***DUzy Awards for week ending May 2, 2008.***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri May-02-08 06:35 PM
Original message

Welcome to the dazed and confused DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzy Awards will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.
Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to dicksteele, havocmom, Kurovski, gateley, AZDemDist6, Yael, chimpsrsmarter, KitchenWitch, rocknation, TheDoorbellRang, WillYourVoteBCounted, orleans, FlyingSquirrel, Buzz Clik, scarletwoman, uppityperson, hisownpetard, calimary, Breeze54, REACTIVATED IN CT, CaliforniaPeggy, Patsy Stone, JoeIsOneOfUs, grantcart, eridani, wryter2000, Husb2Sparkly, KamaAina, hootinholler, oktoberain, Bluebear, dicksteele and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

The Duzy Awards will return in two weeks. Got some stuff I gotta do.

This should have appeared last week.

On a thread by Algorem:

House Democrats return fire on rising gas prices
"... A day after GOP leaders demanded to see the gas price plan that Democrats alluded to a couple years ago, Democrats charged that Republicans have blocked legislation that would have given consumers some relief.

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) told reporters Wednesday that while there is no known short-term fix that will lower gas prices. Democrats are looking at plans such as market manipulation or a moratorium on purchasing oil for the Strategic Petroleum Reserve until prices stabilize..."

response #1 by IanDB1:

Breaking: Oil Companies Raise Prices By 0.20/Gallon in Anticipation of Democratic Price Reduction.nt

LBN, April 24, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3282252

On a thread by Bluebear:

      Christian Newswire: Overcome your Gay in just one weekend!
"When a man's Christian faith collides head-on with homosexual attractions that he doesn't want and feels powerless to change, the result can be years of struggle and confusion for himself and his loved ones.

But a personal-growth weekend called Journey Into Manhood :eyes: – coming to San Bernardino County, Calif. May 9 to 11 and to Nashville, Tenn. June 20 to 22 – is proving to have a significant long-term impact on men seeking to overcome unwanted same-sex attractions.

In fact, four out of five men who have participated in the Journey Into Manhood weekend reported a decrease in unwanted homosexual attractions when surveyed between six months and six years later. More than half reported an increase in heterosexual attractions, and nine out of 10 reported a decrease in distress, shame or self-condemnation..."

response #2 by nichomachus:

      I was going to go to this
but I took the $650 and put it toward going to Gay Pride in Amsterdam. (Don't I wish)

Isn't it a coincidence that they're running this scam right after the stimulus checks come out?

response #3 by Bluebear:

      Now that you mention it, this "weekend" would be a great place to meet guys!
Wouldn't the planning committee be pissed off if we scheduled little "after hours" mixers? :)

response #4 by joeybee12:

      I have overcome my gay on several weekends...try as I might to do
otherwise, sometimes dates just don't pan out like one hopes. :cry:

response #14 by IanDB1:

      Lonely, gay men, meet the self-loathing man of your dreams for $650!
Also, $650 is a cheap amount to pay for a reporter doing a story on the ex-gay movement to get an inside scoop.

GD, April 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3208400

OP by truthpusher:

All of you who have placed me on your ignore list... are missing out on the experience of my Genius!

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5694991

OP by SallyMander:

      How are you a liberal stereotype?
I frickin' *love* NPR :D

:hi:

response #1 by WritingIsMyReligion:

      Ima durned intellectschual leetest.
:D

response #2 by turtlensue:

      I like lattes and I live on the East Coast...
:)

response #4 by Imagine In Texas:

      I recycle
and hug trees.

response #6 by chimpsrsmarter:

      i like to read books.

response #32 by electron_blue:

      I like quiche and prefer cats to dogs

response #33 by skygazer:

      I think

response #50 by liberaltrucker:

      I paid for 3 abortions today
Had wine and brie for lunch (with a post-meal "smoke")

Emailed my Senators to PLEASE raise taxes and spend like
a drunken sailor (with apologies to drunken sailors).

Told James Dobson to fuck himself.

Sent a donation to PETA while eating a porterhouse-just
to show my liberal hypocrisy.

NPR-Gawd, I miss Linda Wirthheimer!

The Lounge, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7685885

OP by XemaSab:

      How are you NOT a liberal stereotype?
I can't stand NPR.

Sunday driving: good. Road trips: better.

I don't really have a problem with responsible hunting or responsible gun ownership.

Responsible logging is fine by me.

I'm not a fan of Michael Moore.

Fast food and soda sometimes just hit the spot.

I think politically correct language/thought sometimes goes overboard and becomes counterproductive.

I don't buy hippie toilet paper, dish soap, or anything else.

I have been known to use round-up and non-organic fertilizers in the yard.

How about y'all? :shrug:

response #8 by ocelot:

      I wouldn't wear those butt-ugly Birkenstocks if you paid me.

response #12 by taterguy:

      I think Budweiser tastes good.

response #34 by Withywindle:

      I eat like a Southerner.
Very few things can't be improved with sausage gravy.

Soymilk? WTF? Ain't never seen no nipples on a soybean. If it were possible to order EXTRA caffeine, milkfat, MSG, gluten, and whatever else it's trendy to object to, I would.

I like porn. I like BDSM. I like to dress slutty and have people stare at me--although I am all in favor of casual sex, paradoxically I like to dress up for it.

I like heavy metal.

I don't want to go "back to the land." Chicago is "village" enough for me, thanks. If I ever move, it'll be to go somewhere BIGGER.

I hate potlucks. You want me to fucking WORK IN THE KITCHEN just so I can come to your party? Hell no. I'll pick up a pie at the supermarket and you'll like it. (You'll like it better than anything I cook

anyway, I promise. See item #1)

I smoke. I'm not sorry. My dad owns guns. He's not sorry.

response #52 by Ava:

      i'm from alabama
there.. i win :rofl:

response #60 by mycritters2:

      I go to church.
But then, they pay me to :)

response #114 by chknltl:

      Wowsers
What have ya'll done to my fellow DUers???? Have I stumbled into the lounge at the free-republic?
Hates: Veggies, Lattes, NPR, Volvos, Video-Games, Pot, James Taylor, Rachel Maddow, Same Sex Marriages, Birkinstocks, HIPPIES??!!1!1!?1, Recycling, toilet paper and tofu??? It is a wonder that I have not seen Stephen Colbert and Kittens on this list so far.

Likes: Bush 1, GUNS, Cheney, GUNS, Pro-Life, GUNS, War, GUNS, BUDWEISER?????, GUNS, American Idol, GUNS and the Star Wars Missile Defense boondoggle! So where's the love for BEARS????

Apparently the only way I could possibly fit in here is if I ceased to use the spell-check function because I am: a HIPPIE, and I LIKE: pot, NPR, GD-P, Rachel Maddow, Thom Hartmann, Ed Shultz and Nova M, lattes, (but can no longer drink ANY caffeine), Video Games, Kieth Olberman, I think same sex marriage is OK, think James Taylor and Carly Simon are just fine-(just not into either), LOVE VEGGIES, own a shot-gun but no shells and have never had ANY desire to see if it even functions, I like Michael Moore, I think my step daughter looks just fine in Birkenstocks, wished that she owned a VOLVO instead that Honda she zips around in, I absolutely adore Senator Obama and I don't care WHO makes my toilet paper!!!

I HATE: BUDWEISER-CHENEY-BUSH-1 (and bush 2 of course), race-cars, Billy the Talking Bass, 'Fake Wrasling' and I think that the Star Wars Missile Defense thingy helped stop the Cold War but is pretty much useless and a cosmic waste of $$ because we couldn't even shoot down one of Saddam's scuds back in Desert Storm much less an incoming nuke from Ecuador should we have the uncanny lack of common sense to invade Quito at some point in our insane future!

Wowsers, And to think, I let you nuts talk me out of Olive Garden!

response #143 by 5LeavesLeft:

      Everybody that posts on GDP
is wrong. All of 'em.

response #146 by REP:

      I smoke, drive a sports car and don't give a shit about "the children"
I also eat red meat. I do do all of this in the San Francisco Area, though.

The Lounge, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7686247

Poll question by Maddy McCall:

      What should be served for refreshments on the first day of the Democratic Convention?
I figured I'd post a poll as meaningful as any other poll in GDP. This one has no loyalty oaths, no candidate choices, just good ol' food.

:bluebox: Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk

:bluebox: Rice Crispie Treats and Orange Soda

:bluebox: Pizza Bagels and Beer

:bluebox: Petits Fours and Punch

:bluebox: Strawberry Cupcakes and Ice Tea

:bluebox: Robb is a dingbat

:bluebox: Other

response #1 by Fox Mulder:

      How about lattes for the 'litists?
:D

response #2 by tekisui:

      Other: Crow.
And a lot of it.

response #8 by Maddy McCall:

      Careful. You'll be accused of being racist.
A couple of weeks ago, a now-tombstoned DUer called me a racist because she thought my post about someone "eating crow" was racial.

:eyes:

response #4 by candice:

      Kool-Aid!

response #5 by Lost-in-FL:

      Arugula and goat cheese raviolis with iced latte n/t

response #7 by backscatter712:

      Seeing that the party's cannibalizing itself...
Fava beans and a nice Chianti.

SLURP-SLURP-SLURP-SLURP-SLURP!!!!!!

response #9 by nomorewhopper:

      sour grapes

response #10 by hfojvt:

      revenge
but it needs to be properly chilled.

response #20 by Mz Pip:

      Demerol
It could be a long and painful event. Kind of like a root canal.

Other than that, I really like chili cheese fries for comfort food.

response #21 by Cant trust em:

      Robb is a dingbat sounds delicious.
Yum.

response #23 by Rowdyboy:

      Cherry Kool-Aid and heaping servings of humble pie for all!

At press time, "Other" was winning with 41% of the votes.

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5696140

OP by swampg8r:

      say something if you see this.... i fourtuple dog dare you!!!
i think ive alienated everyone on both sides lol
just want to check how ignored i am

response #13 by yadayadayada:

      Put Obama or Clinton in your title so we know whether we should ignore you. lol

response #14 by swampg8r:

      118 views and not one k&r?
yall are some stingy bastids

response #46 by rug:

      Don't worry about it. I've been thrown out of the Cooking & Baking Group.

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5694839

OP by JimGinPA:

      There Are Three Things Hillary Just Doesn't Believe In...
Quitting and math.

response #4 by BeyondGeography:

      What's the second thing?

response #9 by sniffa:

      I've got two words for you
Hilarious.

response #16 by JimGinPA:

      What Is She Planning To Do This Fall While Obama Is Running Against McSame?

response #17 by East Liberty Denizen:

      She doesn't plan on losing the nomination

response #19 by JimGinPA:

      Custer Didn't Plan Running Into Sitting Bull At The Little Big Horn Either....
Shit happens.

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5692646

OP by Kittycat:

      Saturday Night GDP Humor: McCain is So Old...
When he was in school, they wrote on tablets... With chisels & hammers.

...next

response #2 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      McCain is so old...
Larry King mowed his lawn when he was a kid.

response #5 by JBoy:

      McCain is so old, that when God said "let there be light", he was the one that flipped the switch.

response #10 by DearAbby:

      McCain's Millitary Record
was awarded the medal of Valor from George Washington himself!
Led a Brigade at the Battle of Cold Harbor.
Was a survivor of the "Little Big Horn"
Can describe first hand what the U.S.S Maine looked like before it sank.

response #23 by NCevilDUer:

      I thought only a horse survived Custer's command.
Didn't know a horse's ass did, too.

response #12 by PseudoIntellect:

      McCain is so old that his first telephone number was 8.

response #19 by Kristi1696:

      McCain is so old...
He uses carbon-dating instead of a birth certificate.

Other good responses, despite some of the jokes being, um, a bit long in the tooth.

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5701123

On a thread by Armstead:

      Please list the horrible mistakes Obama has made in this campaign

response #7 by GoesTo11:

      Was born to African father and got named after him

response #13 by boobooday:

      THREE WORDS: NO FLAG PIN
The critical mistake that lost him the Nash McCabe vote!

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5695785

On a thread by GoneOffShore:

      Obama's a Mac - Hillary's a PC

response #6 by hisownpetard:

      Obama's a Prius. Hillary's a Hummer (with apologies to Monica).
:hide:

response #31 by GoneOffShore:

      Well, some folks would like to think so
But perhaps Bill doesn't.

:hide:

response #27 by dmordue:

      McCain is a typewriter?

response #28 by anonymous171:

      No, he's a Printing press

response #29 by GoneOffShore:

      Actually he's more of a woodblock.

response #30 by GoneOffShore:

      But what about the malware?
And the viruses?

response #49 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      That would be Carville

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5693942

On a thread by RichardRay:

      Excuse me, does Senator Clinton know what a 'Lincoln-Douglas' debate IS?

response #4 by DavidD:

      It's where a tall, lanky, thoughtful candidate debates a short, stocky, aggressive one
And in the end, the tall, lanky one becomes president.

response #8 by blogslut:

      I participated in a few debates in High School
The primary debates held so far, well, they sure as hell don't follow any of the debate formats that I was taught.

response #11 by RichardRay:

      I also played rugby...
what's happened so far seems far more akin to that than anything I ever knew as 'debate' - except rugby players are more polite, and the officials care about the game...

response #28 by the late groovytang:

      Hill went to Cornell, very well-educated little lady
of course she knows

response #30 by noel711:

      Cornell? Where did that come from?

response #33 by Gore1FL:

      Well...
Cornell's parents loved each other very much, and one day they decided they had enough love to share. Either that or the condom broke.

But what that has to do with Hillary, I am not sure.

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5698258

OP by FLDem5:

I really need the free TV, Please, oh please debate with me...
My cash is low, The math is bad
I've lost the best donors I had.

Debates give me free airtime now
with great aplomb, I make this vow

I will debate you in a car
I will debate you at a bar

I will debate you in the fall
I will debate you at the mall

I will debate you on the stump
I will debate you at the pump

Lincon-style if you admire
Even under sniper fire,

Bowling, flag pin, Hands on heart,
Reverand Wright, its ala carte!

I will debate you by a brook,
I will debate you while we cook

I will debate you here or there,
I will debate you anywhere

I will debate you, please say yes,
I'm desperate, I must confess.

Barack, oh please debate with me,
So I can get my free TV...

And a DUzy to all who made a reply/as long as it rhymed and was clever or sly.

GDP, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5698102

OP by mtnsnake:

Obama supporters: Your guy has nothing to be ashamed of. He did his best. It just didn't work out.
Hillary turned the tide 2 1/2 weeks ago on that fateful Thursday (which I predicted would happen on the previous Tuesday), and then she followed through with a resounding victory in PA that only added to the momentum she already had gained from Fateful Thursday, which has ultimately created an insurmountable obstacle. There will be no looking back now.

Anyway, you guys should be proud of Barack even though the pendulum has swung and it's finally turned into a losing cause for him. To his credit, he lasted much longer than anyone in their wildest dreams would have imagined.

The Goddess of Peace is a formidable fighter, and Barack did EXTREMELY well to keep it close for as long as he did. I don't think for a second that any of you should be hanging your heads in shame just because it wasn't in the cards for him this time around.

As they say in sports, just wait until next year....or in this case, 2016, unless Chelsea decides to run, and then Barack will have to wait a little longer if that happens. At least by then, he'll have plenty of experience and he still won't be all that old, just the wiser.

Keep the faith my friends. It just wasn't meant to be this time, but kudos for putting up such a good effort.

response #159 by O.M.B.inOhio:

Mike Gravel here. I'm offering Hillary a job in my cabinet if she just leaves the race. I've won.

GDP, April 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5711268

On a thread by FlyingSquirrel:

"Chicken"?
I mean really... if Hillary were ahead and refused (or did not immediately, within milliseconds, agree) to debate Obama --

Would she be called "Chicken"?

It's purely a term used to question someone's manhood. Childish. Pathetic.

response #16 by crankychatter:

ok here it comes.... a Clinton supporter didn't think of it so I had to
BA-RAWK
BA-RAWK

BA RAWK buk buk buk

on edit

"Lawd forgive me for that" Larry the Cable Guy

nothin' like a classy quote to top off an insightful post

GDP, April 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5702275

On a thread by book_worm:

      American Film Institute's List of the 100 Greatest Films of all time--do you agree?

response #3 by Itchinjim:

      Where the hell is "Cabin Boy"?!
Elitist snobs.

response #8 by adsosletter:

      "...The Birth of a Nation..."
:wtf: What, is the Klan weighing in on these things now?

And how come no "Bad Day at Black Rock" or "Seven Days in May?" A double :wtf:

EDIT: ...ok...so I hit the trigger a little too soon..."Birth of a Nation" is no longer on the list...this reduces my :wtf: level to 2 instead of 3...

EDIT AGAIN: ...wait, wait, wait..."Titanic" instead of "Judgement at Nuremburg," or "Failsafe." My :wtf: level is back up to...let's see (counts fingers)... 3 ...no, wait...I think that makes it 4...

:dunce:

response #20 by Buns_of_Fire:

      Hmmmmmph. They STILL stiffed "Debbie Does Dallas".
(So to speak.)

response #42 by JCMach1:

      Sixth Sense????? I see Bullshit!

GD, April 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3213159

OP by Writer:

Everyone in GD: P : Please join me in a toast.
To bullshit! :toast:

And may we survive this primary with our souls intact. :toast:

And may the better angels of our natures ultimately win. :toast:

And may we find a common thread to which we all can cling. :toast:

And once again...

To bullshit! :toast:

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5713180

OP by Writer:

      That's it. Enough! I'M running for President!
I'm educated, a good speaker when I'm on my medication, and I look damn good in a suit. Put me up there! I may not know how to deliver speeches, but I'll know how to write them. I'll be the innovative president: I'll send the American people Word documents once in a while with my latest initiatives on health care, the Iraq War, or my pet issue: Removing the month of February from the Gregorian calendar.

It only has 28 days (and 29 on leap years.) THAT's not a month! We should remove it and give the left over days to the eleven other REAL months in the calendar. There, I said it. February has brought this country down, and it's time for it to GO.

So let's send Clinton and Obama back to the Senate: Vote for Writer! She knows the months of the year!*

*When she's sober.

response #2 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      I'll vote for you, but no donations, damnit.
:P

response #4 by Writer:

      Greatness needs no donations, SA.
;)

response #5 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Ah, self-financed greatness.
;)

response #7 by Writer:

      BTW: Mr. Writer says you all should vote for me.
And the fact that he's a software geek SHOULD NOT preclude me from serious consideration for the highest office in the land. I know he discusses controversial issues like "quality assurance testing" and "object-oriented Perl," but I couldn't disavow him anymore than I could disavow my own family pets.

I hope that one day we can all move past our intolerance for geeks in America. I strive to be our nation's first geek president.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5718473

OP by crimsonblue:

The elitism of Obama is simply APPALLING
Barack Obama is, to be blunt, the single most elite candidate EVER to run for President. Obama grew up in an elitist mixed-race family and spent much of his youth in the uber-elite country of Indonesia.

Obama attended an elite prep school on scholarship, then has the audacity to attend Harvard. Who does that, right? Obama even had the chutzpah and brass to run the Harvard Law Review. After his elite schooling, Obama chose the unacceptable elite career path of community organizer, where he assisted other elite minorities. Obama's first governmental job was as an elite member of the Illinois state legislature, which also produced the elitist Abraham Lincoln. During this time, the elitist Obama wrote a couple of books (wow, what kind of elitist does that?) and even, gasp, made money off of them. In addition to being an elitist member of the US Senate, Obama has also shown his elitism by making sure his kids have a normal childhood. His elitist wife even works (true Americans inherit their money).

John McCain, on the other hand is so un-elitist it isn't even funny. After getting into Naval Academy (with NO assistance from his father or grandfather's legacy), McCain finished an average Joe 894th out of 899 cadets, and still gained acceptance into everyday flight school. Humble McCain, as I prefer to call him, received low marks at flight school, but still became another figher pilot. After Vietnam, McCain sought to be truly one with the people, by running for Congress. McCain never lost his sense of average America as he aided Charles Keating in a few small and inconsequential controversies. McCain always stayed to to his humbleness when he opposed the "radical" Martin Luther King holiday. As we all know, only elitists care about civil rights. Throughout all of this, McCain maintained his roots with the people via multiple affairs and two marriages. How many of us have done that? During Hurricane Katrina, McCain decided, as would I, that birthday cakes with the President are fun and cool while helping the the victims would be tantamount to showing elite concern.

Sure, McCain was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but Obama didn't have a spoon. I guess Obama thought he was too cool for that. While he stipulated that he doesn't "know much about the economy", McCain's suggestion to temporarily remove the gas tax would be a humble help to the struggling oil companies. After all, why would we want to tax oil in order to pay for roads and bridges, when 12 cents off at the pump will add $2 to everyone's pockets? Thank you John McCain for showing us how real humble Americans act.

response #2 by boobooday:

You forgot something! He can't bowl, either!
:bounce:

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5723114

On a thread by Samantha:

      Did you hear that line from Scalia's interview re Bush v. Gore?
Scalia's words paraphrased: "It was Al Gore who brought this into the courts. 'I want this decided by the courts,' Al Gore said..."

response #12 by AndyTiedye:

      I Wish Scalia Would Go on More Hunting Trips With Cheney
I'd even be willing to chip in on the :beer: :beer: :beer:

response #22 by calimary:

      Yeah, he's sat on the highest court in the land alright. And FLATTENED it.

response #21 by July:

      My response to the chunky fascist: Don't like the criticism?
Well, GET USED TO IT.

response #16 by electropop:

      Well, the Supremes said they were not setting a precedent.
In other words, they promptly forgot the whole thing.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5725582

OP by Maddy McCall:

Dear God. You and I haven't talked in a long, long time.
I think the last time I talked to you was during the summer of 1982, when I was 16 and still wearing a size 32A bra. I prayed every night for a C, and you bestowed upon me a D by the time I began my junior year in high school...I don't think I ever thanked you for that...so, thanks.

Today I want to thank you for Reverend Jeremiah Wright. He's a good man, a passionate pastor, and a true asset to Barack Obama's campaign for presidency.

I'll try not to wait so long before we speak again.

Maddy

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5723418

On a thread by berni_mccoy:

      If it's fair for the media to associate Rev. Wright with Obama, isn't Monica fair game then?

response #1 by Mezzo:

      Depends. Did Monica Lewinsky Baptize Chelsea? Did hillary name a book after one of her sermons?

response #2 by msongs:

      Monica/Wright is equivalent only if obama has sex with wright nt

response #5 by berni_mccoy:

      Or if Bill called out to God with Monica, which he most likely did

response #15 by undeterred:

      What if
Pastor Wright had sex with Monica too? We don't know what went on when he visited the White House.

response #33 by Window:

      Well, some people are saying Rev. Wright just fucked Sen. Obama
out of the nomination.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5723797

OP by ShaneGR:

To both Obama and Clinton supporters on this board....
Most of you offer nothing substantive to the debate. You are like Groundhog day. Everyday posting the same flamebait drivel. Pecking away at your enemies the Obamanoids or the Clintonazis. Bill said something dumb or Reverend Wright had muslim bodyguards. Obama was on Fox or Hillary dodged her way through an actual minefield on the way to a press conference in Bosnia. Clinton has never done a single good thing in her entire 30 year career as first lady of Arkansas, first lady of the United States, or Senator from New York. No middle class white person would ever vote for Obama. Obama has no experience. Clinton is a corporate whore.

Utter nonsense...... all of it.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5724427

Poll question by Gilligan:

      Flaming hot crap being served up daily! New DU Primary Poll!
Is it too much to ask for a little self control when posting?

:bluebox: I loves me some crap... Pass the gravy!

:bluebox: I am not bitter and I own a pair of goody 2-shoes which I wear when I ride my high horse

:bluebox: I am an asshole so I have no clue.

:bluebox: I often scream and run around naked in my front yard just to feel the freedom after a visit to GDP

:bluebox: I don't care, I'm drunk when I post most of the time

:bluebox: I don't care, I'm drunk when I post ALL of the time

:bluebox: I can not tolerate even one more bite of flaming crap.

:bluebox: I love the Ignore function and know it to be my bestest friend here at DU Primaries

:bluebox: People who use the Ignore function are a bunch of pussies! If ya can't take the heat... Get out of the DU-P

:bluebox: Gilligan... You are at it again... Now aren't you?

response #4 by Bucky:

      Thanks for the crap, Little Buddy
for me, it's "I am not bitter and I own a pair of goody 2-shoes which I wear when I ride my high horse".

response #9 by Buzz Clik:

      If Ignore was heroin, I'd be a total junkie.

response #12 by scarletwoman:

      I had to vote for the choice that had "naked" in it.
I don't exactly remember what it said -- and I almost went for the choice that had "drunk" in it, except I think there two of those and I couldn't decide.

So obviously I had to vote for "naked", whatever the hell it said...

response #13 by Gilligan:

      Thank you for
your careful deliberation!

response #14 by scarletwoman:

      I pride myself on being an informed voter.
:D

At press time, "I love the Ignore function and know it to be my bestest friend here at DU Primaries" was winning with 44% of the votes.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5723616

On a thread by Raven:

      Everybody's writing a book.

response #1 by sniffa:

      Even some DUers have written books
:yoiks:

response #6 by DearAbby:

      I am gonna write one too
"How to be sexy in a MuuMuu!" Think it will sell a pazillion copies...YEAH! I'll be rich I tell ya...RICH!

response #10 by corporatemedia:

      I'm writing in books. n/t

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5724853

Poll question by Buzz Clik:

      155 threads so far with "wright" in the title.
Well, it was 155, now it's 156.

We all know that DUers are easily distracted, whether it's some blonde gone missing, the latest Republican having sex with chickens, or scary Africa-Americans verbalizing the rage we all feel.

But why are there 156 threads on exactly the same topic?

:bluebox: DUers have no self control.

:bluebox: Because I've got insight the first 154 guys didn't have.

:bluebox: We're bored and lead pointless lives.

:bluebox: I like to vote.

response #2 by Ichingcarpenter:

      Two words
Terri Schiavo, remember how brain dead that distraction was?

response #4 by Buzz Clik:

      Dear god.
You've even more morbid than I am.

I'm not worthy.

response #6 by The Traveler:

      I too am humbled (n/t)

response #7 by Buzz Clik:

      For the sake of full disclosure:
I have "hidden" every thread in GD-P with "Wright" in the title. I'm about to do the same for this one. (You didn't know you could hide your own worthless threads, did you?)

response #9 by thevoiceofreason:

      I have done the same and all of page 1 now fits on my computer screen.

response #10 by Buzz Clik:

      Amazing, isn't it?
I'm on the verge of putting myself on ignore, but I'm afraid I'd create a blackhole and put a sudden end to the universe.

At press time, "DUers have no self control." was winning with 44% of the votes.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5718871

OP by uppityperson:

      Chicken was 69 cents on special today at store, but they were RATIONING, limit of 3/customer OMG OMG!
OMG! BUY CHICKEN NOW!!!!!!

I did hear a conversation in the aisle of someone who'd driven 40 miles to Costco to buy rice and (omg) they were OUT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!! So she came to the local store in our small town to patronize them and buy rice there, even if it cost more.

I bought my limit, cut them up and they are in the freezer since I was taught to buy on sale.

sigh

response #9 by ColbertWatcher:

      HOLY CRAP!
HOLY CRAP! HOLY...

We interrupt this regularly scheduled post to bring you this very important message...

Why won't Pastor Wright tell Americans we are running out of food?

Why won't Pastor Wright release his tax records?

Is Pastor Wright hiding his connections to Big Food?

What is Pastor Wright hiding from us?

Call your Congressman today and insist we find out everything there is to know about Pastor Wright before he becomes President.

THIS AD WAS PAID FOR BY THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE. THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL COMMITTEE: AVOIDING REAL ISSUES SINCE 1865

We now re-join our regularly scheduled post already in progress...

CRAP! HOLY CRAP! HOLY CRAP!

response #14 by itsrobert:

      OMG, Chevy Silverado Crew Cab for $22,995 Only 5 at this price
Local ads says they only have 5. So you better hurry before they are out.

response #16 by uppityperson:

      Well I'd NEED at least 5 to carry all my rice and chicken around in
OMG OMG OMG

response #17 by Breeze54:

      Now that would be a real 'tail gate' party!
:rofl:

response #19 by ColbertWatcher:

      Okay, I did some math...
...correct me if I'm wrong...

Producer's Rice says:
6.5 pounds of uncooked Regular Milled White Long Grain Rice is the same as 1 gallon

And...Producer's Rice also says:
1 gallon (6.5 lbs) of uncooked Regular Milled White Long Grain Rice will yield 100 1/2 cup servings

We also find that Calculate Me.com says: 16 cups are in 1 gallon. Some quick multiplication, shows us: 100 1/2 cup servings is the same as 50 1 cup servings

Putting that all together, we get...
16 cups (6.5 lbs) of uncooked Regular Milled White Long Grain Rice will yield 50 1 cup servings

With some magic we find:

1 pound of uncooked rice = 2.4615 cups of uncooked rice

and, for every cup of uncooked rice, the yield is 3.125 cups cooked.

With a little magic, we get 7.6922 cups of cooked rice for every pound of uncooked rice.

Multiplying all that by 20 (pounds per ration bag), we get: 384.61 cups of cooked rice for every 20 pound ration bag of uncooked rice.

Each Silverado 2500 Standard Crew Cab with 4 wheel drive, the payload capacity is 3,458 pounds, subtracting the weight of the Average American Family™ (below)
Mommy=100 pounds
Daddy=200 pounds
Junior=94 pounds
Missy=76 pounds

Leaving us with a payload total of 2,988 pounds, or 149.4 ration bags of uncooked rice, or 57,460.7340 cups of cooked rice.

Do not cook rice before loading onto your truck, as the weight will be different.

GD, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3219873

OP by cornermouse:

      Your mother wears army shoes.
:shrug: Just thought I'd throw that in there for some reason.

response #8 by DearAbby:

      Oh yeah....
Your Momma has to tie a pork-chop around her neck so the dog will pay attention to her.

response #23 by BlueIdaho:

      Hey!
My mother DOES war army shoes - I mean boots -I mean... aw dang it now I'm confoozed!!!!!

response #24 by scarletwoman:

      Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
My Gawd. I can't BELIEVE the illiteracy here!

"Shoes"?!?!?1

response #25 by Kurovski:

      Troublemaker.
But a PBS kind of troublemaker. La-de-da. :hi:

response #31 by gkhouston:

      we need an acronym for "in before the Lounge"
although I'm hoping the mods will let this thread stay here. It's nice to open a thread in GDP that doesn't smell of about-to-ignite gasoline. :hi:

response #43 by 2rth2pwr:

      yo momas so fat that when god said let their be light he asked her to move.
Float like a butterfly sting like a bee, I slept with your Mom now it hurts when I pee.

More, uh, something.

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5725674

OP by LynneSin:

      Post here questions that would have been asked if ABC hosted the The Lincoln-Douglas Debates
So Abraham, I heard Mary actually initially had a flirtation with Stephen Douglas, how does that make you feel?

Stephen - do you think someone as short as you could actually be able to run the country?

response #1 by bertha katzenengel:

      Mr. Douglas, you look like shit. It's rumored you don't have long to live.
So why should anyone waste his vote on you?

response #2 by Lydia Leftcoast:

      Mr. Lincoln, it's rumored that your first love, Ann Rutledge, died young
Did you have anything to do with her death?

response #3 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      Mr. Lincoln, your flag lapel-pin only has 31 stars on it....
Why don't you support the other 19 states?

response #5 by skygazer:

      Mr. Lincoln, you once cut fence rails for one Amos Brassbottom
A well-known opponent of the transcontinental railroad. Mr. Lincoln, why do you hate America?

response #9 by madinmaryland:

      Mr. Lincoln. How much is a brazilian??
:hide:

response #11 by LynneSin:

      HAHAHAHAHAA>.......
Edwin M. Stanton is giving the President Abraham Lincoln his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" Lincoln exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "Why the hell are the Brazillians involved in our Civil War?"

The Lounge, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7692981

OP by TwoSparkle:

      "Mr President, what about the high price of Hot Pockets?"
I firmly believe that the QUESTIONS asked to this walking abomination, should
be directly proportional to the intelligence he provides in his ANSWERS.

If Junior wants to clown around and act like a fumbling moron--that's fine. However,
watching a grown man answer questions about complex geo-political issues--while displaying
such a grand buffet of stupidity--is, well...painful.

His answers not only hurt my brain--they sprout mini cheese graters in my head that scourge
my synaptic gaps. My DNA is no longer in double-helix form and my mitochrondria are imploding.

We don't need to see this mental-sack-of-wet-mice--pontificate about the intricacies
of the American economy--while wildly gesticulating, snorting, squinting, smirking and
fidgeting like a weasel on acid.

It's excruciating.

Our country needs to stop showcasing this adultified child--attempting to answer big-boy questions.

Please. Just ask him about Hot Pockets. Only Hot Pockets. Do not stray from the topic of Hot Pockets.

Ever.

Does he prefer the Ham and Cheese variety over the Chicken and Broccoli?

How does he keep from scalding the roof of his mouth, when the Hot Pocket contents are like molten lava?

Hot Pockets has a healthy version called "Lean Pockets." Given the high sodium and fat content, is the
word "lean" a lie?

I'm begging. Only Hot Pocket questions.

response #6 by Lars39:

      Thing is, his definition of a hot pocket is probably much different than ours.
Using brain bleach now. :yoiks:

response #7 by AndyA:

      Ummm...you are overlooking the obvious.
George still hasn't mastered the heating of Hot Pockets. It's simply too difficult for his pickled brain to master. Therefore, some White House cook heats them up for him, cuts them into little pieces, then makes sure they are cooled off before serving them to him.

They used to put those little wood toothpick thingies in them for him, but he kept jabbing himself in the mouth with them, so they had to stop. Finger food is the best way to go for the idiot son. :rofl:

response #9 by grantcart:

      You must have missed the answer
Bridgett Sampson, AP White House corespondent;

"Mr President, what about the high price of Hot Pockets?"

President Bush;

"ah hey Bridgett how are ya lookin good hows your baby? Did you name it Georgia . . haha . . . not my baby. . .heh heh."

"Well of course 'Hot Pockets' 'Warm Pockets' I'll leave it to the 'guys who make up names of things' to give it the right name - maybe they should be called 'Wright Pockets' hehe."

"People, even some good people, are worried about 'Hot Pocket' availability and how much they cost. I know that you don't have to keep asking me that I like 'Hot Pockets' and have eaten several a day for years love em. And no all that 'mumbo jumbo' about super sodium diets effecting brain activity isn't worth a hill of beans, just look at me OK?"

"People are losing confidence in American 'Hot Pockets' and once people understand that having a 'Hot Pocket' is a universal value, not an American value then they will support eating 'Hot Pockets' made outside of the United States. People of Mexico send us 'Hot Pockets' and then they will start buying our Wall Street Journal. Its all win win - more 'Hot Pockets' and more Wall Street Journal. See do you see- I see I am the 'See-er-er'".

"And one more point once the Iraqis have access to 'Hot Pockets' then they will understand the UNIVERSAL value, not American value of 'Hot Pockets'. Right now through USAid through UNHCR we are providing millions of 'Hot Pockets' to the 2 million displaced persons in Iraq- that is why they are so expensive. I know that once they get used to 'Hot Pockets' those refugees are going to love their freedom to have 'Hot Pockets'."

"Anyway that's why 'Hot Pockets' are so expensive but we are giving tax incentives to companies that will build more factories in Guatamala so that we can import more 'Hot Pockets' and then get them to Iraq.

See we really do know what we are doing here ah Bridget"

response #17 by FlyingSquirrel:

      The Lean Pockets are slightly healthier
But since I don't eat meat, it doesn't matter much to me. For awhile I bought the three-cheese-broccoli ones but then I realized something...

They taste like crap.

GD, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3221985

On a thread by Smith_3:

      Who writes Bush's speeches?

response #1 by Warpy:

      He has a whole staff of speechifyers
but I'm betting Karen Hughes does the final edit.

response #4 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      Jack Daniels and a Ouija board.

response #5 by cloudbase:

      Norm Crosby n/t

response #10 by chimpsrsmarter:

      i think he's free styling.

response #16 by JHB:

      A decidedly non-infinite number of chimpanzees banging on typewriters.
It explains much.

GD, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3222010

On a thread by frickaline:

CNN just reported this poll, and I have a question about it
They claimed that regardless of who wins the primary, neither candidate has a better chance (1% difference) to beat McCain.

My question is where do they get their numbers from? Which polling agency do they use or is it their own internal statistics...?

response #1 by frogcycle:

"their own internal statistics"
does that mean they pulled it out of their ass?

'cause that is probably about right...

GDP, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5739093

OP by Poll_Blind:

      If you could actually stuff a human being in a gas tank and burn them like gas:
Would capital punishment be more popular in America?

I think it would. I guess the point is how necessity or desire subtlety modify what we would otherwise consider to be moral positions we hold and why we think we hold them.

response #1 by Atman:

      Depends...how many MPR would I get?
Miles Per Republican.

response #6 by Canuckistanian:

      It doesn't work
Believe me, I've tried.

Ooops, did I say that out loud?

response #8 by Jamastiene:

      I say yes, but only if they can be certifiable jerks.
If someone is certified a jerk by a dozen or more people, then they are fair game. Does that sound like a plan? :sarcasm:

GD, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3225175

On a thread by hisownpetard:

Beware the man who refers to himself in the third person!
It's a sign of an ego out of control, too big for a mere pronoun like "I" or "me" to suffice.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jeremiah Wright...

response #30 by mycritters2:

mycritters2 finds this an interesting analysis. nt

GDP, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5733657

OP by BullGooseLoony:

      UNDER. THE. BUS.
Oh nooo....it's spreading to the other forums...

RUN!

response #1 by ocelot:

      A new cliche is desperately needed.
Stuffed into the garbage disposal?
Dropped down an elevator shaft?
Slipped under the Zamboni?
Stuffed into a sack and pummeled with a cricket bat?

response #2 by BullGooseLoony:

      I like "got phatly beaten down." nt

response #3 by DuStrange:

      How about, "wrapped in foil?"
As in, "Oh no, I can't believe Obama is wrapping Wright in foil!"
Or, "Dood! Hillary is totally wrapping Bill in foil."

response #5 by ocelot:

      Or,
"Hillary has just encased Bill Richardson in filo dough!" or "Did you see how Obama shoved Wright out of the dirigible?"

The Lounge, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7694847

OP by SoCalDem:

Humpin' the Stump Diner.......Primary Election Menu
Appetizers:

Pastor Pasta.............99cents
(spicy, extra crispy fried ravioli-like pasta pillows..loaded with surprise filling)

Hillary Rings..............99cents
(breaded & fried crisp on the outside, slimy inside)

Bill's BBQ Tongue......99 cents
(a little on the chewy side..sliced thin for those with dentures)

McCain's Nuggets......99 cents
(beer-battered & half-baked fish)

Salads:

Scranton Gal Salad......$5.00
(iceberg lettuce wedges, Kraft™ Catalina salad dressing, Bacos™, Land of Lakes™ cheese crumbles)

Cindy's Favorite Family Secret Salad....$10.00
(orange jell-o, shredded carrots, slivered celery, crushed pineapple)

Bubba's Best Salad........$11.99
( fresh spinach leaves on top, delicately sprinkled with organic feta cheese (looks positively healthy)
....underneath..iceberg lettuce, crumbled bacon, cheese, chunks of ham, diced boiled eggs, bathed in a hefty portion of Ranch Dressing..

Entrees:

Hillie, the Huntress, Mixed Grill..............$22.00
(varies from day to day, but whatever she's huntin', we're grillin'...served with sweet potatoes, radish-roses & Texas Toast)

Bill's Buffalo Burger..............................$22.00
(a big one... with all the fixins'..This one will really "buffalo you"...but good.. served with fries & cole slaw)

John's Asian Medley.............................$market rate*
(a tasty meal of rice*..sure to evoke memories of long ago.. contains vegetables, free-trade shrimp, and much more)

Desserts:

Hillary's Just Desserts Pudding................$5.00
(Tapioca with a sprinkling of bitter chocolate)

Bill's Big Banana.....................................$7.00 (serves 2)
(ripe banana-gently simmered, coated with tasty brown sugar sprinkles, then bathed in honey...) whipped cream on request..

Mac's Mango Mash.................................$5.00
(Mashed mango, topped with Cool Whip)

response #3 by FlyingSquirrel:

I want no part of Bill's Big Banana.
:wow:

GDP, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5740801

On a thread by unc70:

      Who baptized Obama? I had assumed Wright; heard that refuted today.

response #5 by Bornaginhooligan:

      No, Wright just baptised his kids.
Obama was baptised by Mullah Omar and Louis Farrakhan in the blood of puppies. White puppies. Who loved America.

response #18 by Umbram:

      I'm trying to imagine myself caring either way...
...

...

I've failed.

But far more interesting, and if you could look into this it would be great, is: When was the first time Obama ever tried a Pastrami? Did he put mustard on it?

GDP, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5740283

OP by Hardhead:

      There should be an ersatz post button
For those times when the militant stupidity finally sets you off like a Howitzer and you start lobbing shells into No Mans Land. Instead of pressing 'Post message,' one would press a button marked 'FUCK YOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!' One would then be taken to a full-screen video clip of an atomic bomb detonating. As the mushroom cloud finally ascends into the stratosphere (or whatever-o-sphere that is at that altitude), the scene would be reborn with flowers and trees and peaceful birds, all frolicking happily under a benevolent summer sun.

After a couple of minutes, your posting screen gradually fades in again. And you proceed with better thoughts.

It would be quite cathartic and calming. It's so hard sometimes...not to push...that button...and post that angry rant. I've really tested my self-control in here lately, and mostly I've been calm, but I'm shaky, man. I'm shaky.

response #3 by PATRICK:

      My favorite would be
(one thousand volumes of expletives, hand gestures, saliva and body excretion expulsion from every human language and sailing vessel, in caps, up close and personal, deleted for the courtesy of of conserving bandwidth)

response #4 by Hardhead:

      Sounds like the 2 Minutes Hate
There's something therapeutic in letting it all out sometimes. I'd be a good candidate for primal scream therapy if this primary went on much longer.

response #5 by PATRICK:

      But it saves
the emotional drain on all sides and puts passion on a cool record. And a good way to boost your post count.

GDP, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5742341

On a thread by Mugu:

      Inventor of LSD dies at age 102
"Albert Hofmann, the father of the mind-altering drug LSD whose medical discovery grew into a notorious illicit substance, died Tuesday. He was 102.

Hofmann died of a heart attack at his home in Basel, Switzerland, according to Rick Doblin, president of the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies, in a statement posted on the association's website..."

response #2 by Bucky:

      Yet more proof that drugs will kill you.
Poor bastard, cut down in his prime by the same poison he's been peddling to our youths.

response #3 by Echo In Light:

      Third thread on this

response #4 by Mabus:

      No, there's only been one thread
The threads you "remember" are just flashbacks.

:hide:

GD, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3226014

OP by auburngrad82:

      My wife and I will be divorcing
You see, I'm an Obama supporter and she's a Clinton backer. I don't think we'll be able to reconcile our differences after we vote in Tuesday's North Carolina primary. Since we can't reach common ground and agree that we're going to back the eventual Democratic nominee, even if it's not our first choice, we both agree that the only option is divorce.

It sucks but I'll get over it. We have things in the works. I'm planning on becoming a Muslim and she's contacting a couple of gay friends to see if they can help her become a lesbian...

response #5 by taterguy:

      The important question is:
How hot is your wife?

response #18 by Crunchy Frog:

      Well, at least you know it's all her fault.
:evilgrin:

GDP, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5752603

OP by KansasVoter:

As a huge Hillary supporter I have decided to switch to Obama....
I figure if the Hillary people can pull this scam I can too!

Go Obama!

response #3 by mathewsleep:

god, if only we can get frenchiecat to turn to obama.

GDP, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5761062

Poll question by prodn2000:

IS GD: P HARMING THE ECONOMY?
Is the massive amount of time spent by DUers at work harming US productivity and economic growth?

:bluebox: Yes

:bluebox: No

:bluebox: Hold On--My Boss is Coming.

At press time, "Yes" was winning with 66% of the votes.

GDP, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5755948

On a thread by seriousstan:

      MILF blames govt for crisis in peace talks
"The Moro Islamic Liberation Front blamed Tuesday the Philippine government for the current crisis affecting peace negotiations between the GRP and MILF panels.

In a statement, MILF Chaiman Al Haj Murad Ebrahim said the government should adhere to the consensus points and a draft proposal on the issue of ancestral domain. He added that such moves could avert the possible disintegration of the peace process and may spark another round of talks.

Ebrahim said government's failure to take steps to prevent the pullout of the Malaysian-led International Monitoring Team (IMT) in Mindanao could lead to the total failure of the peace process..."

response #6 by BOSSHOG:

      Cougars attack Bachelor Party

response #10 by Ikonoklast:

      In other news, MILF demands new pool boy take shirt off
"It's not a negotiable item" states MILF. "Diplomacy does not come into the discussion as we will not budge on the issue of young, tanned men in our employ remaining shirtless."

response #14 by King Sandbox:

      "MILF, Pizza Boy make pact at summit."

response #11 by asthmaticeog:

      Oh, I thought maybe this was going to be about Susan Sarandon.

response #15 by Gidney N Cloyd:

      MILF wants to prevent pullout?

response #17 by formercia:

      I arrived too late
every variation of response had already been posted. :rofl:

response #28 by Husb2Sparkly:

      I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment.
I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment. I will not make an inappropriate comment.

:spray:

response #29 by Canuckistanian:

      Those MILFs - always blaming someone
Today, it's the Phillipine govt. Tomorrow, it's too much sports on TV....

response #33 by jpak:

      THIS THREAD IS USELESS WITHOU.....
oops

LBN, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3290749

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      U.S. has Mandela on terrorist list
"Nobel Peace Prize winner and international symbol of freedom Nelson Mandela is flagged on U.S. terrorist watch lists and needs special permission to visit the USA. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice calls the situation 'embarrassing,' and some members of Congress vow to fix it.

The requirement applies to former South African leader Mandela and other members of South Africa's governing African National Congress (ANC), the once-banned anti-Apartheid organization..."

response #7 by Mojorabbit:

      If it takes an act of Congress
to remove such a renowned person then I guess the average Joe who ends up on the list is fucked.

response #18 by kgfnally:

      IF an act of Congress can remove someone from the watchlist,
we ought to be able to petition Congress to remove our own.....

.....right?

response #14 by Zambero:

      No worries, Bush once described Mandela as being deceased!
A dead "terrorist" is no big deal.

LBN, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3291473

On a thread by kpete:

      Nobel Peace Prize Winner - Nelson MANDELA - On USA Terrorist Watch List

response #2 by Old Crusoe:

      Look, if the government doesn't protect us from Nobel Peace laureates and
British novelists, who will?

response #3 by leftofcool:

      and singers........don't forget about Cat Stevens
we don't want that Moon Shadow coming into the US

response #17 by wryter2000:

      They're a menace
I heard Mandela once tried to bring shampoo onto an airplane. What'll it be next, nail clippers and other weapons of mass personal hygiene?

GD, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3230634

On a thread by dbmk:

      Here is how Senator Clinton will take the nomination
ok, actually I am going to bed, But its my hope that some of the many here that say she will be the nominee, will demonstrate here, using numbers, how Hillary will win the nomination...

response #1 by A-Schwarzenegger:

      Discover the 51st state named Clintonia that has 200 delegates.
:*

response #4 by TwoSparkles:

      Win Puerto Rico by 100 percent...
...after convincing Puerto Ricans that she grew up in San Juan and that her
grandfather--who worked in the sugar cane fields--used to take her behind his
Atlantic beach house and teach her how to shoot guns and make salsa.

response #11 by bhikkhu:

      The skies open, the heavens sing their praises to Hillary
Obama himself shivers in envious wonder, and the floodgates holding back the SD's burst asunder with a joyful sound.....

That's about as close to a math-based solution for a Hillary win as I can manage.

response #13 by Pigwidgeon:

      Here's my "shot" --
Obama's polling falls.

Under stress, he makes one or two more major gaffes.

He loses Indiana but also loses North Carolina.

Polling goes into free-fall.

Several delegates who defected FROM Clinton defect BACK TO Clinton.

Michelle Obama loses her temper and says some rather impolitic things.

More primaries. More losses.

MSNBC breaks a story that Clinton engineered vote hacking. Clinton is now on the defensive. The story is shown to be bogus two days later, planted by persons unknown. Backlash.

Florida and Michigan become issues again, whether they count or not.

Obama pulls into the Convention with a delegate lead of about five, 1.3 million popular votes behind Hillary, and Howard Dean's colitis flares up.

(Well, I gave it a shot.)

response #19 by SoCalDem:

      When they arrive, the numbers from Neptune will be HUGH!! and put her over the top
:rofl:

GDP, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5761669

On a thread by nomorenomore08:

An example of how a calm post can become an angry rant.

response #1 by Elrond Hubbard:

GD: P enjoys eating kittens. It steals bicycles from orphans, and has no soul.

The Lounge, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7700655

OP by WCGreen:

A question about this Survivor show on the CBS...
Every time, over last several year, I see announcement for show, I see men all disheveled with beards and dirt all over body.

Then I see womens, they let them on show, no?

I see womens with legs shave and not hair on underarm.

My query is this; do not they let men have time in bathroom to groom? Do they only let womens have time to shave and groom. In my country, this is not problem. No one grooms. But why is such discrimination okayed on popular TV show.

But biggest question. Do they have the Walgreen's on these islands and remotest spots on globe so the womens can groom and shave under arm?

I am most interested in answers from American hipsters.

I grow weary of black man preacher being made to dance and bop and weave by tricks of the electronics.

So disturbed am I by these dancing men of god I think maybe I should watch this Survivor show instead of news.

response #16 by eridani:

You have not read Touristic Guidings To Glorious Nation of EwEssAy?
Cultural learnings of EwEssAy contained in explain chocolate face man preacher and honkypasty preacher and hootnholler dance. Womens in Survivor have tunnel to hottubrazor room especial. Mens don't go dere.

No read? Tuff tschotkes, paisan.

The Lounge (moved from GD), May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7698617

On a thread by AlphaCentauri:

      Is Good Sex a Constitutional Right?
"Assembly member María Soledad Vela has proposed a constitutional amendment that would protect women's right to sexual pleasure, reports the Ecuadorian newspaper El Mercurio. She explained that we live in a macho society in which women have been seen as breeders and only men can experience pleasure, and hoped the proposal would lead to better sexual education in the country and change people's ways of thinking about sex. The proposal, which could allow a woman to sue her husband for leaving her sexually unsatisfied, has generated controversy in the country..."

response #1 by Mz Pip:

      I think we sort of have that law here already.
It's called "Irreconcilable Differences."

response #2 by smalll:

      Hey, I'd be happy enough if they made SEX a constitutional right.
"Good" sex would be the icing on the cake!

response #4 by Tandalayo_Scheisskopf:

      The worst sex I ever had...
Was merely fantastic. ;-)

GD, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3229933

On a thread by whereismyparty:

      Methodists reject SMU Bush Presidential Library 844-20
"This rejection passed on Wednesday morning, 30-April-08, at the quadrennial General Conference of the United Methodist Church that is still meeting in Fort Worth, Texas.

This body is the highest authority of the denomination and cannot be over-ruled by any other body within the denomination...:

response #3 by hobbit709:

      They should build it on the pig farm
That's where it belongs.

response #101 by rfranklin:

      There's land available in Paraguay...
Right next to the Reverend Moon, Saviour of the Planet, Tropical Paradise Park.

response #178 by samdogmom:

      How about Guantanamo in Cuba? It seems appropriate.

response #232 by calimary:

      Or Abu Ghraib. Go all out.
All those nice torture rooms - he'd LOVE it! He'd be there making personal appearances all the time.

response #7 by Juniperx:

      Seriously
You don't need much room for My Pet Goat and a couple of "Shakepeares".

response #138 by milord:

      Give credit where it's due.
I believe that was 3 Shakespeares and one Camus, and some Fleer's bubblegum wrappers.

response #17 by 8_year_nightmare:

      Hubby said he'll have to put it next to a snowball stand. Hahaaa!

response #29 by pattmarty:

      I've got an outhouse here in Arkansas I'd be glad to donate.

response #37 by Fridays Child:

      Finally. A vote that Bush couldn't manage to rig.

response #47 by Vinca:

      So what am I supposed to do with the Little Golden Books I planned to donate?
:rofl:

response #51 by PurgedVoter:

      He should consider getting space in Daddy's library .
We already have Daddy Bush's library here in College Station.
We local Dems (so very, very few of us) are used to the
pandering, slobbering and groveling, not to mention the jets
and helicopters in the air whenever HW is in residence. It's
only about 1 1/2 hours from W's "home" in Crawford.
His little sister is buried here and Mummy and Daddy already
have their plots next to little Robin. The local university's
board of regents would be thrilled. It's perfect.

We'll be glad to take the hit for the rest of the country.

You're welcome.

Much, much, much more. And see below for some Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

LBN, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3292305

OP by TwoSparkles:

Hillary visits a psychic
After spending several days campaigning for Hillary and losing his temper, Bill Clinton cost his wife many votes
and many headaches. To escape the pressures of the campaign--Hillary decided to duck out and visit a local
psychic in Muncie, Indiana.

From a dark, hazy room, the mystic peered into her crystal ball and delivered grave news.

"There is no easy way to say this, Hillary," warned the psychic. "Prepare to be a widow. Your husband will die
a violent and painful death, shortly after you lose your bid for the Democratic primary."

Hillary fixated on the psychic's piercing eyes, then glanced at a single, flickering candle--then down at her own quivering
hands.

She took a few deep breaths, and managed to compose herself.

She simply must know. She had to know.

Searching deep into the fortune teller's gaze, Hillary steadied her voice, and asked her the painful, critical question:

"Will I be acquitted?"

GDP, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5775479

On a thread by Bluebear:

      "God, deliver us from these high gas prices. That's all they have to say!"
"... Rocky Twyman, a choir director and PR guy who, as the San Francisco Chronicle reports, has tapped into the national zeitgeist by arranging 'pray-ins at gas stations from DC to California.

'God is the only one we can turn to at this point,' said Twyman, 59. 'Our leaders don't seem to be able to do anything about it. The prices keep soaring and soaring...'"

response #2 by Turbineguy:

      I'll drive down there right now.
San Francisco? I can make that in about 12 hours if I go heavy on the gas pedal.

response #6 by featherman:

      "You ain't seen nothing yet" - signed "God"

GD, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3233631

On a thread by the now-deceased Quintana-Jones:

Poll fresh from the oven: Obama trails McCain by 10% in state Kerry won by 1% (New Hampshire)

response #7 by Forkboy:

Another dead OP. Who will he be later on?!?!?!
Tune in and find out! Same troll time! Same troll station!

GDP, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5769584

OP by cooolandrew:

      After long contemplation I switch to Sen. Barack Obama
Oh wait a minute I already was for Obama . YAY :bounce:

response #1 by BlueIdaho:

      This is the sixth time I've switched to Obama this week!
And I feel SOoooooooo much better now!

response #3 by cliffordu:

      Just twice for me...I wanted Wright but Pat Buchanan seems to think
he is unelectable....

GDP, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5761935

OP by Cant trust em:

      If you listen to the War Room clip backwards you can hear Kantor say...
"Paul is dead. Miss him. Miss him."

Blew my mind, man.

response #2 by Armstead:

      LOL
What do you hear when "Goddamn America" is played backward?

response #10 by ronnykmarshall:

      aciremA nmaddoG?

response #16 by Armstead:

      So what do you hear when you play THAT backward?
"Goddamn America"

Weird isn't it?

GDP, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5782608

OP by yibbehobba:

      **** What Kantor is REALLY saying - digitally enhanced from ORIGINAL DVD. ****
I'm a reasonably good hand at digital video enhancement. The following is from an original copy of The War Room DVD, which I happen to have in my collection. I've brought up the sound level and tried to mute some of the background noise, as well as zooming in on Kantor's face so you can better see his lip movement. The audio *should* be perfectly synced.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI

response #8 by PeterU:

      I knew it from the first moment I saw the post....
...yet I still felt the need to click on the link.

response #26 by DefenseLawyer:

      I reject and denounce this OP! n/t

response #27 by Jeff In Milwaukee:

      I want to buy you a drink...
and then kill you!

That was hysterical!

GDP, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5782122

On a thread by the coriolis:

OMFG there is a mountain lion "on the loose" per CNN just now.

response #2 by tridim:

Quick, someone get a really big ball of yarn. nt

GD, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3236257

On a thread by Archae:

      We got a new troll here!

response #7 by Cant trust em:

      We had a troll.
Adios amigo.

response #8 by Archae:

      He lasted 3 posts!
:rofl:

response #10 by The Magistrate:

      Every So Often, Sir, We Manage To Catch One On The First
It needs a little serendipity for that, of course....

"Kill one, warn one hundred."

The Lounge, April 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7684751

OP by onehandle:

      Fair and balanced in the checkout line.

response #3 by NightWatcher

response #6 by Spazito

response #7 by anigbrowl

response #12 by charlie

response #20 by tabasco

response #24 by Perry Logan

GDP, April 25, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5689042

OP by LaraMN:

      Snow? What snow? I don't see any snow.

The Lounge, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7685740

On a thread by Kadie:

      * climbs on furniture at the White House Correspondents Dinner - pics

response #4 by frogcycle

response #10 by Ghost in the Machine

response #13 by SpiralHawk

response #16 by ColbertWatcher

response #20 by Ghost in the Machine

response #32 by Dead_Parrot

response #49 by Kurovski

response #26 by MisterP

response #28 by Fuzz

response #46 by crimsonblue

response #60 by lame54

response #61 by Poiuyt

response #64 by struggle4progress

GD, April 26, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3212637

OP by FlyingSquirrel:

      ***** It's not "The Clinton's", it's "The Clintons" !!!!!!!!111111 *****

response #11 by JBoy

GDP, April 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5701829

On a thread by asSEENonTV:

      Haven't seen Wrights NAACP speech? Must see! But SKIP the "Let me break it down for you" punditry!

response #5 by SoCalDem

GDP, April 27, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5712013

OP by Wolsh:

      To Hillary supporters who think that a candidate can't weather manufactured scandals in the primary

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5723663

OP by Bucky:

      Oh My Gawd! Oh fuck me! You!! Shut up, You!! And panic!! O fuck, it's the end! We're all gonna die!!

response #1 by IntravenousDemilo

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5721074

On a thread by NYCGirl:

      Bill Kristol Hearts Hillary! It's a LOVEFEST!

response #6 by Swamp Rat

GDP, April 28, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5716842

On a thread by Kadie:

      Caption *

response #1 by merwin

response #5 by aint_no_life_nowhere

response #7 by SalmonChantedEvening

response #9 by peekaloo

response #12 by unkachuck

GD, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3223604

On a thread by rocknation:

      LOL!!! Keith just showed a Fux News clip about Hillary's proposed Lincoln-Douglas-style debate

response #10 by JimGinPA

GDP, April 29, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5743436

OP by klook:

      Barack Obama Advisory System - from the Dept. of Racial Insecurity

responses #16, #19 & #33 by klook

GDP, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5757724

On a thread by scarletwoman:

      "Give us Barrabas!", cried the multitude.

response #22 by Swamp Rat

GDP, April 30, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5746531

OP by Husb2Sparkly:

      It's a Bird ....... It's a Plane ........

response #2 by AndyA

response #4 by stellanoir

response #6 by aint_no_life_nowhere

response #8 by sheeptramp

GD, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3232460

On a thread by MiaCulpa:

      Caption this.

response #1 by lonestarnot

response #2 by FARAFIELD

response #4 by aint_no_life_nowhere

response #6 by madamesilverspurs

response #8 by notadmblnd

response #10 by dicksteele

response #12 by ColbertWatcher

response #15 by alphafemale

response #18 by Vickers

response #19 by krispos42

response #20 by DFW

response #21 by SalmonChantedEvening

GD, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3233310

On a thread by whereismyparty:

      Methodists reject SMU Bush Presidential Library 844-20

response #63 by krispos42

response #80 by LynneSin

response #86 by nichomachus

response #151 by Phred42

response #153 by tomeboy

LBN, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3292305

On a thread by Texas Explorer:

      I heard Palfrey with my own ears tell

response #55 by Junkdrawer

GD, May 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x3232114

OP by Symarip:

      Hillary Supporters: An Honest Question No One Has Bothered To Answer

GDP, May 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x5776718