork]

86. I agree. It's not a good solution to murder somebody just because their kids are acting up.

Why did we invade Iraq again?

[AngryAmish]

88. iraq has nothing to do with it!

[yardwork]

91. That's what Bush says.

[Spike89]

65. I've got my eye on you now

Only a weak terrorist-loving lib would even ask. Duty is clear. Ya gotta take them brats out over in his yard so ya don't gotta take 'em out in your own yard. I always knew you liberals in Idaho were soft!

[Ghost Dog]

66. History appears to tell us that just, you know, 'talking to the neighbors'

never was much of a strong point amongst people who made what became the USA.

Looks like many may for some (un)reason believe they need to be very, very afraid ... of themselves and of each other.

Edit to add a request for a 'deep (progressive of course) philosophy' section in DU.

:evilgrin:

[Midlodemocrat]

67. He should be waterboarded and sooner rather than later.

:thumbsup:

[CatWoman]

68. between you and Bluebear

I get plenty of laughs here in GD.

Damn this is funny!!

:hi:

[EFerrari]

70. I'd just call the police. They get paid to negotiate, I don't.

And it beats doing time. :)

[John Kerry VonErich]

71. Does your state have the "Castle Doctrine"?

nt

[Philosoraptor]

73. I've decided to turn his home into an embassy until at least 2013

He'll have to move out of course, after being tortured without a trial.

[muriel_volestrangler]

76. I hope you're not going to spend too much on the conversion

What with the credit crunch, you could give your kids a real long term debt if you borrow to do this. Some people start out these projects saying "it'll pay for itself in just a few years", then they find they've been ripped off by contractors, the guy who advised them in the first place turns out to have been lying about the condition of the place you took over, the street complains you didn't have planning permission, so the local council refuses to pay the part of the bill you thought you could palm off on to them - pretty soon you're left with something worthless you've paid most of your income for, and you're just known in the local paper as "The Torture Guy" rather than "a real estate developer".

Maybe you'd be better off building a holiday home somewhere. I hear Paraguay's nice.

[anonymous171]

74. How about you build a wall around your entire house?

[Cleita]

75. I know it's Idaho and shooting is a sacrament, but really

will it solve anything? Also, don't blame the kids. You may think your neighbor is a nice enough guy but those kids are acting like that because dad and maybe mom are teaching them to be that way, if not in words, in action.

Yes, I would set up a friendly meeting at a cafe maybe and far away from fire arms. See if you can't come to some kind of agreement. If you can't, well there is the law and other actions you can take that might make them sit up and take notice, but please keep the guns in the gun safe this time.

Also, have you tried to befriend the kids? Maybe a little cookies and milk and a nice talk about what you expect from them as neighbors might be more helpful than talking to dad.

[treestar]

77. Go to the house across the street

Or any other house, just not that neighbors. Say the house across the street. Shoot the parents there and replace them with parents of your own choosing.

Your neightbor's brats will have no choice but to go across the street and fight with the kids there.

Fight them across the street so you don't have to do it at your house.

Meanwhile, don't let your own kids have any friends over and search their belongings daily. Explain that it is for their safety.

[galledgoblin]

79. The Most Awful Family Award, 1974

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z62ikGqIuUY
I'M OUT OF BEANS

[BlueJazz]

80. Dig a moat and fill it with sharks then Ask the next door kids if they'd like to ....

.."Go for an exciting swim"

[blondeatlast]

81. Dear Bothered,

You must discuss this with the other neighbors as follows: the children have been secretly stocking up on toilet paper and there is evidence to suggest that they will use it throughout the entire neighborhood. Ask the neighbors to agree that if the children don't confess to the TP stockpile that further action may be taked (NOTE: DO NOT under any circumstance elaborate on "further action.")

Keep absolutely quiet about the issue for two weeks, then announce to the neighbors that the parents are concerned as well about the issue and that they agree further action is necessary. The neighbor parents havve promised that they will greet your discipkine of their youngsters with lovely new flowerbeds and a tea-party.

Now, in a blaze of glory, shoot the kids. Dress appropriately (lime green crocs and a leather barbecue apron would be ideal). Be certtain to announce your victory with a banner across the street proclaiming "Neighborhood Rescued!"

Signed, Abby

[Contrary1]

82. Three words, simplistic, and yet so effective...

Blindfold. Rag. Hose.

The little effers will be confess to anything and everything.

Then kill them.

[BlooInBloo]

87. If the kids are like that, it's safe to assume that the parents aren't gonna do shit...

Get a spycam, send to police, let them prosecute the parents. Then they'll care what their kids do.

[MilesColtrane]

92. Two words:

Razor Wire

[lutefisk]

93. Leave that neighbor alone. Go in big and heavy against the couple down the street.

They might have kids someday who might do something to someone in the neighborhood.

You must face the clear evidence of peril, you cannot wait for the final proof -- the smoking gun -- that could come in the form of their future children walking through your yard. Ice them now.
:patriot:

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

96. Kill the elderly couple across the street instead.

The one who, according to your own intelligence reports, doesn't even have any kids.