***DUzy Awards for week ending January 4, 2008***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Jan-04-08 08:39 PM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, a compendium of star-spangled amusement from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks to babylonsister, badgerpup, Kurovski, stellanoir, watrwefitinfor, annabanana, BushDespiser12, wlucinda, Bleachers7, AZDemDist6, blondeatlast, Yael, eridani, WilliamPitt, tavalon, Lars39, dicksteele, kgfnally, hootinholler, wryter2000, Wetzelbill, Greyskye and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance.

And here's a taste of what doesn't appear below: locked, locked, missing topic, locked, missing topic, locked & locked. Factoring all those in, sniffa actually won 4,378,285 DUzies this week.

Poll question by antifaschits:

      self-deletable post
Do NOT dare recommend this post, and do not vote in this poll. I mean it. Or else.

That said, as I try to listen to Hillary pontificate and turn her "35 yrs" of experience into some (un)canned platitudes that don't risk offending any potential voter, and recite her lines that have been Penned for her, I learned that Burger King refused to sell its whopper for a day. As a gimmick.

Horrors. No whopper.

I also learned that Bhutto was first shot, then not, then hit by shrapnel, then not, then cracked her skull on the roof window, or not, and we should be glad that Musharif's investigators have completely 100% investigated and have determined all the facts about her assassination. Or not. And we learned from the same sources, that they 100% proved that Al Qaida phoned in congrats (Still can't find them, but you can listen in, can you?) for a job well done.

Yeah, right. How convenient. The timing is amazing, just hours after the State Department suggests that it was Al Qaida. At least Condi crawled out of whatever dung heap she was hiding in, and visited the Pakistani Embassy to give them whatever piece of mind remains in working condition.

But the top headline has to be Edwards. His bus got stuck in a snowstorm - obviously proof that he cannot be president, to hear some neocon radio stalkers today.

Then, there's Joe. Not that slob Lieberman, but the former congressman who never really explained who a cute young intern ended up with her head bashed in in his DC office, or why he resigned from congress REALLY QUICKLY thereafter. You may know him as Morning Joe. Well, Joe has been on the warpath, doing his best to instruct the American public that Rudy and only Rudy has the international anti-terra experience necessary to truly finsh the job Bush started. I never knew that neocon morans like Joe are looking forward to the final termination of our constitution.

And then, there is Hucksterbee, a man so demented, so unrealistic, and so willing to state that everything is due to his god, that even though he has honed to perfection his Opie and Barny routine, he wants to shoot on sight any pakistani who dares try to enter our country, ignoring that that country of 160,000,000 has more of its citizens, by percentage, living here than any other south asian or middle east country.

And after all of this, I am tired. I am tired of Hillarians taking any factual point and proclaiming that it is a hate-filled attack against the bestest queen we could ever elect. I am tired of Obamates who respond in kind to Hillarians. And I am really tired of a MSM that asks such stupid questions of candidates and concentrates on nonissues when so many dangers face our nation.

At least it is the end of the year. And at least 1/2 of the crap between otherwise good people here will tend to flush away after January 3d. That would be a good thing. So would more communication and less noise here at DU.

So, here's the poll:

:bluebox: Yes

:bluebox: No

:bluebox: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

:bluebox: I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me

:bluebox: Paris Hilton

:bluebox: FISA

:bluebox: other

response #3 by TechBear_Seattle:

      It is not that it WILL incriminate me, only that it MAY
Can the Fifth be taken if and only if your statement will incriminate you?

response #4 by antifaschits:

      my fifth comes with a cork.

response #6 by gatorboy:

      Christmas is a pagan holiday!!!
*exit stage left*

response #11 by antifaschits:

      oh yeah? Then why did they put "Mas" in it? huh? huh?
obviously they are talking about RC mass.

response #16 by Fly by night:

      No mas.

response #7 by Perry Logan:

      As Hamlet says: "Oh, that the Everlasting had not fix'd his canon 'gainst self-deletion."

response #8 by Mabus:

      I voted "Yes"
but that's only because the "I like polls" option wasn't available.

At press time, "Paris Hilton" was winning with 33% of the votes.

GD, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2547373

OP by Warren Stupidity:

      After the primary infighting is over.
After the primary infighting is over, when at long last we can stop with the back stabbing and flaming and endless misrepresentations over each of our chosen candidates, we can settle down to the endless hair wrenching concern-trollism as each and every right wing smear and talking point is dutifully echoed here on DU by an assortment of very concerned posters. It really is something to look forward to. I can't wait.

response #1 by babylonsister:

      Shit.
x( I forgot about that part. :hide:

response #6 by Solly Mack:

      I'm looking forward to the kiss and make-up threads
whereby posters apologize for their behavior during primary season and quote Rodney King

some can get ultra smarmy

and I always get a good laugh

response #10 by zanne:

      I'm anxious for that, too.
My New Year's resolution is to avoid posting ugly things about other people's democratic candidates. (You'll all have to pray for me for that to happen).

GD, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2548553

On a thread by BlueJac:

Don't these Hillary people ever quit?

response #1 by Orrex:

Sure they do, and sometimes they crochet and sometimes they knit
Oh wait a minute.

I thought you asked if they ever quilt.

Silly me!
:blush:

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3899575

On a thread by cboy4:

It's clear that Hillary is not particularly beloved here at
DU, right?

response #7 by sniffa:

let's see if i can predict some responses
"DU is not a representative sample of Dems at large."

"The Republicans thank you."

"It's only a handful of very vocal Hilhaters."

"No, it's because this place is infested with RW trolls."

"SUPREME COURT"

"National polls show otherwise."

let's see how i do.

responses #12, #18, #37 and #39 by sniffa

And see below for a Special Visual Achievement award from this thread. Viewer discretion advised.

GD, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2548015

Poll question by rucky:

      Which type of tea is the most sexist?

:bluebox: Chamomile

:bluebox: Darjeeling

:bluebox: Honeybush

:bluebox: Jasmine

:bluebox: Chrysanthemum

:bluebox: Chai

:bluebox: English Breakfast (decaf)

response #2 by BeyondGeography:

      I think the war on tea is just a bumper sticker

response #3 by sniffa:

      Earl G obviously
anyone who says otherwise should be banned.

response #4 by antifaschits:

      shame. No new tip green tea, no white tea.
obviously herbal teas are the most sexist, unless it is zesty orange peal and mint.

response #21 by rucky:

      White tea is racist, not sexist. n/t

response #7 by chascarrillo:

      F***in' darjeeling
Favorite tea of Al Swearengen. Enough said.

response #7 by Perry Logan:

      As Hamlet says: "Oh, that the Everlasting had not fix'd his canon 'gainst self-deletion."

response #9 by melody:

      Oolong
Wink, wink, nudge, nudge

response #19 by C_U_L8R:

      Texas Tea

response #22 by chascarrillo:

      That's crude

At press time, "Honeybush" was winning with 50% of the votes.

The Lounge (moved from GDP), December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7291829

OP title by LSK:

      OBAMA ATTACKS: CLAIMS HILLARY KILLED JFK WITH TEA!!!

response #3 by WesDem:

      She must have made him inhale
It's the only explanation. :smoke:

response #4 by H2O Man:

      Why are you
picking on JFK's great-great grandmother, who lived in a small cottage in Ireland? She did drink tea, you know.

response #7 by LSK:

      because theres room for her too in John Edwards house
Its HUGH!1!1!111

response #5 by sandnsea:

      Dodd says she only sits on the sidelines
So she must have watched Bill do it, and we know there's that picture of him shaking JFK's hand... hmmmmm...

response #11 by otherlander:

      oh my God I love this thread
I love it so much!
It made me laugh until my mouth dried out... and then my tongue stuck to my front teeth and it won't come off.

Post another one!
:bounce:

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3901445

OP by sjdnb:

It's Friday open mic night at the DU Comedy Cafe
A few of the subject lines I'll never click on, but that made me chuckle. I know some folks are getting upset about these types of posts especially given the volume in GDP. But, I just find the subject lines amusing:

Did Hillary Clinton murder Benzir Bhutto as some rival campaigns suggest? (Poll)

So Obama's grandmother lives in a "tiny hut in Africa"

Clinton camp in a tizzy over tea

Some Hillary DU Supporters think people living in huts in Africa are inferior to those living in USA

Should Obama replace Axelrod with McClurkin? (Poll)

Did some Hillary backers make shit up in desperation? (Poll)

Any subject line with "hillbot" in it

HILLARY ATTACKS. Look at the size of those...

Obama Turns to 'Sex' in Final Push (OK, so the original read Obama Turns to Sexism in Final Push - (call it poetic license) I think my version is funnier - and, I did use single quotes, so technically, I'm not lying)

I love the fact that progressives/Dems don't march in lock-step off the cliff together ... and, have such a great (while maybe a little sick) sense of humor!

Hey, it's Friday night ...

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3901292

OP by cat_girl25:

      Everybody please take a break from all your bickering!
And take a moment to repent. Which one of you burned down George W. Bush's childhood home in Odessa, Texas?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3116566

:-)

response #1 by JohnnyLib2:

      My candidate's people did that-- and obviously
that is another reason for my vote. :evilgrin:

response #2 by Xipe Totec:

      His pants drawer spontaneously caught fire
I'm sure there wasn't one registered Democrat allowed within 50 miles of the place.

We wuz innocent, I tellz ya!

response #6 by madrchsod:

      not me--i`m not allowed to play with matches

response #7 by stillcool47:

      sounds like an 'inside' job...
Maybe Poppy hid something incriminating...say from 1963.. and forgot where he hid it...so they had to burn the joint down?

response #8 by ruggerson:

      I've never set foot in Texas, I swear
I drove through once, but really, really quickly.

response #9 by wlucinda:

      Inside job. They were buring his grade school papers.

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3901620

On a thread by frankenforpres:

      What if Sen Obama was ugly

response #17 by global1:

      If Sen. Obama Was Ugly - His Butter Sculpture Would Be Uglier.....nt.

response #33 by pgh_dem:

      If Dennis Kucinich looked like Brad Pitt
I'd like to say he'd win the presidency hands-down, but somebody would be giving him shit about his acne scars, and saying that he played crazy too well in Fight Club and 12 Monkeys.

But it doesn't hurt Sen Obama that he's good-looking, with a strong voice, and dances like he enjoys music. It makes him cool in ways that political attacks and his own policy positions can't touch.

Important pre-emptive 'have a beer' note: anybody who wanted to 'have a beer' with George W Bush was FUCKING STUPID. He's an ALCOHOLIC. He will have TWENTY-FOUR BEERS with you and throw up on your shoes after trying to have sex with your significant other, missing terribly and mating with your rolling carry-on at the airport TGI Friday's. It's a DISEASE. It's like thinking it would be fun to party with Tom Sizemore.

response #43 by BlueDogDemocratNH:

      What if Edwards were bald?
What if Hillary were married to an accountant from Winnetka?

What if Romney and Dodd weren't second-generation politicians?

What if Giuliani had been out of office on 9/11?

To quote the Great Hooded One, it is what it is.

GDP, December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3902315

OP by LostinVA:

      I've been shopping -- what Rovian tactics have I missed?

response #1 by flvegan:

      Hillary shot Bhutto with Obama's gun while Edwards added a barber salon to his mansion.
:popcorn:

response #4 by LostinVA:

      Did this happen at Olive Garden???

response #8 by flvegan:

      Applebee's. In the ensuing panic everyone left without paying.

response #9 by LostinVA:

      They were probably all Hillary supporters

response #3 by MonkeyFunk:

      Hillary killed some kid at the SF zoo
then framed a tiger.

GDP, December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3904252

Poll question by FlyingSquirrel:

Can't we all just get along?

:bluebox: No.

:bluebox: Yes, as long as you support my candidate.

:bluebox: Not even if you support my candidate.

:bluebox: WE can get along, it's YOU i don't like.

:bluebox: I try to get along but usually it's ashort. Or amedium.

:bluebox: We could if people wouldn't make up stupid polls.

:bluebox: Rodney? Is that you???

:bluebox: That was like 14 years ago dude.

:bluebox: Shut up.

At press time, "Shut up." was winning with 39% of the votes.

GD, December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2550269

On a thread by Newsjock:

      Obama camp woos gays

response #1 by BeyondGeography:

      Incoming
:hide:

response #4 by Chovexani:

      LMAO
Next up: Outback Steakhouse woos cows.

GDP, December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3905501

OP by msmcghee:

Hillary Accused of Leaving the Exact Correct Tip
During a campaign stop in Iowa on Friday, the Hillary campaign stopped for lunch at a cafe in NW Iowa's Sac City, where her campaign finance manager paid the $150.00 bill and left a tip for the cafe staff for $22.50, exactly 15%.

Ramona Dearing, waitress, commented that she felt insulted. "Most customers never leave an exact percentage like that", she said. They just round it up or down to something close, like plus or minus a few bucks. It just shows how out of touch Hillary is with real Americans".

GD, December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2550072

On a thread by babylonsister:

Don't Send US Troops to Pakistan
"The report below from the Washington Post web site indicates the U.S. is starting on the slippery slope toward military engagement in Pakistan in the wake of the Bhutto assassination..."

response #1 by walldude:

Shoot first.. and
shoot again if you miss. Then, shoot again to make sure. Then ask a question, but only while waterboarding some poor Pakistani. Bush's foreign policy in a nutshell..

GD, December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2553957

OP by uppityperson:

      What does it mean that Osama's just released another video & my "penis size is below average"?
Yah just can't trust anyone these days.

(ps, I'm female and Osama is dead)

Off to play with my new chainsaw again! (hmm, does the chainsaw make up for a lack of penis? Is Osama still dead?)

response #1 by Chovexani:

      He must have struck a deal with his writers.
I hear Joss Whedon is attached to the project.

response #2 by bahrbearian:

      Depends , how big is your chain-saw?

response #3 by Boojatta:

      It could be a posthumous video...
that shows women in burqas that go just below the knee rather than all the way to the ground. Perhaps most men who watch the video experience a slight and temporary, but actual increase in penis size.

Therefore, the odds are that a given man who hasn't watched the video will have a penis size slightly below the average of all men who have recently watched the video.

They got your gender wrong, but that might be their only error.

The Lounge (moved from GD), December 29, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7294448

OP by undeterred:

      My candidate is more "presidential" than yours.
And your candidate's mother wears army boots too. So there!

response #2 by ocelot:

      Oh, yeah? Well, YOUR candidate's mother swims after troop ships.
But my candidate poops diamonds out of a platinum asshole.

response #3 by Missy M:

      Not true.....
my candidate is much, much more "presidential" than yours and your candidate's mother is not fit to shine my candidate's mothers army boots.

response #12 by undeterred:

      My candidate talks to both God and aliens. Does yours?

response #15 by Missy M:

      Yes....
my candidate not only talks to both God and aliens but has personally met with them and they gave my candidate their endorsements.

response #10 by Sugar Smack:

      Your candidate's momma drinks tap-water.
:rofl: My candidate's momma drinks Remy-Martin at ten A.M.

response #11 by Rex:

      So, at least my candidate visits their grandma every Sunday!
Yours stuck theirs in a nursing home in Iraq! :P

response #13 by undeterred:

      At least it was in the Green Zone!

GD, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2557084

On a thread by AspieGrrl:

      Would you boycott conservative entertainers?

response #5 by Cooley Hurd:

      Not intentionally...
Most conservative entertainers suck, so I usually avoid them anyway. :)

response #14 by theredpen:

      Of course! I never watch that "George Bush" show.
Wait... it's NOT a joke? :wow:

response #17 by lame54:

      I'm hopin' Dennis Miller gets a new show...
and then the week after that another one
and another and another

response #46 by Joe Bacon:

      Hey I boycott Dennis Miller
But it's quite easy since that loser can't even get booked into Days Inn lounges :evilgrin:

GD, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2556009

On a thread by timeforarevolution:

      Is there a Lounge family tree or something for us newbies?

response #11 by PeaceNikki:

      There are no children. They are all being detained by mall security.

response #86 by Connonym:

      hey that's only funny until it's your kid
and then it's sort of a hilarious thing that you can't wait to tell your grandchildren some day

response #129 by chknltl:

      Look...here is the brutal truth:
The DU Lounge is a communications system designed by a secret society within the C.I.A. These are not real spies but mid level office execs with way too much free-time. They use the DU Lounge to pass info between each other when they should instead be working on C.I.A. stuff. (Your tax $$ at work!)

They have their own code which gets used here, one I have been trying to crack for a few years now.

I am fairly sure that "Olive" means "ALERT" and "Garden" translates to: "The Bush admin. is planning to reduce our pay by 10%!"
(I concluded this because of all the agitation that goes on each time those two words are used together).

I am currently working on the code word: "teh". (perhaps a food/drug group???). "teh" is sometimes prefaced with "kit" adding to my confusion.
If you monitor the communications of this secret society for any length you will also notice the use of this symbol: :popcorn: I am fairly sure it is code for: "Go immediately to GD-P and await further instructions"

Lounge Polls: Back away from them, never ever click on one! I am quite confident that these are some kind of subliminal C.I.A. thought control experiments that this group uses on us just for kicks. Judging by the amounts of polls here in the lounge it becomes apparent that these sadistic bastards are indeed trying to turn us insane! If you ever accidentally click one open, just stick your fingers in your ears and say Lala-Laa!, Lala-Laa! Lala-Laa! loudly a few dozen times. (Just to be on the safe side, step away from your computer while doing this, do not gaze at your monitor until well after the screen-saver kicks on, then reboot the entire system.)

Sexual innuendo: Sadly I can only conclude that this gang has been watching way too many James Bond movies as the amounts of sexual innuendo found here in the lounge just ain't normal.

Well there you have it. You asked the question, so I have to believe that you were not aware of any of this. As long as you see photos of pets here in the lounge things are as they should be. If that ever stops, seek shelter immediately!

:tinfoilhat:

response #153 by Oregonian:

      Let me sum up:
It's all a tale
told by several nekkid, drunken idiots
full of sound and fury, snark and pitbulls
signifying nothing, and chicken, and douchebags.

You're welcome.

:D

And see below for two Special Visual Achievement awards from this thread.

The Lounge, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7298010

On a thread by DemocratSinceBirth:

The Huckster Compared Homosexuality To Pedophilia And Necrophilia

response #7 by lamprey:

Necrophilia? It's a cheap jab at Fred.

GDP, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3907976

OP by pirhana:

This is how you know when you are sitting on pins and needles about the caucuses -->
I was just doing my online banking.

On my credit card statement there was a nice sized debit from
HRC

I lost it - how did she gain access to my credit card???????

So I called the bank to dispute the charge.

Oh yeah! I took my niece to the Hard Rock Cafe when she was in town for Christmas....

:P duh!

GDP, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3909742

OP by bklyncowgirl:

....AND DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME!
The horses are in the starting gate for the Iowa Caucuses.

AND THEY'RE OFF!

Southern Man takes the lead with First Lady on the inside. Chicago Kid is close up in third. Senor Ambassador stumbled a bit coming out of the gate runs several lengths back in fourth with Talk Show Joe close behind. Further back to Little Big Man and Connecticut Yankee.

Oh Oh Baked Alaskan has veered off the track and appears to be racing the outrider's pony.

As they round the clubhouse turn, First Lady pulls away from Southern Man opening up a three length lead. The time in the first quarter is a blistering :22.2 seconds.

Down the backstretch, First Lady is still in front, Southern Man a close second and Chicago Kid begins to make up ground. Further back, Senor Ambassador and Talk Show Joe are moving up vying for fourth place with Little Big Man close behind. Connecticut Yankee is in sixth. The outrider have straightened out Baked Alaskan and he is now rounding the clubhouse turn--don't worry, folks, he's alright, just a little confused.

As they round the turn and head for home...

CHICAGO KID MAKES A SPECTACULAR MOVE ON THE FAR OUTSIDE, ROARING PAST FIRST LADY AND SOUTHERN MAN!

BUT FIRST LADY IS NOT GIVING UP!

AND HERE COMES SOUTHERN MAN RUNNING BETWEEN HORSES!

IT'S HEAD TO HEAD, NOSE TO NOSE! DOWN TO THE WIRE! ANYONE COULD WIN IT!

Now isn't this exciting!

GDP, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3907920

On a thread by calteacherguy:

      Say Obama, Hillary, and Edwards all tie in Iowa.
Who wins, who loses?

Discuss...

response #1 by XemaSab:

      GDP loses;
the lounge wins. :P

response #7 by Bleachers7:

      Sudden Death?
:shrug:

response #12 by Arkana:

      Every rabid supporter here at DU feels their head explode, "Scanners" style.

response #19 by ih8thegop:

      I win, of course (nt)

GDP, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3911582

On a thread by DemocratSinceBirth:

Do You Like George Bush*?

response #3 by Fed_Up_Grammy:

Not particularly, but I do admire his academic brilliance.
Okay-----no more lying for the New Year.

GDP, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3914949

On a thread by ckramer

       Stranger than fiction: parallel universes beguile science
"Try this on for size: a copy of you living on a planet and in a solar system like ours is reading these words just as you are. Your lives have been carbon copies up to now, but maybe he or she will keep reading even if you don't, says Max Tegmark, a cosmologist at MIT in Boston, Massachusetts..."

response #2 by alfredo:

      You posted that for the dope smokers, didn't ya?

response #7 by leftofthedial:

      dewd! life is totally like
that one episode of Star Trek

response #8 by balantz:

      Dude!
I remember that one! At least I think I do...or maybe not. But anyway, I'm pretty sure I was there too!

response #44 by Shoes For Industry:

      Not sure if I am in the right place...
Does Spock have a beard in this universe?

response #9 by pitohui:

      yeah but LBN how exactly? i mean crap? 1957?
who doesn't know this already?

response #49 by Orrex:

      There's apparently an infinite number of universe in which people haven't heard this yet
That's one way to boost your thread's "viewed" count.

response #10 by Dr_eldritch:

      If you clicked on this link, you're in the WRONG universe....
Too late to go back now.

response #18 by kokono:

      President Gore can fix that
Nnnnoooooooooooooooooo

response #14 by balantz:

      OH GOD!
Are there infinite parallel shrubs?!

response #39 by frogcycle:

      yes, but as luck would have it
in most of the others he is actually Cheetah, living with Tarzan in central Africa; ours is one of the few universes in which he actually appears humanoid, and the only one in which he does not steal a plane in the ANG back in the 70's and abscond to Columbia to buy cocaine, only to crash, bail out, but be ensnarled in his flight suit hanging in a tree, only to be attacked by army ants and devoured - except for the codpiece, which dangles there to this day, swinging ever so slowly in the tropical breezes...

response #16 by harmonicon:

      Kucinich Wins!
A new golden age is thus brought upon the United States, indeed the world. And puppies and kittens live forever!!

I read that whole damn article and not once did it tell me how I could get to this parallel universe, or, as I call it, "home". bastards.

response #27 by MilesColtrane:

      Always informative...
Wow, if Kleptocratic Underground didn't already take $1,200 a year from me, I'd be willing to donate half that much just for great articles like these.

All Hail President Cheney and Vice President Perle!

response #30 by dragndust:

      Is that why I'm always tired.
I'm always somewhere doing something?

response #51 by Ready4Change:

      Nope.
Somewhere you're always taking a nap, too.

zzzzzzz.....

response #35 by DeeDeeNY:

      So... there are carbon copies of my kids. Hmmm.
Maybe they're behaving better than their counterparts here on Earth. They can't be worse.
When's the next space ship? I'm outta here!

:rofl:

response #42 by groovedaddy:

      Now I know why I can never figure out if I'm coming or going!
Relief, at last! Well, sort of.

response #54 by tomg:

      Does this mean that
in the alternate universe we are all Freepers?

response #60 by spirit of wine:

      There is a black hole universe full of everyone's
lost socks! Maybe?

Great stuff to think about though.

response #74 by ImForGore:

      Does this mean...
...that somewhere in another universe, there is a good GWB and Cheney, who always do the right thing? I can kind of wrap my head around the multiverse concept, but the thought of Cheney doing the right thing under any circumstances, even in another universe almost makes my head explode.

Science (moved from LBN), December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=228x37047

On a thread by undeterred:

Aren't a lot of candidates exaggerating their "experience"?

response #3 by valerief:

Candidates are like men talking about their joysticks. They're always
described as broader, stronger, and more fulfilling than they really are.

GD, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2562886

On a thread by MannyGoldstein:

      Curious: How Many "Domestics" Does Edwards Employ
in his 24,000 square foot house? What are they paid? Do they have health care benefits? Pensions?

response #3 by H2O Man:

      Absolutely.
I want to know how many pets he has. And I demand to know if they are allowed to belong to unions.

response #22 by ronnykmarshall:

      Here we go
Bubbles, Fluffy, Aunt Pitty, Spot, Rover, Fluffy Jr, Alfonso, Lulu, Bell, Scoots, Digger, Tweets, Ca-Ca (a bird with a BIG case of bowel issues), Snappy (turtle), Greeny, Droopy, Ol' Gal, and Ta-Ta.

response #11 by onehandle:

      He does his own housework.
He can't afford "Domestics" because of his $24,000 haircuts he gets every five minutes.

I'd just wait until Fox News asks questions like this.

response #21 by Gidney N Cloyd:

      Stately Wayne Manor got by with just Alfred.
If the Edwardses have more than one domestic frankly I have to ask if he thinks he's better than Batman.
Well, John? Are you better than Batman?

GDP, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3917287

On a thread by jenmito:

      Obama still taking questions. Hillary stopped again (yesterday).

response #1 by msongs:

      obama stops taking questions at night when he sleeps - not fit to be president? nt

response #2 by KingofNewOrleans:

      Edwards answers questions even while he sleeps
He's just that good.

GDP, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3915135

On a thread by IronLionZion:

      Show of hands, who here opposes single-payer universal health care in the US?

response #1 by SteppingRazor:

      I'm against it. I believe that a market-driven healthcare system will engender competition...
driving down prices, which will benefit ...

BWAHAHAHA!!! Sorry, sorry. Couldn't keep that up. :rofl:

No, I'm for single-payer, and I think you're a heartless greedhead if you believe the current system works.

response #3 by AZDemDist6:

      shortest thread ever.......
:rofl:

response #7 by Warpy:

      And now for a thread on the scintillating wit of Fred Thompson
:rofl:

response #24 by wryter2000:

      And the dewey blush of innocence on his wife's skin eom

response #27 by krispos42:

      *chirp* *chirp* *chirp*
I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up over the roar of the crickets...

GD, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2562535

OP by 11 Bravo:

The answer is: Mike Huckabee, David Vitter, and George W. Bush. What's the question?
What are a hick, a trick, and a prick?

response #2 by C_U_L8R:

not a poop, a diaper and a baby ???
drat

GD, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2563274

On a thread by BluegrassDem:

Chelsea Clinton brushes off a 9-year old in Iowa
"Sydney Rieckhoff, a Cedar Rapids fourth grader and “kid reporter” for Scholastic News, has posed questions to seven Republican and Democratic presidential hopefuls as they’ve campaigned across Iowa this year. But when she approached the 27-year-old Chelsea after a campaign event Sunday, she got a different response.

'Do you think your dad would be a good "first man" in the White House?' Sydney asked, but Chelsea brushed her question aside.

'I’m sorry, I don’t talk to the press and that applies to you, unfortunately...'"

response #45 by mtnsnake:

Major kudos to Chelsea for brushing off that sawed-off paparazzi brat. n/t

responses #51, #66, #70, #72 and #77 by LostinVA:

The "news" story, for those who haven't seen it, was a deliberately misleading load of rotting Fox cod. Lots of other funny stuff in the thread.

GDP, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3913039

Poll question by antiimperialist:

      Would you give up sex for 1 year in exchange for an Edwards win?
If you knew that not having sex for the next year will guarantee a John Edwards' victory in the primaries and 2008 general elections, would you go for it?

:bluebox: Yes, I'd sacrifice sex for 1 year

:bluebox: Hells no

response #1 by babylonsister:

      Ugh. I only like Edwards. nt

response #2 by fiziwig:

      Hell yes. Been celibate 11 years already. What's another year? NT

response #5 by catnhatnh:

      Volunteeringly???
or just as in my current lifestyle?

response #6 by cat_girl25:

      How would anyone know if you gave it up or not?

response #75 by bvar22:

      Honor System.
Are you still Master of your domain?

response #7 by Herman Munster:

      Cause I've had dry spells in the past of 1 year or longer, not of my own choosing, so no big shakes on that one. But if I couldn't well you know release some tension every now and then, I wouldn't be a very happy Herman Munster.

response #20 by antiimperialist:

      I guess it's allowed
I should have closed that loophole in my thread title, but too many votes have been cast by now. I assume many counted on being able to practice "self-love" which is not technically sex, so yes, you can do it.

response #50 by terip64:

      Then count me in. n/t

response #13 by Ishoutandscream2:

      Of course I would. And it's no sacrifice
I'm married with 3 kids.

response #30 by lisainmilo:

      Can I vote yes for my husband too!
:rofl:

response #35 by yourout:

      That would make my wife a huge Edwards supporter.

response #42 by pirhana:

      I wouldn't even give up sex for Biden.

response #44 by Hardrada:

      Doctor's orders.
I can't give up sex. But I can put up yard signs.

response #46 by Seabiscuit:

      I'm 62. Are you tempting me to take early "retirement"?
:)

response #47 by Perry Logan:

      If I did, I'm afraid the sexiest woman in the world would suddenly fall in love with me.
And I'd either have to fight her off for a year or risk screwing up the election.

response #55 by Girlieman:

      If I wanted to be married, I'd be married n/t.

response #59 by Hatchling:

      Hells no. But..
I'd give it up forever if it guaranteed a Kucinich victory.

response #62 by IronLionZion:

      sexual repression = Republicanism, diapers, child molestation, airport bathrooms, etc.
why risk it?

At press time, the options were tied with 50% of the votes.

GDP, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3912672

On a thread by Dawggie:

      Germans not amused with Brits fixation on fucking.

Actually, it's the Austrians, but several versions of the story are going around. Here's one from AFP:

"British tourists have left the residents of one charming Austrian village effing and blinding by constantly stealing the signs for their oddly named village.

While British visitors are finding it hilarious, the residents of Fucking are failing to see the funny side.

Only one kind of criminal stalks the sleepy 32-house village near Salzburg on the German border - cheeky British tourists armed with a sense of humor and a screwdriver.

But the local authorities are hitting back with the signs now set in concrete, police chief Kommandant Schmidtberger is on the lookout.

'We will not stand for the Fucking signs being removed,' the officer said.

'It may be very amusing for you British, but Fucking is simply Fucking to us. What is this big Fucking joke? It is puerile.'

Local tourist guide Andreas Behmueller said it was only the British that had a fixation with Fucking.

'The Germans all want to see the Mozart house in Salzburg,' he explained. 'Every American seems to care only about "The Sound of Music" (the 1965 film shot around Salzburg.) The occasional Japanese wants to see Hilter's birthplace in Braunau.'

'But for the British, it's all about Fucking...'"

response #2 by Generic Brad:

      They should just get a new Fucking sign
Problem solved.

response #3 by karlrschneider:

      This German is highly fucking amused....in fact, I broke several objects
just now laughing...the keyboard seems to be spared though, so I'm fucking grateful. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

response #13 by krispos42:

      I wonder if they have guided tours?
"This is the Fucking tour. I am your Fucking guide. This is the Fucking village. Please stay on the Fucking sidewalk. Take all the Fucking pictures you want. Just don't wander into the Fucking road. You might get hit by a Fucking bicyclist. The Fucking restroom is over there. the Fucking gift shop has plenty of Fucking postcards, Fucking refridgerating magnets, Fucking shot glasses, and Fucker, the Fucking mascot. And please don't steal the Fucking sign!!!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

They could make a fortune just selling copies of the sign for like twenty euros each!

"Buy your Fucking sign here!"

response #16 by Bobbieo:

      Fucking, USA - Bush has been doing it for 7 years!

response #19 by Dr_eldritch:

      Vee are sure you vill luff Fucking as much as vee do!
After you haff zeen Fucking, you vill come again und again!
Please enjoy Fucking vile you are here, if you need a guide to or any information on Fucking, ask any Fucking people und zey vill be glad to lend ein hand.

Danke!

response #34 by regnaD kciN:

      I'm just waiting for the same tourists to discover Intercourse, Pennsylvania...
It's a real Amish town...they're very strict and religious there.

response #35 by LeftishBrit:

      ROFL!!!
Maybe they should be twinned with the Norwegian town of Hell (which frequently freezes over!) "The Fucking-Hell Tourism Association" - has a nice ring!

response #44 by ElboRuum:

      At the heart of every Englishman is a Fucking tourist.
However, I question that this particular obsession with Fucking is limited to the Brits. After reading this article, I have to say that, as an American, I'm quite interested in fully experiencing all that Fucking has to offer. Oh, sure, maybe they don't have any Fucking postcards, but certainly they must have some Fucking souvenirs of some sort, some Fucking bric-a-brac to send back to your folks, a small Fucking treasure, just to know that, when you visited Europe, you made sure you squeezed in a little time for Fucking.

Of course, the Brits ARE making this hard by stealing all the signs. How is it possible for me to know where Fucking really is? Fucking left? Fucking right? Fucking off... out there... in the distance? Those Fucking Brits really make it tough for the Fucking Americans to truly experience Fucking in its full flower. To make matters worse, those Fucking Brits probably don't enjoy Fucking except as a joke. Oh, they'll spend the day hanging around, pretending to enjoy Fucking, then nick off with the Fucking sign, then go back to their favorite pub to brag about how Fucking is totally overrated, that all they got was this stupid Fucking sign.

Others would probably get a hell of a lot more out of Fucking, and it truly is a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil Fucking for everyone.

The Lounge (moved from GD), December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7303315

On a thread by RamboLiberal:

      Partygoers Vandalize Robert Frost's Home
"A former home of poet Robert Frost in the U.S. state of Vermont has been vandalized, with intruders destroying dozens of items and setting fire to furniture in what police say was an underage drinking party.

Homer Noble Farm, a former Frost residence that's now a historic landmark, was ransacked late Friday night during a party attended by up to 50 people, Sgt. Lee Hodsden said Monday..."

response #1 by Fenris:

      Not fire, nor ice, but vandalism.

response #24 by sfexpat2000:

      Aggressive deconstruction? Maybe they were a bunch of Lacanians.

response #4 by XemaSab:

      Frost:
"Next time get a better fence."

response #5 by KansDem:

      Frost would have wished these goons take the other road...
...the one leading away from his house.

response #7 by gauguin57:

      Whose house this is I think I know
He's been dead for decades, though.
He will not see us trash his place
And burn his furniture, high on blow ...

LBN, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x3119857

Poll question by spooky3:

      Vote for your bold New Year's Prediction here: Which Rep. Will Win Nom.?
I'm asking here for your long term prediction for the final nomination, not for your Iowa prediction. I think Mittens will sweet talk, tap dance, and buy his way into the nomination. What say you?

:bluebox: The Ghoul

:bluebox: Huckleberry

:bluebox: McWimpy (for his lame response to the nasty epithet hurled at HRClinton)

:bluebox: Mittens Yawnney

:bluebox: Pall

:bluebox: Hangin' by a Thread Thompson

:bluebox: Lost My Keyes

:bluebox: Who'd I Forget?

:bluebox: I think Bloomberg will run as a Repub. and win

:bluebox: Other (comment)

response #5 by chknltl:

      Repukes need a father figure to protect them...
McNuggethead is the oldest of the lot, talks about invading Innocent countries and will likely choose senator Palpatine/Lieberman as his running mate early on in order to show his bipartisanship. Their slogan will be "Unite America" which really translate into: "Unite America by turning the entire middle class into poor folks while turning the Middle east into glass"

response #17 by Perry Logan:

      I think they'll come to their senses and not bother running. Some of them look close to death.

At press time, "McWimpy" was winning with 43% of the votes.

GDP, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3918309

OP by WilliamPitt:

      Yay! It's "Asshole Campaign Supporter Day" on DU!
Again.

:eyes:

Can we have at least one day off?

And no, this isn't aimed at any one person. Cuz it isn't any one person doing it.

Sounds like a roomful of meth-addled ducks in here.

Quack quack quack.

response #4 by cryingshame:

      I know you are, but what am I?

response #5 by xultar:

      NO SHIT. Truer shit was never said. It's like a frickin shit flingin zoo fest.

response #6 by zorahopkins:

      Meth-Addled Ducks Cannot Fling Shit
Come on.

Everyone knows that meth-addled ducks cannot fling shit.

They have no hands.

And they are always quite careful about getting shit on their wings.

response #10 by originalpckelly:

      But they do have webbed feet to kick shit around with.
Damn evil duckies!

response #18 by zorahopkins:

      Not Evil.
Meth-addled ducks are not evil.

They are tweaking.

response #69 by HeeBGBz:

      Beak tweakers
The worst kind.

response #32 by Batgirl:

      the worst ones appear to be operating under some kind of delusion
that they themselves, through the intense fury of their battles here on the intertubes, are actually playing some vital, decisive role in current political events. A delusion even more pathetic when you consider the caliber of "debate" -- ranking the various candidates according to varying degrees of poopyheadedness, then according the same level of poopyheadedness to their supporters.

response #44 by WilliamPitt:

      FOR THE RECORD
The OP was written several hours ago. As of 7:48pm EST, the tweaking-duck phenomenon appears to have settled down somewhat.

response #59 by ocelot:

      Give it time. They're just cooking a new batch.

response #56 by H2O Man:

      I never realized
that human beings had invented Glenn Beck flavored spam until I read some of the shit that some folks are attempting to pass as political discourse in the past week.

response #58 by quantessd:

      If the ducks were cocaine-addled,
Would they be saying "crack, crack, crack"?

response #67 by onehandle:

      The stalkers must have their word.
Even if it's the same word over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over, and over...

response #68 by undeterred:

      Everyone better vote for MY candidate, JOHN HILLARY OBAMA
:headbang:

GD, January 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2567000

On a thread by elehhhhna:

      Woman who tried to assassinate US President Ford is released from prison
"Sara Jane Moore, who took a shot at former President Gerald Ford in a bizarre 1975 assassination attempt, was paroled from a California prison Monday..."

response #1 by Solly Mack:

      well...it's not as if she could repeat her offense

response #2 by Drunken Irishman:

      Breaking: Sara Jane Moore digs up Ford's body, shoots it. Claims he was going to eat her brains.

response #3 by Boojatta:

      If she becomes the next President, then she can commit suicide.
Then she would succeed at killing a President.

response #6 by Gman:

      Free Squeaky!

GD, January 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2568768

On a thread by DeepModem Mom:

Bush's Final Year aims for one last domestic triumph: permanent expansion of government spy powers
"As President Bush begins his final year in office, the White House is aiming for one last major domestic legislative triumph: permanent expansion of government spy powers, including retroactive immunity for the telecom companies that assisted in warrantless surveillance..."

response #1 by aquart:

And won't the Democratic president have fun with those.
Georgie is so myopic I'm surprised Barney hasn't been trained as a guide dog.

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2573833

OP by Cyrano:

Predictions for 2008
1. Dick Cheney will win first place in the international baby-eating contest.

2. Toilet paper sales will fall now that William KrystOl is a NY Times columnist.

3. Walmart will hand out free 2007 calendars with every purchase.

4. Minneapolis airport will introduce new “wide stance” restrooms.

5. Yale will erect a sculpture of an asshole to honor George W. Bush.

6. Texas will erect a giant sculpture of Molly Ivins to honor Molly.

7. In desperation, the Republican convention will end up nominating Paris Hilton.

8. Nancy Pelosi will recapture the feminist vote by having an affair with George Clooney.

9. Israel will purchase Bob Jones University and ban pork chops.

10. New Orleans will establish a law against being poor.

11. In October, Bill O’Reilly will introduce his “Have a Merry Christmas” loofah.

12. In June, Antonin Scalia will declare the winner of the November election.

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2574419

On a thread by Bethany Rockafella:

      Sign of the Times: SEX WITH ROBOTS
"If you're younger than 35, you'll probably live long enough to put David Levy's prediction to the test. Levy says that by 2050 we'll be creating robots so lifelike, so imbued with human-seeming intelligence and emotions, as to be nearly indistinguishable from real people. And we'll have sex with these robots. Some of us will even marry them. And it will all be good..."

response #1 by CatWoman:

      how does one explain an artificial orgasm?
:)

response #8 by spanone:

      how do you fake a fake orgasm? paradox

response #13 by Xipe Totec:

      Would that be a cyborgasm?

response #5 by book_worm:

      there's hope for freepers after all.

response #92 by KansDem:

      Nah, they'll never give up their inflatable dolls...
These robots will have computer "brains," after all...

Besides, freepers would never accept the taunts: I...though...you...were...a...real...stud *click*...I...had...more...fun...at...the...public...library...*click*...don't...call...me...again!

response #7 by helderheid:

      Hoo boy. I'm sure the pillow talk will be interesting.
I'm uploading! I'm UPLOADING!!!

response #66 by helderheid:

      is downloading better?

response #16 by Kurovski:

      Masturbation is masturbation.
Just be sure to keep those sex toys clean, folks.

response #18 by Mountainman:

      Can we define a marriage as being between a man and a robot?
God created Adam and Eve not Adam and R2D2!

response #35 by whatdoyouthink:

      I have a few Questions
One - Can they vote then? Because I suspect they're already Here!!! 2000 and 2004 - would be a example

Two - Can you get arrested - if caught doing the Neighbor's Robot...

Three - If they complain - can you "Unplug" them...Maybe get a refund?

Four - what kind of (Lube) oil would you use?

Five - Is there a test market (Now) kinda want to get a (no pun intended) Jump on it!!!? Don't need all the Bells and whistles...and looks are not that important - after all it will be in the privacy of my home - (((Unless Big Brother is watching and wanting to know what is going on in my Love palace, or even those Fun dies - start protesting - stop Robot Stuff - jeez don't need that?)))

Six - Are they Replaceable? - and can I upgrade? say every 3 mo's - Kinda get bored easy - and want to be friendly to the environment..

Oh this is fun (2050)

response #95 by Javaman:

      And if they pass out, can I use jumper cables on them? nt

response #50 by Peake:

      Make the sex drive a non-issue and we'll begin getting somewhere.

response #53 by dicksteele:

      Until then, it's advisable to get an external sex drive for backups! nm

response #54 by Peake:

      Until then, I'm into polygamy. RAID, baby.

response #56 by LibInTexas:

      I'll bet it doesn't take until 2050...
there are lots of ~~hormones~~ brains out there working real hard on this problem right now!

response #57 by Dawggie:

      I was married for 10 years.
Ask me anything about sex with robots.

response #73 by BlueIris:

      Classy.

response #62 by InternalDialogue:

      So, there was this one time? In shop class?

response #69 by tandem5:

      first hover cars - I'm still waiting! geez! I was promised a hover car...
besides how am I supposed to take my 'bot honey hover parking without one?!

response #81 by Sentinel Chicken:

      "could you invent a robot that would make a superior bedmate?"
To hell with that. How can we get this concept into a vending machine format?

response #85 by raccoon:

      Well, at least you wouldn't have to worry about herpes, AIDS, or other STD's. nt

response #91 by Progs Rock:

      But you will catch a virus
that makes you send out the same email countless times via Outlook.

response #96 by gbrooks:

      That's great until your robot sex toy tells you that you suck and runs away with the vacuum cleaner!

response #98 by kitty1:

      online robot looking for a date; my interests include appliances...
watching reruns of The Jetsons and transformers. I also have degree in various lubrication techniques.
For a first date, I would show you my extensive collection of Star Wars droids, and make you a superb Dw40 cocktail.

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2574180

On a thread by sampsonblk:

      Predictions: Which GOPers will drop out first?

response #2 by KingofNewOrleans:

      If Thompson drops out
would anyone notice?

response #13 by sampsonblk:

      Yeah, Huckabee
That would be two more votes in Huckabee's favor. Hey, every vote counts.

response #7 by tekisui:

      He's too lazy to drop out.

GDP, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3930581

OP by xultar:

      I'm going to get my nails done. Is that a Republican thing to do?
Shit shifts around here so much I'm never sure if I'm still considered a Liberal or not.

response #4 by Kutjara:

      Only if you have them shaped like...
...capitalist-oppressor style talons and painted the color of workers' blood. That's just sooooo GOP.

response #5 by ColbertWatcher:

      Are you a dude?
Do you vocally oppose men wearing nail polish? Do you donate to groups that oppose men wearing nail polish? Do you secretly wear nail polish in men's rooms?

Then yes, it is a very republican thing to do.

response #6 by WinkyDink:

      If they're your toe-nails, and you intend to tap, tap, tap with them......

response #10 by Zywiec:

      You can afford to have your nails done??
Those posts should be coming soon...

:rofl:

response #16 by citizen_jane:

      Not unless they
are going to be
used to stab someone
in the back with - that's
the republican way.

response #33 by Lone_Star_Dem:

      Just follow these simple rules and you'll be fine.
Do go to an establishment that us owned and operated by registered Democrats.

Do make sure that all the products used are eco-friendly and check to make sure that they recycle.

Do check that the establishment supports unions and if there's one available that all workers are members.

Don't go someplace that's not within walking distance or at least on a public transit route.

Do make sure all those employed are getting a fair wage for their services.

As an added bonus you could also check the political donations of the owner before doing business with them. You don't want a closet Republican working on you that is only pretending to be a Democrat.

:P

response #43 by Kurovski:

      It's a Republican thing only if you get blood on your hands.

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2574966

OP by Magic Rat:

Posting Tomorrow's Excuses Today
Should Obama win Iowa....

"He had republicans and Independents voting for him. Real Dems don't like him that much."

Should Clinton win Iowa....

"Nobody votes in Iowa except old people. Real Dems don't like her that much."

Should Edwards win Iowa....

"Farmers and union guys only live in Iowa. I'm neither a farmer, nor a union guy. Real Dems don't like him that much."

Just thought I'd beat you guys to the punch. :)

response #3 by rug:

Should Gravel win Iowa
there's acid in the water supply.

GDP, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3931371

On a thread by matcom:

      Just got home from work. Can someone give me the highlights of GDP today before I go in?

response #1 by IndianaJones:

      DODD ATTACKS!. nt.

response #2 by flvegan:

      Highlights?
Oh, you're gonna be disappointed.

response #7 by Crabby Appleton:

      "Your candidate sucks"
I would guess.

response #9 by Mrs.Matcom:

      No, don't go!! Please Don't Go In There!!
I love you, I can't live without you! Please stay HERE in the Lounge, where it is SAFE!!! :cry:

response #10 by MrCoffee:

      it's fine...you get flowers and candy at the door...they're really being sweet in there
go check it out if you don't believe me

response #11 by texas1928:

      Kind of like " YOU SUCK...." "NO YOU SUCK"
"Well you would vote for a hamster if it ran"

Something like that.

The Lounge, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7312371

On a thread by Beelzebud:

      I wonder if Republicans spend much time worrying if we'll accept their candidates?

response #5 by ThoughtCriminal:

      If I try to "Think like a Republican"...
my brain gets "vapor-lock" and refuses to work.

response #10 by Der Blaue Engel:

      That IS thinking like a Republican
You're not doing it wrong; that's how they live 24/7. ;)

GD, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2580092

OP by KamaAina:

Wouldn't dunking booths be a better way for Iowa to choose the President?
Step right up, get yer baseballs right here, and try to dunk your least favorite repuke candidates!

response #1 by Bucky:

Or kissing booths.
Or a circle jerk. I can see Fred Thompson winning a circle jerk.

The Lounge, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7312811

On a thread by Herman Munster:

WOMEN ARE TURNING OUT BIG (The Atlantic Marc Ambinder)

response #1 by ocelot:

I can't speak for all women,
But *I* turned out big.

GDP, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3939929

On a thread by sabra:

      Thompson: "terrorism will not rest until a mushroom cloud hangs over one of our cities"

response #2 by Bornaginhooligan:

      When's Fred Thompson going to rest?
After his afternoon cocktail?

response #3 by C_U_L8R:

      Well if that's the case, Deputy Droopalong
we sure don't want someone as sleepy and uninspired as yourself at the wheel, now do we?

response #5 by wienerdoggie:

      Pullin' out the magic 'shroom! Go Grampa, go!!

response #17 by Dhalgren:

      Okay. Then what?
"(T)errorism will not rest until a mushroom cloud hangs over one of our cities..." Then they will just quit and all will be well? Can we pick the city? I mean, come on! If we could give up some small city somewhere and all of this will be over? Well, hey, I nominate Cullman, AL. We'll give the citizens a couple of weeks to clear out and then give the old nuke-totin' terrorists the high-sign!

:sarcasm: Shouldn't need to point it out, but things have been crazy...

GD, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2580666

On a thread by Mayberry Machiavelli:

      Do Iowa Republicans caucus also, or do they just pretty much show up and vote?

response #2 by zorahopkins:

      Iowa Republicans
Iowa Republicans stand around, with the knuckles dragging the ground, beathing through their noses.

They grunt at each other while someone holds up pictures of the republican candidates for president.

Then they do a weird dance.

Some of them handle snakes.

Then they leave.

It's really quite bizarre.

response #4 by Buzz Clik:

      It's my understanding that they meet in the restrooms of public buildings.
They sit in adjacent stalls, communicate by tapping their feet and passing notes. When the coast is clear, they select a candidate, if you know what I mean.

GD, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2582546

On a thread by Lone_Star_Dem:

Ron Paul may end up on Mt. Rushmore
...if the voters know enough to elect him.

Caller on C-SPAN.

:rofl:

response #1 by jgraz:

I guess the Visitor's Center will let anyone in.

GD, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2583242

OP by jgraz:

      This movie with Chuck Norris and Gomer Pyle is kinda boring
When are they gonna start fighting people?

response #12 by TalkingDog:

      I'm sorry, you seem to have broken my Spousal Unit.
He keeps making this funny giggling noise as he reads over my shoulder and saying "SHAZAM!"

Now he's quoting Sargent Carter: "There is a Goober. There is a Goober."

I'll send along the estimate as soon as I get it checked out.

response #15 by WakeMeUp:

      I can't see because of the glare off Norris's teeth
x(

:D

GD, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2585955

On a thread by Herman Munster:

      OMFG Rudy's new ad, talk about DESPERATION

response #1 by larissa:

      Ok Herman... before I look at it, answer one question...
Does he say "9/11" in it at all?

response #8 by Azathoth:

      "In a world where terrorists hide behind every door, only one man dared step forward..."
Is this a B-movie trailer or a campaign ad? :rofl:

response #14 by avaistheone1:

      ....and that man tripped on his dress.

GDP, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3932956

OP by Wetzelbill:

      Wetzelbill "pleased" at "exceeding expectations" in Iowa.....
First of all, I would like to congratulate Barack Obama on his win. I would like to stress that this race is far from over. My running mate Kurovski and I have been, well, we haven't been on the campaign trail at all, but still, we fully expect to win the nomination. Mostly because we control the voting machines. But that is not relevant.

Tonight, we saw something important. And I have to agree that Obama is impressive. But there is still lots of work to do, and the race is just getting started. Tomorrow, I will wake up around noon, and not head on to New Hampshire where I fully expect to receive no votes there either. Now one would think that because I garnered no votes at all in Iowa, that it is just spin when I say I exceeded expectations.

But this is not true. My insider polling data actually put me within the margin of error where it was possible that I could actually have gotten -5 percent of support in Iowa. So with all things being considered, my zero percent tally is quite a strong showing. Anywhere from 2-5 points stronger than expected.

With that I expect to take the momentum I do not have onto New Hampshire and South Carolina.

Once again, the Wetzelbill/Kurovski campaign would like to congratulate Barack Obama. This is a night for all of America!

(except for Carrot Top... there is no honor in what he does)

response #1 by dicksteele:

      Don't worry- you'll get into positive numbers next time, I just KNOW it. Maybe.

response #4 by eppur_se_muova:

      A VICTORY! A GREAT MORAL VICTORY! we lost. nt

response #13 by Kurovski:

      I can only repeat the headline of an OP now on the greatest page...
"What a remarkable Wetzelbill speech".

And also, Carrot Top buffed-up pretty good, which I believe deserves some recognition.

Why alienate the Carrot top fans? I'm sure some of them vote.

response #14 by Viva_La_Revolution:

      I voted for you!
except I wasn't in Iowa, so it didn't count. :(

response #22 by maximusveritas:

      Wetzelbill is the real winner tonight
He was outspent by 8 million to 0 dollars and still came within 37.58% of Obama, while falling just 0.02% behind Dodd and tying Kucinich and Gravel. What an amazing accomplishment.

response #35 by no name no slogan:

      Get a blimp, and maybe they'll take you seriously
http://www.ronpaulblimp.com/

response #38 by Kurovski:

      How's the Nixon campaign going?
I love that guy.

response #41 by no name no slogan:

      We weren't contesting Iowa (like Ghouliani)
But we're optimistic re: NH and Nev. There's a very large undead population that we think will come out for us. They really seem to like our health care plan.

GDP, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3943209

On a thread by Kucinich4America:

      Was the Boston Tea Party a protest against Hillary Clinton??

response #12 by rasputin1952:

      Locking
I figured someone had to lock this thread, so I did.

:D

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3901538

On a thread by K Gardner:

      Was Obama's grandmother's hut built by ex-gay laborers in Africa?

response #25 by The Magistrate:

      Locking
It's only fun till someone gets hurt --- then it's hilarious.

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3901781

On a thread by Kucinich4America:

      Is Hillary taking money from LIPTON corporate lobbyists??

response #9 by The Magistrate:

      Locking
My apologies for not being brisk about it....

GDP, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3901780

On a thread by cboy4:

      It's clear that Hillary is not particularly beloved here at

response #76 by Swamp Rat

Viewer discretion advised.

GD, December 28, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2548015

On a thread by timeforarevolution:

      Is there a Lounge family tree or something for us newbies?

responses #44 and #111 by bridgit

The Lounge, December 30, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7298010

On a thread by Sparkle:

      What a unique looking baby!

response #7 by cloudbase

The Lounge (moved from GD), December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7310738

OP by Whoa_Nelly:

      Morans hard at work! (great pic)

The Lounge, December 31, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x7300825

OP by Stephanie:

      The Comedy & Tragedy of Old Man Thompson ---pix--->>>

response #3 by TomInTib

response #8 by WinkyDink

response #5 by smokey nj

response #18 by bleever

GD, January 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2568090

On a thread by Stephanie:

      Huckabee's Close Shave ---pix--->>>

response #5 by Fridays Child

response #6 by Stephanie

response #9 by Lorien

response #10 by havocmom

response #11 by sniffa

response #20 by WillyT

response #24 by NV Whino

response #25 by rug

response #31 by BushDespiser12

response #33 by The Gunslinger

response #34 by MilesColtrane

GD, January 1, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2569273

On a thread by Husb2Sparkly:

      And they say Bush sneers???????

response #3 by lpbk2713

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2574834

OP by sniffa:

      Madame Trash Heap on CNN sizing up Iowa

response #4 by Justitia

response #6 by tridim

GDP, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3928774

On a thread by dicksteele:

      Anybody wanna CAPTION some HUCKABEE?

response #1 by David Zephyr

response #3 by Perry Logan

response #17 by dicksteele

response #4 by sandyj999

response #5 by SalmonChantedEvening

response #8 by Lastlaughin08

response #9 by chimpsrsmarter

response #10 by Johonny

response #11 by graywarrior

response #13 by dicksteele

response #12 by Swamp Rat

response #15 by edhopper

response #16 by Peake

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2575476

On a thread by karlrschneider:

      ROTFL: Screenshot from Fiesta Bowl a few minutes ago

response #3 by HypnoToad

response #10 by 0007

response #15 by rateyes

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2577271

On a thread by Bluebear:

      PHOTO: Fred Thompson campaign stop today

response #2 by Kutjara

response #3 by ingac70

response #4 by Starbucks Anarchist

response #7 by rasputin1952

response #10 by Bluebear

response #21 by George Oilwellian

response #25 by Kerrytravelers

response #31 by Contrary1

response #43 by Jim Lane

response #45 by Philosoraptor

GD, January 3, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2577862

On a thread by Octafish:

      Empires Architecture

response #2 by Swamp Rat

GD, January 2, 2008: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x2577290