Want to be happy?

[Az]

According to scientific research the path to happiness is not through the ways we are often told. Based on research here are the top 5 things you can do to improve your happiness (as per the Feb/March issue of Scientific American Mind).

1 Do no focus on goals. Focusing on goals sets yourself up for disappointment when you hit roadblocks and unexpected pitfalls. Furthermore the sense of accomplishment for achieving a goal seldom lasts long enough to justify the stress. Basing your happiness on goals is often the result of an internal attempt to bargain your way to happiness. It sets you on an ever escalating path of "if only I could achieve this one more thing".

2 Make time to volunteer People who volunteer to help others tend to be happier. In part this is because we are an empathic species. That is we internalize the state of others. And by helping of lifting others up we improve their happiness and in so doing we internalize their joy. Helping those that need it can also make you appreciate what you have all the more rather than fretting over what you don't have.

3 Practice moderation Excess eventually breeds contempt. If you immerse yourself in anything, no matter how much you enjoy it, you will eventually burn yourself out for that thing.

4 Strive for contentment Do not focus on trying to be happy. As you recollect moments of greatest joy in your life you will find that they are not the norm. They are the exceptions. Trying to achieve such a state on a continuous basis will only set you up for failure. Instead realign your concepts of what happiness is as contentment and a lack of stress and anxiety.

5 Practice living in the moment. Don't lose yourself in the past or worry about the future. Experience the now you are in.

These are practices that are demonstrated to improve happiness in this life. It is chilling to realize that many of them are opposed by what is defined as success in our society today. Consumerism and competition are sure destroyers of happiness. And this is reflected in studies that show that even though we have more buying power on average today people are less happy. Wealth itself is no guarantee of happiness.

Corporations benefit by keeping us in a state of dissastisfaction. Particularly as they teach us that the way to increase our happiness is to buy this new product.

Fear is another primary motivator in creating an unhappy public. Fear almost demands action by the psyche. And again there are the Corporations with their answers of guns and wars to beat back that which frightens us.

Take a look at the advertisement that makes all of television possible. It is wall to wall enticement of a better life and fear of what may happen if you don't buy their product. We know that if we are exposed to images of people with a more fortunate life than ours we become dissastisfied with our own. Studies show that in a neighborhood with disparate incomes general satisfaction is far lower than where all are equal. So tv shows us a glamorous lifestyle and we become envious of it and dissatisfied with our own life. And now we pause for a commercial message.

For more on this please read the article Why It's So Hard To Be Happy in the Feb/March issue of Scientific American Mind. Its a very interesting read.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

1. Interesting

Living in the moment is a spiritual practice for many, and it does help enormously. Emptying the mind means not focusing on goals. Volunteering is a way of showing your appreciation for what you have in life-and listing those things you are grateful for helps you achieve contentment--and all are spiritual practices for many.

Always glad to see when science and mysticism meet.

[MedleyMisty]

12. That's what I thought too

It sounded pretty much like Eastern mysticism to me too.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

42. welcome to DU!

:hi:

[Recursion]

55. It's also Christianity

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matt 6:34

[The Stranger]

64. Nah, not so much.

The whole focus on fall/redemption and getting to "heaven."

[truedelphi]

66. That heaven/hell thing was not in the New Testament but added

Later on - Okay Paul might have been into that, but Matthew, Mark, Luke and John were prtty much just relating the ideas of Jesus and allowing him to stress that his main message was Love.

[Recursion]

74. Changing "The kingdom of heaven" to "heaven as a place you go after death" was a later addition

"And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you." (Luke 17:20-21)

[The Stranger]

84. Well, the hook was fall/redemption, whenever that was installed into the theology.

And it is a sick business.

(By the way, you can post your own words without quoting. I don't mind, honest.)

[ktlyon]

69. it is very Zen Buddhist

nothing mystical there

[tavalon]

45. The place where they meet is truly sublime

I found a few of my pitfalls in this. Thanks. Very interesting and enlightening read.

[NMDemDist2]

2. quit complaining too

I noticed when I quit complaining and whining about every thing and any thing that irritated me, i got a lot happier

it started out a "I'll just be a martyr in silence" kinda thing but it had very unexpected benefits almost right away

I consciously now look for the good in any situation instead of nit picking every little thing that's wrong (as well as doing almost everything else on that list)

there is truth in the saying "You can't think your way into a new way of living, you have to live (act) your way into a new way of thinking." I have found that if I fake it being happy), it usually comes to be the truth.

:hi:

[Az]

3. Actually that is covered in the article as well

It seems we are wired to complain even though it is to our detriment. There is a survival advantage to noticing when things are going wrong more than when things are going right. So we tend to pipe up and complain when things are not to our satisfaction.

Its not so much stopping the complaining as it is taking the time to notice the good things. It requires a conscious effort to do so as we tend to ride right past it normally. If we spend all our time complaining we will never stop to see the wonderful things we do have.

I often make a comment about living as if there is such a thing as luck. I don't happen to believe in luck. But it is a good idea to live your life as if there is luck. This is because there are good and bad things happening around us all the time. If we are not looking for or expecting the good things we might miss the opportunities that present themselves. So instead of looking for the negative expect the positive. And you might just find it.

[ktlyon]

70. that is living in the moment

Zen

[NMDemDist2]

82. yuppers!

:hi:

[Delphinus]

87. Sounds like Gandhi:

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world" (or something very, very similar).

[stellanoir]

4. a kick and a rec and a prayer

Here's a suggestion I just received. . .

"We are creating with spirit that the military make an announcement to this cabinet that they cannot win and a surge will be pointless. We are creating with spirit that an inspired thought get through the pRes's seemingly blockheaded arrogance. We are creating with spirit that the suffering being perpetrated on this sphere cease and greater enlightenment come to be, globally. We are creating with spirit that more become far more aware than any media details allow. We are creating with spirit that awareness overcome disregard for the health and happiness of all human beings. We are creating with spirit a lasting peace on Earth."

"Rinse and Repeat"

Perhaps in this still new millennium. . .wars are very simply, no longer winnable.

This proposed surge has been best described as nothing more than a "vendetta on failure." I'd much prefer a surge in consciousness and true diplomacy instead. Silly me.

Creatrix bless and better times for all.

thanks AZ

[B Calm]

5. Now if I can just remember to do all this....at the precise moments

[The Straight Story]

6. Will I look like your avatar?

:)

[Az]

7. Na

That takes eating a GumGum fruit. And they are pretty rare.

[davsand]

8. I'd say it is fortunate they are rare...

Can't have just anybody looking THAT happy, nw can we?

:)


Laura

[I Have A Dream]

9. Very nice, Az. Kicking & recommending. n/t

[nicknameless]

10. I completely disagree with #1

Having goals helps to draw them to you.
And expectation is a powerful tool in reality creation.
A lot of people use visualization as a tool. Their expectation about the outcome is important.

"Furthermore the sense of accomplishment for achieving a goal seldom lasts long enough to justify the stress.
That would depend on the goal.

"Basing your happiness on goals is often the result of an internal attempt to bargain your way to happiness."
Having goals and bargaining aren't the same thing.

[PADemD]

11. Agree with you

Some of us get raises based on if we have met our goals for the year.

[Az]

13. You can disagree

But studies show that people that are focused on goals tend to be less happy. It is counter intuitive. But the problem is that achieving goals does not provide as much happiness as is believed while pursuing them. To quote Spock "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

[nicknameless]

14. Which studies? Links?

Edited to add:

Your Spock quote: "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."

WANTING something *is* having a goal.
So Spock is actually saying that having the goal is sometimes more pleasurable than achieving it.

[RiverStone]

31. Translation please...

On balance Az, I like the list. It has a nice Zen ring to it and I appreciate the focus on the contentment of the moment.

Yet on the goals thing, may I ask you this:

I hope to finally spin out of my long time career in education and become an entrepreneur. This could happen soon - maybe in a matter of months and its both exciting and scary. All my research, all the books, all the advice does include setting goals and benchmarks.

I wonder if it's possible to start a business and NOT set goals? :shrug:

Sounds less stressful, though seems impossible.

[wildeyed]

52. My experience, as someone who started a business

is yes, you do need goals, but expect to feel let down when you achieve them.

My husband and I started a business nearly a decade ago. We had the vision and the fire in the belly to get it done. We planned, sacrificed and overcame many obstacles to make our dream a reality. The business came to be a reality and at first I was heartbroken. It didn't look or feel at all how I expected. Then we didn't make the goals that we set in our business plan. Then we got sued by a sub from the construction project. On and on it went......

The good news is that, long term, this business has been a wonderful experience for us. We are able to make a healthy living, contribute to the community and control our own hours. We have wonderful long term employees who are also our friends and have been able to make a positive contribution to their lives, too. Really good experience. We have recently been discussing an expansion, but knowing what I know now, I am more hesitant :scared: If we do go through with it, I know I will be more flexible in my expectations than I was the first time :)

Good luck with your new business!

[RiverStone]

65. Thanks for the perspective...

And your Good advice.

My head can hear you, but if I go through with starting my own business - my heart seems to feel unchecked enthusiasm (and fear).

I'm a divorced dad and the scariest part of leaving a salaried job and steady paycheck is can I still be a good provider?

If things work out, I will be both a better provider AND a more self actualized person - yet my fear drives me to be...well...driven to achieve. Every business requires start up time and certainly zillions of divorced parents have taken the plunge - still, standing at the edge of the diving board is :scared: Hope that makes sense.

Congrats on having achieved the balance you folks sought in your business wildeyed (and life)! :applause:

[wildeyed]

72. It would be scarier to do with kids.

When we did our business, we had no dependents and no mortgage, so it felt like, eh, if it doesn't work out we will just go get real jobs, no biggie. Well except for the personal guarantee on the lease. That would have been a biggie. On the other hand my FIL never took a risk. Instead he worked a job he hated for 40 years :cry: So I guess it is difficult any way you do it.

Good luck! :hug:

[unblock]

16. having goals and constantly meeting them can work for a while

but failing to meet a goal can really suck big time. this is true whether it was within your control or not.

challenge and accomplishment are great, but it's possible to have this without goals that eventually lead to a sense of failure.

[nicknameless]

18. Having the goal isn't what causes unhappiness.

People can change their strategy for accomplishing what they want.

http://changingminds.org/explanations/emotions/happiness.htm

Happiness is

We feel happiness when we feel we are achieving our goals, and especially so when we achieve a hard-won goal. Positive anticipation and attendant happiness happens when we predict that we will achieve our goals and feel confident about those predictions, perhaps because they have been right recently.

Czikszentmihalyi (), in his long study of happiness identified what he called an 'autotelic' personality - a person who set their own goals, short- and long-term, and then had great fun in achieving them.

<snip>

[unblock]

20. i'm open to the idea that there's a way to do goals "properly"

for starters, the goals have to be your own, not your boss's or your family's, etc.; they have to be realistic; etc.

so at a minimum, i'd say that the way that most people focus on goals is not a good road to consistent, long-term happiness.

[nicknameless]

22. There are a number of things to consider.

What are your reasons for wanting something?
Positive reasons or Negative reasons
What stands in your way of achieving what you want?
Size those hurdles up and strategize for eliminating or somehow circumventing them.

You can't know how *most* people focus on goals.

I agree completely that the goals have to be your own and realistic.

[NobleCynic]

17. I understand your point

But what I believe the article is saying is that people who do not set goals are happier on average. There are exceptions of course. But the average goal driven person is less happy than the non goal driven person. It also makes this statement without passing judgment on whether or not people who do not set goals lead more productive, moral, or admirable lives.

I'd only suggest following their first suggestion if you truly believe self gratification to be the highest possible use of ones time. If there are things more important than happiness, I'd disregard it.

[nicknameless]

19. Link?

"But the average goal driven person is less happy than the non goal driven person."

This has nothing to do with "productive, moral or admirable lives". It's about happiness.

[NobleCynic]

24. Unfortunately, unless you have a subscription

you can't view the whole article online. This link takes you to the a page with the first paragraph or so and the option to buy.

http://www.sciammind.com/article.cfm?&articleID=78F2416A-E7F2-99DF-346E0442C1BF4CB7

But the basic theory is the same as the type A / type B personality theory coined by cardiologist Meyer Friedman. Basically, he was trying to make a statistical connection between personality traits and heart attack rates, based on the idea that additional stress adds to heart attack risks.

Here is a quick synopsis of Friedman's works:

http://www.vegsource.com/articles/obit/friedman_latimes.htm

This is not a new idea, it's been around for quite some time in one form or another.

[nicknameless]

25. Not everyone’s goals are the same.

Some are trappings only. Window dressing.
That article seems to point to “buying power” as being what should make people happy.
Then they state that people now have 3x the “buying power” that they did 50 years ago? Don’t believe it.
The US doesn’t honestly calculate “buying power” any longer, since being honest about the cost of living tends to make rethuglican rule appear unprofitable for most people.

VERY few people can afford to purchase a home outright like they could 50 years ago.
So even that premise is faulty.

Having goals hasn’t anything to do with having an A-type personality

On edit:
Look at this obviously non-A-type personality approach to happiness.
It's all about setting goals and striving to reach them.

http://1stholistic.com/Reading/prose/A2005/liv_pursuit-of-happiness.htm

[NobleCynic]

26. I believe as it is defined

A-type personalities and goal setting are very closely intertwined. As part of the definition in the theory set forward by Friedman. I'm not defending the theory or its accuracy, but I believe that is how it is defined within the theory.

[nicknameless]

27. A-type personalities may include people who set goals, but NOT ALL people who set goals are A-types.

Didn't you look at the page I linked? It's the antithesis of the A-type.

http://1stholistic.com/Reading/prose/A2005/liv_pursuit-of-happiness.htm

The Pursuit of Happiness
by Sanjiv Sahay

...

Once you achieve your initial goals, you need to set new goals – maybe in different areas of your life e.g. if you have achieved your fitness and financial goals, aim for making a difference to the world around you. (Making a difference is a source of deep and long lasting happiness).

Being without a goal after achieving your earlier ones will adversely affect your happiness. Say you suddenly inherit some money and achieve your financial goals, you will be happy for some time, but the effects will soon wear off as your mind adjusts to the new level of affluence. To sustain happiness you will have to set new goals for yourself, maybe in different areas of your life.

If you faithfully follow this process of making steady progress towards meaningful goals, you will become happier day by day.

[NobleCynic]

30. You are absolutely correct

You do not have to be a type A to set goals. Studies tend to be concerned with the average however, and on average if you are goal oriented, you are more likely to be a type A. I most certainly not saying if you are type B you are unconcerned with goals whatsoever. If that is how you interpreted what I said, I apologize and will strive for more clarity in the future.

There are always exceptions, and no A/B method of definition can possibly account for the myriad of personalities that exist. I believe this classification method to be quite poor in cataloging personalities, but for demonstrating the connection between drive, ambition, and stress, it is quite useful.

But after reading through the article you reference, I most say that it is not the opposite of a type A. It seems to be closer to a type A approach that a type B. But it is not completely A. This is why simplistic yes/no classification systems will never be completely adequate. There is always a shade of grey, an in between. I do not care for the Friedman approach to personality classification, but under his system the article you reference would definitely fall under more of a type A approach.

[nicknameless]

33. No. A-types and goal-setters aren't synonymous.

The article I linked is anything BUT A-type.
A-types tend to be impatient, aggressive, stressed out and often hostile. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A
That article was about pursuing happiness through fulfillment -- hardly an A-type characteristic.

Here's more:

http://72.14.253.104/search?q=cache:QgdJc-648i4J:www.hosa.org/hosa101/module7/module7lead.htm+happier+%22people+who+have+goals%22&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=2&gl=us

Zig Ziglar describes people who have goals as:
"…happier and healthier and get along better with the folks at home. …these people also have more friends, more peace of mind, more security, and more hope for the future. These factors contribute to a longer and more rewarding life - I've never met a depressed individual who had specific, long-range goals and a plan of action to reach them"

http://www.mastersteammortgage.com/index.asp?pgid=58

For those people interested in getting into the real estate investing world, Masters suggests having goals. Goals are what help give people focus, especially in real estate, he said. Several studies conducted throughout the years have proven that people with goals seem happier and also acquired more financial net worth that those without goals, according to Masters.

http://www.nolimitscoaching.co.uk/menus/sitemap.asp?spider=true

Research shows that people who write down goals and regularly review them, feel more in control of their lives, are less stressed and are happier than those that don’t.

I firmly believe that making changes, taking control of your own life and reaching your goals should never be viewed as a chore, or something to be put off until you’ve got enough time to really think about it. With a life coach on your side and supporting you every step of the way, you’ll be amazed what fun and how empowering the whole process can be. You’ll also be surprised at how quickly you begin to see results and how your new positive outlook will affect all aspects of your life.

[NobleCynic]

37. I'm not saying they're synonymous

I'm saying they're correlated. As in likely to be, but not by any means always, linked.

Anger and impatience are only one aspect of type A. Ambition and drive is the other side of the same coin. The wikipedia article on this is a mediocre reference at best, and as to your other references, they're all selling something. They are inherently biased. This isn't to say they are necessarily wrong, but in any case what they are definitely not saying is that goal setting is a B type trait. This is a conclusion you are reaching entirely on your own.

The article you originally linked is neither completely A type or completely B type. It is ambitious, hence A type. It requires patience, hence B type. It is not anything but A. It is a bit of both. I would personally judge it to be leaning A more than B. This is a good example of how the A / B methodology of dividing actions up is inherently flawed. Most things do not fall into either or categories.

[nicknameless]

38. They are NOT “selling something”

They’re pep talkers and motivational speakers.

You keep posting that you’re not saying that goal-setters are necessarily A-types, yet you repeatedly post the assertion that they are. Even the first article, for gawdsake.

You’re talking in circles and claiming to know more than the references cited.

I really don’t have any more time for this pathetic and contradictory nonsense.

[NobleCynic]

62. A motivational speaker is most definitely "selling something"

He is selling success. And a path that he believes will lead to it. And he has a vested interest in attaching as many positive attributes to that path as possible, regardless of whether or not they exist or not. This is not to say the suggestions may not lead to positive results, simply that incentive exists for exaggeration.

And for the love of all things mathematical stop assuming that because I say two things are correlated they are equivalent. And don't mistakenly believe I am saying correlation means causation. Take a statistics class please. There is a very important difference between the three terms. Correlation states that there is a high probability of two attributes occurring at the same time and place. Equivalence means that one equals the other. And causation means that one causes another.

The references you cite do not say what you think they say. I'm not saying I know more than your references (with the exception of the wikipedia article, which besides being wikipedia, is all of two paragraphs). I'm saying your reading of said articles is incorrect.

[nicknameless]

75. You are hopelessly deluded, if you believe a word of what you just wrote.

[NobleCynic]

89. Look. You misunderstand each of my arguments,

take everything you possibly can out of context, and fail to comprehend what a qualifier is grammatically whenever it is most convenient for you to argue against an absolute rather than a moderated statement.

Deluded? No.

And it's not just me you seem to be having a problem with. It is a function of your style of argument. Take you and raccoon's discussion in this current thread as an example. You snap at the least bit of criticism with complete condescension, and in your arguments consistently take the most extreme examples you can think of an use them as evidence of general trends. Without addressing the point(s) they other person may have raised.

Absolutes and civility do not mix well.

[nicknameless]

90. You have yet to post a non-disingenuous reply, save your first one.

[NobleCynic]

91. Not getting through at all...

Ok how about this.

What your argument seems to be, from where I'm standing at least, is that B-types are more happy than A-types. Therefore anything that causes happiness must be linked to B-type behavior. Because goal setting gives you happiness, it must give everyone happiness. It takes patience to follow through with goals. Therefore goal setting must be B-type behavior. Therefore it cannot be A-type behavior.

All of the highlights from your sources you quoted were specifically about how goals make one happy. I can only take from this that you mean that happiness is exclusively a B-type trait and anything connected to it must be B-type as well.

And anything that is B-type cannot be A-type, because apparently there is no middle ground. Apparently it has to be one or the other.

This is called an error in causation. B-type personalities are more likely to be happy, but that does not mean it is the only attribute. It is not necessarily the cause. It may be a cause, but that does not make it the only cause. You're assuming that because B-types are more likely to be happy, anything that makes someone happy must also be B.

You also seem to have an extreme antipathy toward A-types that makes you want to connect only negative traits to A-types, and only positive to B-types.

In the theory both have their positive and negative aspects.

A-types are not just loud, angry, and impulsive. They are also hardworking and ambitious.
B-types are not just content, patient, intellectual, and happy. They are also lazy and disorganized.

You are completely ignoring how anger and ambition can tie into goal-setting. Because you have this irrational hatred of A-types. And nothing A-type can be connected to anything to do with happiness, because that would be tying A-types to a positive attribute.

Which is all the more confusing because it is such an outdated and inferior theory. Pop psychology may have embraced the A-type / B-type methodology because it makes for a good online quiz, but that doesn't mean that it is taken seriously by anyone in the field. Personalities are more complex than either/or questions.

(Edited for spelling)

[raccoon]

51. The houses being built now are a helluva lot bigger than they were 50 years ago.

Although I realize that in some locales speculation has raised the price of even a modest home to ridiculous levels.

[nicknameless]

76. Oh please.

2Bed 2BA condos, with no yard, can EASILY cost over $1 million in SF.
Homes 50 years ago, in the same city, could be purchased for under $25,000

[raccoon]

81. I said in some places houses were way overpriced. nt

[nicknameless]

86. The original claim was that people's buying power is greater than it was 50 years ago.

That's false.

In most urban locations, it would be VERY difficult to impossible for the average person to simply use their savings to purchase a home.

That wasn't the case 50 years ago.

"Overpriced"? It's just where the prices are now, particularly in urban markets. The climb started in the 1970s.
It isn't all due to speculation. Everything costs more now. From the building materials to the lot the home is built on.
Which goes back to the original fallacy about buying power being greater now.

[TahitiNut]

35. It needs a better explanation, I believe.

When we focus on the goal and regard the steps toward achieving that goal as a payment ('dues') necessarily invested in order to receive the 'reward' of achievement, we tend to frame the effort as a kind of suffering. Then, upon achievement we often confront ennui - an "is that all there is?" feeling that's something less than expected. When we fail to achieve a goal, we can harm our self-image.

I've found that being process-focused - "in the moment" - and engaging in activities that are themselves healthy and have foreseeable outcomes leads to greater productivity, less stress, and a richer life experience. There are plenty of catch-phrases and maxims that serve as reminders of such a mental focus. "Being open to outcome" and "living with intention" are two that come to mind immediately.


"Happiness is not a destination; it's a way of traveling." :hi:

[nicknameless]

36. Yes. There are a lot of variables here.

For instance, goals can be vastly different.
There are those with unhealthy goals -- like the rethuglican party's, in general.
Most people's goals aren't likely to be so negative.

Goals of personal fulfillment are very healthy.
If you achieve that fulfillment, it undoubtedly won't result in ennui.

For some people, just having goals brings happiness (see the previous Spock quote)

Anyway, the article in the OP asserted that, in order to be happy, one shouldn't have goals.
That to me is just hooey.

Enjoy the journey. :hi:

[Recursion]

56. This is, of course, just anecdotal

But I know some very goal-driven people who are simultaneously quite successful and miserable.

[nicknameless]

88. It’s all anecdotal.

I know of people who have set reasonable goals, reached them, and are quite happy because of it.

Example:
Someone who visualizes, in order to heal a malady, is “focusing on a goal”.
Their happiness from achieving that goal IS long-lasting.
And they undoubtedly don’t experience ennui.

That's why the "Do no focus on goals" advice seems bizarre

[Trillo]

68. The human experience is based upon opportunity, not goals

I believe our existence and survival is based upon opportunity, not goals.

At least that was my experience in my life so far. The problems with goals are specifically that others can smash them with impunity, and that's probably why they're proselytized with such fervor by the various arms of the corporatist that has infiltrated the smallest nodes of our civilization.

You're not a good little citizen if your goals aren't under the control of another, and it's best if that control is an inhuman entity. That control is the precise opposite of the concept of 'independence' the founders intended for the U.S.

Don't misunderstand me. I'm NOT saying that if goals work for you, you shouldn't use them. What I'm saying is that the process that goals implement blind a human to the many opportunities that 'nature' presents them with because they don't fit the structure or concepts the particular goal possessed encompasses.

I'm also saying that I'm bitter that it took me decades to understand that 'goals' didn't work in my life (I think I was in my 3rd decade when I figured this out), and all the people that impressed upon me the value having a goal or goals would bring, were exactly wrong 'for me'. It was as if someone, somewhere had decided to create a great big illusion, a deliberate lie, regarding how a human should go about their life in relation to their work and society.

Perhaps goals work well for a small minority of very blessed souls with highly specialized skillsets. The vast majority, with skillsets similar to others, must concentrate upon the opportunities that are presented to them in order to survive.

[ktlyon]

71. I think it means not obsessing

plans and goals are good, just not getting so crazy with it that you miss life

[unblock]

15. i'm really psyched about this whole "positivite psychology" line of research

it was really pushed by an occassional bridge partner of mine, marty seligman, especially when he was president of the american psychological association.

it's great to have research on avoiding the lowest lows, but positive psychology has the potential to help many more people enjoy life to its fullest.

[SPKrazy]

21. Interesting

popular culture tells us "focus on goals"

I've often felt that the less I have in the way of expectations the less I am disappointed.

The rest is good stuff.

living in the moment :thumbsup:


:hi:

[Gregorian]

23. Or

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMCFhSGLNCc

[Gregorian]

60. I cannot believe nobody recognized the true essential core of happiness here!

I dare anyone to watch that video and walk away unhappy.

[Jonathan50]

28. Love helps lead to happiness.

"“Love” is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

-Robert A Heinlein, said by Jubal Harshaw, _Stranger in a Strange Land_

"Being intelligent is not a felony. But most societies evaluate it as at least a misdemeanor."

-Robert A Heinlein, said by Lazarus Long, _Time Enough For Love_

[Lilith Velkor]

54. "Happiness is simply getting enough sleep."

-Robert Heinlein, said by Johnny Rico, Starship Troopers

[Dervill Crow]

85. Very true.

But that's sort of a chicken-and-the-egg type of thing, because if I'm not ruminating over the past or worrying about the future, a good night's sleep is much more possible.

[BigBearJohn]

29. Thanks for this. It helped a lot. Cheers!

[tomreedtoon]

32. Let me recommend a similar philosophy...and it's a cheap book!

It's a book by Richard Carlson called "You Can Be Happy No Matter What." I got it on audio book, but here is the Amazon search page for it...

http://www.amazon.com/You-Can-Happy-Matter-What/dp/1577310640

And the best part is, used copies of the book cost $2 and change (plus shipping).

I've been listening to the audio book version as I sleep, and the ideas have made my life a lot happier. Two of the ideas in the book are important:

1) Your thoughts control your emotions. If you think painful and despairing thoughts, your emotions will turn that way. You can catch yourself when you get into those thought patterns and steer yourself back to positive, happier thoughts that will help you resolve problems in a creative way.

2) We all see things from separate perspectives. Even the person who is closest to you will have different opinions on things. Too many people try to steer others into thinking their way - which is impossible. Instead, accept that people will always see things differently than you.

[tomreedtoon]

34. Sorry, self delete! (That ol' demon "couldn't post" again.)

For all the good design these forums have, that "unable to post because you have another web window open" is the one real snag.

[renate]

39. I"m surprised the list doesn't have "gratitude" at the #1 position

That is the single biggest contributor to my happiness, and it's not just me. Martin Seligman (Seligmann?), who studies the psychology of happiness, says that keeping a gratitude journal is one of the few scientifically verified ways of increasing happiness in the long term.

I kind of disagree with #4 on this list... I don't see anything wrong with striving for happiness as long as that happiness isn't based on worldly achievements or material goods but on gratitude for what one has or is experiencing. We don't have as much, materially, as some of our friends, but I'll tell you what, the ability to take joy and pleasure in day-to-day life is worth more than having to depend on Lexus SUVs and huge houses for "happiness," any day of the week.

[undergroundpanther]

40. Hmm

When I was in psych rehab after a suicide attempt,

First thing I was told I needed to do to get better was... get this..SET SOME GOALS for my FUTURE... Set goals to progress my recovery.

Next they said Concentrate on yourself, don't worry about other people's travails.It's OKay to be selfish..,Hah!

Find something you like doing and do it alot,learn to enjoy being'productive' maybe you could get a JOB doing it.Uh huh..

Moderation was recommended.1 out of 5 unwanted hints for happiness was helpful kinda..


Lastly I was told I had to look closely at my past,ruminate until I could cry no more. Than I was told to look to the future.. be anywhere but now.. because if I was in the moment ..what would I be doing with my time.. but frittering away costly therapy hours slacking talking about "non'issues" of the moment , or not working twords those "goals" I would achieve sometime in the future I guess..

I was discharged still suicidal,and when got home and saw my family, my life was the same mess I left , I felt a wall of despair hit me like a ton of bricks and cut my arms up again..

What a success story, I was so happy after all that useless advise I could've killed myself..

Man, therapy is a fucking joke sometimes.

[B Calm]

41. This all sounds good until you get to your dysfunctional workplace..

[BluePatriot]

57. Amen to that

Goal-setting on the job goes out the window when you're having to play politics / pay dues / sit around for years to gain "tenure" so you can make a slightly different kind of widget at better pay. Still, removing all expectations for myself seems like "settling for less" or "giving up." I guess I wouldn't be as depressed at work if I was more challenged or felt like I had a direction. Now I realize I have to just do more outside the workplace to keep myself stimulated and maybe one day I can change jobs. I think we will start seeing major problems when there are fewer and fewer challenging jobs left due to outsourcing/the service economy, never mind the pay aspect. Underemployment / underutilization of skills is a seriously unhealthy thing both physically and mentally that's under-acknowledged and unknown by a lot of HR folks.

*edit: typo

[B Calm]

73. Within the first hour at work today I forgot the lessons in the OP.

[B Calm]

80. It's a new day... Maybe it'll be different....

[progressoid]

43. I get lots of emails about this - apparently happiness involves bigger boobs and a better erection.

But your list might work too. :shrug:

[Boogie]

44. Very Zen.

Thanks Az, for the reminder.

[Karenina]

46. Thanks for posting this, Az!

:kick:

[bryant69]

47. Hmmm. So the key to happiness is giving up?

I wouldn't have thought that.

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[nashville_brook]

59. more like "non-attachment" -- eschew "maya" or illusion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maya_%28illusion%29



there's certainly strength in the strategy of non-attachment.

[Unca Jim]

48. What about number two?

Everyone is quibbling about goals and contentment, but the one that really affects my happiness is making time to volunteer.

Volunteering is really contributing to something outside of yourself simply because you want to see something bigger and better than you result from your effort. We all volunteer. Whether it's helping a friend move, making the coffee at work, working in public education for the crappy salary even though you could get a better paying job, joining the Peace Corps, or chairing a non-profit, giving of yourself to a greater good makes anyone happy.

I chair a non-profit group that runs an annual event that just happened last weekend. In the weeks leading up to the event I was under tremendous stress and pressure. I asked myself "Why am I doing all this again?" several times. The answer came, as it always does, when everyone showed up. Looking at all those people having a great time made my contribution feel worthwhile, and I was right there with them, enjoying something that wouldn't exist if a group of dedicated people didn't give of themselves to make it happen.

As Chair, I need to go to the organization's website and post a message thanking everyone for that contribution, but I honestly believe they already have their thanks and reward from the hundreds who had a fun weekend because of their willingness to give and cooperate.

I don't always realize *how* happy volunteering makes me, but it certainly makes me happier than setting goals or striving for contentment.

[NobleCynic]

63. Welcome to DU

And you're right. The one people should focus on is #2. I think that it is just that Post #49 has a point in that suggestion #1 stands out in stark opposition to the rest.

But volunteering as a key to happiness is something that definitely should be drummed up. Anything that can be done to help convince people to do more to help is worth pointing out.

[GeorgeGist]

49. Interesting ...

that #1 contradicts #s 2, 3, 4, and 5.

[The2ndWheel]

50. So that's why we're all crazy

"Do no focus on goals"

That's all we do. Even though nobody seems to know what the goal is. If I had to guess, it would be a perfect, rational, efficient, passionless state where everyone's demands are met with a simple thought.

"Make time to volunteer"

The great thing is that we seem to have less time as each day goes by. Not that anyone can make time anymore, it's already been made, standardized, and shipped for consumption.

"Practice moderation"

No such thing if we want our economy to keep going. No such thing if we want jobs for everyone, and good paying jobs at that. No such thing if we want our educational, medicinal, and all other demands to not only be met, but increased.

"Strive for contentment"

Is it me, or does that sound like a goal? How does one strive for contentment? You're either content or you're not. If you're striving for it, then you're not content with contentment.

"Practice living in the moment"

Ah, but with the concept of linear time, that's basically out of the question. Add in progress, to what end nobody knows, and living in the moment is a pipe dream, at best.

I do agree with the general idea though. But we have thousands of years of momentum going the other way, and it's tough to stop it.

[wildeyed]

53. I wish I had been less focused on goals when I was younger.

I needed the success to validate my existence. I pushed myself too hard most of the time, and ironically, probably achieved less than I would have if I had been more flexible with my goals and just enjoyed the moment a little better.

Eventually I started a business. I worked hard, as entrepreneurs are likely to do, and achieved a modest amount of financial success. And I was miserable. I read a book by the Dalai Lama where he said, basically, being happy is the meaning of life and gratitude is a big component of that hapiness. That really helped me. Since then, I focus on the big picture, not just achieving financial success. And yes, I volunteer copious amounts of time to various causes and love it.

A bit off topic, but I read something the other day that said for families with kids and parents who both work, an average of one hour of sleep more per night contributed more to the overall happiness of the family than an additional 60k of earnings per year :shrug:

[rman]

58. no worries about global warming, peak oil and the oil wars

good

[demrabble]

61. And......

One thing is missing.

6. Post regularly on DU

[cooolandrew]

67. Another road to happiness...

Another road to happiness is to stop worrying. Worrying is bad for health as it overly preoccupies the mind that the immune system takes a back seat. A solution is think of the worst thing that the problem will bring and think how to get back from that. Then the imaginative process of worrying will stop. Also to replace a worry instead thing of things that you can do to help people around you, focusing more postive energy.

[Carni]

77. Just had a major cancer scare and major surgery at 42

I didn't have cancer (thank God) but I still had some major surgery that removed a lot of stuff that I would have rather kept at my age and had a good six weeks before surgery to be convinced that I was dying (don't ask)

I don't know that I learned anything really lofty or profound from this hideous experience...but it did kind of make all of my bullshit conceptions about life and achievement and goals pale in comparison to what reality can be in the blink of an eye.

Fact is (IMO) we can live like saints, treat our bodies like temples, or run amock with no regard for health and make a mess of ourselves but it's all the same...we are not all that powerful and are very expendable and subject to fate, so we might as well take it as it comes and try to enjoy every minute--easier said than done, I realize. I know I am still not doing what I just suggested in spite of what I just wrote.

What sucks is that after all the conditioning we have as humans in modern society about "being weak" once you have something shitty like this happen--it can be so humbling that it is hard to get motivated to do anything or to take things too seriously.

I hope I can return to some type of a happy balance soon.

[Recursion]

78. "Happiness" is ill-defined

"Scientific" studies about happiness are kind of silly since there's no well-established and agreed-upon definition of the term -- and this is in fact a perfect example of why scientists in general need broader and more liberal (small "l") education.

In fact, this is one of the central and oldest debates in western civilization; even in ancient Athens you have the gamut of answers, from Diogenes the Cynic saying happiness is entirely activity according to human virtue, to the hedonists saying happiness is pleasurable feelings, with the Aristotelians running something of a middle path. Generally, once one has defined "happiness" for himself he can generally find it; it is only those wretches who never pause to consider what it might be that tend to miss it...

[autorank]

79. I get sad thinking about happiness. Striving for contentment makes me anxious.

Just kidding, or am I.



Would I be happy if I were this guy?

[Fire Walk With Me]

83. Agreed. Try doing something nice for someone, just to have done so.

Being of service, being kind, being accepting and supportive are the key to receiving the same things yourselve, in the larger sense.