STEPHEN COLBERT: I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

[babylonsister]

A Mock Columnist, Amok

By MAUREEN DOWD
Published: October 14, 2007

I was in my office, writing a column on the injustice of relative marginal tax rates for hedge fund managers, when I saw Stephen Colbert on TV.

He was sneering that Times columns make good “kindling.” He was ranting that after you throw away the paper, “it takes over a hundred years for the lies to biodegrade.” He was observing, approvingly, that “Dick Cheney’s fondest pipe dream is driving a bulldozer into The New York Times while drinking crude oil out of Keith Olbermann’s skull.”

I called Colbert with a dare: if he thought it was so easy to be a Times Op-Ed pundit, he should try it. He came right over. In a moment of weakness, I had staged a coup d’moi. I just hope he leaves at some point. He’s typing and drinking and threatening to “shave Paul Krugman with a broken bottle.”

I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!)

By STEPHEN COLBERT

Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

I’d like to thank Maureen Dowd for permitting/begging me to write her column today. As I type this, she’s watching from an overstuffed divan, petting her prize Abyssinian and sipping a Dirty Cosmotinijito. Which reminds me: Before I get started, I have to take care of one other bit of business:

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too.

more...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/14/opinion/14dowd.html?_r=1&ref=todayspaper&oref=slogin

[annabanana]

1. I DO love me some Stephen Colbert!. . . . .

He is delicious.

[TroglodyteScholar]

2. L O L !!!

For instance, Hillary Clinton. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to be scared of her so Democrats will think they should nominate her when she’s actually easy to beat, or if I’m supposed to be scared of her because she’s legitimately scary.

Or Rudy Giuliani. I can’t remember if I’m supposed to support him because he’s the one who can beat Hillary if she gets nominated, or if I’m supposed to support him because he’s legitimately scary.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

[OmmmSweetOmmm]

3. ....

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

:loveya: Stephen!!!!!!

PS..thanks for posting!

[SalmonChantedEvening]

4. Love That Steve!

"Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace."

Priceless.

[etherealtruth]

5. Stephen Colbert

:loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya::loveya:

[JNelson6563]

6. He is such a treasure.

I'm telling you, we need Stewart/Colbert 08!

:toast:

[GTurck]

7. Beware...

I like Stephen Colbert. I think he is sharp, incisive and funnier than anyone else (except for Jon Stewart). Having said that I am reminded that comedians need to be a little on the outside looking in and I hope that Stephen is aware of that. Will Rogers, who I presume is Colbert's model, was never fully accepted by those he skewered even while he was invited to state dinners and bill signings. But he was always the part Cherokee Okie without education who worked for Flo Ziegfield in burlesque and just happened to have a very sharp sense of political chicanery.
So I love the column, and the show and really really loved the White House Correspondent's Dinner but beware you become too popular and become another Rich Little.

[babylonsister]

8. I think Colbert retains a healthy dose of scepticism at all times. I

wouldn't worry about him.

[stellanoir]

9. Here is a really funny interview with him I heard on Tuesday. . .

http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=13&prgDate=9-Oct-07

Well worth a listen IMHO.

[Laurab]

27. Thanks for posting it - great interview! n/t

[Coexist]

33. long, but a real treat - thank you for posting that.

[Coexist]

10. that was awesome -

funny thing - I could "hear" him saying those things as I was reading it.

[TheDoorbellRang]

11. God, he'd make a great president

:rofl:

I can't stop laughing. Don't know what I'd do without Stephen and Jon.

[rosesaylavee]

21. Love this paragraph esp

"Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative."

:rofl:

[zippy890]

oh Stephen, how he runs when Maureen Dowd

beckons. I wish I was she, having a drink with Stephen on that overstuffed divan.
*sigh*

:loveya:
I love him.

[TroubleMan]

12. He said Fred Thompson sounded like an "Appalachian catfish wrestler"

on Law & Order....LOL!!

[many a good man]

18. Looks like one, too

[renie408]

29. Oh shit. I WAS eating lunch....

But somebody said, "Fred Thompson."

[City Lights]

13. Fantastic!

It's a keeper! :D

Oh, and I :loveya: Stephen. Bigtime.

[tom_paine]

14. Colbert in a unique comic wit, making enormous laughs out of hidoeus tragedies

Every nation groaning beneath the yoke of their particular brand of Tyranny (and I know the other tyrannies aren't nearly as nice as ours) needs a Stephen Colbert.

[blogslut]

15. I just bought his book

Blogslut Jr. and I have been sharing it. I'm on the SEX! chapter. :)

[AlCzervik]

22. i loved the chapter on sports too. I'm so bummed now that i finished it.

it was really enjoyable reading something funny for a change.

[Buns_of_Fire]

16. May I give a pat on the back to Ms. Dowd, too...

After all, a columnist's space is jealously guarded.

[Sparkly]

17. I love it!

Thanks for posting.

[Yael]

19. LOVE IT!!!

This is hysterical. Thanks Maureen and Stephen -- blasting out the link in email now.

Way to start the week :toast:

[spooky3]

20. k&r

[bigtree]

23. frickin hilarious

jesus

[Laurab]

24. K&R for Stephen!

I do love that man - he never fails to crack me up - "There, Now I've written Frank Rich's column too"...

I'm waiting for his book to arrive....I'm most excited because it has STICKERS in it!

[October]

25. LOVED IT!!! (K&R) /nt

[riverdeep]

26. It's sad that the most unfiltered truth on TV comes from Colbert/Stewart.

As a testament to his genius, even folks he skewers, like FOX, grudgingly laugh at him. Like, brown haired guy who is not Steve Ducy on Fox and Friends.

[W_HAMILTON]

28. Speaking of the brown-haired guy who is not Steve Doocy

Why does Colbert call him that? I never got it.

[riverdeep]

30. It's a joke on Steve Ducy's 'charm'.

When Colbert watches Fox and Friends all he can see is Steve Ducy in some kind of halo light. When Ducy is gone, all he can think of is that Ducy is not there. So he references a random quality of Ducy's replacement. It's all a joke, of course. The real Stephen thinks Ducy's a moron.

[babylonsister]

34. Perhaps because his name isn't worth remembering?

:shrug:

[nam78_two]

31. K&R

"First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace."

:thumbsup: :D.
Awww I do love Colbert...

[tomreedtoon]

32. Better than anything the DowdViper wrote!

Colbert should replace Dowd, permanently. He doesn't mince around with sly insults about every politico she doesn't like. He's far more honest than any other columnist on the Times.

Now, if we could just find someone to replace that pseudo-sophisticate Heather Havrilesky as the TV columnist on Salon, this world would be tolerable, even with the inevitable wimping out and loss of the Democratic Presidential candidate, whomever he or she will be.

[Hamlette]

35. there are days when I think he is the funniest of the three

(Stewart and Maher). Actually, I don't think Maher is in the same category. And the next Daily Show I see I'll be back saying "Jon's number 1) Funny stuff.