Making your own toilet paper in the new Bush economy.

[Liberal_in_LA]

http://www.deliberatelife.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=171&Itemid=41

What can I substitute toilet paper with?

Newspaper: Crumble it in your hands to make it softer.

Paper: Treat just like newspaper, but you might have to crumble it for longer.

Cloth: Old scraps of cloth cut up into squares.

Mullein: Harvest the large velvety leaves of the mullein plant.

Your Hand: In India most poor people use their left hand, and then wash it.

Sand: Some people dip their damp hand in a jar of sand and scrub a bit with it.

More self sufficiency tips here:

http://www.daycreek.com/dc/HTML/DC_ss_thingsyoucando.htm

[Kierkegaard]

1. How about...

a fist full of worthless American dollars?

[Muttocracy]

2. Bingo! I thought that was going to be the joke!

that and an image of wheelbarrows of dollars to buy a few drops of gas.

[Liberal_in_LA]

11. sort of a joke but posted in response to the economic anxiety I'm seeing on DU

[roamer65]

4. Remember the Amerika miniseries that was on ABC in the 80's?

I remember them burning bundles of dollars in an old woodstove for heat. We just may get to see those times.

[Kierkegaard]

6. I shudder to think...

n/t

[Dr.Phool]

28. Or maybe credit card offers!

They don't last as long as the sears catalog, but I get a lot of them.

[Muttocracy]

33. LOL!

:rofl:

[calimary]

48. Maybe we should just use what bush uses: wadded up pieces of the Constitution.

[Kierkegaard]

50. Best answer award goes to...

Calimary!

:applause:

[babylonsister]

3. And pray you're not allergic to printers' ink, and know your poison ivy! nt

[NaturalHigh]

5. I'm partial to corn cobs.

[TheCowsCameHome]

19. Better stock up, they're being committed to energy production

[dchill]

7. "What can I substitute toilet paper with?"

Depends.

[Liberal_in_LA]

8. Diapers are super expensive.

[dchill]

16. Lather, rinse, repeat.

:hi:

[tularetom]

9. When you get yer "economic stimulus refund"

you can wipe your ass with it. The way the dollar is going, the paper the refund is printed on will be less than toilet paper by the time the thing arrives.

[Prefer]

10. I would be considerate of what you are rubbing on to the orifice

you don't want chemicals, etc. on there.

[scarletwoman]

12. I think I'll start saving all the "pre-approved" credit card offers that deluge my mailbox daily.

'Twould be fitting, would it not?

[Muttocracy]

34. LOL, it's like fight fire with fire!

[msedano]

13. watch out for that cactus

then there was the guy who needed to defecate, out in the desert. out of modesty, he squatted behind a big nopal and did his business. when he realized he'd failed to bring any paper, he looked around and couldn't find a suitable rock or leaf. So he reached behind himself with his bare hand and wiped himself. when he inspected his hand there was a lump of turd on his thumb, so he decided to use gravity and rapidly swung the hand to dislodge the caca. His thumb struck the nopal, and reflexively he thrust the thumb into his mouth...

when i was a kid we preferred the montgomery ward catalog to the sears roebuck. monkey ward had a larger index, whose tissue paper required minimal crinkling. with shiny paper you crumble crumble crinkle crinkle repeatedly until the page takes on a suppleness promising gentle treatment to the bum, plus absorbency. this was an outdoor toilet, an excusado, although we did have a spigot of running water in the kitchen.

in the fields and orchards we walked a few rows into the acreage for modesty, squatted and did our business. after covering the mound with dirt we'd break off a small stick or branch and poke it into the mound as a warning to the next person who walked this area. one mound of dirt looks like any other clod, so the upright stick warned off the errant foot.

[TheCowsCameHome]

14. 10's and 20's are especially soft these days

Perfect for wiping your *W*

[Cirque du So-What]

15. I'd steal the paper from public restrooms

except most of that falls into the category of 'John Wayne' asswipe: it's rough, tough, and don't take shit off nobody!

[lonestarnot]

37. You're going to be out of luck there too...

:rofl:

[bushmeister0]

17. During the early years of the Depression they called shantytowns

"Hoovervilles" Perhaps we can the TP "Bush paper."

[dchill]

18. Bathroom humor.

Gotta love it.

[bushmeister0]

23. You mean, "Bushroom" humor, right?

[dchill]

25. I need toilet paper just to ...

wrap around the doorhandle to the "Bushroom."

[jwirr]

20. Used to be old catalogs but since no one has any money to spend

there won't be any old catalogs.

[TheCowsCameHome]

21. I'll bet ChimpBoy uses both sides.

[Fire Walk With Me]

22. AOL "Free: 720 Hours!" CDs.

Or you could build a shelter out of them.

[Liberal_in_LA]

24. AOL FINALLY stopped sending those CDs to me. I must have gotten 20 in the mail.

[Fire Walk With Me]

29. Post pics of your "Unwanted AOL CD Artworks".

:)

[NV Whino]

36. I'm working on that

I haven't decided what to construct yet, but I got a ton of them waiting in the wings.

[Dr Fate]

26. Corn cobs. n/t

n/t

[undeterred]

27. When I lived in Africa for a summer they used different leaves

for everything. There were leaves for wiping, for diapering, for periods, for drying, you name it. It actually seemed like good ecological sense- you could throw the used diaper pretty much anywhere and you weren't really littering.

[lonestarnot]

39. Wouldn't that be a form of shitty deforestation? I mean with all those asses, we're bound to run

out of leaves, no?

[undeterred]

40. Well there were few people there and dense jungle forest.

So it wasn't a problem. In fact, I believe that people were dying of AIDS but the disease hadn't been given a name yet. This was in 1978 and the tribe had been dying off for 20 years but no one knew why- except they suspected an STD that was also passed mother to child. I wonder if there is anyone left. So anyone who thinks this was a genetically engineered disease- guess what- it was killing people in Central Africa by 1960 but nobody paid attention till it hit the US in the 1980s.

[lonestarnot]

41. Yes, possibly even earlier than 1960. Were there not some bodies exumed that

demonstrated that fact in 1998?

[undeterred]

42. I haven't heard that

but I do know that the virus has been found in blood samples stored away from the 1950s. When I was there we had a 2 year old chimanzee as a pet. The way they got the chimp was- some Africans had killed the mother and were eating her. The missionaries 4 year old daughter got very upset thinking that they were going to kill the baby chimp and eat her too, so they bought the baby and kept it as a pet (which is a bad idea for lots of reasons, but it was fun to have her). So the idea that things jump species- and humans eat monkeys- is certainly true.

There was a missionary doctor who had spent 50 years in the region and he estimated that this particular tribe had lost about 70% of its population in the past 20 years. Thats a population of 200,000 to start with. And nobody knew or cared. There were so many tropical diseases and life was so rough that this was pretty hard to measure. But they knew something else was going on. As soon as I heard about AIDs in the eighties I knew that was it.

[lonestarnot]

44. Heartbreaking horrible killer. Reminds me of bushitler.

[Speck Tater]

30. In ancient Rome

They used a sponge on a stick, dipped in salt water.

[TheCowsCameHome]

31. Yeah, they called 'em Bushsicles IIRC.

[lpbk2713]

32. Go to the Dollar Store ...

and buy some books authored by Coultergeist, O'Lielly or Han-nutty.

They probably sell cheaper than TP and serve the same purpose.

[kestrel91316]

35. I recently took an old white flannel sheet that has seen better days but was still soft,

and cut it up with my pinking shears into squares about 5" x 5". They are now in two ziploc gallon freezer bags under my bathroom sink with labels that say "TEOTWAWKI TP". I kid you not.

If the day comes when I can't afford (or more likely find to buy) TP, I am set. And it didn't cost me a dime.

They are washable, soft, bleachable, did I say soft, and environmentally virtuous. They can be tossed into the equivalent of a diaper pail for soaking and then laundering.

And no, I don't think the idea is icky.

[alfredo]

38. Mullein is all over the midwest. Image of Mullein and plants to avoid

avoid the plants pictured below

Poison Ivy/oak The leaves turn red in the fall


And this one
Poison Sumac



Stinging Nettle



Prickly Pear

[midnight armadillo]

43. Day Creek is an awesome web site

I highly recommend poking around and learning about the house that was built, the main focus of the journal.

[ThatsMyBarack]

45. A toilet brush.

They had a similar thing for toilets several centuries ago. There was this communal brush that the general public would share to scrub their asses with! :puke:

[bpeale]

46. how about the pages of the phone book & pages from a bible, you know that really thin stuff

[frogcycle]

47. Don't you flatlanders know nothin?

whut the hell you think corn cobs is for? You cain't make pipes outta all of them!

and then thar's the sears and roebuck catty-log. Thet's whut it's fer. You look at the pitchers while you're settin, and then you tear out that page when you're done and take keer of bizness with it.

[lonestarnot]

49. sear n rearback catty-log.