Pensito Review News Roundup for April 1, 2008

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http://www.pensitoreview.com/2008/04/01/pensito-review-news-roundup/

Pensito Review News Roundup for April 1, 2008
Editors | Apr. 1, 2008


Howard Dean has announced the Democratic National Committee will pay to hold the Florida primary again, and this time, candidates will be allowed to visit the state before the voting. Dean said the primary will be held Tuesday, Nov. 11, 2008.

Sen. Hillary Clinton says she’s quitting her campaign and will join Sen. Joe Lieberman as an “Independent Democrat.” The new party so far has two members, but plans spin-off chapters, including one headed by Ralph Nader, the “Independent Green Party,” and one led by Ron Paul, the “Independent Libertarian Party.”

Sen. Barack Obama, explaining his recent chronologically challenged anecdotes in a speech in Selma, Ala., last week, claimed he was suffering from “a temporary superabundance of audacity and a dearth of hope.”

At a press conference today Sen. John McCain gave a clearer idea of his proposed timetable for withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq: “When I learn the difference between Shiites and Sunnis, we’ll leave.”

Karen Thurman, chair of the Florida Democratic Party, announced today that the party was changing its name to #@&%$ Florida Democrats!, which is how the organization has been referred to since last fall by Democrats in other parts of the nation.

In his ongoing efforts to encourage more tourists to visit Florida, Gov. Charlie Crist unveiled a plan today to make some of the state’s more oddly named cities and attractions more palatable to visitors. Among the examples were Tallahassee, which will now be called Talltown; Orlando, which now will be Mouseville; Lake Okeechobee will become Lake OK, and the Everglades will be known as Screwed.

Ashley Dupre, the high-priced call girl responsible for the resignation of New York Gov. Elliot Spitzer, explained in an interview today exactly why she was paid up to $4,000 a night to sleep with Spitzer: “So I wouldn’t giggle when he took his pants off.”

Spitzer’s replacement, Gov. David Paterson, who has admitted dabbling in drugs in his 20s and having a series of affairs while married, explained how he, a legally blind African-American man, could actually manage to have a series of affairs: “Barry White, baby,” he said.