Time to heat up the “War on Christmas.”

[Cyrano]

Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy. And no more reindeer droppings on my roof. This year, an all out assault on Christmas will be launched.

So far, I’ve smuggled Chinese elves into Santa’s workshop to sabotage the toy-giving scam. Children world wide will evermore dread the coming of Dec. 25th.

Recordings will be placed near crèches with Mary’s voice screaming into the manger, “Stop crying, or I’ll feed you to the sheep.”

Strolling carolers will be given sour egg nog.

Christmas music in malls will be overridden by piped in recordings of Barry Manilow’s greatest hits.

Mailboxes will be stuffed with flyers revealing that the Magi are actually three Arab terrorists.

Charity kettles on street corners will be manned by men dressed as Scrooge screaming “Bah, Humbug.”

Church steps will be covered with super glue just before midnight mass.

A truckload full of stockings stuffed with lumps of coal will be delivered to Bill O’Reilly’s house.

And I’m just getting started. I invite you all to enlist in this year’s Christmas War and post the missions you’re planning on carrying out.

[Perry Logan]

1. Hey, bub--if liberals declared war on Christmas, Christmas would be toast.

[zbdent]

2. wait a minute ... aren't the Republicans the ones who are always flaunting their guns?

and they're afraid of us?

[TechBear_Seattle]

3. Launch Operation "Keep the Sol in Solstice"

We could hand out flyers which detail the pagan roots of every "Christmas" tradition, from egg nog to Advent wreaths and from "Christmas" trees to the story of the Sun of God being born around the time of the winter solstice.

[Cyrano]

4. As a former Druid (and current agnostic/heathen), I admire and

endorse your activities in our crucial need to triumph in the "War against Christmas."

[kineneb]

16. hehe- tell 'um you are celebrating the birth of Mitra

probably the oldest ME holiday- Persians call it Shab-e Yaldaa: the night of the birth of the unconquerable sun (god), Mehr (Mitra/Mithra). Mitra is the spirit of celestial light and god of truth (sound familiar?). The celebration dates back c. 5000 BCE.

...is what I am going to do... light a big bonfire in the 'ol firepit and chase away the demons of darkness...

[Touchdown]

5. I got my Santa contume all ready

I'm going to go to the park, wait for the all the kids to gather around me, and then I'll fake a heart attack.

[Cyrano]

6. Ahhh, a take no prisoners, Republican mindset. Nice.

On edit: Consider adding a Cheney mask to your Santa costume. No tyke will ever again want to hear the word "Christmas."

[ThatsMyBarack]

25. And take PHOTOS!

:rofl:

[shadowknows69]

7. Here's my battle plan from another post Cyrano

-Hack into retailer’s computers and actually raise all prices on Black Friday

-All manger animals will be replaced by representations of non traditional animals, IE. The armadillo, the platypus, the lungfish (an example of evolution) and perhaps a serpent or two for good measure.

-Increased usage of anti aircraft weapons. We’ll get that fat bastards sleigh for sure this year.

-Christmas Mass host and wine replaced with Ritz crackers with pure beef pate and wine to be replaced with Red Bull spiked with LSD.

-Non-Catholic gatherings will have their hymnal books replaced with the sheet music to Iron Butterfly’s library. This insures a 28 minute version of “Inna Godda Davida” before any praying can commence.

-All Salvation Army bell ringers forced to use huge Chinese gongs to attract donations.

-Yule log TV program includes naked dancing pagans.

-All mall Santas kidnapped and shipped back to the North Pole and size restrictions on mall entrance implemented to keep the elves away.

-Unionization of all elf labor in the workshop

-Unlimited hunting of reindeer starting in August

-All churches forced to pay retroactive child support for Jesus to the nearest children’s charity.

-Duct tape gags ready for anyone wishing you a merry Christmas. Happy holiday wishers get a pass on this.

-Three day televised Yule/Winter Solstice festival to remind the Christians that their holiday is stolen

[Cyrano]

8. That's great, shadow. You are among the

few sane people left on the planet. Hopefully, posts like yours will bring new recruits to our cause.

[shadowknows69]

9. Oh, I assure you I'm crazy too

Just my insanity manifests in more peaceful and constructive ways.

[TechBear_Seattle]

17. "Unionization of all elf labor in the workshop"

Ever hear the Barenaked Ladies sing "The Elf's Lament"?

Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages
There's no union
We're only through when we outdo the competition

I make toys, but I've got aspirations
Make some noise
Use your imagination
Girls and boys, before you wish for what you wish for
There's a list for who's been
Naughty or nice, but consider the price to an elf.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qixiv080feg">YouTube version

[shadowknows69]

19. Bwah ha ha, no never heard that one. Brilliant.

[Cyrano]

20. Good anthem for a chorus of anti-Xmas carolers

[Contrary1]

10. Don't forget to wear your uniform

(An American flag pin would be the perfect accessory.)

[shadowknows69]

11. Oh , I need to get me one of those

[TahitiNut]

12. I'll be dousing the mistletoe with Agent Orange.

:evilgrin:

[Habibi]

13. We need backup!

Morning Edition, November 29, 2007 · The American Family Association launches Project Merry Christmas to bring Christ back into Christmas. The group targeted home-improvement retailer Lowe's for featuring what it called "Family Trees" in its holiday catalogue. Lowe's was forced to apologize and rename the items "Christmas trees."

[TechBear_Seattle]

18. They were solstice trees long before they were Christmas trees!

We should demand that Lowe's resume the ancient and sacred practice of tying sacrificial victims onto these trees and running them through with spears, all accompanied by appropriate prayers to Odin Allfather.

Skaal! :toast:

[Habibi]

22. Damn.

That would be fun campaign. I'll have some glogg and call up Customer Relations tonight!

[shadowknows69]

23. mmmm glogg

[Habibi]

24. For you, shadow:

Heroes Glug Glögg (Swedish hot mulled wine)

By Craig Goldwyn

Samuel Johnson wrote "Claret is the drink for boys, port for men, but he who aspires to be a hero must drink brandy." By that definition Swedish Julglögg, will make us superhuman.

Glögg, pronounced gloog, is a high octane, hot mulled wine made with a potpourri of spices and all three of the above: Claret (red wine), port, and brandy. It is the perfect cold weather drink, warming the body and soul from the inside out.

There are as many recipes for this old traditional winter beverage as there are for chili. Instead of brandy, the original Swedish recipe calls for aquavit, a distilled spirit frequently flavored with caraway seeds. I know of an Irishman who uses Irish whisky and I've tasted it made with bourbon and vodka. But I prefer the taste of glögg made with brandy.

The spices and flavorings change just as frequently, with most recipes calling for cardamom, cloves, cinnamon, orange peel, raisins, almonds, and sugar. Some people use dried cherries. Some swear by dried orange peel, others use fresh. Sugar content can be varied according to taste, and I have tasted it made with honey and maple syrup. Some brew it and drink it on the spot, and others age it. I usually do both. My wife and I like to make some for Thanksgiving, and age some for Christmas.

One thing is certain: the aroma in the kitchen of mulling glögg is heavenly, and when it is served steaming hot in a mug after a hard day of skiing or shoveling the sidewalk, the body offers thanks. Glögg also makes a good marinade for beef or venison. Here is my tried and true recipe.

Swedish Glögg
Makes about 1 gallon
1.5 litre bottle of inexpensive dry red wine
1.5 litre bottle of inexpensive American port
1 bottle of inexpensive brandy or aquavit
10 inches of stick cinnamon
1 Tablespoon cardamom seeds
2 dozen whole cloves
Peel of one orange
1/2 cup raisins
1 cup blanched almonds
2 cups sugar
Garnish with the peel of another orange

Notes
There is no need to invest in expensive wine or brandy because the spices are going to preempt any innate complexity of a fine wine, but don't use anything too cheap. Remember, the sum will be no better than the parts. Do not use an aluminum or copper pot since these metals interact chemically with the wine and brandy and impart a metallic taste. Use stainless steel or porcelain.

Cardamom comes in three forms: pods, seeds, and powder. Do not use powder. If you can only find the pods (the look like orange seeds), take about 2 dozen and pop them open to extract the seeds. Cardamom seeds may be hard to find, so you may need to order them from a spice specialist like Penzeys.com.

Assembly
Pour the red wine and port into a covered stainless steel or porcelain kettle. Add the cinnamon, cardamom, cloves, orange peel, raisins, and almonds. Warm gently, but do not boil. Boiling will burn off the alcohol.

Put the sugar in a pan and soak it with half the bottle of brandy. Warm the sugar and brandy slurry over a low flame. The sugar will melt and bubble until it becomes a clear golden syrup of caramelized sugar. If you wish, you can speed up the process a bit and create quite a show by flaming the brandy. Flaming will create a 2 foot high blue flame, so be sure there is nothing above the stove that can catch on fire. Then, stand back and light the brandy. Turn out the kitchen lights and watch it burn! This caramelization is crucial to developing complexity.

Add the caramelized sugar to the spiced wine mix. Cover and let it mull for an hour. Just before serving, strain to remove the spices, and add brandy to taste (about 1/2 pint). You can serve it immediately, or let it age for a month or two. If you are going to age it, make sure the bottle is filled as high as possible and sealed tight.

To serve glögg, warm it gently over a low flame or in a crockpot, and serve it in a mug. Garnish it with a fresh orange peel, twisted over the mug to release the oils.

You can easily tailor the recipe to your own tastes by changing the sweetness, potency, or other ingredients. Try brown sugar if you wish. Or Southern Comfort instead of brandy. The orange peel garnish, however, is essential to the fragrance. Drink while seated and give your car keys to a friend.

[shadowknows69]

28. Wow, that does sound good

and dangerous.

[Habibi]

29. Yeah, you pretty much want to be settled in for the night.

And never, ever, ever, drink glogg cold.

I have a friend who swears it cures his bouts of bronchitis.

[Cyrano]

30. Is there any chance that glogg would have an adverse effect on a pacemaker?

[Beerboy]

14. All I want is a Taser made-in-China!

:beer: :D

[Proud Liberal Dem]

15. Happy Holidays!!!!

Ooops!!!:evilgrin:

[shadowknows69]

21. Na you're cool

everyone has some kind of holiday around this time. I'm just personally sick of Jesus and Wal-Mart monopolizing it.

[sutz12]

26. I thought Barry Manilow's greatest hits was a Christmas album..nt

[Elspeth]

27. "the Magi are actually three Arab terrorists." LOL!!!!!!

Very good!