Please - Help Me Out

[lame54]

http://youtube.com/watch?v=B13MXfbU14o
I was asked to make this ad for a new website
can you please watch it and offer your opinion?

[Rowdyboy]

1. My off-the-cuff first impression is highly positive.....

Got your point across and got my attention. :thumbsup:

[robinlynne]

2. I like it a lot. the music is too rough for me, but probably good for younger people.

if that's who you're aiming for. the images are great.

[sam sarrha]

3. well done.. interesting, to the point... good point too. i liked it, very professional

:applause: :popcorn:

i want to do a video of an experiment describing a theory i have about Mars..
is there a workshop site about how to make those,.. i only have video function
on my digital camera to use:applause: :popcorn:

[HCE SuiGeneris]

4. Love the message, music/yelling could be a little too caustic

for those not appreciative of grunge/headbanger stylings.

[Bozita]

5. Excellent! ... Nice work.

[Occam Bandage]

6. I'll be kinda contrary to many. I like the music and presentation a lot;

those are in my mind the strongest parts. They appeal to your chosen demographic while giving it some much-needed weight. However, I don't think it makes a good case. It claims we should have paper ballots, but never makes a case for that. The closest it comes is a "my vote was stolen" sticker, and the cryptic (to a naïve viewer) phrase "hacking democracy." Someone who does not already have an opinion on the topic will not understand why they should.

Now, let's suppose the viewer is familiar with the controversy. What is the purpose of the advertisement? Is it to draw people to your site, is it to suggest the viewer call their congressman, or what? There's a lot of "do something" in there, and giving people a lot of options is counterproductive. You want to give them one option.

Here's how you present an effective ad: Explain what's at stake, explain what's threatening that, and then give them one thing they can do to stop it.

More notes:

Your images take away from the message. The protesters are nice; I think a few more of them would be good. But the images from the Florida recount hurt your message. Touchscreen voting was implemented largely because of the headaches and irregularities in Florida; images of the long, inaccurate, politically-charged hand recounts might remind a viewer why they liked the idea of electronic voting in the first place.

Too many stills in a row. Anyone can fire up iMovie and stick a bunch of still clips of vaguely related things over a rock song. Could you replace the image of Bush with a video of him saying that? Or put some video anywhere in there, really? It's a slideshow with one Ken Burns effect and two crossfades, and that says "cheap production values." You want the stills to carry some sort of weight, rather than making it look like you're putting them there because that's all you can do.

I really like the final text-over-brown-denim-lookin' with silence thing. That's eye-catching and valuable. Tell the truth, I'd cut the "do something" parts out and finish with a rapidfire (one clip per four drumbeats or something) montage of voting lines, machines, Bush, war, bad things, bad things, and then, with that nice final bit, "Want to do something about it? Start here:"

I know this was really harsh, but you asked for advice on how to make it better. It's a pretty good product as it is, but that's how I'd improve it.

[Rowdyboy]

16. You make some excellent points ....I tend to forget that most people aren't

consumed by politics and might not see an ad exactly as I do.

Your suggestions are spot on

[lame54]

19. thanks for your suggestions - will consider them on next draft

[barbtries]

7. i watched it twice

and rated it up. good work

[AlCzervik]

8. i voted Alfrunk down.

good job.

[gateley]

9. I really liked it as is -- really liked the music with it. I vote 'yea'. nt

[Froward69]

10. spot on!!!

I favored it!!:thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

[HughMoran]

11. Pretty good ad - some Freep-tard moran made an idiotic comment

Perhaps someone should respond :D

[Gregorian]

12. It must have touched a nerve. You've angered a pinhead. First comment.

I like it. Now that I think of it, maybe this should be less about Bush, and more about both parties. I can see the pinhead whining when WE WIN.

Maybe there's no way to get the idiots to see the light. But if you could find a way to open Pinhead's eyes, then you'd know you have a strong message. But that's easy for me to say, sitting here.

It's good.

[ms liberty]

13. Two thumbs up - Good job! n/t

[ThatsMyBarack]

14. Wump!

:kick: Nice job! :thumbsup:

[bonito]

15. I thought it was

ok, but since you asked, tells me you are capable of a stellar moment.:evilgrin: I mean it!

[tkmorris]

17. Pretty good, one criticism

Some of the text is not "on-screen" quite long enough. Most notably, the websites the ad is for are rushed off-screen at the end. I understand you almost certainly have a firm time constraint but it seems as if it would be imperative that viewers know who the ad was for.

Good work otherwise though. I liked it.

[lame54]

18. thanks- will work on that