What would you do?

[Horse with no Name]

I posted a while back about my daughter. The father of her baby grew up and acted like he wanted to take responsibility for his family. He proposed to my daughter and a wedding was planned.
Although, as time went on, it became evident that it just wasn't going to work out. Yesterday, it ended.
He became more demanding. He got very controlling. He would punish my granddaughter for no other reason than just to show he was boss.
There was an increasing tension because he was trying to pressure my daughter into having sex when she told him she didn't want to.
He kept forcing the issue...she voiced her fears of getting pregnant. He was very nonchalant about it...and said so what if she did?
She replied to him that last time she got pregnant,he left.
That made him angry. He said she was "throwing up the past at him."
Well, to be honest...there is quite a bit of stuff she could throw up at him.
Even since he has been back in her life...he has never offered a penny of support for my granddaughter.
Not one red cent. In fact...my daughter hinted at it, saying that her preschool was expensive...his reply was "Then withdraw her".
:eyes: All I can say is that he was very lucky he didn't say that around me.
Anyway...he gave her an engagement ring. I know that in the eyes of the law, it was a gift and she was under no obligation to return it.
We discussed selling it and using it for my granddaughter...but in the end, we gave it back.
What would you have done?

[Nay]

1. Sold it and used the money for your daughter and granddaughter.

You really are being too nice to this guy. If he bitches, just tell him that the child support agency would love to know about him.

[in_cog_ni_to]

2. I would have given it back just to get rid of the jerk.

Your daughter can garnish his wages for child support....is he's employed? He's the father, he HAS to pay child support.

[tularetom]

3. Sounds like you did the right thing

The value of a ring is a small price to pay for getting rid off an asswipe like that. However, are you sure she was under no obligation to return the ring? I'm not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV but it seems like I heard Judge Judy say one time that an engagement ring was a token given in anticipation of a specific event (marriage) and if the marriage did not take place the ring rightfully belonged to the giver.

[Horse with no Name]

4. Not 100% sure

but I recall an instance in a friend where she didn't have to return it because it was a gift.

On edit:
We are out the cost of his ring, a wedding dress, shoes, bridesmaids dresses, deposits to the place we were having it, the music CD's and pictures.
If all were fair...she should be reimbursed.

[1620rock]

5. I think goving it back was an investment in their future and yours.

[tularetom]

9. Now that's a good point

Perhaps she could have sold the ring, deducted from the proceeds all the out of pocket costs you mentioned then returned the balance if any to prince charming? Oh well she's better off rid of him anyway.

[roody]

11. Hopefully you are not stuck with him.

[Horse with no Name]

22. Well I know it's not a HUGE thing

But my daughter was pretty upset today.
Apparently he updated his MySpace and took all of the pictures of him and his daughter off.
His comment was "No kids for me".
Utterly tasteless.

[AlCzervik]

6. Different states have different laws but i think you did the right thing regardless

of whatever statute is applicable in your state. If she kept that ring and sold your granddaughter would never hear the end of it from her father.

[Laurab]

7. I would have given it back, too

it wouldn't have gone very far if you sold it, and it wouldn't have been worth the trouble of dealing with the jerk.

I would also head to family court and get him to start paying child support ASAP.

[The Straight Story]

8. Being the dick I am, here is what I would have done

sold the ring, then buy a cheap replica of it and give that to him.

When he bitches about it, tell him 'Ya, I know what it is like to get a fake when you thought you had the real thing'.

[Cobalt-60]

19. i like it

[roody]

10. I'd give it back to get rid of his energy.

[Bronyraurus]

12. I would have kept it

but by the sound of it it probably wasn't expensive anyway. What an ass.

[MichiganVote]

13. Thrown the ring in the nearest landfill and tell him if he could find it, it was all his

[Clark2008]

14. Screw Miss Manners...

I would have hocked the ring and used the money for your granddaughter's pre-school or some clothes.

I'm sorry your granddaughter has to go through this. I'm sorry YOU'RE having to go through this.

My ex-husband is a deadbeat - failed to see his son for 18 months after I kicked him out of the house for cheating and it's a cold day in hell when I receive child support. I've been where your daughter is.

It may be "proper etiquette" for your daughter to give back the ring since she broke off the engagement, but proper etiquette doesn't feed the baby.

:hug:

Edited because I mis-read the last sentence and didn't realize you'd already given back the ring until after I wrote this.

[badgerpup]

15. There's the Law, and then there's Dealing With Real Life.

IMHO...which is totally focused on trying to deal with a bad situation and knows very little about legal niceties of this sort...
You did the right thing in giving back the ring.
In doing so you spiked the "I gave you a ring and now I own you" argument.
:thumbsup:
This guy sounds like Bad News.:scared:

[Cerridwen]

16. Return it.

I've not yet read the replies here, but I would simply have returned it.

I don't know if I can give a comprehensive reason why, but any gifts received from former boyfriends have always gone back to them as soon as they become former.

That is what I would have done.

[brer cat]

17. He sounds like the father of my grands!

An *hole and totally irresponsible. You cannot win with this type of person, and you probably made the right choice not to give him a hammer to use against your daughter and granddaughter. He would NEVER admit that it was hers.

I feel so for you because I've been there. I do hope your daughter will stay strong. Mine had two children by such an abuser before she wised up.

Is she willing to file for child support? My daughter hasn't (her girls are 5 and 6) and it drives me crazy!

You will be in my thoughts every day, HWNN!

:hug:

[sandnsea]

18. Sold it

And reported the amount to whatever child support situation you've got going on. Or reported it to whatever child support situation, so a judge could order it be sold. Once there's a child involved, you're way past rules of 'polite society'.

[spag68]

20. I suggest that you buy a knockoff, then

give the phony back and keep the real one. BTW Get the ring checked, if I thought of this, maybe he did too.

[ConcertSOS]

21. the right thing

I think you all did the right thing... giving it back says you are better then him. You know?

Brian