Let's get an early start on this year's "War on Christmas."

[Cyrano]

But this year, we gotta’ get serious about it. How about if we start by bombing the crap out of Santa? Sure, some elves may get blown up, but what the hell. Collateral damage is to be expected.

Of course, in order to succeed, we’ll need to get a consensus that bombing the North Pole is the right thing to do. I suggest we start a chain-email accusing Mrs. Claus of having had affairs with countless elves (some of them female). We can add that Santa videotapes these trysts.

We could also do a “special report” on Santa’s workshop and claim that each and every toy was made by Chinese elves who stuff teddy bears with asbestos and put arsenic on anything a tot can chew on.

The frosting on the cake could be making a case that Santa is actually a terrorist. He has no passport, yet he slips across international borders unnoticed. And how does he do it? With flying reindeer, which is an obvious rip off of the flying carpets in many Arabian tales. That prancing and pawing of each little hoof on the roof in the middle of the night is obviously the prelude to a terrorist attack on your home.

When Bill O’Reilly starts accusing us of declaring war on Christmas, we can simply dismiss him as a terrorist sympathizer and have him waterboarded.

Well, that’s a start, but let’s hear your suggestions for this year’s War on Christmas.

[Iris]

1. I'm ready to torture some elves. n/t

[Beerboy]

12. Now now, I believe we've all been through trying times

in a war-torn country. Why single out the elves for all the unpleasantness, don't Santa and his reindeer come in for a share of the beat-down?:beer:

[Iris]

13. How do you think we're gonna get 'em back to the North Pole?

The elves will know their location. PLUS if we email video of us torturing the elves, we may lure Santa and the reindeer in to try to save them!


strategy!

[Bicoastal]

2. Hanukkah For President!!!!!!

Hanukkah/Kwanzaa in '08!

[flvegan]

3. I built my own Festivus pole out of empty beer cans.

It's still aluminum, totally recycled, and a celebration of booze. It was the most heathenesque, ungodly thing I could think of.

[tandem5]

28. shall we begin with the airing of grievances? nt

[malta blue]

4. I am already shopping for my "Happy Holidays"

with a completely secular theme.

And I uninvited my fundy mother-in-law. She rots.

[tridim]

5. I'm already planning for the WOC 2010. nt

[mike_c]

6. it is time for regime change at the North Pole....

:rofl:

[Cyrano]

8. Damn right. Down with The Jolly One.

[AnneD]

7. What with global warming and all...

Santa et al. are looking for Real Estate. They are the real folks behind the housing collapse (how else can you explain all those sub primes out there). And all that enticing folks to get 'carried away ' with credit at Christmas. THEY are the real terrorists in my opinion. There, I said it and I am glad to confess-no water boarding needed.

[cyberswede]

9. Lace his milk & cookies with AquaDots! n/t

[Iris]

14. what the HELL are AquaDots?

I'm so out of the tainted toy news loop.

[Cyrano]

15. AquaDots are a date-rape drug. It was in today's news.

They've evidently been found on toys from China. -- Seriously.

[Iris]

31. oh, jeez.

I heard about it on my ride into work this morning! That's horrifying.

If I had kids, their toys would be sock monkeys that I made myself!

[SoCalDem]

10. Fox probably beat us to it..

[quispquake]

11. I thought the Chinese toy manufacturers already started it?

And the oil multi-nationals are finishing it by jacking the price of fuel up so much that noone can afford presents anyways...

[tandem5]

16. alright folks its time I let you in on the big secret about global warming...

the north pole has long been a terrorist stronghold - this as been known by our intelligence services for some time. It was thought that if we simply change the global climate by a few degrees we could obliterate the "land" mass altogether. Once every last chipper elf sucked in the now tepid waters of the north and sunk slowly to the bottom along with the polar bears we would reverse the effect by implementing strict emission standards. However, there has been some hesitation, as of late, about the latter half the plan what with the prospect of streamlined shipping routes. There is also the small matter of the process being completely out of control and thus we couldn't reverse it if we tried. And thus, in an effort to destroy our short-statured foes, we have, in turn, destroyed ourselves: From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Ye damned jolly ol' elf!

Merry Christmas!

[Cyrano]

25. Your lines near the end have the right idea. Let's harpoon The Jolly One.

[blondeatlast]

17. Boycott "Fred Clause." Twenty effing million for Vince Vaughn? nt

[shadowknows69]

18. Instead of a Yule log this year I'm burning Yule Bags

Small paper sacks filled with holy reindeer dung, lit on fire and placed on the doorstep of every church in town.

[nadinbrzezinski]

19. The bum outsourced to China

trust me, taht will be the end of it!

:-)

[SheWhoMustBeObeyed]

20. I'm down for bombing radio stations that play all Christmas music, all the time

There's one here in town advertising that it's already started the seasonal assault. This is why people kill themselves during the holidays.

[malaise]

21. No need to - Bushco took the initiative

There's a vague terra terra terra alert for two malls on in Chicago and one in LA. It's so vague that people better stay away from all Malls.

[blondeatlast]

22. But staying home means the terraists win!

Retailers have predicted a gloomy season already, but now Bush can blame poor results on the big, bad, brown meanies and not his financial policy.

Can you say conveeeenieeent?

[malaise]

23. Funny isn't it

They tell you to shop and then scream terra terra terra in the malls.

[Cyrano]

27. I guess it's time to ask Where Would Jesus Shop?

[nadinbrzezinski]

30. Actually no

the shoping part is the most isolating activities around

This just ratchets the isolation up

Remember annomie, not people buying a book and discussing it

[PA Democrat]

29. And if terror threats don't keep 'em home, the price of gas will.

[defendandprotect]

24. No . . No . . Santa good .... CHRISTmas bad . . . Winter Solstice ...good -- !!!

Look -- all the CHRISTmas crap is based on Winter Solstice ---

That's what all the coming of the LIGHT is about ---

Most of myth is all about astronomy ---

and theater ---

So -- get out there and wish everyone "Happy Winter Solstice" ---
Celebrate -- Be joyous ---


I'm a little deflated on the celebrations with all the murder and mayhem going on . . .
Hard to focus on the JOY!!!



PS: By the way, our local department store has stopped shoving Xmas down our throats beginning
BEFORE Labor Day every year ---
They're only putting the stuff up now ---

PLUS . . . they're killing some of the canned music --- which was gawd awful and dated ---

[DearAbby]

26. Onward Patriots!

make them go with the christmas they have, not the Christmas they wished they had....