I stopped clubbing people with a baseball bat ...

[Solly Mack]

I stopped clubbing people with a baseball bat a few years back. Since I have discontinued this practice, all is well now and people should move on to my other, less criminal, actions

Some people just want to live in the past though. Those people who think my former practice of clubbing people with a baseball bat merits accountability are nothing more than roadblocks to the future.

We must move on from those days when I used a baseball bat to club people - sometimes to death.

Together, we can put the unity back in immUNITY. (and impUNITY)

[Dhalgren]

1. You are an inspiration! You are a voice for the possible!

:applause:

[Solly Mack]

4. Thank you. And remember..can't spell immunity without unity

Let's all come together and make it happen!!!

Because really, do we want to dwell on such an ugly subject as hitting people with a baseball bat? Do you really want to believe me capable of such a thing?

Besides, I was protecting others...I was spreading harmony.

[MuseRider]

13. Ahhh I get it now.

Spreading harmony at the end of a bat! Damn good Solly! :P :hi:

[Solly Mack]

14. Hi Muse!

:)

[iamthebandfanman]

2. how do you define it

this so called 'hitting' people with this so called 'bat' of yours.

[Solly Mack]

3. enhanced attitude adjustment, of course

[marmar]

5. Why do you hate America's national pastime, Solly?

:silly: :) :D

[Solly Mack]

6. But..but..I was protecting America's national pastime!!

[Javaman]

7. baseball bats are passe'. I've moved onto tire irons. nt

[Solly Mack]

9. But you stopped, right? Otherwise it would be a serious crime and we

would have to take a look at it.

Or maybe we'd just pretend it isn't happening....

Or even if it is happening, we'll pretend that it's still debatable whether or nor hitting someone with a tire iron constitutes a crime

and anyway, I'm sure you were just protecting America from bad people

[spanone]

8. with all due respect, i suspect you still club the odd-fellow just to keep your chops up

:toast:

[Solly Mack]

10. snicker....only figuratively

lol

[HCE SuiGeneris]

11. As long as you realize that there are more "advanced" methods

of enhanced attitude adjustment, I think we can overlook your few hundred indiscretions.

[Solly Mack]

12. Funding science for the purpose of extracting information

is ever so much more patriotic than funding science to save lives.

and besides, when you're beating the life out of someone, aren't you really saving life?

[Coexist]

15. in all fairness, there was some question

about the meaning of clubbing during your time at the handle.

Re-hashing the ugly debate over this meaning is not good for the American public, we need to move forward - to the future. Retroactive is better than reactive.

[Solly Mack]

16. I knew you'd understand!

No one wants to put America through such an ugly debate. We must look toward healing and unity. It's not like I'll ever club again.

Besides, it was desperate measures at a desperate time...I was caught up in the moment.


Surely people will admit that everyone thought I should do whatever was needed!

[Solly Mack]

17. Did I mention that enhanced attitude adjustment with a bat is not assault?

In Solly-world, we don't engage in assault.

And furthermore, enhanced attitude adjustment by bat is not specifically mentioned in the Geneva Conventions.

[VP505]

18. You ought to

write that up in essay form, I think I know a few hundred people to email it to, people that might benefit immensely from being exposed to such irony.

[Solly Mack]

23. and call it the Baseball Bat Memos?

[otherlander]

19. Good for you.

Now give me my goddamn hat back.

[Solly Mack]

21. Is this a test?

[warren pease]

20. Why dredge up the past?

We need to look at the road ahead, not at the rear view mirror.

Besides, there isn't time to investigate these kinds of allegations. We need to spend our energy doing the peoples' business, not rekindling old grudges.

And the distractions! It's hard enough to walk and chew gum at the same time without running an investigation into serial baseball battings and naming dozens of post office buildings after unknown dead white guys. We need to keep our eye on the ball, as it were.

Plus which, in the interests of bipartisanship, we need to end the bitter divisiveness that causes people to pick up bats as weapons in the first place.

We as a people need to heal our wounds and celebrate what unites us, not dwell on what divides us. Remember, immUNITY is the sign of a healthy nation, while DISimmUNITY makes us vulnerable to threats both foreign and domestic.

And most importantly of all, if we lose focus on immUNITY, the terrorists win.


Gawd bless america.

wp

[Solly Mack]

22. Yes! ImmUNITY - it's what binds us together as a nation!

Forget the ugly! Embrace the shiny key thinking of a free mind!!!

[warren pease]

24. Oh, by the way... Don't get rid of the bat; I might need to borrow it...

I'm thinking of a little personal revenue enhancement. Hanging out at the ATM with a bat and an attitude might be just the thing to deal with spiraling health care costs, oppressive property taxes and maybe even get a decent hot meal at Chez Burger Roi for my troubles.

Is it a 32 ounce by chance? Maybe 34" in length? I always favored that model, but I'm adaptable.


wp

[Solly Mack]

25. Sorry...after reviewing the process I felt it was best to destroy the bat

However, I wouldn't want anyone to think I was destroying evidence. It was just a case of protecting myself in case the country's mood shifted from being pro-enhanced attitude adjustment to being humane and decent. One day it's not legal... next thing you know it is legal... and then it's not legal again.... What's a poor attitude adjuster to do?

[warren pease]

26. That's a hell of a bind... You might start by buying a senator or two...

You can never have enough insulation between you and the Constitution.


wp

[Solly Mack]

27. Oh, I would never resort to bribery. However, a fat donation or two

might do the trick.

[countryjake]

28. Gosh, don't you know it's only certain, especially evil ones, who get the bat?

We reserve the right to club the brains out of those who might know something.

[Solly Mack]

34. True...it was only the bad guys

and everybody knows bad guys don't have rights

[Skittles]

29. like excusing Edwards for co-sponsoring an illegal, immoral invasion

is that what you mean?

[Solly Mack]

35. Well, you know, if I knew then what I know now - so on and so forth

this is about America's sordid love affair with torture

and I make no excuses for anyone on that vote....never have, never will

[Swamp Rat]

30. That's ok. McCain will pick up the slack.

[Solly Mack]

36. Yes...McCain is really big on the word IF

and with McCain, I know there will be UNITY in ImmUNITY

Now watch this swing...

[SalmonChantedEvening]

31. Now

Put down the monkey wrench, that lead pipe, the kendo stick, the car antenna, the oar, the ballpeen hammer....

Great post Solly :pals:

[Solly Mack]

37. I'm sorry. I can't talk about possible other methods of enhanced attitude adjustment

the enemy would learn to combat our methods and it would hurt national security


besides, it's a state secret


Thank you, SalmonChantedEvening!!!!

[flashl]

32. The change ... was it a faith-based program? n/t

[Solly Mack]

38. Oh yeah... faith in that one day my ass could go to prison

so I destroyed the bat and want people to know we don't do that anymore...and everyone knows once you stop committing crimes, you're innocent of all crime and have regained your moral authority.

And, most importantly, my image with the world is now instantly improved because I made the claim that I stopped clubbing people.

[Philosoraptor]

33. You're forgiven, now, go and club people with a baseball bat no more.

[Solly Mack]

39. I forgave my victims too...repeatedly

[Solly Mack]

40. Enhanced Kicking in honor of Mukasey who is currently telling

the Senate judicial committee that he can't speak to discontinued practices

[countryjake]

41. Enhanced Kicking of Mukasey should most definitely be...

a sanctioned and continued practice!

[Solly Mack]

42. Tsk.Tsk. I'm relying on that fine specimen of shit to get my immunity

by "not discussing those discontinued practices" which "could be constitutional under article 2"
and which "reasonable people" can disagree with each other as to whether or not enhances attitude adjustment with a baseball bat is assault or not.

[countryjake]

43. Ahem. Adjusted people have enhanced reasons for clubbing...

that is not to be argued.

Congress must have an attitude, eh? Let the clubbing begin!

[Solly Mack]

44. To drop character for a moment. Are you watching that POS?

He's giving me more and more "talking points" for enhanced attitude adjustment with a bat

I'm not surprised Mukasey is a thug just like his boss...but I am so outraged that America is tolerating such criminals. It's such a mockery.

[countryjake]

45. Ya, I've been watching but I switched to listen to Edwards' withdrawal.

I see the simple solution in all of this testimony is to just plop 'em down and get out the waterboards. There are quite a few guys who have "tested" and "demonstrated" this "interrogation method" on the tv and on YouTube...allowing themselves to submit to such treatment as a "learning experience".

I say that all of the ones who believe it is NOT torture and think that it is an effective questioning technique and not something that should have been considered a crime against humanity, ever, need to show us what they're made of, publicly. Then let's hear them claim that the use of such torture is not a punishable offense!

[Solly Mack]

46. Mukasey admitted that water-boarding would "feel like torture" IF

he was being water-boarding

However, I wouldn't water-board anyone.

[countryjake]

47. me neither, hell I can't even take a shower cause can't stand water in my face

But if Specter feels like excoriating anybody right now, I don't think I'd mind.

[Solly Mack]

48. ((((countryjake))))

Just cuz...

Now, I'm going back in character :)

[Solly Mack]

49. Let me tell you, that Mukasey fellow sure knows how to put the unity into immunity

With him around, I'll never have to worry about ever being charged for my participation in the enhanced attitude adjustment program.

He's all about bringing America together behind the idea that by pretending that something that is happening isn't really happening, means that it never happened in the first place. And even if it did happen, it happened in the past, and since that's the past, and we gotta move forward to the future, we have to just forget those crimes.

He's all about protecting the integrity of his department too...would hate to dirty it up with such ugliness.

Course, he couldn't answer too many questions because Bush didn't give him permission...but he's constantly thanked for that "firewall" of independence he put up between the DOJ and the WH.

Now, if that statement sounds like a contradiction...then you heard it correctly!!! But let's move on...wouldn't want anyone to get all "retrospective" ...