I wish I could recommend to my niece that she join the Army, but I just can't.

[Ilsa]

She has some real problems: Recently divorced. Bad and worsening credit. Living from roommate to roommate, some of them guys, some of them lovers, one of them might have hit her. She dropped out of college. She has a hard time getting along with people because she feels like she got a raw deal with her parents. Family has offered to help her with college; grandparents have offered to give her room and board. She needs discipline and focus, but with this war, and the way women are sometimes treated in the army, I can't recommend it to her. Any thoughts? Advice?

[XboxWarrior]

1. Is she cute?

PM me?

[Ilsa]

4. Adorable. Blond, blue eyes, tall. A bit heavy right now.

Tends to like rednecks unfortunately, but she is a Democrat! She's in deep south Texas, btw.

[babylonsister]

2. How about the Coast Guard?

I have three nephews in there now, they have all grown up right from boot camp, and for the most part they love it. Plus, there's less likelihood of them getting shipped off somewhere nasty (though one just got orders to Hawaii).
I wish her well; I have a niece in similar straits, but she has to make up her mind about what SHE wants to do. No amount of prodding is moving her at this point.

[Ilsa]

3. Very true. She needs something like this.

And no amount of prodding will move her, so all I can do is provide information. She has a real attitude problem, and she's learned how to lie and manipulate people.

[thunder rising]

5. If you never volunteer you can never be dishonorably discharged

Your niece has to be in control of herself before joining the military. There is a strict discipline (even if it's not apparent) and the worse that can happen to anyone with troubles is the same troubles with a bad military discharge...it's unforgiving.

[Bobbieo]

7. Sounds like she is a walking time bomb. She needs some serious counseling

[Ilsa]

10. No $$$ for it. She's uninsured and broke. She needed to stay overnight

in the hospital a few weeks ago for a kidney infection, but she convinced the ER doc to patch her up with a few IV's and antibiotics and she was out, but unable to pay.

It hasn't been easy for her. Her mom had two brain aneurisms before age 30, losing her seech, motor skills, judgment, etc for ages, which lead to alcoholism, drug abuse, etc. The mom essentially neglected her and left her to the grandmother to raise. Her father divorced the mom and moved away and paid a little bit every month in child support, but wasn't a real dad to her. The girl is 23, poor, and now she's messed up her opportunity to work in alot of jobs since she can't be bonded.

I wish she wanted counselling, but she'd blame her problems on her circumstances. I don't think she is ready to take responsibility for her life yet.

[Ilsa]

8. Actually, I know someone with a dishonorable d/c and he is a

school teacher now, doing well. He shouldn't have gotten the DD, but he opened his mouth and owned up to what he did before he spoke with a lawyer (had to do with a recruiting violation).

[Konza]

6. Not the Army...but

if she is interested in the military I would suggest the Air Force. I have several female friends who are ex or current Air Force. It really does seem to be more female friendly, or so they say. And the skillsets are more applicable to the outside world.

Sound like she just needs a little growing up, like we all did at one time!)

[Ilsa]

9. Yeah, I did too, but I didn't ruin my credit and bust everyone's chops

in the process. I'm afraid the world will seem to become less friendly to her if she keeps this attitude up.

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. As hard as it may sound, she may need to hit rock bottom

but I do counsel both Air Force and Coasties as well... assuming she is ready for that

[Ilsa]

14. Her mom had to hit rock bottom. maybe she needs to also.

We are all keeping an eye on her to make sure she doesn't totally self-destruct.

[NNN0LHI]

12. I know some kids who went into the military with similar issues

The families wanted to get the kids out of their hair. Turned out the military wasn't the place for them.

Don

[Bobbieo]

13. iF she can't handle discipline the military IS NOT for her!

[Ilsa]

16. She may already be "too old" for the discipline turn-around that a

strict military environment offers. I wouldn't want her to go unless she was ready to make a real effort with it.

[Ilsa]

15. It won't be for her unless she is ready to make it work well for her.

She has alot of emotional support from her family. She just has alot of issues.

[pitohui]

17. you can't help the helpless

if somebody is being offered free room and board, plus help with college...and they would rather float from man to man then i don't see what you can do about it

if she has problems with authority, then joining the service is probably a good way to get into even more trouble when she can't follow the rules anyway -- also if she can't get along with others, it isn't fair to the others in her unit, is it?

unless she has ASKED for advice i think you can't do anything except wait for her to hit bottom and decide that she wants to change her life, if she'd rather spend her time being bitter, a lecture from you will not change this


as far as unfair treatment of women in the service, and even on the job rape, in my experience, this happens everywhere, not just in the service, and it's covered up everywhere, but ESPECIALLY in academia, so i wouldn't let this color my decision one way or another, she is a woman, and to a certain kind of man who holds power, she is considered prey, she has to be aware of this whatever career or life path she takes and take the care all women must take -- at least in the service they are airing some of these problems and perhaps they will now be occurring less frequently with the media spotlight on the issue -- how often does a rapist professor get called on it?

[Ilsa]

19. Thanks for your input. We're just trying to be supportive while she

continues to grow up. we're trying to keep her included in family events so she doesn't feel alienated or alone. She'll not get a lecture from me or my husband. If the subject comes up again, all we can offer is options. I wouldn't want a military deal for her unless she is willing to put her best effort into it. Still, the discipline would be good for her.

[jedr]

18. To anyone who is considering joining the military;

You better go in with your eyes wide open . First, recruiter's lie to get you to join ,and are under no obligation to give you what you were promised. Second , you give up your rights as a citizen and fall under the Uniform Code of Military Justice, you will do what you are told and go where you are told for as long as they see fit.. Last but not least, what happens to you in the service is fairly much random, you may have wonderful duty in Europe or end up in the thick of things in Iraq. Don't enlist unless you are willing to go into battle, because it will probably happen. If you can live with all that, then go to it.

[Ilsa]

20. Good info. Her grandfather was special forces, vietnam. And her uncle

was navy. she understands the commitment, but I don't think she is ready for it yet. She needs to be able to give it her best shot or it won't work.

[jedr]

21. I don't know enough about this situation to feel that;

I'm giving good advise. On the surface ,I think that on a 4 yr enlistment they still guarantee a school, and I would choose the medical field as it is good training to fall back on in civilian life.