More Kristol-slamming from The BEAST

[dorkulon]

So probably everyone has seen the 50 Most Loathsome Americans 2007 list from The Beast by now. But as a longtime fan, I just wanted to point out this amazing and original "allegory for teflon punditry," in which Bill Kristol, Charles Krauthammer, Peter Beinart and Tom Friedman are deftly skewered in hilarious metaphorical fashion, as terrible auto mechanics who ruin a guy's car and then get the job to fix it again (sort of like being wrong about the war and being rewarded for it):

Schlep Boys: Failing forward in one act

--snip--

Friedman: Look, the problems your engine faced were like a Superbowl halftime show: powerful and flashy, and everywhere. But fixing it would have been costly, difficult and time-consuming, like going to the moon and back. So, actually fixing your engine would have been like eradicating a Superbowl halftime show on the moon. And who wants to do that? I like the Superbowl halftime show.

America: What the hell is this guy talking about?

Beinart: Just humor him.

Friedman: I'm not done. So, you see, the halftime show—so that's too hard, actually fixing your engine. But simply removing and replacing it with a pig and a monkey, now that is inspired, audacious thinking. We are totally, 110% outside of the box here. The box is around the corner behind us. A homeless man has moved into it.

America: But it doesn't work!

Friedman: But just imagine how incredible, how wonderful everything would be if it had! It would be like magic donuts, but cooler! I mean, sure, the results have been disappointing, but what kind of people would we be if we hadn't at least tried? We'd be like uneaten donuts!

(Silence.)

Beinart: Look, it was a mistake to replace your engine with a pig and a monkey, and I can admit it. In fact, looking back, I can see how disingenuous I was really being at the time, and that I might have done things differently if it was my engine. That saddens me. But, at any rate, I am still a fabulous mechanic.

Friedman: The Chinese are going to save the world!

Kristol: Shut up, hehe. I have seen no evidence of any pig or monkey, heh. The engine is fine, hehehe. Obviously, our maintenance hasn't, heh heh heh, been exactly to your liking, but clearly progress is being made, and anyone arguing against moving forward on this auto repair is only rooting for failure, and undermining the morale of our brave auto technicians, hehe.

America: Why do you keep snickering like that?

Kristol: I can't help it, hehe.

--snip--

[Faygo Kid]

1. Brilliant and utterly twisted. The BEAST strikes again.

OK, I am on record as one who peeks in from time to time to the BEAST, but I hadn't seen this one. Great stuff.

[dorkulon]

2. Glad I could bring it to your attention!

Yeah I liked this one a lot.

[comradebillyboy]

3. can't possibly slam kristol enough nt

[nightrider767]

4. This is why I'm on the DU...

Thanks for the link... Very hard hitting, very funny.

From the 50 Most Loathsome

"""""1. George W. Bush

Charges: Is it a civil rights milestone to have a retarded president? Maybe it would be, if he were ever legitimately elected. You can practically hear the whole nation holding its breath, hoping this guy will just fucking leave come January '09 and not declare martial law. Only supporters left are the ones who would worship a fucking turnip if it promised to kill foreigners. Is so clearly not in charge of his own White House that his feeble attempts to define himself as "decider" or "commander guy" are the equivalent of a five-year-old kid sitting on his dad's Harley and saying "vroom vroom!" Has lost so many disgusted staffers that all he's left with are the kids from Jesus Camp. The first president who is so visibly stupid he can say "I didn't know what was in the National Intelligence Estimate until last week" and sound plausible. Inarguably a major criminal and a much greater threat to the future of America than any Muslim terrorist.

Exhibit A: "And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it.""""""