Cougars And Double Standards

[katty]

more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/christine-hassler/cougars-and-double-standa_b_88470.html

Cougars And Double Standards - Christine Hassler
Posted February 26, 2008 | 08:00 AM (EST)


In last week's column, I answered a question from a 27-year-old woman who had concerns about dating a man fifteen years her senior. I cautioned her about the potential pitfalls, but in the end told her not to let the age gap get in the way if she truly believed he was her soul-match. In the comments, I was asked if I would give the same advice to a younger man dating an older woman - which is a scenario that is becoming more and more common, or should I say "trendy."

While older men who date younger women are often viewed as virile and sophisticated, (and in some stereotypical views, rich) the term used for older women who date younger men has an entirely different connotation; they are called "cougars." However, in the last several years women who are labeled cougars have gone from being thought of as purely predatory to sexy and vibrant. Mrs. Robinson may have started the trend, but Demi Moore has definitely made being a cougar chic. The term originated in Vancouver as a put-down for older women who prowled bars and went home with whoever was left at the end of the night -usually the youngest men. But now thanks to the likes of Demi, the term has evolved to describe women usually in their late thirties, forties and fifties who are financially secure, independent and looking for a younger man to have fun with. Canadian author Valerie Gibson who wrote the book Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, defines a cougar as "a very sophisticated, a very attractive, a very sensually-aware woman, very much in control of her life. She's got a lot of energy. Today they're very fit; they're very healthy. And they're very successful."

[Botany]

1. Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men

[DS1]

9. Who's that?

[Botany]

11. Stephanie Miller age 57

She is very cougar like around Dan Abrams.

[Jane Austin]

24. Heh. Stephanie is 47 -

Just like Sen. Obama.

[Botany]

30. No she is 57 .... all Hollywood Types lie about their age

Ask her

<[e-mail]>

I am sure she would be happy to answer. Just tell her buddy told
you to e mail her.

:rofl:

[Jane Austin]

32. YOU'RE "Buddy from Columbus"?

Really?

[Botany]

34. No but I know him ... damn nice guy handsome too.

http://www.progressive1230.com/jacor-common/cc_photopop20.html?eventID=29278&pagecontent=&pagenum=62



:hi: Steph!

[Jane Austin]

38. Kool!

Are you a Buckeyes fan?

[underpants]

40. She is 47 HOT! AS HELL yes but 47

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephanie_Miller

[LostinVA]

2. I love being a cougar

I can be a lesbian cougar, right?

[katty]

6. of course!!!

[villager]

3. I think the double standards have completely reversed

A woman who was my age (late 40's) dating a man (man/boy?) in his late 20's to mid-30's say, would be thought of --exactly -- as bold, hip, shedding stereotypes, etc., etc.

If I, as a middle-aged man (that phrase!) were to do it, it would be thought of as unseemly, desperate, a midlife crisis, etc.

Not saying either scenario is entirely right or wrong -- but it's pretty clear which is lauded, and which is not...

[katty]

17. perhaps, but the norm has been it's OK for a middle aged

guy to date a 20-something and/or marry. Older women look so much better than earlier decades, they take care of themselves, use great products-and younger men do come on to you-it happens to me and it can be a tad weird-but certainly flattering.

[villager]

22. not disagreeing about "norms" in times past -- only now, men doing it is seen,

generally, as sexist and/or pathetic (what? he doesn't want to be around an older woman's body!?, etc.), whereas with women -- it's cool!

We have a new double standard replacing the old one, is all...

[katty]

25. yes, i see

[EstimatedProphet]

4. Jesus Christ!

In last week's column, I answered a question from a 27-year-old woman who had concerns about dating a man fifteen years her senior.

She was dating a 12 YEAR OLD?! Why isn't she in prison?

[LostinVA]

7. Her senior! She was dating a 42-year-old

[EstimatedProphet]

36. D'OH!

That's what I get for reading DU when I'm busy doing other things...

[Fleshdancer]

5. people get too caught up in the age gap of other couples

Older men are sexual beings. Older women are sexual beings. Younger women and men are also sexual beings. As long as it's consential and legal, it shouldn't matter.

[Mandate My Ass]

8. Agreed

One of the happiest married couples I know has a 25-yr age gap between husband and wife. He's the older one. If they don't have a problem with it nobody else should either IMHO.

On the double standard issue though, I think the term cougar sounds pretty derogatory but like another poster said, it's considered chic in most circles now.

Let me see, who could make this old broad a cougar....???

[Fleshdancer]

12. I don't like the term "cougar" either

Why society feels the need to name women after animals based on their age and sexuality is beyond me.

[Mandate My Ass]

15. Well when women aren't behaving like prey...

they're either a bitch or a cougar it seems. At least to those with massive insecurities.

[Fleshdancer]

16. EXACTLY!

That's why it bothers me, but I couldn't articulate it. I have a feeling I'll be quoting you anytime the subject of "cougar" comes up in conversation.

[blondeatlast]

20. YES! You nailed it. nt

[blondeatlast]

18. "Other people" are spending too much tuime thinking about

that couple in ways they shouldn't be.

Mr. B is several years my junior. We've known each other almost 20 years now and have been married the better part of that time. We're the happiest couple we know by FAR, with a wonderful son who just turned 11.

People in general think too much about other's relationships and it often seems it's the ones who are most unhappy doing so.

FWIW, I found mine in the library! :rofl: Good luck!

[LostinVA]

10. Yep -- I've seen some really nasty things written about age differential relationships

Some people need to get over stuff. It really doesn't make a difference.

[Fleshdancer]

14. My father was 18 yrs older than my mom....

and they had one of the healthiest, happiest relationships I've ever seen. Watching them interact really set a strong foundation for how I treat my husband and how I expect to be treated by him.

It pisses me off when people jump to conclusions based on age and/or gender. No, my mom wasn't in need of a father figure. No, my dad wasn't having a midlife crisis. No, my mom wasn't a gold digger. They met, they clicked, they fell in love. Sometimes relationships really are that simple...as you know. :)

[LostinVA]

21. 18 years between Haruka and myself, too!

I'll consider that a good omen for us!

[Fleshdancer]

23. definitely!

Now the two of you can raise a daughter and have her turn out as wonderful as me! :rofl:

Just make sure to name the brat after a well known feminist...it'll make her feel special. :D

[Iris]

31. agreed. Especially since most people are partnered with someone within 5 years of themselves anyway

What are a few may-december romances going to hurt?

[THUNDER HANDS]

13. I once dated a girl who was 7 years my senior

and I thought that was pushing it a little bit. Any more than that and I probably would have gotten dirty looks from my family.

[blondeatlast]

28. Mr. B@L seems quite happy with me. I'm a bit beyond 7+ to him... nt

[kath]

37. was she a girl? Or a woman?

[lumberjack_jeff]

19. It's all good.

Due to the longer lifespans of women, there's some merit to looking for a younger man.

Everyone brings something to a relationship, even if superficial and/or material things.

[sentelle]

26. I still follow the "Dirty Old Man Rule"

This says that if a man can date a woman half his age + 7 and not be a dirty old man.

so for a 42 yo man, she would have to be 28 or older for him not to be a dirty old man.... which he is, in the above case....

Personally, I think the same works for women as well.

and yes, this puts Tom Cruise squarely in the "Dirty Old Man" category.

[Disturbed]

27. Isn't it wise for women to marry younger men than

themselves? Most men die at younger ages than women. Go figure out that concept.

[Javaman]

29. My wife is 9 years older than me.

And she is hot. :) I'm 44 btw.

[mithnanthy]

33. I'm 9 years older than my husband.

I met him on his 21st Birthday and I was 30. He moved into my house 2 weeks after and we've now been married 31 years. We are the happiest people we know. He's still perfect in my eyes and he's totally devoted to me. We didn't have happy childhoods, and had very little love in our lives until we met and made life...all better! We have 4 cats that are our children.

[OnionPatch]

35. So what do they call

older women who are not sophisticated, less-successful, with health problems who date younger men?
:shrug:

[aikoaiko]

39. Wake up Cougar I got something to say to you

Wake up maggie I think I got something to say to you
It’s late september and I really should be back at school
I know I keep you amused but I feel I’m being used
Oh maggie I couldn’t have tried any more
You lured me away from home just to save you from being alone
You stole my heart and that’s what really hurt

The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age
But that don’t worry me none in my eyes you’re everything
I laughed at all of your jokes my love you didn’t need to coax
Oh, maggie I couldn’t have tried any more
You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
You stole my soul and that’s a pain I can do without

All I needed was a friend to lend a guiding hand
But you turned into a lover and
Mother what a lover, you wore me out
All you did was wreck my bed
And in the morning kick me in the head
Oh maggie I couldn’t have tried anymore
You lured me away from home ’cause you didn’t want to be alone
You stole my heart I couldn’t leave you if I tried

I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school
Or steal my daddy’s cue and make a living out of playing pool
Or find myself a rock and roll band that needs a helpin’ hand
Oh maggie I wish I’d never seen your face
You made a first-class fool out of me
But I’m as blind as a fool can be
You stole my heart but I love you anyway

Maggie I wish I’d never seen your face
I’ll get on back home one of these days